What happened with that? Volume 7

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business-converse

Every so often I like to give you an update on some stuff I previously mentioned. I use the phrase “I’ll report back later” quite often and I like to keep my promises. As indicated by the title, we are now on volume 7.

The hostas are basically thriving and if I could kill all the squirrels I’d have some tomatoes, too

Back in May I took a stab at dividing some hostas that were threatening to take over my backyard. I was afraid to just rip them apart with a shovel because I like them but I did it anyway. Success, baby! Those things really are hardy.

Although I divided and dispersed so many I might have to get rid of a few. I’ll have to think about that.

Just to get jiggy with it, we threw some tomato plants and two green pepper plants into the mix and they’re actually surviving. I talked about getting a Topsy Turvy container but never did. I was put off by the reviews that said the thing grows progressively heavier and will bend a shepherd’s hook. And I never nailed anything anywhere in the hopes of supporting the weight.

Twice now a green tomato sprouted, we oohed and ahhed over the miracle of life and then the mofo disappeared. It’s those effing squirrels. Hate the squirrels. I’d like to wage war on the squirrels. Punks.

It really was dog shit

Remember when we went up north for a long weekend and when we got back the neighborhood smelled funky?

It took a day or two of serious scavenging on my part but I found a pile of dog shit on that stupid section of grass that’s between the sidewalk and the street. I hate that section because I’m responsible for it but it does not belong to me and is deemed public property. I don’t even know what to call it. Oh! Wikipedia tells me the kids in Detroit call it a tree belt. Effing tree belt.

Note to the dog owners of the world: It is. Not. Okay. To let your dog shit on that piece of “public property” and then walk away without tending to it. Is it okay for me to drop a shitty diaper on your tree belt and then walk away? No it’s not okay.

It’s the same concept, people. Get with the program.

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21 VIPs have spoken

  • v says:

    the green peppers sound yummy, but i do not like tomatoes. my neighbor just gave me a jalapeno pepper yesterday and i’ma crack that bad boy open tonight on something. what, i don’t know, but i can’t wait to try it.

    too bad you don’t have a dirty diaper to toss on the ground like people leave their dog shet steaming up the sidewalks and grass. difference is when you do it, there will be a cop hiding in the bushes munching on a jelly donut who’ll see the whole shebang and ticket you with littering. it’s not fair, i know there’s a fine for not picking up dog shet, but those mofos never get caught. it’s rude.

    • cardiogirl says:

      On the rare occasion when I do catch someone letting their dog pop a squat I want to yell, “Citizen’s arrest! Citizen’s arrest!” But I don’t know how to enforce a citizen’s arrest. I’m positive Buf has the 411, though.

      • Buf says:

        Per Wikipedia, “each state, with the exception of North Carolina, permits citizen arrests if the commission of a felony is witnessed by the arresting citizen, or when a citizen is asked to assist in the apprehension of a suspect by police. The application of state laws varies widely with respect to misdemeanors, breaches of the peace, and felonies not witnessed by the arresting party”. Generally felonies are crimes that are punishable by more than a year in jail, misdemeanors are punishable by either fines and/or less a year in jail. Sorry CG, but I don’t think MI allows citizen’s arrest for misdemeanors (but don’t quote me on it) so don’t go after those non-pooper scooping scofflaws.

        One major caveat, unlike police officers, someone executing a citizen’s arrest is strictly liable (intent/culpability do not matter) under civil &/or criminal law as well as damages or losses resulting from the actions they took during the citizen’s arrest. For example, if I locked BG (bad guy) in a closet after I saw him shoot Vic I could be held responsible if BG got injured during the process or somehow injured himself trying to breakout of the closet. If I grabbed, pushed, shoved etc BG, I could be cited for assault or the like. Also, if it turned out that it wasn’t actually BG that did it but it was BGET (BG’s evil twin) and I had locked BG in the closet, I could be liable for BG’s unlawful detention or other such infringement of their rights.

        • cardiogirl says:

          Buf, how I love your legal mind. Haven’t seen or used the word scofflaw in forever but I enjoyed seeing my old friend again.

          That’s such a crazy concept — being asked to assist the cops. I just can’t imagine a cop wrestling a guy against the police car, trying to get the cuffs on while he yells over his shoulder, “Hey! You! With the ponytail. Grab the knife he just dropped.”

          And that’s nuts about being personally responsible for the Bad Guy. Although I love the idea of my kid telling me she’s going to call a lawyer because she was unlawfully detained when I put her in time out.

  • Heidi Klum says:

    I love the updates! I hate when you are at risk of killing plants you like, although I’ve usually not had a lot of problems in that area. And phooey on the dog shit hit and run…I did the final walkthru on our house on Wednesday and there was already dog shit on the exposed lawn in back.

    • cardiogirl says:

      Thanks Heidi! I actually enjoy those too. I always want to put a period at the end of situation and this allows me to do that.

      Man, that truly is a hit and run. I have actually caught someone — once — allowing her dog to shit on the tree lawn. I yanked open the blinds in the window so she’d see action and all of a sudden she scrambled to pull a bag out of her pocket.

      She was gonna do a hit and run. The fact that the bag was buried in her pocket while her dog was squatting tells me that much.

  • absepa says:

    I’m not sure about where you’re from, CG, but here in Lexington, KY, that section of grass is usually called a utility strip. It allows room for utilities to install their equipment (an easement) and for the planting of street trees.

    As a dog owner, it REALLY honks me off when other people don’t clean up after their animals. We don’t regularly walk our dogs (they can run in the backyard), but when we do, we go armed with several bags in case someone has to poo. People who refuse to pick up make all of us dog owners look like jerks.

    • cardiogirl says:

      I reside in sunny Detroit. Hoo-ahhhh.

      I should send out the disclaimer that not all dog owners are punks.

      I’m positive there are many dogs that walk past our house without leaving a package. And I do see, occasionally, a walker carrying a full bag. I applaud those folks but, as you know, there’s always a jackass in the group who ruins the reputation for the rest of the people in that group.

  • Michelle says:

    Here in California we are responsible for the trees on that little strip of public property. We have to pay to trim the things, but we are not allowed to remove the tree without permission. And if we want to plant a tree there we have to apply for a permit, then the city will tell us what kind of tree to plant. That all just seems crazy to me!

    • cardiogirl says:

      Michelle, that is. So. Wrong. If it doesn’t “belong” to you they should take care of the maintenance of the tree. That’s one thing I am thankful for. The city does take care of trimming that tree and the city did come by with a wood chipper after the storm to take care of the huge fallen branches.

      That’s our tax dollars at work. Thank you Detroit.

  • Hmmm. Our woodland creatures leave my tomatoes and peppers alone. However, there is an evil dog out there who does not. As I type, the smell of hot dog poo is wafting into my nostrils. This has been going on for several years, and I have yet to catch the culprit. The worst part is? I often can’t even FIND it. I can only smell it.

    Hosta are tough. You can pretty much yank ‘em up by the roots and they will just grow wherever you throw them.

    • cardiogirl says:

      Man, any sort of shit in the hot sun just reeks. I wonder if the smell of dog shit dissipates more quickly in the middle of winter. It must since it probably starts to freeze right away.

      Some college student studying thermodynamics needs to create an experiment about freezing dog shit in the middle of winter. Any students in the house? Heidi, do you know any engineering students?

  • Steve says:

    I have major renovations coming, including digging an addition to my foundation – which requires I move a nice garden plot including some incredible hostas.

    Grammar police: did you mean to write “Success, baby! Those things really are hearty.”…or did you mean “…hardy”?

    Just askin’

    :)

    • cardiogirl says:

      (whispers) Gotta deal with the kids but I can’t believe I used the wrong hardy. Thanks for the heads up.

      Slow down, gingah. You are digging an ADDITION to the FOUNDATION of your house? Wow.

  • Yeah, Hostas are nearly indestructible. I’ve done almost nothing for mine and they come back year after year. As you can probably tell, I don’t like them that much. But the lady-folk in the house like them, so I’m glad they continue to grow.

    • cardiogirl says:

      That is a massive selling feature for me — zero maintenance not even watering them unless I feel like it. Man, all plants and flowers should be maintenance free.

  • patty s says:

    ahhhhhhh. squirrels.
    pains in the dupah.
    my husband feeds the birds every winter and it is a constant battle with the squirrels. he got a “squirrel proof” bird feeder… metal, with a bar that the birds can sit on because they are light but squirrels aren’t supposed to be able to sit on becasue they are heavy and it causes the bar to go down and close off the food access.
    well, get this – my husband is walking by the feeder on the way to the barn and hears something funny. he can’t place it. on the way back from the barn he stops to investigate further and discovers a squirrel INSIDE the “squirrel proof” (i feel like dr. evil saying “laser”) bird feeder. INSIDE IT!!!!!! hah!
    anyway, beware of squirrels. they are smart, tricky, destructive albeit cute, houdini-like critters. guard those tomatoes WITH YOUR LIFE.
    :-)

    • Steve says:

      Try mixing water and chipotle sauce in a spray bottle, and mix well. Then spray the leaves :) Works like a charm. You can also spray the pole a bird house sits on. In the winter try spraying the post (if you have one and it’s metal) with WD-40 or Jig-a-loo – makes it slippery :)

      I also throw some moth balls amongst the leaves of my hostas. That seems to work too.

      • cardiogirl says:

        @patty I used to think squirrels were sort of cute. Before I owned a house. Now I really see them as rats with furry tails that are out to get me. Grr.

        Although I will admit that they are not nearly as freaky as seeing a rat with that skinny tail. If squirrels had hairless, skinny tails I would be terrified of them. Conversely, if rats had furry squirrel tails I would find that as disgusting.

        I love the idea of a smart ass squirrel getting trapped inside the feeder. Serves him right. I’d want to let him die inside that feeder just to send a message to the other squirrels in the ‘hood.

        @Steve I’ve heard of mothballs deterring rabbits. I wonder if it is a rabbit eating my tomato-lings.

  • Lin says:

    It may be a rabbit that is eating your produce. I’ve had a garden for years and it isn’t always the squirrels who eat it. Last week we found a decapitated rabbit next to our tomato plant, so I guess he got his in the end–although I am not sure by whom. I’m not getting too close to that tomato plant just in case.

    We have friends from Cleveland (although these days I don’t think they are our friends anymore. But that is a whole other story….) and they call that part of the yard a “tree lawn”. I’ve never heard either phrase before, but that sucks that somebody dumped and ran. Major a-holes.

    • cardiogirl says:

      Oh, I remember the decapitated rabbit at your pad. Yuck. Although that would also send a solid message to the rabbit underworld in the neighborhood.

      I know Sammy would never do that and you would not allow him to dump and run, but it brings up the following question. If you have a fenced in yard and the dog wanders around for some amount of time each day can you call that good and skip walking the dog on a regular basis?

  • Faith says:

    Hola CG,

    OK OK I thought everyone knew the poop and scoop rules. I learned over the weekend that not everyone does.

    As I was getting dairy queen with my parental unit and my sister we watched as a young gent (probably in this early- to mid-20′s) let his pooch poop but he made no efforts to scoop.

    He just left it on that patch of grass that belongs to the city but has to be maintained by the residents. When these things happen I always wonder where are the cops when you need them. If I were walking the beat I would give out pretty hefty fines for this type of offense.

    • cardiogirl says:

      That is a bold move by that 20-something guy. Damn. I would be furious on behalf of the owner of the house. I cannot believe he did in PLAIN VIEW! Wrong, wrong, wrong!

      Ugh. This is common courtesy. This is what separates us from the wolves. Are we not a civilized society? I guess we are not when it comes to the dump and run.

      I bet he would have argued with you if you called him out. Unbelievable.

  • Those darn squirrels ruined all of my moms tomato plants too! Glad you found the offensive odor. Now all you need to do is find the person responsible for leaving the dog poo there in the first place!

    • cardiogirl says:

      I’m ready to go Old Lady Sitting Just Inside the Screen Door on the rest of the world. I’ll move the recliner in front of the door, grab a pop and a book and wait the offender out.

  • I’ve threatened to pick up unclaimed dog poo, follow the errant owner home, and then drop the load on their front stoop. It just burns my bucket that people are so irresponsible and selfish. The rules only apply to someone else. I’m seeing more and more signs that society is devolving at more rapid pace all the time. Soon it’s going to be like the Wild West again.

    • cardiogirl says:

      Man, that’s a dream of mine. I’d seriously like to do that just once. You know the dog owner would scream bloody murder, but they’d feel my pain, I’m sure.

      It does seem that common courtesy is rapidly declining. I truly try to teach my kids to be considerate and they are constantly asking me, “But why did that person flick a lit cigarette out of his car? He’s littering.”

      And I tell them, “Yes, he is littering. Apparently we need to lead by example.” Then I silently curse the offender out in my head.

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  • Linda says:

    There are leash laws here now, and you don’t see too many dogs running loose. Folks walk their dogs, but I never see anyone picking up poop, but I don’t observe the dogs “going” either. When I was growing up, dogs did run loose, and you would occasionally find a pile in the yard. We were in the county with no sidewalks and the neighborhood consisted of four short streets forming a grid pattern. No one really walked their dogs back then. In later years, there was one old man who would walk his yappy little poodle on probably a 20-foot leash and it would “water” every yard it went past. They were both disgusting.

    • cardiogirl says:

      I wonder about that leash law over here and how it can be enforced. For some reason I have two neighbors who let their large dogs run around and poop in the FRONT yard. It’s one of those, the owner stands at the door, the dog runs out, dumps and then runs back in.

      They both have fenced in back yards. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work? They let their dog out in the BACK yard to poop and then come back in?

      Yuck on the yappy poodle. I will never enjoy a poodle. I just don’t think they’re cute.

  • The story about the dog poop reminded me of the time we had the dead animal smell in my daughter’s room. First, we looked for a dead mouse. That’s rudimentary in a home occupied by cats, although you usually don’t have to search for it. A cat will leave its dead mouse in an obvious location that you frequent, such as the mat in front of the kitchen sink, or the foot of the stairs, or the side of your bed. (Sometimes it will be just the head of a mouse.) You’d have to be pretty careful to not step on it, let me tell you.

    Not finding a cat offering, I checked all the mouse traps in the basement. Nada. But a mouse can get caught in a trap and limp away to another location and die. I suspected that this happened — that the doomed mouse crawled up into the outside wall of my daughter’s bedroom.

    Days go by and the smell intensifies.

    By now, a mouse would not smell this bad. Also, the smell is worse when the air conditioner window unit is blowing air. Ahh, maybe the mouse (or some festering organic matter) is in the A/C! But luckily, before I remove the A/C, dismantle it, and find nothing inside, I notice the bloated squirrel corpse under the window.

    Apologizes to anyone who happened to be eating lunch while reading this.

    • cardiogirl says:

      AUUGGHHH! Oh boy. That’s a crazy story SPG. Although I truly hate squirrels (hate mice too) so I was relieved to hear it was sitting outside the house and could be moved.

      The thought of a festering carcass. Stuck. In. The. Wall. Or even. INSIDE. The A/C unit is just too much to wrap my head around. Gross.

  • Erin says:

    Apparently my street has been deemed a “pet waste problem area” according to the sign that showed up the other day. I don’t know if it’s just that section of the street, or if the whole street is a problem, but I can say that for the most part I never notice the pet waste down near me so it’s likely just that area.

    Although a few months back there was someone who was letting what was apparently a very large dog use people’s front yards as a toilet and wasn’t cleaning it up. We never found out who it was, but I think enough of us bitched about it out in the street that whoever it was must have heard and started cleaning it up. There’s nothing worse than finding a giant pile of dog poo in your yard when you don’t even have a dog.

    • cardiogirl says:

      My point exactly. I. Don’t. Have. A. Dog.

      And I don’t have a dog cause I don’t enjoy picking up dog shit. Godspeed to the people who love their dogs and clean up after them. I got no problem with those people.

      In fact, some of my closest friends are responsible dog owners.

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