The book of revelations, Christmas edition
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Hey it’s the first full day of Christmas vacation here at Casa de Cardiogirl. Yesterday was just a preview — school until high noon.
Now prior to yesterday morning I was mentally patting myself on the back. I can’t say I turned Christmas out, but I can say I have it in a reverse Nelson. Things are manageable and I don’t foresee a late night on the 24th. But as I was waiting in line to pick my kids up from school I had a slide show of loose ends.
It was like a scene in a movie where — if you paid close attention — you would have noticed the foreshadowing. And, had I cocked my head just so, I might have heard the low hum of approaching locusts.
Revelation One: I have been following and disposing of trails of crumpled up wrapping paper throughout the house for the last couple of weeks. Playing Christmas has been a popular past time over here. Sitting in the Mystery Mobile I realized I have no wrapping paper. I got zero, gingah.
I know things are tight everywhere but I don’t think Santa uses newspaper to wrap gifts. And my oldest kid is too smart for her own good. I could probably slide by with the younger two, but the oldest one would read the newsprint and question why Santa used the papers from our hometown.
Revelation Two: I don’t have any gift tags, either. This will probably be remedied online but of course I have to print them when everyone is asleep. And Santa’s signature needs to be unique (see Revelation One to understand the powers of Kid One’s observations.)
Revelation Three: I don’t know how this one happened but we’re almost out of coffee cream. I’ve been distracted lately and I casually noticed that the container of half and half was feeling lighter than usual. Normally, I don’t go downstairs to replenish the supply until I’m willing gravity to pull out every last drop into my coffee cup. We’re not quite at that point.
Regarding the foreshadowing, when I was pulling out juice boxes for lunch the day before my eyes made a cursory glance at the empty top shelf. The top shelf is where the supply of liquid gold resides. Had I paid attention, my adrenaline would have kicked in and the problem would have been solved in less than an hour.
As you may recall, Mr. C and I are massive Coffee Achievers and damn proud of it. So to ration half and half is inconceivable.
Rest assured, I did remedy that one right after the kids hopped out of the van yesterday. I won’t say the tires squealed on the way out of the parking lot, but I did get to Meijer in record time. Today I could wash my hair in half and half four times over while drinking a cup of java if I wanted to. We’re fully stocked and loaded.
Again, if I’d kept a running list of these revelations I could have knocked off items one and two when I was sprinting toward the dairy case yesterday. But I was suffering from potential withdrawal and it didn’t happen.
Revelation Four: I never did pick anything up for Mr. C. We don’t usually get anything for each other because honestly there’s not much we want and, thankfully, all of our the needs are taken care of. But somehow, even though he tells me he hasn’t done it, he always pops up with one surprise. Damn him.
So I’d like to bring something to the table. But now that I have my kids with me things are close to being jacked up. Their lips are so loose they can barely drink without dribbling. That one’s going to be difficult. I’ll probably have to run out tonight while everyone’s asleep.
If you haven’t noticed, a lot of stuff goes down over here when people are asleep. It’s a good thing I have a top-of-the-line pair of night vision goggles.
I can’t make any promises, but I will bust tail in an effort to keep the moon from turning red.
Such a cute post :) “It’s a good thing I have a top-of-the-line pair of night vision goggles.” <- that line made me smile. Most of the stuff that gets done around here gets done when everybody is asleep here too.
"Playing Christmas has been a popular past time over here" We have a bit of that too, although mostly my daughter uses up all the tape for her various projects. She's also good at finding where we hide the tape.
Paul
Sometimes I feel like a mole for all the time I spend in the dark, man. It’s the only time I get alone, it seems, and of course it’s much easier and faster to get things done without a little helper.
Oy, don’t even get me started on tape. We now buy the huge pack from Costco and have decided that it’s also a toy in addition to being an office supply.
Oh man, I would DIE if I ran out of half-and-half.
If you feel like braving Target, they have wrapping paper in the dollar bin up front. At least, the ones near us do. I’ve got 2 rolls I haven’t even used yet, if I thought they’d get there in time I’d send them to you :(
It does suck on the rare occasion that it happens. Usually I buy half gallons from Costco and we usually have at least three in reserve in the basement fridge. That’s why I’m so surprised I let the supply dwindle.
What a bummer, I’d love to drive over to your house, grab a cup of coffee and use the last two rolls of your wrapping paper. I did brave the crowds yesterday and I am now stocked up. And those rolls are locked in the van awaiting the wrapping fest tonight.
“Their lips are so loose they can barely drink without dribbling.” – I cracked up out loud. Too true, sister, too true. My boys are the same way … about everything you mentioned. Trevor has wrapped up a zillion presents (his own cast-off toys and books) for his friend, Evan). There will never be enough tape in the world to satisfy his needs. Thankfully, I did hide some paper, so I should be cool (but I will be relying on those night vision goggles because I haven’t wrapped a single present yet – groan).
May your holidays be stress-free and memorable!
I figured the parents in the house would appreciate that one. Some things are universal, aren’t they?
We’ve been through that dry run as well — they give each other presents from their own cast-off toys. And then about a week later they take them back which makes the receiver really pissed off and spurs a lot of bitching and moaning.
Right there with ya on the wrapping, or lack of. Double groan.
Heya CG. At least you can rush out late when everyone’s asleep and get things. I live in a tiny rural village with no shop, 6 miles from the nearest town. Plus it’s snowy and icy and I ride a motorbike. These things are not conducive to me getting everything I need unobserved. I shall have to go into town with wifey and lose her somewhere for a while!
Oh SJAT I’m weeping in my coffee for you and your small town. Plus the thought of three rolls of wrapping paper strapped to your back as you motor about town. Good luck, although it’s now Christmas Eve so I’m not sure there’s much time left.
I hate Christmas.
I bought a roll of wrapping paper at Big Lots three years ago and I’ve barely put a dent into it. I hate running out of tape.
If Jeff snuck a gift in on me, I’d be super pissed. Either we are, or we aren’t.
I can’t believe your nine year old still believes. That’s gold star effort on your part.
My mom didn’t wrap. She did one present we opened before Midnight Mass and the rest were just laid out in front of the tree Christmas morning.
Evaporated milk works well in a pinch for your coffee.
Man, why didn’t I think of Big Lots. Dammit.
WHAT?! Your mother did not wrap your Christmas presents?! My birthday presents were presented in the store bag but they did wrap Christmas presents.
Evaporated milk, eh? Is this the powder or the liquid. Oh I think the liquid is Condensed milk, right?
As much as I hate going, Big Lots has many a deal.
My mother was a bit of a slacker when it came to traditions. My sister and I had to throw our own birthday parties. “Moma has to work.” I heard that my whole life.
Powdered milk is the powder in a box. Evaporated is in a can and more milk like. It literally just has less water. Condensed is also in a very similar looking can, but typically sweetened heavily and more syrupy.
I keep condensed from Sam’s to make my mashed potatoes, mac and cheese and soup. It’s easier to cook with and you get a creamier texture, but not as bad as whole cream.
I’m going to have to see if we have one nearby. It sounds like it’s maybe a Walmart with even better deals. Thanks for the primer on powdered, evaporated and condensed. Doesn’t condensed make the potatoes, macaroni and soup too sweet? I remember using that for a bar cookie that has a graham cracker crust and coconut and chocolate chips.
And I meant to say I keep a pack of evaporated for my mashed potatoes, etc. My bad.
You’re correct. Condensed is for desserts mainly though I believe you use evaporated for fudge, but I don’t like fudge.
I haven’t a thing for my own dear hubby yet, either, and here we are on the 23rd, with a winter storm moving in. I have absolutely not a single clue what to get for him, either, since the only things he wants cost well over my discretionary cash (like tvs, blue-ray players, dvrs, etc.) I think what i may have to do this year is sit him down and give it to him straight: “Honey, I love you, but I don’t think I could get too much $ by selling my hair to buy your Christmas present, so let’s just agree to make a trip down to good ol’ Best Buy so you can pick up the edzact electronic thingamajig you’ve been lusting after all year while deployed to the far remote regions of the Earth.” Sounds like true romance, no? ;) The prob is, he got me some heart-wrenchingly beautiful diamond earrings upon his return (which happened to be on my birthday) and there’s just no way I’m gonna top that unless I show up with an entire home entertainment system, complete with La-z-boy, on Christmas morning. Which, unless some exceedingly disgusting amount of cash falls in my lap in the next 24 hours, ain’t gonna happen.
Of course I could always just make him his very own pan of brownies like I did a few years ago. :)
That hair selling story kills me. Every. Single. Time.
@Soonerchick Yuck a snow storm. Thankfully we are not in that boat and I did find a little something the other day. Well, I have another idea for today but it is Christmas Eve and I really don’t want to fight the masses, but the idea is really good. I wish I thought of it on Monday when everyone was at school.
Oh well. I might pick it up the day after Christmas (alone) when everything is on sale.
@Liz You beat me to the punch. I, too, am a fan of the hair story. Such a classic.
I’m actually not a fan. At the end of “Million Dollar Baby” my roommate said it hurt his feelings because the ending was so harsh. That how I feel about that story. It just really hurts my feelings. I take solace in at least her hair will grow back out. Support for spouses not buying each other presents.
It would suck even more, though, if the husband didn’t have the receipt for the combs, wouldn’t it? I never did see “Million Dollar Baby.”
Don’t unless you’re just in the mood for a good emotional stomping. It’s rough.
You’re gonna need those night vision goggles on Christmas eve, since I imagine a bunch more stuff will be going on while everyone is sleeping. I hope your older child doesn’t reads Cardiogirl online, or the cat’s out of the bag!
Yeah, tell me about it.
She does know about my site but she’s not interested in reading it. Her only interest comes in her becoming famous via my stories about her. Frequently she will say, “You should make a movie of me and put it on your website.”
When pigs fly, honey. Instead I rely on my fall back answer, “We’ll see.” Between you and me that always means no, but she always tells her sisters, “We’ll see means yes.”
I don’t know why she thinks that but it works for me.
Oh man, we had Christmas early this year–last Saturday. I think my mom is happy that she can put out presents at 11 when we’re going to open them at 8 that night, now. In fact, tomorrow we will be on a plane (or more accurately, several planes) for about 30 hours, hence the early Christmas. Boyfriend goes to Alaska to see his family, as well, and hope he doesn’t have to go to Christmas Mass (he is a “retired” Catholic), so we’re waiting until after I get back to do presents.
That’s fun that you had Christmas early, but no fun that you’re going to be airborne for 30 hours. Bah humbug.
I hope you fly the friendly skies!
Get your cards, wrapping paper and tags in a weeks time. It’ll be hella cheaper then, and you’ll be all set for next year too.
Surprisingly when I bought the wrapping paper yesterday it was all 50% off. I have no idea why that is, but I’m not questioning it. I will be shopping on the 26th, however.
My 3-year-old is just grasping the concept of Santa, but even she’s been taking note of the mass influx of delivery packages to the house. Just the other eve, one came in and Grammy passed it off to me — when I opened it and saw it was gifts for the girls the sender hadn’t bother to wrap (meaning *I’d* have to bother to wrap), I promptly dispatched the offending box to the basement with the rest of the unwrapped booty, when suddenly the 3-year-old came in search of Mommy. “I wanna see the box!” “Box went away with Daddy.” “I wanna see Daddy!!” Yeah, looks like *someone’s* already growing wise to this Christmas scam. . .
I know after you have ‘em that Christmas is for kids, but you really don’t exchange gifts with the mister? That just seems wrong somehow — I mean EVERYBODY should get presents on Christmas Day, and I love it that he still sneaks one in on you despite what your agreement is (my Dad always does the same thing to my Mom). I insist on the tradition because it continues to make me feel like a kid on Christmas morning, and who doesn’t want to prolong that?
But at least you’re in agreement about it. My neighbor gives generous, thoughtful gifts, and her husband gives stingy, careless ones, and last Christmas we had a two-week blizzard that delayed most everyone’s deliveries. We made the best of it: the girls’ stuff all made it in time, so we had their holiday on Christmas morning, but all ours and my folks stuff trickled in later, so a few days after, we celebrated Second Christmas, which ended up being a blast. At my neighbors house, she gave him her loving, thoughtful gifts — and he blamed the blizzard on the fact that he gave her NOTHING for Christmas. (I should add we’re within a 15-minute walk of a fantastic local shopping village.) She spent her Christmas morning in tears, then dispatched him to their basement, where she sobbingly insisted he wrap some of her OLD BELONGINGS to “give” to her.
I’m gonna put that in a story someday, it’s so sad. It’s like if O Henry wrote the mirror image of “Gift of the Magi”. . .
It is hard trying to talk away the box in Dad’s arms, isn’t it? Um, that’s just some broccoli, baby. I know you don’t like broccoli so Daddy’s taking that right down to the basement.
Well, we buy our own presents for Christmas and then open them with the kids. I bought myself a NaNoWriMo T-shirt that will be wrapped today and worn tomorrow — booyah! And I did get that watch, but I never found a ginormous coffee cup.
(Can. Not. Believe. that ginormous is accepted by spell check.)
That’s so sad about your neighbor. Damn, that is harsh especially when she was expecting something and spent a lot of time finding gifts for him. I’d be pissed and I would cry, too. Effer.