The book of questions, Volume 71
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Friday is The Book of Questions Day around these parts.
Today’s question comes from the aptly titled book “The Book of Questions” by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.
And here it is, Question 190.
Do you feel you have much impact on the lives of people you come in contact with? Can you think of someone who, over a short period of time, significantly influenced your life?
In terms of people who are outside my immediate family, I don’t really think I make much of an impact. Naturally I believe that I have a huge impact on my husband and my children, but when you get outside of that circle I’m not all that loud and proud.
I tend to hang to the side as a casual observer. I don’t like being front and center and to make a serious impact I think you need to be front and center, you know?
Probably this comes down to your definition of impact and short period of time. When I use the word impact I use it to mean someone or some event that changed the course of my life. So using that definition, I don’t think I’ve changed my neighbor’s lives or the lives of the people I work out with at the Y.
My social circle is pretty limited and that’s fine by me. To make an impact on someone else you need to be fully present and invested. I’ve had some strange, disturbing experiences in the last few years and, with the exception of my husband and children, I am not as invested or as trusting as I used to be.
Now regarding the second part of the question, yes I can definitely think of someone who significantly influenced my life in a short amount of time.
After I had my thyroid removed I attended Gilda’s Club and met a woman named Annette. For whatever reason I really bonded with her; it was just an immediate reaction. Annette was around 50 and was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. It was the second time she was diagnosed with cancer; the first time was when she was 21 and I think that time it was cervical cancer.
I remember being amazed at her strength. She was scared, but she had experienced cancer before and she was very inspirational to me. She was very outgoing and positive even though she occasionally felt blue.
While I was an active member, Annette had a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. At the time I had read a book that suggested giving someone a small item, usually a stone, and putting attributes into it. I liked that idea, but I never found the right stone, so one Tuesday night before I left for Gilda’s Club I looked around the house and found a small fuzzy mouse that my cats played with.
After the meeting and before her scheduled surgery I told Annette that I couldn’t find a smooth stone, but instead I was giving her this mouse (the only thing I could find at the time) filled with courage, strength and love.
I wanted her to know my thoughts and prayers were in the mouse and it was hers to keep and to give to her cats after the operation.
She told me later the mouse went to the hospital with her and stayed in the room as she recuperated. When she came back to the group we started a tradition of giving the mouse to whoever needed it at the time. In its travels, the mouse picked up a house — a lipstick holder case, complete with a snap cover.
Annette died about a year after I first gave her the mouse. Strange as it may seem, I was so shocked to learn that she actually died of cancer. That’s how active and vital she was. I believed, as much as she did, that she would kick its ass.
Just yesterday I was going through my address book while writing out Christmas cards and I ran across Annette’s address. It’s been about ten years since she died and yet I still think of her.
In a way, she kicked my cancer’s ass for me.
nope, i don’t think i have much impact on anyone except my inner circle. i feel like one of the men in black, like a de ja vu, there’s nothing about me that really stands out, there’s just a feeling of have we met before? i’m known for things, but i doubt if it has changed anyone’s life.
and don’t make me cry this morning, okay. that’s a great annette story.
has anyone influenced my life, over a short period of time? well i’d like to think so, but i can’t think of anyone or any moment where i can look back and see a turning point.
Yeah, I got that Everywoman vibe goin’ on over here, too. I swear almost everyone I meet anew thinks we went to high school together or that I work at the hospital. It always cracks me up that they think I work at the hospital because you know I’m a doctor wannabe, but I don’t hang out in the ER.
I agree that it’s hard to make a serious impact in such a short amount of time. That’s the piece I was hanging onto — short amount of time.
Except for that family of 23 that I saved, single-handedly, from a house fire when I was 8 years old, I can’t think of a time when I seriously impacted someone else.
:)
That is quite the heart string tugging story.
Me? I’m so damn groggy (Vegas Eve Eve celebrating) and I’m going to the happiest place on Earth tomorrow.
Obviously Jeff and I being friends since high school was a major impact. And he just pointed out I’m could be still drunk, so I don’t know.
Good morning, CG.
Thanks Liz. I do miss her, just dreamt about her last night. Probably since I’ve been thinking about her.
I’m sure we’ve all made impacts, I guess it was the degree I was holding onto. To me, the word impact implies life-changing, you know?
But I know we all make some sort of difference everywhere we go.
You’re answer to today’s question was heart wrenchingly lovely. I commented only yesterday to someone who had recently lost their father, that all to often it is after a persons passing that you wished you’d known them (the deceased). You’re friend Annette is that kind of person. I wish I could have met her and known her strength. I am absolutely positively sure that her life was influenced and strengthened by knowing you.
Thank you LJ. It is odd how sometimes you just click with another person whether for a short time or a long time. And certainly the circumstances play a large part. I do wonder if she and I worked together, but didn’t experience cancer at the same time, if we would have been good friends.
Obviously there’s a lot to be said for a shared experience. I do feel enriched for having known her and I am certain she enjoyed my friendship as well. That was a friendship that ended far too quickly.
I’d love to have a positive affect on the world and people’s lives, but I have no idea if I do/will.
I guess I will have an impact on the two little humans that look kinda like me who live in my house. For better or for worse, I’m giving them a piece of me. That’s pressure, but also pretty cool.
Paul
I think we all make some statement daily, it’s just the weight of it that I’m focusing on. I like to think, when I do speak with people outside of this house, that I make other people chuckle.
Now whether that’s a courtesy laugh or a true laugh is up for debate. But I do know every parent makes a huge, life-altering impact on his or her child. I hope mine is for the better the majority of the time.
That is a wonderful story you shared about Annette. Sounds like you both came into each other’s lives at the right time. And that your influences were indeed impactful.
CG – you make an impact every day here – you make me laugh and then every now and then you sneak in something serious to let me know you are real. Thanks. Keep up the good work. And may you find someone to do your laundry for you each and every day – that would be my special wish for you ;0) Now THAT would make an impact, wouldn’t it?
We did come into each other’s lives at a critical time. Those are the times that I really feel God’s influence.
Thank you Bumbles. I didn’t mean to imply that I make no impact at all. I’ve learned that I really do get hung up on my own definition of words and phrases. It’s that shades of gray thing.
When I hear the word impact I think, huge, colossal and life-changing. Now I’d love to think I stop you in your tracks every morning over here, but reality tells me that probably only happens three days out of five, right?
Finding someone to do my laundry would make a huh-yoooge impact on life as I know it. Thank you for that wish, whether it comes true or not.
Amazing story! I’m pretty sure I have made an impact on at least 1 non-family member’s life, and maybe 1 or 2 others as well. The one I know for a fact is my former Little Sister “S” through Big Brothers / Big Sisters. We met when she was 14, she is now 18. We are friends and remain in contact, although both of us are much busier than we used to be so we don’t actually meet up as often as we once did. “S” is a trip to say the least. She has a tendency to not think things through and make impulsive choices. While that can be said of the majority of teens, S takes it to a whole new level! As a result, we have had alot of discussions about all sorts of topics and she has said that I have become the main “voice” she hears in her head when trying to make a decision. I think that probably qualifies as making an impact…lol
I’ve been wondering about your Little Sister. I don’t feel like I’ve known you for that long, but I remember you talking about her. Sounds like she’s doing pretty well, eh?
That’s so awesome that you’re such a large part of her internal dialogue. That totally qualifies as making an impact. Well done, Buf!
I’m here late today, but I can see the holidays are wrecking havoc on your comment section as well. Whew! I needed the break from comments today, so I’m grateful it’s a slow day.
There is a song at the end of “Wicked” where they sing about how we are led to other people for a reason. That song makes me cry because I really believe we are. I loved your story about Annette and the mouse–it was lovely. Sad, but lovely. Oh, but it was also sweet.
I used to read to the little kids at school that needed help. Well, they would read to me and I would help them. I loved doing that because I KNOW I was making a difference in their lives. I wasn’t just someone to read to, I would joke with them, or talk to them about their day or their lives. Til this day, those kids still come over to say “hi” to me. I love that.
Do I make a difference now? I don’t know. I’d like to think so on a much smaller level. I try to do nice things and to be thoughtful in life. Whether or not I do something for someone else, I don’t know. I think that is up to them to figure out why they know me. You see, it’s our job to figure it out for ourselves why we are drawn to someone.
I have a few people who have recently touched me. Two of them came into my life for a very short period of time, but they brought me back to writing again, which in a way, saved my life. I am much happier now that I’m back to writing. I know who I am again. Those two people are gone now, but their gift everlasting.
See? I was supposed to meet them!
Yeah, Holidays 2009 are sort of haphazard this year, aren’t they?
You know, I feel the same way — that the people in your life are there for a reason. And for a very, very long time that has always ended on a positive note for me. But in the last three years or so that particular axiom has sort of turned things upside down for me.
I’ve had some real punks come into my life, under the guise of God and religion, and that has really forced me to re-evaluate a lot of stuff. I’m coming around but I am much more guarded now. I’ve decided some of those folks were there to keep me on my toes and to help me create better boundaries. But it’s been difficult.
You were definitely supposed to meet those bloggers and I was meant to meet you and Hobbes. Now pass me a Whiskey Head Bump, stat!
Quite often I think we influence others and don’t even know it. It is so hard to actually see the other person’s point of view….
What influence did you have on the other club members? Did the mouse continue on after you left?
This last year, I worked with someone that completely transformed my direction in life. Her world view rubbed off on me and changed me for the better in just a few weeks. I can’t even explain it; I feel like I got another chance. And no, there was no relationship other than friendship. I’m happily married, thanks.
Very true, Tim. Again with the definitions. I want to believe my presence made the earth stop for someone else but that’s somewhat unrealistic, eh?
Yes, that mouse was well-traveled and continued on after I left. I’m not sure how long he lasted but I know for at least a year or two because I did pop back in every six months or so to say hi.
It’s funny that you added your disclaimer at the end of your comment, because I really didn’t think anything of that until you mentioned it. I can be naive, but I always want to take things at face value.
Sometimes that’s helpful, sometimes not. But that is great that you were able to change directions for the better — and above board, to boot.
I think we all have an impact on one another’s lives in some small way just by existing. I deal with each customer at my till for about ten seconds each, but I know how much a heartfelt “thank you” means to me, even if I’ve never met that person before. Like in the your story, it doesn’t have to be a grand gesture to have a grand effect. Ripples expand. Whether they expand in a positive or negative fashion is another thing entirely, of course.
Do you feel you have much impact on the lives of people you come in contact with?
My work colleagues often comment that I brighten their day, but that’s mostly incidental. I’m making myself laugh, primarily. Their laughter is a very welcome side effect. I guess I have an effect on the moods of my customers too, depending on how much attention they pay to me. I’ve known myself stew over a customer for days at a time, even though they barely acknowledged me, so I guess it cuts both ways.
Can you think of someone who, over a short period of time, significantly influenced your life?
One of my exes. We weren’t together long, but he helped me find a whole new side and aspect to myself that I didn’t know existed. I’ll be dining out on that experience for years to come.
I definitely think we make some impact, I was hanging onto the “big impact in a short time” piece. I think that’s hard to do. But I’m sure there are folks out there who’ve experienced me and my traveling black cloud :)
“Travelling black cloud” – I love it!
My customers tend to experience mine, and leave rather frazzled, never to return. I think that might be why my boss only has me on the till until 9:30AM. :D
That sounds like an excellent use of Darwin’s theory, Solomon! Out at 9:30, way to go!