The book of questions, Volume 31
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Friday is The Book of Questions Day around these parts.
Today’s question comes from the aptly titled book “The Book of Questions” by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.
And here it is, Question 192.
When you are with your friends, do your interactions include much touching — for example, hugging, kissing, roughhousing or rubbing backs? Would you like to have more of this?
To paraphrase SpongeBob SquarePants, nope, nope, nope. (Silently rocks back and forth while tightly hugging herself.)
Side note: One day I swear I am going to post the question and just answer yes or no and hit publish.
But for some reason I cannot make myself do that. I guess it feels like cheating. But it would be fun to see if everyone else followed suit and answered just yes or no. Oh! That would be a good test to see if ya’ll are paying attention here.
Okay, to the question. This really seems crazily X-rated to me. Boundaries, people. Have we none?
I find the last part of the question completely creepy and it truly makes me shudder. No I have never rubbed a friend’s back and I never want a friend to rub my back. Ever.
I am super extremely private in real life. I think that’s why I enjoy this blog so much. There is a physical boundary so I can share my thoughts without anyone attempting to get in my space. I can’t say my parents never hugged me but I can say my parents did not spare the rod.
Growing up when we visited relatives the hug, if there was one, went thusly: A handshake and then a half lean in while executing a one-arm pat on the back to simulate a hug. The right hand, which was clasped in the original handshake, was never released.
There’s your hug.
My mother, on the other hand, was effusive in her hugging and executed the old-fashioned bear hug. She was a hugger, no question. But for some reason I have adopted the hand shake, half hug all of my life with the only exception being my mom. It never occurred to me to give her a half hug and she never even attempted it.
She was the only other fully-approved hugger, besides Mr. C and my kids, in my life.
Everyone else receives the half-hug.
Now my in-laws are huggers and that’s something I’ve never gotten used to. I am a stiff board when I hug them, however I do attempt to go through the motions. I never initiate those hugs; hugging is just not in my nature.
In fact my mother-in-law always launches my hug with the words, “Give me a hug.” I do trust her, but I still feel uncomfortable hugging her even after 15 years.
My children are a different story.
They get my mother’s full bear hug and I lift them in the air as I embrace them. That doesn’t feel weird to me at all. I don’t know, this seems fraught with issues that I don’t feel like dealing with.
So if you ever meet me in real life, just smile and wave and we’ll all be cool like little Fonzies.
I too am private. There’s never been much hugging or physical contact in this household. In fact, thinking about it, I’ve never seen my parents hug or kiss. Ever. Shocking.
Anyway, to get back to the question, I think my friends realise that I’m not a touchy feely person. If we ever do hug, it’s similar to the handshake-hug that you mention, in that it’s more formal and “for show” than intimate. We don’t air kiss or anything, but we don’t push ourselves at one another either.
I do have a relative (who has no children), who has apparently decided that I’m going to receive a hug from her at every opportunity. Being the rebel that I am, this annoys me no end, so I pull away quickly, and recently have taken steps to avoid being hugged. Being grabbed against my will is very uncomfortable for me.
I do wish that there was more physical intimacy in my life, but only with those people that I want it with, on my terms.
One thing that really annoys me is when my customers at work touch me. They usually do it when they’re apologising for something, but at all times, it’s unnecessary. And it freaks me out. When someone behaves like this, I’m quite prepared to be rude and back away.
I think you and I would be good friends in real life, Solomon. I can’t even imagine someone at work touching me for any reason.
I’m going with Natural–I would grab your face in my two hands and kiss you smack dab on the lips just to freak you out.
I’m so not a touchy feely gal and it is the rare occasion that there is much PDA (not the electronic thingy) between Joe and I. We just aren’t like that. We have a few close friends that we hug and kiss when we greet and depart, but mostly I’m a quick hug and release gal.
Now, I have a friend who is absolutely wild (went with her on my weekend trip) and she does the big hug and kiss ALL the time. But, from her I expect it, and I actually prepare for it. She completely throws Joe because she will plop down right on his lap, throw her arms around him and kiss him full on the lips to shock the heck (Lent alert) out of him. She will surprise me by grabbing my face and kissing me full on the lips to be silly. It cracks me up and I go with it.
So, I guess my answer is: a) No for everyday contact b) Warm hug and kiss for dear friends and c) a Big Smoochy for my friend Cheri (well, and you, now too).
I cannot imagine a simple “yes” or “no” answer–either from you or me…..or the rest of the gang. What fun is that?!
Okay, Lin. If I thought I was on the verge of a panic attack with Natural you have just thrown me into full heaving. I think my fingers are starting to tingle from lack of oxygen. And now I am pretty sure I am afraid to even consider meeting you in person.
Yeah, a lone yes or no just seems so incredibly wrong. I actually don’t think I could do it. No, let me correct that. I am positive I cannot throw out a Question of the Day and then answer with one word.
nope. when i see you i’m going to give you a hug, pick you up and twirl you around just to freak you out. shudder and do whatever you have to do. lol. cardiogirl you kill me!!!
uh please don’t ever just post and answer the question. i enjoy your commentary too much. it wouldn’t be the same without your personal input.
i have one, no make that two girlfriends, that i will give a kiss/fake kiss (the cheek to cheek – minus the lips) to. my only request is that your lips are dry, if it’s a wet kiss, well then i’ma freak the heck out, later, and scrub my cheek with a brillo pad and bleach until i feel your remnant is gone.
i’m fine with an air kiss or a half hug. don’t rub or touch nothing of mine and i do need a little space in between that hug.
my kid and mr and the only two people where i have no control over my affections and want/need to hug and kiss all the time. everyone else can stand back.
i do hug and kiss my brother, but not my sister. why is that? i give occasional kisses to mom, none for dad, but i used to, not anymore. hated it because of his beard.
now i have to go cg, so give me my hug. come closer to the monitor, closer, stop! put your arms out like a ballerina, but in front of you. good. there i just gave you a light hug. that wasn’t so bad. does this mean i’m not invited to thanksgiving, cause i’m gonna hug ya?
laughing and will probably laugh all day at this.
sometimes i do hug coworkers, but only if they need it. church folk like to hug and kiss you too. shudders herself. i don’t really like being touched by other women, just a few are okay.
Natural, just reading that and imagining it has me on the verge of a panic attack. You would seriously freak me out in a big way if you did that. And I can’t even comprehend a kiss on the lips. My mind just blanks out.
Wow, I’ve never air kissed anyone. It sounds sort of interesting, but it’s still too close for comfort. I do like the idea of my arms out like a ballerina and I must admit that was a very light hug there. I think I can handle that from you. It’s like a hug with training wheels.
I too think we’d be quite good friends. I guess we’d understand one another quite well, probably.
Wouldn’t that be funny to find out, in an alternate universe, that we did not like each other in person, yet were friends online? Maybe that’s a short story right there, eh?
so cg if we all showed up at your door step for a hug, i’m guessing you would not let us in? i’m sorry, i love your quirks, but this one tickles me to death!!!! i’m laughing out loud and people are asking questions here.
@ Lin, you have a female friend that kisses you and hubby on the lips? h*llllll to the naw. i’m sorry. you can kiss me on the cheek if you must, but the lips? h*ll to the naw again. i like your answers and i’ll go with them myself.
heave and get over it. sorry cg. i’d be too ecstatic to see you not to hug. wrap yourself in bubble wrap if you must. i’d limit myself to one hug though and i promise you can shower after.
i’m gonna go but i’ll be back.
Damn straight sister. I would look through the peephole and yell through the door, “Hey! Hi! I’m not hugging any of you! Thanks for stopping by.
And damnation! I wish I thought of hell to the nooo! for Lin first. Now I do like the concept of bubble wrap. That might make all of this acceptable. I’m going to have to think on that.
You’re not going to like this, but this whole post just made me want to give you a big hug!
Here in Europe, the standard greeting is kissing, and just on one cheek here in UK, which is nice and keeps things simple. Of course a kiss can become a hug, but our nice reserved British system works so that a kiss is perfectly polite, and it’s up to you whether you lean in for more of a hug. How much my kisses become hugs really depends on whom it is with.
Men, however, just shake hands, which I’ve always thought is nice because it keeps things so simple.
Oh Cate, I didn’t realize all of you were so touchy-feely. It’s making me start to shake and sweat. Although I just recently stopped using Lunesta so it might be withdrawal from that.
I would have never guessed you proper Brits would hug or kiss.
CG I’m with you and Solomon, not a touchy feely person here. However there is an exception for the man in my life and now apparently for my nieces and nephew. Growing up we weren’t a huggy family. I never liked being touched by my siblings. I was the oldest and would force them to only sit in 1 of the 3 couch cushions. I would have the other two, that way I didn’t have to worry about their hands or feet accidently touching mine. Yes I was a bit of b@#ch as a kid. My mom would always kiss my dad good night but I don’t really remember them ever really hugging each other or us for that matter.
My dad’s youngest sister married a hugger and became a hugger as well. Slowly it filtered through the rest of the extended family. Now when we leave after a trip home, my parents hug us goodbye and my dad has even given me a kiss on the cheek, which kinda freaked me out but was very sweet. Still none of are really huggers especially with non-family members.
Two quick stories. My BF is a major hugger and even kisser. Which is fine with me because that is my one exception, the man in my life must touch me alot!! lol When he met my parent’s for the first time, I completely forgot all about him being a hugger and didn’t warn either him or my parents. When we all said goodbye in the parking lot, he gave my mom and then my dad these giant bear hugs. I nearly fell over. Luckily, my folks were cool with it. Even my mom, who is the worst of all of us was good. She said that he was very genuine and as a result it didn’t bother her.
Story #2 – I was at a bar with my 90ish yo widowed grandmother (mom’s mom) having wings and beer waiting for my parents. (Yes she is awesome!! and still kicking at 94) She and I got talking about being touchy feely etc. She suddenly goes “Yeah, I’ve never been very touchy feely. When Neil (my g-pa) and I were done* I would just roll over and go to sleep”. Needless to say, I was speechless and praying for my parent’s to hurry up and get there. I was in now way prepared to be discussing my grandparents sex life.
* I can’t remember the exact phrase she used, I think I’ve blocked it out…lol
Okay I know what this looks like, but I swear I am not playing favorites. I can guarantee you no one else is going to answer this question with a statement that tops your story about your grandma, Buf. Damn this might be the Gold Star Hall of Fame answer so far.
I laughed out loud for quite a while after reading that. So much that my three-year-old came running to the computer and said, “What’s so funny, Mama?”
I told her, “Just a story my friend wrote.”
So once again, Buf, you have earned the Gold Star of the Day.
I expect hugs from my family. I don’t like hugs from men who are not my father or brother or uncle or husband or cousin. I don’t hug my father in law or my sister in law or her boyfriend, but I do hug my hubby’s uncles and some distant cousins–I know that’s odd, but one of my hubby’s uncles always gives me a big hug and kiss and though it surprised me the first time, it felt warm and caring. Once my sister in law’s boyfriend hugged me and I totally stiffened up, so he never has since.
I like hugs from other women, and with my sister Mary I am very affectionate and touchy-feely.
I do, on occasion, have to tell my four year old son to keep his hands to himself. He has roaming hands and is old enough to know what’s private. I’m trying to teach him to ask first before hugging or touching anyone.
Also I don’t require him to hug anyone goodbye, I’ll ask if he wants to, and he has to at least SAY goodbye or wave, but hugs are up to him.
Your hierarchy of hugs is really interesting, looney. And at least your SIL’s boyfriend took the hint via your body language.
Huge hugger here. I’ll warn you before I hug you, but you’re getting a big squeeze, CG.
I’m pretty sure I make all my inlaws uncomfortable with my hugging. When you haven’t seen family in awhile, you hug. Two arms, please. His mother frowns upon anything but hand holding outside the bedroom, I’m trying to get her to come around. I also think it’s weird his mom and sisters refuse to change clothes in front of each other, they’re very big on personal space.
My mother and I call those half hugs, “Hood hugs” because that’s how the step family does it with everyone.
You better be prepared to be kissed just to the side of the lips and big bear hugs on my mom’s side of the family, especially. Family reunions are big hugs and kisses all around, whether you’re new or not. It may be a Deep Southern thing, we’re a very, very friendly people. I thought all men picked you off the ground until I was like 15, and women tend to sway side to side after a long absense. Big hugs just show you’re that happy to see each other. We also say I love you with every farewell.
And back before I was married, a kiss on the hand was an excellent wooing move.
I will say when someone hugs me and there isn’t enough pelvis room, I get the heeby jeebies. Hip touching is for hubby alone.
I cannot get over how many huggers are in the Lounge. This is so wild to me. I think your mother and I would get along famously. I can’t even *imagine* changing clothes in front of my mother OR any of my sisters. No. Way. I’m starting to really like your mother Liz.
Again, simply the thought of you hugging me and, oh God the kiss on the side of the lips is really starting to make me panic again. I’m sure there’s millions of dollars of therapy that could get to the root of this stuff. But I don’t have that much cash on hand.
I cannot go to the pelvis even in a written scenario. Tilt. Tilt. TILT!
Hmm… Depends on the friend. I have a couple of good friends that I hug when I see. Kiss? I don’t think so. I agree, the back rub thing just sounds creepy no matter who it is with.
With family I am a touchy feely person. Lots of hugs and kisses with hubby, kids, MIL, my mom, and basically everyone in my family. I have to admit, I have a couple of brothers-in-law (married to hubby’s sisters.) that will lean over and give me a kiss. I sometimes feel a bit weird about this. I mean we live in the same town and see each other all the time. No need for the lip lock whenever we get together!
I wouldn’t say I am touchy feely with patients, but I will lean over a touch a shoulder if giving bad news. I will definitely give a kid a hug if they offer it up, which they do pretty often. I am comfortable with all this.
I think I would have to give you a big hug if I saw you cg, but not a kiss!
Hearing about your BILs is freaking me out Michelle. That’s weird. But I get the feeling you would bitch slap them back to August if they ever thought of any thing untoward.
Thank God we’re on the same page with the kiss at least.
I wasn’t brought up to be overly ‘touchy’, but when I go to Austria it’s all that and more. Lots of hugging, kissing (the on each cheek thing, mainly), all that good stuff. I don’t know how I feel about it. Here I have one male friend that is adopting the ways of the French (he’s an artist, I don’t ask), and he greets by the two-kiss method for his female friends. I guess I feel like I stand out enough already, and kissing my American friends would freak them (and me) out. It’s all relative depending on the culture you’re in! I hug a lot though, but that’s about it.
I have to say I am enjoying the quirkiness of your artist friend who is adopting the ways of the French. But he can keep his two-cheeked kiss.
If you’ve ever seen the Real Housewives of NYC on Bravo they *always* greet each other with the two-cheek kiss and it’s so stupid. I swear every other episode someone forgets about the second kiss and pauses for a second and then remembers and heads to the other side of the face.
Note to the housewives: We don’t do the two-cheek kiss here in the States — all of you know that. Those housewives are much too pretentious but sadly that doesn’t stop me from watching.
For some reason, my family has never been hugging or kissing types. But with time, I have become comfortable with social cheek to cheek kissing and hugging. The kissing with the hugging is reserved for extended family females and hugging for extended family males and friends. With my own family, I think even a warm smile for a greeting would blow them away.
But I definitely would like my children to be comfortable hugging and kissing close and extended family and friends. It just gives warmer vibes all around.
I’m impressed that you hug male friends and family. I don’t believe I’ve seen much male hugging around these parts. I have to agree it does give warmer vibes, but I got plenty of sweaters and gloves :)
Oh, yes.
Well, it depends on the friends. My theatre friends are all rather touchy, but a lot of that stems from the close quarters backstage we have often been forced to share. Add a physical job to that, and we frequently trade back/shoulder rubs, hugs, and cuddles (on that last one – backstage is usually somewhere around FRIGID and onstage is somewhere around HELLFIRE in terms of temperature).
My college friends are mostly male, so that does change the dynamic. I’ve recently taken to the cheek-kiss move, as many of these young men are like brothers to me. I don’t touch them as much as I used to, as many of us are now in serious relationships, but roughhousing still occurs.
My family, however, is very touchy-feely. (My grandparents – aged 86 and 89 – still hold hands, it is really rather adorable.)
Oh my word, Rebecca. I have never ever considered a career in the theatre, but if I had I would have definitely changed my mind after reading this comment. Of course actors and actresses are definitely much more social and outgoing, I think. It seems like a job requirement actually. And I am neither of those things.
Roughhousing, eh? I’m just curious when the statute of limitations runs out on roughhousing for adults. Is it 28, 32 or 35? I think it also depends on whether one has children or not. My guess is with no children it can go til 32 with children it stops at 29.
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don’t touch me. OMG. I am not touch feely in the least.
That was one of the things I had to learn as a mother, actually. To touch my child more than just to change a diaper or get him dressed. I had to learn to talk too, LOL.
I think a sensory deprivation chamber would be heaven on earth now that I think about it.
It’s a small club we have here, Angelika. I think it’s you, me, Solomon and Buf in the sensory deprivation chamber. Of course we would each have our own sector separating each of us by a plexi-glass wall.
My parents and sisters and I were never the huggy type with each other. It’s funny though, I’m the complete opposite with my children. They get kissed and hugged a whole bunch throughout the day. 10 years ago, my sister was in an accident that almost took her life. After that, my parents and my sisters and I started to hug when we would say goodbye from parties, etc.
When I met my in-laws, they freaked me out b/c they are the type that hug and kiss when you come into the gathering AND when you leave. It’s overkill. Kissing and hugging twenty people twice in just a few hours, lol!
Ok, I just realized that I wrote a book here and never answered the original question. My friends and I do hug, but that’s about it. Rubbing each other’s backs? Eww. No.
Feel free to write a book, a short story or a post it note here in the Lounge; you are a VIP.
I have to say I find it amusing that everyone seems to draw the line at rubbing someone else’s back. Isn’t that funny?
just came back to give you another hug before i go, it’s the weekend you know. arms out please. um, i’m a little wider than that. there! did i hear a bubble wrap pop?
this is good research material.
(stifles a scream) No it wasn’t just bubble wrap. That was the space suit and helmet, the corrugated cardboard, the elbow pads *and* the bubble wrap.
Ok, so I won’t kiss ANY of you big giant meanies. Solomon–you are a giant suck-up to try and be CG’s favorite.
Natural and CG–Never heard of “h@ll to the naw”–what is that?! I’m thinking it’s not a good thing????
(head down, sulking, and leaving quietly….) fine. I won’t kiss you. Not even to be silly…….(sniff)
Oh Lin. You know I love you in a very reserved and aloof kind of way. I love you all, just don’t touch me or any of my stuff, okay?
No sulking allowed, but there is tissue over there on the side table. My hell to the no is from “Being Bobby Brown” a reality show that was on Bravo. As you probably know, Ms. Whitney Houston used to be Mrs. Bobby Brown and that show followed them around 24/7. And Whitney used to yell, “Hell to the no!” She also used to yell, “Bob-baaaaaaaayyy!” I loved that.
I used to just randomly yell “Bob-baaaay” to Mr. C when that show was on. His name is not Bob or Robert and he thought I was weird. But I still find it funny.
Bob-baaaaaaaaay!
It depends which friends I’m with really…I give most of my closest friends proper hugs frequently (I think half hugs are rubbish, but that’s just my opinion :P ) and some of the guys get man hugs, but I don’t hug other people. I definitely wouldn’t kiss any of my friends though.
Hey what’s a man hug?
One day I will not answer your question with a question Gladehaven. And are you a chick or a dude. I assumed you were a chick but now I wonder if a chick can conduct a man hug with a man or with another woman for that matter. It doesn’t seem possible, but they did put a man on the moon, didn’t they?
Addendum: Just checked out your blog and your about page. Are you seriously 17?! You sound so much older. For sure I would have guessed mid 20s. Wow.
Damn straight sister. I would look through the peephole and yell through the door, “Hey! Hi! I’m not hugging any of you! Thanks for stopping by.
Does this mean I’d have to sneak round the back to be let in? With all those people on your doorstep, I’d have to stand a bit away.
(whispers out of the side of her mouth) Don’t tell anyone but there’s a side door, to the left of the house. Give three short raps, pause and then bang with the palm of your hand twice. I’ll let you in. (mimes a zip on her lip and throws the imaginary key over her shoulder)
dang, i said i was going to be quiet, but lin woke me up. lin i’ll take a hug. LOL yeah solomon is sucking up. how can you not want to hug cardiogirl….but i won’t. :) go around back solomon and help cardiogirl lean on the door to keep the huggers out.
shudder. shudder. she (cg) screams in head.
h*ll to the naw = h*ll no. there’s this radio personality i listen to, michael baisden, and when something is just so wrong, he says h*ll to the naw, with a chinese/kung fu accent and then the some Oriental music plays in the background and we all bow to signify let’s start fighting – okay maybe i’m the only one who bows.
if only you could hear the sounds effects i play in my head, you would get it. i’m so dramatic, in my mind.
hey guys if we don’t behave she’s not going to post these touchy feely questions anymore. i enjoyed this one.
I am shuddering and laughing at the same time. I think Solomon and I can just barely hold the door shut. Maybe Angelika can help us with the muscle to keep you folks in line.
Man, I can’t even imagine someone using a Kung Fu accent saying Hell to the naw. I still like Whitney Houston’s version, but I might have to research this Michael Baisden. Does he use a gong, too? You gotta have a gong.
I can remember as a very small child, my father would come home from work and hug and kiss my mother. I’d be all excited to see my Daddy and I’d wedge myself between them and hug my father’s legs. My grandparents and aunts and uncles tended to be pretty affectionate, too.
In HS, the drama club members tended to be very huggy. I am, generally speaking, but some of my friends aren’t and I’m sensitive to that.
It’s so funny that you say that Red, because my kids do exactly the same thing! Especially our three-year-old. She has some kind of sixth sense — no matter where she is in the house she comes running when Mr. C and I hug. It is cute.
You sound like my kinda gal. You hug it out when necessary but your non-hug radar is finely tuned. I like that.
Back-rubbing and roughousing – yuk. Oh NO.
I have hugging and non-hugging friends, and it’s not a merit based distinction. Just a sort of intuition about who feels comfortable with being touched, and who doesn’t. (and vice versa) It’s a matter of sensitivity to their and my personal space. And only hello and goodbye hugs, or comfort if they are sad.
You know what I REALLY hate? (stomping on soapbox) it’s acquaintances or strangers who stand inches away, putting their arms around me or touching me as they speak. (she says shuddering) Why do church ladies of a certain age (usually 60+) do this? And as I stiffen or wriggle out of their unwanted touches – they don’t get the hint !!! Not comfortable holding hands and passing the peace in church with strangers either. This I’ll admit is partly a cultural bias, I didn’t grow up with the tradition. But mostly I like to keep a respectful distance. No false or forced intimacy for me…
Oh boy, your soapbox speech sent me into convulsions jeanette. I’m cool with giving the sign of peace at church, it’s a quick hand shake and I can handle that because usually we are a pew away from each other. There’s a barrier there and not once have I ever run into a stranger who did more than offer his or her hand at church during the peace gig. I have run into close talkers though and that is not cool.
Blushing and rushing up to accept my gold star….”Wow, I am so honored. I like to thank my grandmother and the academy” ….Ok so it’s been a long week. ;)
Btw, CG, I’m there with you three at the door helping keep those scary huggers out!!! Also I got very concerned when you said all 4 of us were in the sensory deprivation chamber. But then you mentioned the separate chambers and I began to breath again.
@Natural – Another Baisden listener here. I do enjoy the show.
In regards to roughhousing, I don’t think there is any age limit. Even in our 30′s, my bro and I still get into play fights on occasion. I assume you are excluding playing with kids from the roughhousing ban. I have never given or received a back rub from a non boyfriend or masseuse, however I do have a male buddy at work that on rare occasion has given me a very short neck massage. That’s only when my neck is really killing me. I feel a little weird but I’m desperate.
(laughs) Your grandmother story will never get old!
Yes you are correct in assuming the ban does not include children. Hmm, I don’t think I could handle a neck massage at work. I hear your desperation but that’s when I try to pound the knots out of my own shoulders. It doesn’t work, but I’ve got the personal space issues. When my doctor checks my lymph nodes along my jaw and under my neck I always stiffen right up like George Costanza did during his massage. (Remember that episode? “It moved, Jerry.” That was a classic!)
Howdy CG!
If I am hugged, I will hug back but I never initiate a hug with my friends unless someone has died or something equally catastrophic has happened. I have 2 very close friends (since 7th grade and I am 48) – one used to punch everyone but thank God she grew out of that and the other one was a touchy, feely maniac and still is. She holds our arm when walking side by side and kisses us on the cheek and tells us she love us when telling us bye. If it was anyone else, it would drive me crazy as I like my own “space” but we all know that is just how Cindy is so we just deal with it and roll our eyes :)
To think that one of my friends would “rub my back” would totally creep me out but I always did hug my children full out and will continue to as long as I live. I will not, however, let them drink out of my glass because ever since one of them was about 4 and took a big drink out of my glass and I happened to notice the oily food floaties they left behind, I have developed a “no touching my drink” policy or just keep it cause I won’t drink out of it again!
I know you’re being sincere and serious Susan, but I had to chuckle when I read “…unless someone has died or something equally catastrophic has happened.” And then I was ashamed to admit I don’t think I’ve initiated a hug even in those instances.
And then I read about the oily floaties and I had to fight the dry heaves. Auuuggggggggghhhhhhhhh! My kids also know not to touch my drink. I will pour some of it into a Dixie cup for them, but their lips and saliva must never touch my drink.
I left you an award over on my blog! :)
Thanks chica! You’re too kind.
This describes man hugs better than I can:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pound_hug
It is possible for girls to give man hugs, it just doesn’t happen often because most girls don’t want to appear manly. :)
I am a dude…and thanks for saying I sound older than I am…I’m 18 on Thursday. :D
And don’t worry about the questions, questions are good.
Hey Gladhaven! Based on the wiki explanation I execute the man hug, the handshake half hug. How interesting.
I still can’t get over the fact that you are a teenager. You’re a very talented writer Glade (can I call you Glade?)
Ok, in celebration of my second gold star, I finally took yours and Natural’s advice and started a blog. Check it out if you want.
(Jumps in the air for joy) YES! Way to go Buf! I’m on my way right now.
No and no!
(laughs) You’ve learned well grasshopper.
IT’S NOT JUST ME. Growing up I often felt like I was the odd one because I just didn’t want to be all touch-feely. My family just wasn’t that way.
Now with my kids & hubby, that’s a different story.
And I make my mother-in-law HUG me because I know she is more uncomfortable, even, than me about hugging (she even does the pat-pat-pat thing with her grandkids!) and it’s fun for some reason (latent passive aggression haha).
MOST people are pretty intuitive about this, because I’ve never had even touch-feely friends try to be this way with me.
Look at you turnin’ the tables, Wendy. Funny, my grandparents employed the half hug handshake with me and my siblings also. That’s weird.
After the TV show Friends came out, this question always made me think of that show. Did you ever notice how touchy they all were?
Anyway, after reading the other comments, I am going to tentatively say that I am the touchiest of all of you. However, I do have good instincts and can read people and their body language well, and, as far as I have ever been aware of, I have never done anything to make someone uncomfortable. And if I feel they aren’t the type, I won’t touch them at all. That’s just respectful.
But yeah. We’re touchy as hell. If it’s family or in-laws, we hug when we come in town and when we leave to go to the airport. I can’t imagine not doing that.
But the question of friends. My girlfriends and I all hug when we come or go. I also hug many of my male friends and Steve hugs quite a few of them as well, along with their girlfriends or my girlfriends.
I also touch people a bit when we’re hanging out, like if I am passing behind them in the kitchen, sometimes I will squeeze their upper arm or touch them between their shoulder blades with a flat palm. I do this with both our female and male friends and they often do the same to me or to each other. Just a little physical hello with affection. A few of us have been known to roughhouse as well, but only in certain stupid drunken situations haha.
I’ve also rubbed friends’ backs. I am very into shoulder rubs/pressure points because of learning about all of it when my dad got certified as a massage therapist when I was 16. But everyone I’ve done that to knows that about me and has wanted me to do it. It’s not like I just do it to every single one of them as I feel like it.
I guess we’re lucky that as touchy as we are, all our friends are the same. But I would never, ever sit in the lap of another guy. Holy moly. That’s boundaries right there. Nor do I kiss anyone, on the cheek or air kiss or otherwise. That’s odd to me. I guess it’s all about knowing where the lines are drawn for you and others.
Oh! There is one exception – my best friend from childhood? Friend of 26 years? I think I’ve hugged her 4 times ever because she isn’t like that. So trust that I do know better when I should!
Melissa, Melissa. You *are *the touchy-feeliest of everyone in this here Lounge. Damnation sister. But, I applaud your ability to recognize the situation (like with your friend of 26 years) and adjust the hugs accordingly.
Sometimes I find myself being physical and it takes me by surprise. That is odd!
Maybe you’re sleepwalking :)
CG, you would love my Mother-in-law. There’s more personal space in that house than I have ever seen. They act like they aren’t related in my eyes. I’m pretty sure my MIL thinks I’m the most immodest person ever.
It may be because I grew up just girls (Mom, me and sister.) but we’re always mainly naked in front of each other when getting dressed to go out somewhere to this day. Make up, hair, then clothes after much discussion. I had to remember to close the bathroom door when we moved in with my stepdad. It’s a rare moment that I even have on pants and a shirt right now. Do you have a hard time functioning in locker rooms?
Your kids can’t drink after you? I would never have thought of that. I had to have a drink of whatever my mom was drinking, I think that’s why I like beer so much. Communion doesn’t gross you out? I always appreciated the wiping, leftover older woman lipstick is weird.
Oh, and the man hug requires grab/shake hands, embrace with the other and then two back slaps and release. One smooth motion. As touchy feely as we all seem to be down here, men don’t hug much.
It seems everyone has a stance on this.
Now that sounds like my kinda MIL (smiles). Wow, I have four sisters and we never dressed in front of each other. Also, with eight people in the house the only place I could get space alone was in the bathroom behind a locked door. Again with the personal space. I suppose this is a bigger issue for me than I initially realized.
Yes ma’am I have a really hard time in locker rooms. Ugh. At the Y it’s roughly 30/70 naked vs. clothed and the chicks in the sauna. Oy vey. Don’t get me started.
Yes, the wine at Communion freaks me out and I do not partake. Just the Body of Christ please.
Ahh, I could write a book about this too, but, since this is my first visit to your blog, I don’t want to get too personal and freak you out!
Well, well talk about leaving a cliff hanger comment DC. I’m going to have to truffle through your site now…
I don’t touch others very often. I almost have a phobia about men touching me, dating back to certain uncomfortable situations when I was small.
I don’t mind being touched by the ladies, however :)
Back rubs from friends. Hmmm. Brokeback rubs is all I can think of now, pretty leery of that one. And my wife might have something to say about any of my female friends trading rubs with me.
Some women like to grab on to men in sort of a predator move, to put them off guard or get certain results. I have seen several ladies I know use this little move to get preferential treatment at work, or skip lineups, or get a better deal on something. I consider this manipulation. The one girl grabbed onto my elbow once at work expecting me to bow and scrape like all the other guys were doing. When I just looked at her hand and didn’t kneel in the dirt for her, she turned pretty cold and was never my friend after that. I’m all for equality, personally.
Kissing your friends. Really? I only kiss my wife. I’m a little concerned with germs and such.
(laughs at the idea of a Brokeback rub.)
Definitely those chicks moves smack of manipulation but I might have to try that next time I find myself in a long line :)
Yeah, I don’t like the idea of kissing anyone besides my husband and kids. And even my kids don’t get a kiss on the lips. Cheeks only please.
I am NOT a huggie, touchy, feely (hereafter referred to as HTF) type person. I have been known to freak at the very HTF church I used to belong to in Chicago. I highly offended a church member who unexpectedly came at me. I must have given her the dirtiest look because she stopped just before landing and remarked about it. I’m sure I ruined her day. She seemed the type that looked forward to her Sunday hug, if you know what a mean. The odd thing was, the next week a man couple came at me to hug and I was fine with it. I guess maybe because I had seen this effervescent couple around and I expected hugs from them. Weird I know.
I worked at an antique shop years ago where a British chap used to come at me from behind and give me a back rub. He scared the bjeses out of me and would always comment how tense I was. Well, I can’t imagine why that would happen considering I’m not a HTF and he did sneak up behind me.
All of my partner’s family are major HTF’s. I’ve come to expect it and I just have to deal with it. At first I’ll admit I did the cringe, but I have come to realize that I can’t fight it. Some of them are klingon huggers. They grab hold and just seem to not let go.
I give my partner and my kids hugs all the time and I enjoy it and seek it out. I guess I’m weird. lol!
I love that designation — non HTF person. I stand solidly with you Lola and with the couple other non-HTFs who weighed in. I would completely freak out if that Brit came at me with unexpected/unauthorized back rubs. Also loved the “klingon huggers.” Thankfully I have never run into one of those. (Crosses fingers and throws salt over her shoulder.)
p.s. Welcome to the Cardiogirl Empire, thanks for stopping by!
Thanks :D You can call me Glade if you want. :)
You’re welcome, Glade!
[...] 1. Homey ain’t a huggin’ kinda gal — nothing personal it’s just how I roll, and 2. I remembered Lin’s comment in which she vowed to plant a juicy kiss on my lips the first time we met. [...]