The book of questions, Volume 30
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Friday is The Book of Questions Day around these parts.
Today’s question comes from the aptly titled book “The Book of Questions” by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.
And here it is, Question 77.
Do you feel ill at ease going alone to either dinner or a movie? What about going on a vacation by yourself?
Hmm. Dinner is somewhat dicey for me. I’m assuming this is not Tim Horton’s or Burger King we’re talking about. That’s interesting I’m analyzing why I could handle a fast food restaurant and not a sit down restaurant. It’s because I could sit in a booth or at a table near a window and watch the goings on outside. I would have a distraction — something to do, if you will — that would make me feel comfortable.
I’m also working on the assumption that you cannot bring a newspaper, book, laptop or Blackberry with you to dinner. So don’t tell me you would answer emails on your Blackberry, alright? Not allowed in this question.
You’d have to go to a sit down restaurant that offered no window view. Your host has just shown you to your table which is located in the center of the Olive Garden and you are looking at the menu.
No. I could not do it.
I could not sit in the center of the restaurant, surrounded by tables full of people, with nothing do to but wait for my food. And then eat it. I would feel really weird sitting there contemplating my navel. It would feel rude to stare and watch other people because I was in the center of the restaurant.
Now if I had a seat on the side, next to the wall, I could do it because I could people watch discreetly. It wouldn’t be so obvious that I was staring and watching other people. But again, I think this question is attempting to make us squirm so here’s the deal: if you’re going to dinner alone, you’re sitting in the center of the restaurant with tables bustling around you and you have no tangible item to focus on.
What about you — are you doing it?
Next up, the movie. I could easily do a movie alone. No question, no contemplation. There’s an activity to focus on — your snack, if you chose one, the coming attractions and the movie. The place is dark so you’re not center stage and everyone is looking in the same direction — potentially at the back of your head.
No problem. I’ll see “Frost/Nixon” by myself. And I’ll skip the popcorn and the Diet Coke.
Now onto the vacation. No. Couldn’t do it. Not even if I was listening to my mp3 player and reading trash novels at the beach all day. Again, to clarify I’m not talking about going to a hotel and hanging out. You’re packing clothes, jumping on a plane to somewhere, checking into the hotel for a week and then packing it all up again to fly home.
Can you do it?
Just to recap:
No, I’m not eating alone in a restaurant.
Yes, I’ll see a movie by myself.
And absolutely not. I am not flying alone to any place on the globe. Not even if it’s all-expenses paid.
How about you?
I’m not comfortable eating around other people anyway, so even a fast food restaurant would bother me. Being alone and eating wouldn’t bother me. Having to eat *with other people* really would bother me.
I could go and see a movie by myself, no problem. As long as I’d been to the cinema in question before, and knew where to go, I’d be fine.
Flying would bother me. Airports are massive, and I have this fear of not knowing where to go and what to do. Being on the plane itself wouldn’t faze me; it would be the checking in and out part.
How interesting that you would prefer to eat without company. I feel that way around folks who eat with their mouths open. Believe it or not I know some adults who do that — not just my kids. Not cool.
I do hate navigating the airport alone. I’ve had to do it a few times and it created a lot stress for me.
I have done the restaurant, and the movie, and while it didn’t include a plane, I’ve gone and stayed by myself for a while. I loved it, LOL.
That’s a good bingo, Anne (stayed by yourself minus a plane). Wow, you’re quite the independent and confident chica, good for you!
I could do any one of those things by myself, with little problem. I still have this loner streak from my late teens early twenties that will probably always be with me.
I agree the movie would be the easiest. It is a pretty solitary experience.
The vacation alone would probably be the least fun, though.
Paul
I’m so surprised the vacation alone would be fun. I have a very difficult time approaching people and so it would totally be a solitary experience for me and I don’t know that I could last that long. I wonder what that says about my own company.
I’ve done all three. Being almost 40 and single for the majority of time, it’s either do stuff by yourself or do nothing. While I do alot of nothing even a couch potato like me has her limits. I can even go to a bar by myself. Granted, I won’t necessarily go to a dive bar that I’ve never been to before. However, if I’ve been there and I liked it, I will go by myself.
My biggest problem tends to be that I don’t think I’m very approachable and I’m not good at striking up conversations with people I don’t know well. As a result, a lot of my solo trips tend to be rather quiet. But luckily I have a quiet side so I’m usually ok.
I joined the Peace Corps several years ago. I was stationed in Nepal. Unfortunately I ended up leaving about 3-4 weeks into my training period. While going through the discharge process, I had to stay in Katmandu for 2 days or so basically on my own. I would go to the compound for a couple hours but I had a hotel room several blocks away and toured the city on my own. As a result I gained a lot of confidence about doing stuff on my own. I figure that if I can get around and enjoy myself someplace where I don’t speak the language and some of the body language is even different then I can easily handle anywhere in the US.
I’m with you, my solo trips would be very solitary for the same reason. Damn, sister. You can comfortably go to a bar alone? Wow.
And Katmandu?! With a language barrier. Buf you are my hero and you have earned the Gold Star of the Day here in the Lounge.
could i do the olive garden thing? center of the room? by myself? no, but if i were offered money i would do it, not just a free meal. i’m talkin’ cash money. i can do it at a fast food joint and maybe even a diner.
movie? yes, no problem. i can go alone. i think i have at least twice. i date myself sometimes and i love my company.
vacation? i toured europe for two weeks by myself: london, germany, holland, austria, switzerland, italy, amsterdam and france. i was totally on my own in london for 2.5 days, then i met up with a roommate, a female stranger, in germany who was on the same tour. no biggie. i wanted to go, nobody had any money, why should i stay home. even today, if someone paid for me to go somewhere, alone, i’d do it. i kinda like being alone sometimes, shhhhh.
Sidebar: I wish my boss would leave me alone, your blog comes before his work. Hello? Have a good one, cg.
I like the way you think. For sure, if I was going to receive some serious change for eating in the center of the room I could and would do it.
I’m so impressed with your European travels, Natural. Boy you think you know someone and then she comes in and sweeps you off your feet (in a not weird, not awkward, not physical kind of way, if you know what I mean and maybe I should just stop right now since this hole is getting deeper and deeper with each letter I type.)
Uh, your boss needs to get with the program :)
I too, have done all three. But most of my solo trips ended with me flying to meet someone, but I did the entire trip myself. Does that count?
Yes ma’am that counts. Fo shizzle as the kids used to say. That’s old right? I don’t know what hip lingo is anymore.
I have gone out to dinner by myself. I wasn’t fond of it, but it was more because I got crappy service since the waiter assumed he’d get a tiny tip from my small check. I’d rather not do it, however. You know, I think people are more focused on their dinner companions, so if it’s just me in the middle of a restaurant, I can’t see that I would draw too much attention — unless I were totally nude or something outrageous like that.
If I were the type to go to a movie, I would go by myself — but I just don’t go. I’d rather stay home in my comfy chair. Kurt goes by himself all the time because the movies he wants to see, I have no interest in.
And I would LOVE a vacation by myself. Sure, I would miss my family, but I do crave alone time. I think it’d be fun!
You know when you put it that way — that most people are focused on their companion — it made me realize that I usually worry about such minuscule things that rarely happen. I don’t notice that stuff about other people when I’m out so why would someone else notice it about me. Just my anxiety slipping out.
Yeah, I’d do all three of those things…
Les, Les. A few more words, shet bag. I haven’t seen you forever. And of course email is no good for me to contact you because that would require effort on my part. I’ll have to check in on you and see what’s happenin’. Are you still making the Great Trek of 2009 in March? I’m ready and waiting.
When I had 3 kids under 5, I dreamed of having ANY time to myself (restroom breaks anyone?). A movie, dinner or holiday would have been absolute bliss.
They are a little older now, but I could still imagine doing all 3 things solo, as long as it was a holiday of short duration. A solo weekend away or a spa pampering for a day or two sounds rather nice….now if I could only convince my husband and kids…
Now a spa treatment for a couple of days I could do. I hadn’t thought of that. And I bet you could go to the bathroom alone at the spa, eh?
I’ve never gone to a movie alone, but I’m not a huge movie person.
If I’m hungry and want a non fast food meal, I eat at the bar. You get better service, and maybe someone to talk to. A woman alone tends to attract a conversation from somewhere. When I was a hostess at Carrabba’s, singles came in and we were trained to ask them if they had a table preference. Most of them just wanted a small booth and read newspapers.
I’ve flown alone tons of times, but it was always to meet someone. But flying, getting cabs and checking into a hotel alone never bothered me. A whole vacation? I’m not sure, guess it depends it would depend on the location. I know when I lived in a dorm, a few days all alone would have been a joyous occasion.
Ahh. I hadn’t thought about a meal at a bar. Oy, yes I recall those dorm days and amen sister! That was a rarity and it was really nice when it happened.
I love dining out alone, but I always have something to read. I don’t feel like you were fair on yourself vetoing a book – that wasn’t in the question!
I would see a movie alone. I haven’t actually done it because I’m not a huge cinema fan, but I would be perfectly comfortable.
I would definitely take a short holiday alone. I love my own company :)
If I have reading material I’m good to go. I like how you refer to it as a cinema, I have to pick that up. Although like you said I haven’t been to a movie in forever. I actually had to Google current movies to find one to add to this post (cringes). Although the photo of the guy who plays the priest in “Doubt” was a looker.
And that was weird and uncomfortable so I will not be seeing that movie. As if there was ever a chance.
*insert Cate’s answer here*
Any time, any place. I love being by myself.
Way to go Melissa. It looks like my readers are pretty darn confident. Maybe some of that will rub off on me.
I have gone to dinner by myself, but I always had a newspaper, or a magazine to read. And I usually sat at the bar to eat, because I didn’t want to hog a whole table just for me.
Movie, no problem. I kind of think going to see a movie alone makes more sense, since you can’t really talk to the other person during the film anyway. Although I felt a bit out of place going to see Harry Potter by myself – I was the only person over the age of 13 in the room.
Holiday? I. Wish. I’m with the person who said the thing about 3 children under 5. I’ve got a 2 year old and a 9 month old, and though I love them to bits, a week away to do whatever I wanted sounds blissful. Sleeping in, exercise, no laundry, no cooking, watch hotel TV, exercise, have a few drinks, swim in the pool – bliss. But coming home would be a bit of a reality check, so maybe it wouldn’t be such a good idea.
I’m totally with you on the movie. I always thought that was a silly first date, for the same reason — no chance to talk or get to know the other person.
Wouldn’t it be nice if maternity leave provided one spa weekend like that all-expenses paid with a babysitter for the kids so hubby was not left in a lurch? I think companies world wide should institute that immediately. Although I would not want to swim or be seen in a bathing suit in the first six months after giving birth.
Alone, alone, alone! I love it. I do all three happily.
I am very selfish about craving Me Time and if I ever get a chance to do those things, I jump at it!
Again, a lot of confident people here in the Lounge. I do crave time alone as well, but I don’t know that I could spend a week alone on vacation.
Although after a week of kids home from school for Easter vacation I could probably use a week-long vacation by myself.
In my twenties, I often used to go on vacations all alone. I have some wonderful memories of traveling in Rajastan and the hills for days all alone. But now twenty years later, I would rather take the kids or a friend along. Maybe it has something to do with growing older.
Going out for dinner alone is stressful, I agree. Even though I do so many times, I would rather have company to talk to.
Movies are the easiest activity besides window shopping which I can do on my own.
Impressive sanjay. For sure I could not handle traveling alone in my 20s, maybe now in my 40s but that’s doubtful. I forgot a bout window shopping! I love doing that, but I usually have kids with me and they have a hard time understanding the concept, you know?
Movies and vacation I’ve done and do by myself semi-regularly. No problem! The dining out alone I usually wouldn’t do. If I’m going out to eat it’s usually involving some social interaction that involves talking with friends. The eating is only a part of a dining experience unless you’re a food critic. If I’m not with my friends I pick from the carry out menu and gorge myself in front of the TV.
That’s interesting Joe. I never thought about the dining experience; I’m usually there to gorge myself in public :)
WOW CG! I’m so honored to get the gold star of the day!! *blushing*
You earned it baby!
My thoughts are identical to yours regarding the dinner alone. I can do fast food or a casual little place where I can sit outside or by a window, but NOT the Olive Garden scenario.
Movies I can do and have done alone, but not a Saturday night.
I would love to take a vacation alone. Seriously, I’m DYING to do that. Even tho I love traveling with my husband, I yearn for a week on my own, to do whatever I want and just be.
I guess if you travel enough the to and fro part might lose the intimidation factor. At least for me it might.
I don’t think I’d enjoy eating at a restaurant alone or going on a vacation by myself.
A movie I could do, but I’d slip in right before it started and dart out as soon as it was over.
Definitely I think the movie is the easiest one, but honestly I don’t really enjoy any of those things on my own.
I can do the movie no problem. I’m with you on the eating thing. I really need something to read if I’m going to do that alone. The vacation? Maybe just an overnight thing, but definitely not a week long excursion. I like company, I guess:)
It’s funny how rule-driven I am. I hadn’t considered a short jaunt alone. Now an overnight/weekend gig instead of a week long thing — mark me down. Maybe.
Nope. Never have. I always have a book with me. I even used to go to the movies by myself before Evan. Now I don’t go at all because he won’t shut up, LOL.
I’m the same way, if I am eating alone in public I have a notepad and pen or a book to read.