The book of questions, Volume 2224 VIPs have spoken »
Friday is The Book of Questions Day around these parts.
Today’s question comes from the aptly titled book “The Book of Questions” by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.
And here it is, Question 188.
Do you establish routines in your life? For example, do you usually sleep in the same place in your bed? eat meals at the same time? regularly return to the same vacation spot?
Um, book of questions haven’t you been paying attention to me? Yes. Yes to all of it. I am a creature of habit. As Austin Powers would say, “Yeah, baby!”
Yes, I live by routines. I thrive on routines. I need routines, I really do.
I have actually had the thought — thanks to the crime shows I watch and the murder mysteries I incessantly read — that I would be a good target, based on my penchant for routine.
Again, I read a lot books, always mysteries or thrillers in which someone is stalked and someone always, always dies. So I have a lot of unrealistic scenarios banging around inside my head. When I take the trash out — feckin’ A, it’s Trash Day — be right back.
(If you’re so inclined, feel free to hum “Southern Nights” by Glenn Campbell while I’m gone. Thanks Heather for reminding me about that song and prompting me to pay 89 cents for the mp3 download. It’s on repeat right now.)
Back now with wet hair. It’s snowing like a mofo and we’re under a Winter Storm Warning until 4 pm this afternoon. Snow’s suppose to fall at a rate of one to two inches per hour with a possible overall accumulation of six to ten inches. There’s probably three inches out there already and naturally school is canceled. Yee-haw.
Winter you are effing with my routine today.
So back to the original thought. When I take the trash out on Friday, drop the kids off to school, workout at the YMCA — these things all happen at the same day each time. Close to clockwork. And I’ve had two alternating thoughts about that.
The first is that I am so predictable that the faceless person out there, who for some unknown reason has a grudge against me and wants to see my head on a platter, would be able to take me down at any given time. You know, during my routines.
The second thought that bounces around inside my head is the possible Private Detective’s report to Mr. C. This is if we had enough disposable income for Mr. C to hire a private eye to track my movements. I think this is close to what the report might look like.
7:45 am Subject loads kids in car, drives them to school.
8:05 am Subject drives home and appears to scream privately inside car at oldest daughter — who was lippy all the way to school and continued to bitch and moan the entire time about getting her socks wet since she chose not to wear boots and then insisted it was Subject’s fault that her socks were wet — now that the car is devoid of children.
10:00 am Subject goes to Public Library returns three books, emerges with four new books.
10:25 am Goes to YMCA.
2:45 pm Subject loads youngest child in van. Sits inside car. Opens door, removes child and enters house. Subject leaves the front door open while the storm door is closed and changes dirty diaper on the floor in front of the door. Slams front door shut, carries youngest child as she runs through snow to put child in car.
(Black and white, 8×10 glossy photo of my teeth clenched and brows furrowed as I say, “GRRRR” appears in file.)
3:00 pm Subject drives over speed limit to pick up older children. She screeches to a stop in front of the school to an empty parking lot. As she throws the car in park, the children emerge from the building accompanied by a teacher. Subject apologizes profusely and drives off.
3:15 pm Subject arrives home and herds children, who run away in three different directions, into the house.
Subject is not seen again until the next day at 7:45 am.
So I guess if you want to gun me down just wait for school to start. Or walk into the front door when I’m frantically changing Emily’s diaper and late to picking the kids up from school.
Except for today since school is canceled.
I suppose you’ll just have to wait to kill me until early January when school resumes after Christmas break. Better luck next time.
Right. I guess I got so wrapped into my own routine and the thought of 17 days of three children non-stop, 24/7 that I forgot to ask about your routine.
Do you have one? Do you like them or are you spontaneous free-spirit? Do tell.