Posts Tagged ‘Things that make me saddle up the high horse’

A public service announcement from Cardiogirl

Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

Once again I feel the need to share some information to make all of our lives a little bit easier at the gym. I understand that working out among others creates competition whether you’re into that or not. So it’s natural to want to check out the people around you while you’re sweating away.

So far we’re cool.

I also believe it’s normal to be curious about another person’s machine settings when that person is either on the machine for a very long time or is running/striding at a very fast pace. That behavior catches my interest, too, so we’re still copacetic in our joint curiosity. I also want stats on the guy who is sprinting on the treadmill. Who can run that fast for that long?

Here’s where the PSA comes in: if you’re hellbent on getting that information, you need to be subtle about it. If you were at the race track making a sports bet you wouldn’t look over another person’s shoulder so you could copy. Would you? No, you would not.

Do not stare at the person in question. Casually glance in that direction and keep your eyes moving right along.

Do not get on the machine right next to that person when the rest of the machines in that row are open. Have the decency to keep at least one empty machine between the two of you.

Do not get on the machine next to that person and study their readout like you’re perusing basketball stats before placing a bet.

Yeah. I’m talking to you Nosy McPherson.

I did not appreciate you hopping onto the elliptical right next to me yesterday just so you could rest your chin on my left shoulder while you raped my stats.

Don’t do that again.

Five water cooler conversations to avoid, a Cardiogirl PSA

Wednesday, December 29th, 2010

I’m definitely late on posting this Holiday Public Service Announcement but unless you’re on vacation this week, you still might be able to use these tips.

If not, better luck next year, jack.

With New Year’s fast approaching you’re probably spending more time in the break room at work rather than toiling away at your desk. That’s understandable; the lure of coffee and decorated sugar cookies has taken down many an office worker.

However, as you nibble on baklava there are a few topics of discussion that you should avoid while chit chatting with your coworkers.

1. An explanation of how Miley Cyrus could have used her bong more effectively

While it’s true that a lot of people use “legal substances” to unwind after a stressful day, it’s best to remain non-committal on this issue. You may be a world-class huffer who knows a few tricks about utilizing every puff of smoke. But maintain an aura of mystique about your private life, it’ll keep your co-workers guessing.

2. How to get around the company’s internet firewall so you can submit your cat photos to I Can Has Cheezburger

Those LOLCats are funny; no question about it.

And you’re probably correct in believing that your cat, Mr. Sven-Albert Hochstetter the Third, would dominate in the Meowy Christmas Kittehs of teh Day category.

But it’s a guarantee that the corporate offices frown upon unauthorized use of the internet.

True, other hackers may have gone before you and emerged victorious, but it’s a huge risk and if you lose your job, Sven-Albert will go hungry since you won’t be able to afford cat food. Resist the urge to upload those photos to your work account.

3. For men: The risque photos Barb from Accounting sent to your cell phone

If Barb from Accounting is sending those kind of photos to your cell phone, chances are good that every other guy in the building has already seen them. Discretion is the better part of valor.

One note of caution: If another guy at work asks if you want to see the most recent pictures she sent out, always say, “No.”

It could be an office sting set up by HR.

4. For women: The reasons why you’re sure your husband is having an affair

Discovering the tell tale signs of an affair blows monkey chunks. Fo shizzle.

But it’s Christmas time; stuffing your mouth with Russian tea cakes while talking about how your husband is canoodling with your best friend is not appropriate office conversation. Your coworker is not interested in knowing that your best friend is also your next door neighbor.

Invest in some waterproof mascara, put on a happy face at work and then hightail it to the bar at quitting time. That’s what the bartender is there for.

5. Asking if your co-worker has accepted Jesus as his or her personal savior.

While it’s certainly true that Jesus is the reason for the season there’s really not enough time to break down a person’s spirituality while waiting for a fresh pot of coffee to brew.

A better topic of discussion is either who would win in a fight between a bear and a shark or the status of the current health care reform proposal.

If you follow these few guidelines you should make it through this Holiday season relatively unscathed. Happy Holidays and think about laying off the cookies at work.

The book of questions, Volume 112

Friday, October 22nd, 2010

Organized Converse

Friday is The Book of Questions Day around these parts. Today’s query comes from the aptly titled book “The Book of Questions” by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.

And here it is, Question 165.

Do you consider yourself well organized? How often do you have to look for your keys?

Yes and very rarely.

I am very organized. I cannot handle chaos and I do have a place for everything in this house. I would say I am a functional, organized chick with a small streak of procrastination.

When we stock up on supplies from Costco I know exactly how and where I will store everything. We have two walls of shelves from floor to ceiling in our basement and each row of shelves holds a number of 70-qt. Sterilite storage boxes.

So I can put all of the boxes of Ziplock bags in one clear container, all of the rolls of extra toilet paper in another container and so on. When I run out of something I can go in the basement and immediately find what I’m looking for. The same concept goes for Band-aids, cough syrup, ibuprofen etc. in the kitchen cupboard.

Obviously the containers in the cupboards are larger than a thimble but smaller than a breadbox.*

Now onto the keys. We have a small row of hooks on the wall in the kitchen and that is where we hang our keys. Twice I have been distracted enough to leave the keys hanging in the lock outside the door. And I have gone to bed and woken up in the morning frantically searching for my keys until I discovered them hanging in the lock.

That’s when I spend a solid five minutes imagining how our family was brutally tortured and killed, on by one, because I invited that psychopath into our house by leaving the keys in the door.

But as I said, we’ve only cheated death twice and I don’t plan on doing that again.

    *Does anybody actually own a breadbox? I’ve never had one; we always keep the bread in the fridge.
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