I’m definitely late on posting this Holiday Public Service Announcement but unless you’re on vacation this week, you still might be able to use these tips.
If not, better luck next year, jack.
With New Year’s fast approaching you’re probably spending more time in the break room at work rather than toiling away at your desk. That’s understandable; the lure of coffee and decorated sugar cookies has taken down many an office worker.
However, as you nibble on baklava there are a few topics of discussion that you should avoid while chit chatting with your coworkers.
1. An explanation of how Miley Cyrus could have used her bong more effectively
While it’s true that a lot of people use “legal substances” to unwind after a stressful day, it’s best to remain non-committal on this issue. You may be a world-class huffer who knows a few tricks about utilizing every puff of smoke. But maintain an aura of mystique about your private life, it’ll keep your co-workers guessing.
2. How to get around the company’s internet firewall so you can submit your cat photos to I Can Has Cheezburger
Those LOLCats are funny; no question about it.
And you’re probably correct in believing that your cat, Mr. Sven-Albert Hochstetter the Third, would dominate in the Meowy Christmas Kittehs of teh Day category.
But it’s a guarantee that the corporate offices frown upon unauthorized use of the internet.
True, other hackers may have gone before you and emerged victorious, but it’s a huge risk and if you lose your job, Sven-Albert will go hungry since you won’t be able to afford cat food. Resist the urge to upload those photos to your work account.
3. For men: The risque photos Barb from Accounting sent to your cell phone
If Barb from Accounting is sending those kind of photos to your cell phone, chances are good that every other guy in the building has already seen them. Discretion is the better part of valor.
One note of caution: If another guy at work asks if you want to see the most recent pictures she sent out, always say, “No.”
It could be an office sting set up by HR.
4. For women: The reasons why you’re sure your husband is having an affair
Discovering the tell tale signs of an affair blows monkey chunks. Fo shizzle.
But it’s Christmas time; stuffing your mouth with Russian tea cakes while talking about how your husband is canoodling with your best friend is not appropriate office conversation. Your coworker is not interested in knowing that your best friend is also your next door neighbor.
Invest in some waterproof mascara, put on a happy face at work and then hightail it to the bar at quitting time. That’s what the bartender is there for.
5. Asking if your co-worker has accepted Jesus as his or her personal savior.
While it’s certainly true that Jesus is the reason for the season there’s really not enough time to break down a person’s spirituality while waiting for a fresh pot of coffee to brew.
A better topic of discussion is either who would win in a fight between a bear and a shark or the status of the current health care reform proposal.
If you follow these few guidelines you should make it through this Holiday season relatively unscathed. Happy Holidays and think about laying off the cookies at work.