Plunging forward toward aquatic bliss
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Mr. C and I have been playing chicken with the toilet upstairs for quite some time now. If I had to guess, I would say it’s been a solid nine months or so because I recall standing poised in front of the toilet — plunger in hand — on Christmas morning. I’m pretty sure the culprit is a toothbrush this time.
Oh yeah. We’ve played this game before. Last time it was the letter E.
We have two bathrooms and three children who are 8, 5 and 3. It was inevitable one of the toilets would get clogged and replaced and yet that possibility didn’t even register on the radar the first time it happened.
That time Katie (the oldest) was the perpetrator. And Mr. C was standing right there; he witnessed her throw, with fascination, the foam letter E into the swirling water just at the last moment.
E was airborne and then E was gone.
We lived with that for a while with the naive hope that E was pliable. We thought E would eventually slide right through and head into the sewer pipes never to be heard from again. But E had bad energy and E messed up everything in its wake.
Every day E caused me much enthusiastic anger. And E’s friends were unceremoniously thrown away as soon as E defected from the tribe.
So eventually we bought and installed a new toilet. We all breathed a collective sigh of relief. Katie, the ardent rule-following first-born, learned never to dangle anything other than toilet paper over the toilet. Things were copacetic for a long time.
They went so smoothly that we started to get lax in the rules. And then Allison came along. Still, the new toilet performed up to par even though it was the low flow variety. When Emily was born we thought we had this bathroom routine down cold.
And it went well until last December. Emily was two and a half back then. Right around the age Katie was when E created the excitement.
I do
not
have a
smoking gun in
this case.
I’ve gone forensic
on it with unsatisfactory results. As I mentioned earlier Katie and Allison are old enough to do the bathroom routine by themselves. Thankfully they don’t really announce that they have to use the facilities anymore. They just trot up the steps and get it done.
Emily is not allowed in the bathroom by herself. But occasionally Katie or Allison leave the bathroom door open. So deductive reasoning tells me something sinister happened one of those few times Emily was at the sink. It’s when she is very quiet for too long that I go sprinting up the steps only to find her silently making bubbles in the sink.
Seems innocuous, my toddler washing her hands at the sink. But the toilet is directly across from the sink. And even though we have but one male unit in the household, it’s Katie and Allison who forget to shut the upper lid to the toilet. And that creates an enticing vortex, if you will.
This time we think it’s a toothbrush. I have a pretty good memory and I don’t recall a missing toothbrush, but my kids collect toothbrushes the way Imelda Marcos collected shoes. There are a lot of brushes for just three small mouths. It’s possible I did not notice the missing toothbrush.
It’s also possible a pen or a crayon is floating in the trap under the toilet.
Something has been residing in there for a good nine months. Something that, at times, is mightier than my plunger. But alas, Labor Day weekend arrived and saved the day. Mr. C was feeling adventurous and so the five of us headed up to Home Depot to peruse the plumbing aisle.
Enter the American Standard Cadet 3 Flushing System. It was this piece of advertising that sold us: “This fully glazed siphon outlet has no choke points, to help prevent clogging. In fact, it’s capable of flushing 150 feet of toilet paper. Not that you’ll ever use that much.”
I’m sorry, but that blurb is screaming, jumping up and down, begging for a sidenote, so let’s get to it.
Sidenote: For that claim to be true, someone at American Standard had to stand in front of the toilet and measure out, foot by foot, toilet paper. I’m sure there was a clip board involved and results were copiously noted. I do wonder if two-ply toilet paper was used or if it was that cheap one-ply — the kind found in restaurants and public bathrooms.
I’ll bet the tester was amazed when he or she hit 100 feet of toilet paper. I would imagine that’s a pretty big pile of paper in the bowl. At 125 feet I think I would stand back after flushing. At 150 sheets I would be noting the results with an exclamation mark.
And at 151 sheets, when the toilet must have refused the load, I think I would be pissed off and wondering if my salary justified the job.
Regardless, today we rejoice as we set the plunger down and flush with abandon.
I’m in the middle of a new rant since the move…. Ky insists on setting the roll of toilet paper on the sink (no rolly thing to hang it from), where it sucks up moisture and swells to the Gargantuan Monster T.P. Roll by the time I need it.
But so far everything still flushes…
I know exactly what you mean and that would suck it big time. Grr. I’d have to find some contraption, some way to hang that roll to keep it from the sink. You need to MacGyver that roll.
Congrats on the new toilet. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
My two year old has little interest in the potty right now. IN fact, I think it looks like a big white monster to her, the way she tries to avoid using it.
Have you all had a plumber to your house to “snake” out the plumbing? That would get rid of the dreaded letter E I’m sure (you’ve probably already tried that).
Oh yeah, we had the plumber snake the first toilet. That’s detailed in the link to the other post. He was never able to get it free and I *almost* said, no, leave the old toilet. I’m sure it will free itself. But, I soldiered on, somewhat confident in my decision to have the guy install the new toilet. And that is when I had verification that the foam E was still stuck, despite the snaking efforts.
You know what’s good about a new toilet? It is so clean. Oh how I love clean. Especially in a bathroom. Have I previously mentioned that I am a bit OCD with the cleaning? :)
For Les-I have a friend who had a similar situation going on due to the fact that the rolly thing was located about one inch above the floor basically behind the toilet. This is Seminary housing people it doesn’t make sense so we Minister’s wives just fix it! So we went to Target and got her a handy “toilet paper holder” which is actually rather attractive. Try this link to get one and free yourself from the Gargantuan Monster T.P. Roll!!
http://www.target.com/gp/search/601-9868352-3508963?field-keywords=toilet+paper&url=index%3Dtarget&ref=sr_bx_1_1
Wow, Mrs. S, I’m impressed by your ingenuity. I might have to get this toilet paper holder as a housewarming gift for Les. Yes, the new toilet is sparkling clean and I vow to clean it twice a week to keep it pristine.
Oh CG, you never fail to make me laugh even when I’m still groggy from (lack of) sleep!!! I have to admit, we are lucky in this house when it comes to things going down toilets. The only things that have gone down are things that SHOULD be going down, so far as I know. Grace never was fascinated by the potty. She was pretty anti-potty until we enticed her with the promise of attending school, and by that time she was probably too old (almost 3 1/2) to think of chucking things down the john.
I have to admit to being a bit envious of your new toilet! It makes no sense for us to get a new toilet because we’re in military housing, but I do have toilet envy. Both our toilets are low-flow, but the one in the bedroom is so much better than the one in the hall. Of course, the one in the bedroom is twice as far away as the one in the hall, so I suck it up and just use the one in the hall. I am not fond of dragging my belly farther than I absolutely have to!
Yeah, those low flow toilets sort of suck, you know? I hope yours keep flushing at optimal levels and I’m so happy that I could make you chuckle :)
Hi C-Girl,
This definitely brings back memories. And I think it’s the thing of the future for our son and daughter in law with two kids ages 2 years and 5 months.
Not that the problem has totally gone from our house either – toilet paper overload (more than about five or six sheets) seems to bring it on like clock work with the low flow toilet we have. Of course it’s less of a problem with the two older ones which aren’t low flow. The price of modernization, I guess.
Oh the places your son and daughter in law will go, with two young kids entering into potty training. May the force be with them.
I have never thrown anything down the toilet. I did once drop my dummy (I think you guys call them pacifiers?) down there, and my grandmother fished it out to give it back to me. Mom went bananas.
This is the same grandmother who once wrestled our dog for a BBQ sausage that had been dropped on the floor, won, and then ate the sausage. She also ate cat biscuits. I once found a packet of biscuits that were over a year out of date at her house.
No accounting for taste, eh?
Solomon, your grandma sounds like a card! Man I would love to hear more about her!
I see cg bopping around the house, pony swaying to the mantra “school’s back in session!” sung to the tune of “School’s Out” by Alice Cooper. The police have been called because of the noise, but cg is in total heaven and ignores those that try to end her buzz.
Oh yeah, the cops have megaphones outside, they have billy clubs and riot gear. But they’re no match for me and my freedom, now that school is in session, baby!
What an excellent invention that spiffy potty is! That’d be a great baby gift, because within three years of bringing a new baby home, something unflushable is going to end up in there. Also, you can bet that gift would not be duplicated!
Damn straight, Suzi. That would be an awesome gift. Maybe second-time parents would appreciate that more than first-timers, though.
In fact, it’s capable of flushing 150 feet of toilet paper. Not that you’ll ever use that much.
Speak for yourself. :P
Hooray for a good toilet. These things matter, you know.
By the way, I LOVE your girls’ names. I’m rather a traditionalist when it comes to that sort of thing. :)
(laughs) Well!
Thank you melissa. We rather like them as well! Isn’t it hard picking your kid’s name? I don’t really care much for mine, and so I felt the pressure intensely when it came to naming our children. This name will go to their grave! What if they don’t like it?! What if they can’t stand their middle names (like I hate mine)?
So far, I think they’re cool with the names we picked. Although they’re not adults yet.
*Big smile; little giggle.*
Thank you, just what I needed today :)
Hiya Guilty! Glad I could provide one of the day’s needs.
E was airborne and then E was gone. LOL funny cardio girl.
not funny with the toilet issues of the past.
150 feet of tissue. who’s arse needs that much. glad you have a new throne.
It’s a throne alright, and it’s fabulous! I love it. I really cannot give it higher marks. As toilets go, this is the Cadillac of crappers.
Side note: I have to know, lately I’ve seen you and other people write your name like this: NaTuRaL with upper and lower case co-mingling. What’s the deal? Just adding some spice to the moniker?