Let’s make a deal, kid15 VIPs have spoken »
TO: The kid with peanut allergies in my sixth grader’s class
Hey pal, how are you? I’m sorry to hear about your peanut allergies. That must really suck because Reese’s Cups are the bomb — seriously.
Anyway, my kid told me that the school recently switched things up at lunch time. In the past they segregated the chicks from the boys at lunch during eating and recess. They said it had to do with posturing among the students or something; whatever it doesn’t matter.
What matters is that you all eat and have recess together now. Way to go on maturing as a class, I guess.
But this now means my kid can’t have a peanut butter sandwich at lunch. While annoying, I get it. But it’s Lent, dude. What am I supposed to send her on Fridays?
What do you eat on Fridays?
Regardless, I’m down with eliminating peanut products when my kid brings stuff in for the entire class but I’ve got a six-week proposal for you.
My kid says you two sit on the same side of the bench each day at lunch but there are two kids between you. I have faith in you and I believe you can keep your hands to yourself, gingah. Same goes for my kid.
This is an opportunity to show your parents how responsible you are.
You’re 11 going on 12; you can do this! Just keep your hands to yourself at lunch while sitting two kids down away from my kid and my kid will commit — for the next six weeks (until Easter when meat is welcome at lunch on Fridays) — to washing her hands before and after lunch.
This is still a win-win even if you do come in contact with the peanut butter. You’ve got some sort of syringe with the antidote, right? Your parents will be doubly impressed if you inject yourself and save the world in the process.
Deal? Have your people call my people and I’ll draw up a contract.
Thanks in advance, buddy.
Look at that! My lazy is alive after all. Thanks for your patience, VIPers.