Just so you know, it can be on at the drop of a hat, gingah32 VIPs have spoken »
TO: The Chick Who Broke the Rules
RE: Your major gym faux pas
Hey there fellow YMCA member. Good job showing up at the Y this morning to log some time on the elliptical machine. Half the battle is walking through the door.
So it’s awesome that you had a good workout today. However, I feel it necessary to point out a huge faux pas that you committed this morning.
As you know, there are two rows of elliptical machines — seven in each row — to choose from each day. And today you had your choice of 12 open machines.
I was on the far end in the back row and that old guy was in the front row toward the middle. When you are presented with a scenario like that, you need to leave at least one machine — preferably three machines — between you and the next person.
So I was really annoyed when you hopped on the machine right next to mine. That’s not cool. It’s just. Not. Done.
Rule Number One
Rule Number One of gym etiquette requires at least one machine between each person exercising when extra machines are open.
Next, you really need to work on your gaping technique. While you weren’t *quite* as bad as that woman who got on the elliptical next to mine just to molest my stats, you weren’t much better.
Rule Number Two
Don’t stare. That’s Rule Number Two. Didn’t your mother tell you it’s not polite to stare?
And now you have probably learned that when you blatantly stare at me and strain to see how many calories I’ve burned, the competition is on, gingah.
I will admit that I wondered if you were going to outlast my hour and if you had I would have been indignant in addition to being furious. If you lasted longer than me it would have been a hollow victory seeing as you did not step on the machine until I had already logged 24 minutes.
When I hit 51 minutes I really did start to wonder if you were going to best me. But you stepped off one minute later. And I did think, “I win!” as you leisurely cleaned your machine. Many before you have lingered while cleaning their machines to see if I will stop my workout two or three minutes after they’ve stopped.
It never happens.
I’m on for another ten minutes even if it means I have to workout into that five minute cool-down period after the 60 minutes is up. So keep a machine between the two of us and thank you for allowing me one more elliptical victory.
Because I did win.
My therapist says my competitive nature comes from a scarcity of love while growing up in a large family and that I have anger issues. But she’s probably just jealous because I could easily outlast her on the elliptical machine. Right?