It should be illegal to hold the handrail while running on a treadmill22 VIPs have spoken »
TO: The fake runner at the Y
RE: Your running technique
Before I offer constructive criticism, I like to start out on a positive note. Um, you’ve got a lot of hair on that head of yours — from behind you look like Sarah Silverman. Well, from behind your hair looks like Sarah Silverman’s with those long black curls. So there’s that. And I have to give you credit for working out in the first place.
Alright, we’re gonna talk about your running technique but not before I ask about the fingerless gloves that you wear. They’re those ones that weight lifters wear to prevent callouses.
You never lift weights. Ever. I’ve been there before you got on the treadmill, while you were on the treadmill and after you left the treadmill. You don’t touch the weights.
What’s up with that? Is it like a costume that gets you in the right mindset to run? Okay, I’m getting tripped up on a side note. I don’t care about your gloves; wear them all you want. It’s your running technique that’s getting on my last nerve.
Clearly you’re making an attempt at interval training. Groovy. I’m down with alternating between running and walking. But that’s not really what you’re doing. You are, technically, running for around two minutes.
But it’s not really running when you hold onto the handrails with your elbows locked so you can support your upper body while your legs simulate running.
That’s. Not. Running.
Hang on. Michelle is a hard core runner so I’m going to throw this question out to her. Michelle, is this chick running? Is this some new method that strengthens the upper body in order to streamline the running process?
The second part of the problem is that you let the belt run at 5.5 mph while you hop on the frame around the moving belt. You rest for about two minutes, then you get your arms into position, use your right leg to touch the belt once for momentum and then you hop on and run for two minutes.
But that’s where you head back to the first part of the problem. You’re supporting your upper body on the handrails while your legs run. You do this for up to 45 minutes every time I see you.
It’s really annoying. I try not to look. I really do but there are a lot of mirrors in the place and that treadmill you like so much is squeaky. I can hear you pounding away on it over my music. Then of course the pounding stops when you hop on the rails for a rest period.
You better not be logging the miles and calories into Fitlinxx after your workout, because you’re barely “running” (and I use the term loosely) half of the time that the treadmill is on.
Because of those breaks you take every two minutes.
So you’re not burning those calories or earning those Fit Points when you rest on the frame. If you are logging that stuff you’re gaming the system and cheating yourself.
But I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you are not using Fitlinxx since I’ve never seen you log stuff at the computer kiosk.
Can’t you slow the belt down to 3.5 mph and walk on the treadmill for a break? Please? What about slowing the pace down when you run to something you can actually handle? And when I say handle I mean a pace that allows you to jog without holding on to any part of the treadmill.
There’s no shame in running slowly on the treadmill. The shame comes in when you lock your elbows.
Now I do realize that I cannot change you. My therapist reminds me of that regularly by telling me the only person I can change is me. For that reason I have readjusted my workout schedule. I’ll be in the gym when they open the doors at 5 am so I am no long privy to your workout.
I doubt we’ll ever meet again, but I am asking you to consider slowing the pace down so you can run upright and unassisted. There’s no way you could run a 5K with a walker in front of you so don’t do it on the treadmill either, okay?
Farewell and thanks in advance.