Cardiogirl: 19% body fat 100% fun

Hi guest guru; thanks for setting up camp over here! Your pup tent is such a gorgeous shade of magenta. Oh yeah, this time I remembered to start the coffee. It’s in back over there on the folding card table. See?

Dammit, “See?” is not my question. That was rhetorical.

I have a few questions, let’s start with WordPress.

Why, oh why, must they constantly upgrade? I am really afraid of change. I loathe change, good or bad. It took the hacker scare to force me to upgrade to WP 2.8.4. I did it, grudgingly, and everything worked out.

That’s an example of change that was good, but I still didn’t like it.

Today, in my admin panel, WP is telling me 2.8.5 is available. WHY (shakes fist in the air)? Why must they constantly jack around with the formula? Is it too much to ask that they keep the upgraded model static for at least 9-12 months?

Next, what happened to make my kid’s first grade teacher so anal retentive? She has to be an only child, has to be. That woman is so anal retentive I’ve gone beyond shock and surprise and now I’m actually looking forward to what the next few months will bring.

Does she stack the canned food in alphabetical order in her cupboards? She does, doesn’t she?

Why does my foot hurt? I don’t remember banging it – unless i walked on it too hard or something lol.

Why can’t I get a job? I keep applying but can’t get one usual line is “You don’t have relevant experience” so how do I get the experience?

Okay thats my questions – there are probably more but I dont want to over load you!

Why do people insist on giving me choices when they know damn well I am among the world’s top 10 most indecisive people. We have guests for dinner tonight and wifey rang me with a list of 7 possible choices before she bought the ingredients. I dithered and talked round in circles until she had ruled out 6 herself and rang off happy, thinking that I’d decided on something. Then she sent me a text message with a choice of two side dishes and a question about starters that I essentially rolled a dice on. Given that she has known me for years and years and has yet to see me make an easy decision, why keep trying? Please help, Guru!

Why do I get so jealous reading all these freaking facebook updates from “friends” who are having babies when I have decided that I am done having babies and really don’t ever want to be pregnant again? This really irks me and I can’t figure it out.

Someone needs to talk to iTunes about that updating issue as well.

Will you explain why people would buy a Snuggie instead of, ya know, a blanket that doesn’t make you look like a Druid?

And where should I buy a winter coat, and or hat?

My solution to the Wordpress quandary is to only upgrade every 6-9 months. I log in and my back panel is all yelling “upgrade now!” and I say “shut up!” and my husband looks alarmed.

Here is my question.

Why is it that I have no problem holding onto any other object EXCEPT my cell phone? It’s like it is greased with butter. The damned thing goes bouncing across the floor at least once a day, sometimes many times per day. Once it even fell in such a way that it spun on its end, like a spinning coin or something – that was amazing. My cell phones have all died very sad deaths, and I typically own them for less than a week before they look like I put them through the dryer with a bunch of rocks. I would attribute this to over-use of said phone, but anyone who knows me would testify to the fact that I rarely answer it (or any other kind of phone), so I don’t think that’s it. It also appears to be unrelated to the model, as I have had this problem with every cell phone I’ve ever owned.

I’m waiting anxiously for an answer. So is my sad and broken cell phone.

What did I do this time to get blocked? LOL

That question isn’t for Becky. She can answer my actual question after Cardiogirl removes me from spam folder hades. I’m starting to take pride in my ability to trigger her spam blocker. I don’t even have to try.

This time you were sent to Spam Hades for using the word d1ed. There’s a back story that’s very long and jacked up, but there are a few words that will get you sent to the corner. Another one is d@d. I think I also have de@d in there.

So there’s your work around right there. If you use any of those words find an alternate symbol instead for one of the letters. Otherwise I’ll fish you out of the filter.

I think it’s funny. Also, I’m relieved to now know what it is – so that I don’t go trying to type my post in three times and freaking out, “where did it goo????” I’ll bet that is funny from the back-end, too.

“hmmm. She phrased it best in this one, but there’s a typo… yeah, we’ll publish attempt #2.”

Is she as bad as one of the 3rd-grade teachers here? A kiddo (not mine) was writing her spelling word sentences, and for “exposure” and “damage” she wrote:

“My doctor said I should limit my exposure to the sun to prevent skin damage.”

The teacher marked the sentence as incorrect & wrote above it, “you should have said ‘dermatologist’ instead of ‘doctor’.”

I told my husband and he said, “her mom needs to go up there & say, ‘actually it was our family doctor who told us this, so change her grade.’” ROTFL

I had a question but I left it in my other pants. My neighbours dog has a question though. Why would someone make it sound as though stacking your canned goods in alphabetical order is a bad thing? When I go into my cupboard, I don’t want to waste precious seconds looking for the peas; I want to know they’re right there beside the okra where they belong.

Why are there two Beckys who are daughters of shrinks? Does being the daughter of a shrink make you a Becky? …Also, why does it make us good at psychobabble and bullshite?

On a more serious note:

Why does work breed work? Why is it that when I have a carefully planned out schedule, someone must suddenly change their schedule and therefore totally obliterate mine? Why do you either have nothing to do, or too much to do? Why does my current theatre job insist on scheduling rehearsal during potential clinching playoff baseball games? For that matter, why did the people I’m auditioning for tomorrow do the same? Is it because they are New Yorkers?

…Wow. I could do this forever!

C-girl, in deference to you being the Main Mama over here, I shall not ding you for asking “See?” as your first question. (my answer, for the record, woulda been “Saw!”)

Ah, WordPress. I attended a WordCamp summer before last (”Camp” has replaced the word “Conference” by the hipster men-children that run the tech industry in the Bay Area), and got to hear the horse’s mouth (not the other end, for once) speak on this issue. The horse in question was Matt M, the co-creator of WordPress. He said he and his minions STRIVE to release 4 (countem) major upgrades to WP a year. Matt is a highly adorable man-child, with WASPy good looks and a disarming way of talking. So, I was feeling benevolent and a little crushy and did NOT take that opportunity to stand up and shout “Why, Matty, why why why!”

And for that, C-Girl, I apologize. The one thing I noticed that has improved is one-button upgrading. If you do not have this option available to you, let me know offline and I can help.

As for the anal-retentive teacher. My guess is that she’s the oldest of a large brood, attracted-yet-repulsed to teaching and wrangling large groups of unruly children, which reminds her of her duties as the put-upon, why-must-I-always-go-first role she played in her own family. I suggest you ask her where she is in her family structure, throw some Play-Doh on her, and run.

iTunes: our society’s very own Jabba the Hut: bloated, meglomaniacal, greedy, enormous.

We girls just wanna listen to music and play around with our music and playlists like mashing so many Barbies and Kens together.

I’d say this calls for a direct jingle to Jabba himself. But, it’s a task lesser men have failed at: http://www.slate.com/id/2124194/

Hilarious! Now THAT may be an only child we’re dealing with.

(By the way, I do not mean to imply that everyone’s birth order makes them screwy. I’m the youngest of five and have commitment issues, difficulty making decisions, and .. oh, never mind)

It’s not often I get to talk to a dog, so I’m just throwin’ in my two cents before the guru gets here. It’s not a bad thing until you have to sub-alphabetize.

For instance, if you are stacking your cans of Alpo and then you have to decide if Chicken flavor goes before Beef flavor, then I think there’s a bit of a problem.

That’s just my opinion, though. The guru may disagree and her decision is final.

Hannah, I’m a little unsure of how to diagnose your foot problem, since you are in the UK. Does these mean I have to diagnose the *other* foot instead? Look at me, I made a little funny.

Take a nice soak, some comfy socks and avoidance of strappy heels over 4″ (that’s 10.16 centimeters!)

It’s like a Catch-22 Hall of Un-Funtime Mirrors, isn’t it, the “I can’t get hired because I don’t have experience but how do I get experience if I can’t get hired?”

Speaking to the psychological side, you must exude confidence, even if you don’t have it. It sounds nuts but it works; many 12-Step programs counsel that you just need to PRETEND you have confidence (or contentment, or no fear) and you can trick yourself into believing you do. That, as well as being on time and having a powerful spell check for your resume can do wonders.

Speaking to the boring, practical side: if you can live without income (ha!) unpaid internships were made for building experience.

Good luck and good speed, our sweet English rose!

Question number 3: You can buy canned okra?

Is there a question limit? Shoot, now I’m at 4.

Okay, what is up with wifey? SEVEN possible choices? I hope she emailed you the data, broken down into pie AND bar charts, with a corresponding 12-page questionnaire. She needs to learn from air hostesses and wedding receptions everywhere: “Coffee or tea?” “Chicken or fish?” Bring it down to two choices, baby. And the fact that she knows you and your indecisiveness points to a severe lack of awareness, or a tiny bit of a mean streak on her part.

But this is about you, our dear waffler. I come from a family of yes/no black/white binary robots, so I had to produce answers FAST, no time for contemplation. Drove me nuts. To this day, at a restaurant, I secretly get my choices down to three entrees, then randomly choose one at the point of ordering. That way, I appear as though I am decisive.

Perhaps taking our cues from our friends the robots will help. If you truly don’t care about what you’re being offered to eat, just pick the first item offered and keep repeating it. “Chicken, please.” “Chicken, please.” “Chicken, please.” If anything, it will freak out Wifey, just a leetle bit.

Shush, you uterus! Seriously! Mine squawks and complains and second-guesses, too. Mine likes to ask if I’m *sure* that I don’t want kids, even though I’m on a fast train out of my child-bearing years, and YES, I’m sure I don’t want kids and why am I talking to you anyway, uterus?!

I am not a mother myself, but I see the emotional, mental, and physiological impact that it makes on women — mysterious and very, very strong. Perhaps the cells in your body perk up and say “baby? BABY? I remember doing that!” every time you contemplate your friends’ pregnancies. Which causes longing. Which causes the irkiness (yes, that’s a word. would you doubt me?)

So, it’s just an involuntary thing, like an itch or a hiccup. Treat it as so. Pfft, whatevs, Martha’s having twins. The itch will pass.

PS Facebook could be the cause of 99% of the angst anyone is feeling right now. You might want to look into THAT, too.

You are PREACHING to the CONVERTED, sistah. The Snuggie (and Slanket!) has struck a blow for dowdyness of the most bland, weird, and (oddly) American kind.

There’s a place for “As Seen on TV” items in our society. What else would we laugh at, after waking up at 3am with the kind of anxiety one can only feel at 3am? Contemplating the Pocket Fisherman and Buttoneer and Chia Heads have amused and soothed me. But do I actually OWN these things? No!

I can only hope that the madness will die down and in the future we’ll remember the Snuggie as a kitsch artifact of 2009 (see: Pet Rock, 1975).

We don’t have this thing called “winter” in Southern California, so I can’t help on the “coat” and “hat” (whatever those are) issues. Perhaps other readers can help?

PS: To members of the Druid community: please don’t be offended by Elizabeth’s comment. She’s angry and upset, as am I.

PPS: Ron Popeil of Ronco fame: http://www.ronco.com/ had a boat a couple slips down from my stepdad, JB. It was a magical Christmas when JB presented me with my very own signed photo of the kitschmonger himself.

Oof, that’s a good one, Dom. My previous cellphone was so small I’d sort of forget it was in my hand. The problem took care of itself when I tossed the phone, with a stack of papers, into a locked recycling bin.

I’ll draw on my experience with (learning a little bit about) industrial design (like, 20 years ago)…

The people who design the shape, heft and general look-and-feel of cell phones prefer to design phones that are smooth and feel good to the hand. That, mixed with the ongoing miniaturization of electronics, we have these easy-to-hold, streamlined, tiny devices that are like little slippery fish that simply JUMP to the floor.

Other (also expensive) electronics have straps, why don’t cell phones? It’s a failure of the design world, not you.

What you need is some friction (get your mind of out the gutters, people.) Third party companies make silicone covers for all sorts of phones. This provides grip for your soft little hand, and a little protection for the phone if it goes flying. See what I’m talking about here: http://www.igonemobile.com/products/cases_skin.aspx. Often, the covers have a little loop thing for a strap, too.

The only thing I forbid you to contemplate is one of those belt-clip cell phone holders. That’s only a couple nerd-steps away from a Snuggie, and I won’t let you do that to yourself, man.

Oh Ronco, how I love thy name — Ronco! Ronco! RONCO!!

(whispers) There’s no limit. She’s a guru!

p.s. I thought the same thing: canned okra?

It’s funny you mention that, because that’s exactly what I think when I see someone has been caught in there and then re-comments.

I guess I’ll have to say what happens behind kitchen cabinet doors should stay behind the kitchen cabinet doors. Perhaps I don’t alphabetize my cans (hee hee!) because I like to get on my little step stool and rummage around. Rummaging helps me clear my mind and delay actually DOING anything real. If alphabetizing, SUB-alphabetizing, or even employing the Dewey Dang Decimal system on your cans (hee), I just have to say vaya con Dios. Live and let live. Let he who is guilty, etc.

Unrelated to anything: I have been helping out an elderly relative, and was cleaning his kitchen last week. In every area of the pantry, fridge, cabinets, drawers, there were red onions. Dozens and dozens of red onions. Stuffed in the good china cabinet, the ice bucket. In the freezer, even. WHAT is up with THAT.

Canned okra in 12-pack, bam! http://tinyurl.com/ykznkv7

Okra, ugh. This calls for a haiku:

Hey, what are those, slugs?
A slimy southern substance
Food? Think again, buddy

Hola Becks (can I call you Becks or would you prefer the formal Becky),

Anywho on to the topic at hand shall we..can you tell me why the chick that sits on the other side of the partition enjoys sighing all day long? And really I wouldn’t be so bothered if this here office were normal and everyone was talking then a little sigh here and there wouldn’t even register. But since the people here are robots and work work work with no regard for smoke or tinkle breaks her sighs totally interrupt my groove.

On another note can you tell me where all my socks have gone? Last summer I stocked up on socks for the gym realizing I had only a few and now I am down to the bone again…where the frig are the socks???

Side note: Waves at Cardiogirl in the background!!!

Well, obviously, beef would be before chicken; that only makes sense. The one I can’t figure out is, which comes first: the canned chicken or the pickled eggs?

Intriguing, the Shrink Dads with Daughters named Becky Puzzle. Let’s see if I can break it down.

Becky = Rebecca = Rivkah, which means “to bind” in Hebrew. Binding causes constriction, constriction = oppression. Oppression leads to neuroses, neuroses leads to shrinks! Et voila!

(oh, some day can we sit down and talk about the very specific challenges involved with being a psych’s daughter!? HOO BOY)

Working breeding work. It’s almost like we give off some invisible “I’M BUSY!” vibe that attracts more work. Not to be confused with the “I’M VULNERABLE!” vibe that attracts the bad men.

In improv theatre, there’s a concept called “group mind” — an intangible “web of connectivity” that can flow among a group that listens, interacts and creates closely. Group mind in action can be mind-blowing and absolutely magical (and I’m not the woo-woo sort to throw that word around easily).. it’s like people are all thinking the same thoughts and everyone know what to do next without speaking about it. It just happens.

I feel like there’s a higher-level group mind out there, where people, even strangers, pick up on vibes and clues and indefinable SOMETHINGS which cause us to often move together, or apart, at the same time. Hence the feast-or-famine feeling that you describe.

Lordy, talk about woo-woo! I have never felt more Californian than I do at this very moment.

Speaking of geographic generalizations, you ask if your problems arise because of New Yorkers (I may be paraphrasing here). The answer: you can always, always blame everything on the New Yorkers.

Please, call me Becks, I love it! My mom was so proud of the fact she gave me a name (Rebecca) that could be shortened to Becky as a nickname. Instead, my sibs started calling me B, and then simply “Buh”, much to mom’s irritation.

Ach, you work amongst the *bad* robots. Gotta watch out for them. I toiled in a cubicle forest (particularly bad for us web/designer types) for 4 years and I could hear people BREATHING from ACROSS THE ROOM. Yes, I was ALL CAPS annoyed.

I don’t know if there’s anything you can do about the sighing robot chick herself. She’s probably not aware of it, and there might be a passive-aggressive edge to it. She’s like a huffing-puffing steam valve, letting off tiny bits of built-up pressure through her sighs. If you were to plug up the steam valve, the consequences may be grim for all in the cubicle forest.

Is there any white noise that you can place between you and her? An internet radio station can be played at an extremely low volume, or perhaps you can hire some local youths to hum at one tone thoughout the day. Or a CD of train noises! (to complement her huff-puffing — see what I did there?)

As for your socks: I have taken and laundered them, and am currently crafting them into small animals to give to the Orphans of Ventura. Thank you so very much for your donation!

Oops, my haiku structure was incorrect. It needs to be “Think again, pal”. MUCH more brilliant like that, anyway.

Ooooh!! Guest Guru time, yeah!! Although I must admit I feel a little intimidated and wonder if I am causing a disruption in the force by being a native Ohioan and yet asking you for advice. ;)

1) How can I find a legal job without actually having to go through the whole job search process? Is there someway the perfect job could just magically appear and be given to me?
2) How do I get myself to stop from always attributing my minor missteps, etc to “my dorkiness” or because “I am a dork”?
3) Is there something I can do to convince the world to change the work week to 2 days and the weekend to 7 days?

Well I think that is enough for now. Thanks Guru!

Hi Buf! I bow down to your native Ohio..ness? And am honored that you ask ME for advice. I once gave my friend Toni from Cleveland carte blanche to manage my love life, promising I would do (and NOT do) whatever she told me. Long story short: thanks to her, I got the boy. (Longer story shorter: we’re not together anymore, but that’s not Toni’s fault)

1) As woo-woo as it sounds, sit down and manifest your desires. Write down what you want, then visualize daily that goal. (I just wrote “that goat,” which is advice for something else entirely.) My friend Christine (not from Ohio, but still sensible) told me to try it when my financial woes were at their worst — I did, and a big fat freelance job dropped in my lap. Even if it’s all bull, how can it hurt, am I right? PS I do not endorse The Secret. There’s only so far I can muck around in pop psychology without needing to get out and take a shower. However, some people swear by it, so there you go — who am I to judge?

2) Yeah, there’s a fine line between “gentle joking” and “putting down.” The “I am/you are a dork” thing is getting out of hand. I get that a lot (as well as “geek”) because I work with computers and I like science.

There’s the whole “take the sting out of the slur by embracing it” thing but I think we all have to be careful about how much we put ourselves and others down.

Perhaps catch yourself before you say “dorky” and say “golden” instead. “I dropped another dish — I am SO GOLDEN!” Then bow, dramatically.

3) I wish. How come other cultures have shorter workweeks and more vacations? You may enjoy this awesomeness: http://fivedayweekend.org/ (careful, auto-loading video/audio). Let’s take it to the streets!

Good gracious, the Guru has gotten so wordy and serious in this post, n’est-ce pas? Buf sure has brought up some things close to my soul! Thanks Buf!

When my cat freezes suddenly and stares up at the ceiling with a great deal of intensity, is he, in fact, receiving messages from outer space as I’ve always suspected?

hi becky

why do men refuse to cry, but let them lose one world series game or sporting event and they are bawling like a baby.

how come the man at the pizza parlor near my job staples the pizza in the bag. i ordered a slice a pizza not mother freaking crickets! that pisses me off for real.

thank you.

oh p.s. – i’m not picking on the guys.

I bought the “Bump-its” at Kroger. They’re as seen on TV. I’m just here to say, they work really well. I’m only a teensy bit embarrassed, because they actual improve appearance.

And I will personally apologize to the Druid community. I in no way want to criticize religious apparel.

Okay, and I bought the hanging tomato planter at Home Depot. I confess!

I do love fried okra. Fresh okra. I cannot imagine what comes out of a can of okra. Goo?

Cleveland Rocks! (Hey isn’t that the theme song from the Drew Carey Show?? ) Btw, my bro lives in Cleveland and I grew up about 45 minutes west of Cleveland.

Thanks for the ideas. I really like idea of swapping words and finishing off with a bow…that should definitely reinforce the positive imagery as well elicit interesting reactions! :) I also want to know more about manifesting the goat…lol

How cool that there is actually a 5 day weekend movement!!

Think of men* as vessels that are all bottled and packed and closed up, under pressure. Then something happens to break that seal. Once the seal is broken, there ain’t no going back for a while. The pent-up Man-Tear Beverage is going to flow.

And the thing to break that seal is often sports, mysteriously. Well, maybe not so mysteriously — sports one of the few socially-acceptable venues in which men can be all big and dramatic.

The two times I cried under sports-related circumstances: when the Red Sox won the big enchilada in ‘04 (because I was born in Boston and am not made of stone) and when I was little, when my dad would watch football and scream profanity at the TV screen. I thought he was an utter madman. Turns out I was soooo right.

*by “men” I mean “some men” and not “all men”. I don’t like to generalize. Besides, I know more than my fair share of boy crybabies!

I think you answered your own second question, wise and wonderful Nat. Next time you go into that pizza parlor, you order that pizza, then when dude goes to staple the bag, you unleash a few dozen mother freakin crickets all over the joint! Then scream “NOW I want a staple, pal!” Then you might want to run at that point.

When you execute my excellent and well-thought-out plan, I highly recommend that you buy your crickets from Top Hat (http://www.cricketsonline.com), where “our crickets are treated like kings!” PS, a heating pad will revive seemingly-dead cold crickets, isn’t that nice to know?

[Oopsie, I used a word that blocked my last response to Natural. All will be well once the Empress C-girl is up at at 'em tomorrow morning.]

I want to say a giant THANK YOU to all you wonderful CG readers who made me laugh out loud throughout the day with your witty and fabulous questions and comments. And thanks for allowing me to push/pull you down my weird brain paths. Hope no one got snagged on the brambles!

And, of course, a big “clink” of the imaginary cocktail goes to Cardio Girl, who is one tireless blogger and megastar all around.

Okay, I’ll admit that I bought the “Smooooth Legs” thingies recently — those pink pads that sandpaper the hair off your legs.

Use very sparingly on your face. I repeat, very sparingly. I had a step-relative with a very unattractive reaction. Think bumpy chemical peel.

I justify it if I buy it in the store so I don’t pay shipping and handling, so then I’m not a sucker. Naturally.

Cheers!

Guru Becky, you are on a roll. Not only did you earn the Gold Star of the Day yesterday, but you earned it again! Two for two, jack!

You ran in here, did an unassisted high jump over the bar — which, incidentally, was set at 7′ 4.5″ — giving that extra back bend oomph mid-jump (almost Matrix-like) and landed squarely on the foam pad on the other side.

On.

Your.

Feet!

Way to slam it out of the park, Becks!

Guru Becky I bow down to your awesomeness! This was so much fun that mere words cannot express my joy. So I am left to create a new word:

^#)8%@~!~

And that’s not like those stupid vanity license plates that make your brain go haywire trying to figure out what it means.

It’s just the aura of joy as evidenced by the number eight nestled in the center.

Hehe Hey Becky
My foot has stopped hurting and I liked the funny!

I don’t wear strappy shoes anyway – they are sooooo uncomfy!

Catch-22 I’m glad to see that it’s not just here in the UK! My psychological side is a little sleepy at the moment but I will try and exude confidence hehe.

I AM CONFIDENT I DO EXUDE CONFIDENCE

hehe

Two choices is the way forward! My OH does most of the cooking so I say “What are we having for tea?” he then says “Dunno, what do you fancy?” ERM well pizza or pasta go down with me a treat it’s when you do roast potatoes with everything that you have to be careful!

@soonerchick mine is the other way – I’m 23, kids aren’t in the plan at the moment (or so I keep telling myself while my uterus sits there throwing a tantrum lol). I always thought I was too young but theres a girl at church who is 19 and Baby 1 just had his first birthday. That kinda points out that I’m not too young. Then again she’s still at home so she kinda doesn’t need to worry about income etc.

On the other hand my friend who is 24 in two weeks ish miscarried back in July/August and so thats sad :(

Life is complicated – hence the reason I avoid FB at the moment hopefully the baby boom will calm down again soon. Hopefully. Please. Nicely

7FT 4.5 INCHES THATS AMAZING!!!! Wish I had seen it!

Can I ask another question?

Doh that was a question.

Okay so I have three questions firstly can I ask another question and secondly If i comment on someones blog like once or twice a week when I can refer to them as a friend? Thirdly (is that even a word?!)

Doh wasted my question!

Stuff it – I have a friend from church and I introduced said friend to blogging – how to I now tell said friend that they are doing my head in because said friend then joined facebook and twitter and now is reading another blog that i frequent – I don’t mind it but it’s almost stalker like lol

Ah, yes, the joys of being the 6 year old who understood the word, “Jealous”… and could use it appropriately. Also, running circles around most other shrinks and/or social workers without ever taking anything above Psych 102, fending off said Psych 102 prof who could not understand why you weren’t studying Psych, and, of course, being engaged to a Yankees fan when you are a die-hard Phillies phan.

…Stupid New Yorkers. :P

Oh, Mar, the truth is so much more complex than you thought. Cat is indeed receiving messages from outer space, messages that are bounced off of a former Soviet satellite. The message signal itself comes from Las Vegas, which (disturbingly) is the headquarters of the Evil Cat Overlord, or ECO. The ECO is undercover as “Whiskers”, a 4-year old Calico belonging to a showgirl named Brandy.

The ECO routinely downloads information into the brains of his minions (this is where cats, everywhere freeze and listen). Most of it is standard stuff — “remember to be aloof!” “be picky about your food!” “dole out purrs seldom and grudgingly!”

But, of course, the ECO is giving more detailed instructions in preparation for world cat domination. I have no information about this (my double-agent, named Mittens, can’t tell me). But if I were you, I’d check your house regularly for any hand(paw)-made, weapon-like objects.

I’m not saying that your cat is evil; he may have just got in with the wrong crowd and is in over his head. See if you can intercept the space-signals when they occur. Good luck!

I love the fact that you have a mole in this operation named Mittens. Awesome.

Back for more, Hannah? Yay, Hannah!

Firstly: yes.

Secondly: Good one. Other bloggers may want to weigh in on this one. I’d say if the relationship gets to the point where you two communicate outside of your respective comments section, like through direct email, then you’ve launched outside of “blog colleagues” and into “friends.”

As an aside, here’s a cute little story about how I went from blog-pals to real-life friends with the amazing Violet White: http://beckyhaycox.com/hamblog/?p=322 (check out the comments, too, to see the very first friend-seeds planted by our very own C-Girl!)

Thirdly (that is totally a word): That church friend just sounds like a joiner. A bored, uninspired joiner. Not to dis this person, but I have seen this kind before.

My friend C seemed to shadow everything I showed enthusiasm for. I mentioned I would like to learn the theremin. She buys a theremin! I like this wine. She tours the winery! She even went to BELGIUM when I mentioned that I enjoyed my trip there in 2001.

Even though it’s a little weird, she’s harmless, as I suspect your church pal is. I think you should just be patient — hopefully she’ll lose interest or find her niche in her online world. And, don’t forget, the unfriend/unfollow function is only a click away.

Don’t forget what I said before: 99% of the world’s angst is caused by Facebook!

^#)8%@~!~ right back atcha. And thanks for the SECOND gold star, holy moley! That jump was hard, but worth it. Heating pads and Advil are taking care of things.

Get out of here!

That comment was left on OCTOBER 15, 2007!! It’s been two years?! It feels like we just met yesterday while at the same time it feels like we’ve been having fun for much longer than that.

Happy blogging/meeting sort-of-anniversary a week late!

“the ECO is giving more detailed instructions in preparation for world cat domination.” – great line….Very Pinky and the Brain…lol

Becky I had no idea what a theremin was until I Googled it, which naturally led me to YouTube. I then discovered Ms. Clara Rockmore (what kind of awesome name is that? — Rockmore. Yes, that’s right folks. I play the theremin and I. Rock.) That’s incredible.

I am now really interested in that but will refrain from purchasing one because I am a cheapskate but more importantly, I want to be your friend and not a poser.

Now the real reason for this comment. As I was listening to Clara rock out I read the comments underneath and laughed my head off when I read the following from maccafan10:

Nice delicately controlled hand job there.
Anyone know her telephone number?

@Hannah It truly was amazing. I wish I had captured it on video.

@Rebecca You’re just making this sound like more fun to me. I really wish my dad was a psychiatrist. Scratch that.

I really wish your dad was my dad.

You BET I have a Clara Rockmore CD!

Oh, maccafan10. How can one NOT wonder about a pair of highly tuned, sinewy theramin-ed hands?

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