If you’re going to run away, it’s poor form to fall out of your five-inch heel while doing so

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random-converse1

Alright, I got sucked deep into the internet this morning. And it’s a snow day. Int!

Side note: Four and a quarter inches. That’s what’s on my deck. Yes, that’s right. I opened the back door and used the metal tape measure to get a reading. I leaned out far to get a true sampling; no one has been on my deck for the last week.

We have 4.25 inches; 10.8 centimeters. This is Michigan! We do experience winter every year.

Side note within a side note: I guess when a woman delivers a baby she is dilated roughly four inches, since everyone knows you push at ten centimeters. Huh. Even in that scenario 4.25 inches/10.8 cm is not a lot.

Back to the original side note: The entire school district is closed. This is wrong on so many levels. Sweep the ‘dup Leg~!~

I fell into the internet hole because I was searching around for the crazy millionaire chick who appeared on “The Millionaire Matchmaker” recently. I watched the rerun last night and I immediately did not like that chick Shauna. She’s a cougar with an insecure personality and a weird nose to boot. Ugh, she came off as so insecure.

She just made really mean comments about all of the people she encountered on the show. And if you’ve seen the show you’re going to immediately point out that Patti Stanger also makes rude comments.

That is true; she needs to work on her delivery.

I like Patti; I think her comments, while blunt and bordering on rude, have a positive intent and she is amusing. I laugh a lot while watching that show.

Back to Shauna. This was the second time she came on the show. The first time she was looking for a young beautiful guy. But as she admits, she has to pay for everything (she’s the one with the Benjamins) and eventually the guy leaves her.

She said this time she was ready for a full relationship with a guy closer to her age which is 42. Patti suggested she date someone older so she presented Marc, a 51-year-old guy who was financially successful, attractive and claimed he dated Heidi Klum for nine months. (Raises eyebrows skeptically on the last statement.)

He showed up with a limo outside of her hotel and sent her a long red dress to wear. It was very “Pretty Woman” and it was weird. She immediately decided the dress was too big which I really doubt. I think it was too long, but the waist was pretty small. Anyway, she didn’t wear the dress and walked out to meet him wearing all black with five-inch heels.

He greeted her warmly, announced that they were going to dinner at Spago and as he leaned over to open the car door for her she said, “Wait.” She turned around and ran away back into the hotel but not before stumbling and uttering, “Oof.” He turned and said, “Oh! What happened?” She was heard muttering, “Dammit,” as she entered the revolving door.

She literally turned tail and ran back into the hotel but not before losing one of her shoes. As she ran away down the hallway she ranted that the guy was “100 years old” and couldn’t believe that Patti set her up like that. She also said, “I can’t even look at him. That guy is older than my grandmother!” Uh, she watched the guy through a two-way mirror before she decided to go out with him.

And then. She made her assistant go outside to get the shoe that her date was holding.

She made her assistant retrieve her shoe.

If karma were instantaneous she should have broken her ankle when she fell off that five-inch stiletto.

Shauna runs Marc watches

She came off as a real jackass and I’m surprised that she couldn’t just go out to eat with him and then let him down later. In my search to find out about her she was quoted as saying the guy seemed really creepy to her. Alright. I’ll give you creepy but there were people everywhere — the camera crew.

It’s not like this guy was going to be able to decapitate her once they left the restaurant.

It was also noted that the guy was on another reality show trying to date Cindy Margolis. (Scratches he head, Cindy Margolis has a reality show?) Anyway, it went south in a hurry but it did create interest and it sent me a-Googling. Mission accomplished, I guess.

The point, Cardiogirl?

Oy, I actually forgot what my point was.

But here’s something I just came up with (I’m off my game, it’s a snow day, remember?) If you’re going to put yourself out there on a reality show, why not put your best foot forward and try to be positive about the experience?

I know. If you’re on a show for more than one or two episodes they’re going to catch you on a bad day and you’re going to cringe when you watch the reruns. (Real Housewives of (fill in the blank) I’m looking at all of you.)

But Shauna was on one episode. Alright she was on two episodes but there was a season between tapings. Couldn’t she have held her tongue and been cordial for the taping?

I guess the bottom line is, if you’re a millionaire going on the show please just suck it up for that episode. And on a related note, I really wish Jennifer Aniston would let Patti help her out.

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  • Wendy Prime says:

    I bet there are quite a few women out there who would kill for a chance at a date with that guy. Compared to a lot of schmucks out there, he’s looking pretty respectable.

    • cardiogirl says:

      He also came off as normal on the show. I know everything is not always as it seems but I really thought she could have at least gone to dinner.

  • Before you are allowed to go on a reality television show, you have to fill out a 5-inch stack of psychological exams to prove that you are not only stupid, but also certifiably crazy and completely lacking in morals*.

    Otherwise, it wouldn’t be any fun at all to watch!

    *I’m actually not kidding about this.

  • Elizabeth A. says:

    I don’t even want to talk about the snow. It is pissing me off to a nth degree.

    And that’s an awful thing to do to anyone, especially a blind date. I’ve been on one that ever turned out to be anything besides uncomfortable.

    And seriously, you know if your stilettos are walking stilettos or sitting stilettos. You do not wear sitting stilettos on a first date or a second or a third for that matter. Moron.

    And I do vaguely remember Mrs. Seal dating someone much older than that guy earlier in her career, so it’s a plausible claim.

    And I also think Patti is funny. Almost everything she says has some truth to it. She was on Oprah the other day teaching this never married woman in her 40′s (nothing wrong with that) why she was still alone even though she wanted a husband. A couple of deal beakers I can remember for her were: can’t drink from a straw, no kids or divorces, taller and younger. The list went on and on.

    • cardiogirl says:

      I learn so much from you Liz. There’s a designation to stilettos? Wow, I feel a faux twisted ankle coming on just *thinking* about that.

      I’ll have to find Patti on Oprah over at YouTube. I can see a bright future for Patti Stanger. Did you see her call the guy from Picket Fences an angry hobbitt? Laughed a while about that. Yes, it was mean. It was. But I laughed.

      • Elizabeth A. says:

        Example: I have some 6 inch stiletto boots I wear in Vegas. And I only wear them in the casino we’re staying because I need to be able to change at will.
        I would never wear them out on anything as adventurous as a date. Dates should really be kept to 3 inches and below, for practicality’s sake. I mean, what if he wants to take you for a surprise picnic? 5 inch heels just won’t do.

        Picturing angry hobbits is just funny. Everyone knows that.

    • This sounds like my sister-in-law. She’s looking for a 35+ never married virgin who ISN’T WEIRD.

      This just makes us laugh, like the funniest joke ever – every time we mention it. hahahahahahahahahahahaha

  • Angelika says:

    Monday they closed school @ 10 am for a potential one inch of snow. I think it snowed for 30 minutes? Nothing stuck.

    Today it was snowing when Evan went out to catch the bus. I don’t know if it’s still snowing, but if it is, he’ll be back home any second now.

    Marc is cute. I’ve never watched that show before.

    Patti is going to be on Wendy Williams on Friday. Their moms are Skyping in. Their moms live in the same retirement community.

    Wendy Williams is on the CW here. Also BET. You should check her out. I think she’s the reason that both Oprah & Tyra decided to retire, LOL. Wendy gets a show, they both quit. They can’t compete with the fierceness of Wendy!

    • cardiogirl says:

      No way. I would be furious if they closed school, ahead of time, on the mere possibility.

      I’m going to have to remember to watch WW; I know I’ve seen her somewhere over here, probably on the CW like you said. That’s so funny that their moms live in the same place. I wonder if they knew each other beforehand.

      • Angelika says:

        Wendy & The MM Chick have never met, they just know each other through their moms, so tomorrow will be their first meeting.

        Wendy used to be a DJ. She had a VH1 show briefly. She was the woman a lot of rappers talked about because she was so “offensive”. She’s not offensive, IMO. She just tells it like it is (ie, she says what we all think but are too PC to say.) I love her. :-)

        • cardiogirl says:

          I meant, I wonder if their mothers knew each other beforehand — like if they see each other walkin’ around town.

          It sounds like Patti (MM Chick) is following WW’s footsteps, only in love and matching. Just found the channel and time for today’s show. This should be fun!

  • Monique says:

    Wait.

    You did not just say the school is closed in MICHIGAN because of 4 inches right?

    But back to your original point… I watch MM and Patti does make me laugh. I am not sure how well she and I would get along if we were in the same room, but from a distance I like her.

    As for Shauna, I missed the latest episode with her in it, and from what I can see, I am glad I did.

    • cardiogirl says:

      Thank you. Yeah, Motown. Grrrr.

      I’ve had the same thought, I’d sort of want to be her friend, but I don’t think I could handle her comments about me. However, I’m sure she wouldn’t talk behind my back. I guess that would be a plus.

  • Ron says:

    All I kept thinking when saw that shoe laying there was…

    …”ooooo look, it’s Cinderella!”

    I’ve just started watching any type of reality show on DVD (Project Runway) and it always amazes me how much they allow on the show. I mean, I’ve seen people almost get into physical fights on that show!

    Such DRAMA!

    I’ll have to look for this show once it comes out on DVD.

    P.S. It’s snowing here too, CG. Big time.

    • cardiogirl says:

      That’s *exactly* what Marc said when he picked up the shoe.

      I. Love. PR! However, now that it’s on Lifetime I keep missing it. I love Tim and Heidi, just like the rest of the world.

      Snow sucks.

  • LJ says:

    I’ve never heard of this show, and I already dislike Shauna. That guy was gorgeous, in a classic Cary Grant sorta way. She’s a fool, and rude, and stupid!

    Come to the West Coast – we don’t get snow days. We don’t get snow. In fact – and not to rub it in – the crocus’ and daffodils are blooming.

  • Frances says:

    Ok — ya think if someone keeps telling you “your not all that” that maybe, eventually, it’ll sink in??????

    I too could not believe how rude she was running away from her date like she just remembered her flat iron was on, and it was sitting on a pile of matches next to the book shelf. Dork!

    She evidently did not watch her first episode — otherwise — surely she would have been better behaved.

    Do you think she’ll be back for another episode. I hope so — it makes for great TV!!!

    • cardiogirl says:

      I, too, was amazed at her self esteem/stubborn streak when it came to her and her attributes. It’s funny because she also seemed very insecure to me. I don’t know how those two jive because they’re polar opposites, but that’s what I thought.

      I will admit it does make great TV. I can’t imagine Patti giving her a third chance and yet ratings and the phrase “Three strikes and you’re out” keep coming to mind. I actually can see someone at Bravo pitching “The Shauna Show” and following her around at her Hair Salon Empire.

      • Frances says:

        CG – by golly, I think you’re on to something. I think that explains her bizarre behavior! She wants her own reality show.

        Oh, please — don’t give it to her, puuuuuulllleeaaaaazzzz!

  • Lola says:

    For being an older guy he wasn’t bad looking. I mean…if you’re into guys.

    Part of me wonders why she just couldn’t be polite, but then part of me remembers a date I was supposed to have with someone I met online. The woman looked exactly like my sister and I freaked out and booked just like Shauna did, except without tripping on 5 inch heels. I did my penance though. A couple of months later I had a coffee date with another woman who said she was a couple years older than I was. Turned out it was more like 10 years older, had missing front teeth and looked like an axe murderer. I sucked it up and conversed through a very long cup of coffee.

    …I miss Directv/Cable tv.

    • Elizabeth A. says:

      “I mean…if you’re into guys…” (smiles)

      And I also think he’s a good looking guy. Excellent gray hair. Even nice afternoon suit.

      • cardiogirl says:

        @Lola I did think he was pretty handsome. At least worth one dinner.

        On the other hand, it would seriously freak me out if I went on a date with someone who looked like my brother. (shudders) But she saw him and watched through a two-way mirror. That’s the piece that does not allow me to give her any slack.

        Regarding the other person, that’s an interesting coffee date… At least you didn’t stand her up.

        @Liz He did have the classic awesome silver hair, didn’t he?

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  • Tracy says:

    I LOVE Patti. She’s typically dead-on in her analyses of her clients’ neuroses, and therefore in trying to pick them a partner almost the opposite of the type they generally go for (and fail with). I love her brusque, refreshing honesty, and the fact that most of the moneybags she deals with are surrounded by toadies who never tell them the truth.

    And yes, I LOVED the episode with that sawed-off “Picket Fences” (um, WHAT SHOW?) douchebag. I knew it was gonna be good early on when he was bragging about his personal trainer and said, “You know, I’m not ‘Tom Cruise skinny.’ A lot of people compare me to Tom Cruise…” And my first thought: well, that’s because you’re 5’5″, niblet. And then he waved his arms around and flashed that nutso, toothy smile, and I was all, “Oh no, it’s because you’re FULLA THE CRAZY.” And then he picked the poor Olive Garden waitress (who was all, “Picket WHA??”) and proceeded to make fun of her for *being an Olive Garden waitress,* so by the time Patti laid into him for being an angry hobbit, I figured that tiny toad had GOTTEN HIS MONEY’S WORTH.

    I’m not even gonna get started on the Shauna episode, she’s such a head case. I was sorta shocked Patti agreed to work with her again, given how antagonistic she was toward her and the team. But I LOVED how Patti kept begging her to LAY OFF THE BOTOX and the plastic surgery. Of all the screen shots you did, I can’t believe you didn’t do one of Shauna’s face, which is STRETCHED INTO A LOOK OF PERPETUAL SHOCK.

    Frankly, the only thing that surprised me was that Marc didn’t take one look at SHAUNA in the flesh and run screaming in other direction. . .

    • cardiogirl says:

      She really is dead on in assessing personalities/neuroses. That’s why I’d be afraid to meet her in person.

      Yeah, I laughed heartily when his date had no idea what “picket Fences” was. I missed the first part of that episode — when he was comparing himself to Tom Cruise (what the…?)

      Yeah, he was a total tool when he kept going on about her job, again, because HE KNEW IN THE FIRST PLACE. Jack ass.

      Didn’t you think Shauna looked more crazy this time around compared to last time? In the flashback images of her from a year ago her face and hair looked a lot better than they do today (shudders.)

      Shauna then and now

      For your viewing pleasure I present The Botox B.

      Now I realize the difference isn’t epic. At all.

      Her expression is still crazy. But I think her hair looks much better in the first shot.

  • Elizabeth A. says:

    I meant this comment up there with Tracy. ^^

    You make me laugh.

    I’m 5’5′ and fulla the crazy (that could catch on) but I’d prefer to not be called Niblet. I’ve already got “Bit” to deal with.

    And I HATE, HATE, HATE rude people, but those to wait staff? AGH! I’ll light into an angry hobbit any day. All my Southern upbringing out the window.

    • Tracy says:

      I’m 5’5″ too! But 5’5″ in a dude is SHORT. And from the get-go, Patti was all, “Oh THIS is gonna be a PROBLEM. . .” Because Munchkin Moneybags is looking for Patti to bag him a Perfect 10, but how’s Patti gonna find a 10 who can overlook — well, hell. . . (Cut to Patti watching his video: “His hands! My God, those midget hands! (You know what they say about men with tiny hands. . .”)

      The waitress thing was even WORSE than I made it sound. Shorty had told Patti his ideal date was a wealthy, successful, self-made professional woman. So of all the women Patti presents him with at the mixer, who does he choose to go on a date with? A new college grad who, while she looked for work in a tough economy, was working as an Olive Garden waitress, and who he spent the bulk of the date mocking for working at the Olive Garden. (As Patti said later, “I knew it. He didn’t want a successful woman to date — that would’ve been too challenging to his ego and his self-perceptions, so he chose the woman with the fewest accomplishments so he could feel a little bit powerful. He’s a small man, alright.”

      • cardiogirl says:

        5’5″ in a dude is extremely short. It is.

        Even Katie Holmes bent down for the wedding shot (and I heard he stood on a box) so their heads would be level in the picture.

        Holmes Cruise height difference

        Again, I didn’t catch the beginning — did he ask for a chick who was taller than him? I’ve seen a different episode where that was the case and Patti was like, not gonna happen.

        I have to agree with that. Or, it’s gonna be really difficult.

        And yes, I saw her mention his hands. Fell off the couch laughing.

        • Elizabeth A. says:

          I dated a guy that was/is 5’7”, serious Short Shit Syndrome. Delusionally cocky, and would start a fight with a coke machine…literally. He did not have small hands.

          I think I’ve only known one girl where the guy was shorter, but she was 5’10″.

          And I’m sorry, but Tom Cruise is gay and no one can convince me otherwise.

  • cardiogirl says:

    Sweep the Leg! Thank you ME; I’m not proud when it comes to my writing. I’ll beg the compliment any day of the week.

    I think me and my Cons might fit in over there.

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