If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy — now pass the booze
Alright kids. I was trying to be stoic so as not to ruin the holidays for you, but right now I’m going to virtually knock back a few cocktails, yell and scream, pull down the decorated Christmas tree in a melodramatic huff and drag it out to the curb.
I’ve been fighting an intense toothache for the last ten days or so. It all started on a Friday afternoon, because this shit always happens on the weekend. My back molar was aching so I turned to the Plaque Fairy and recited this incantation as I flossed in fear.
Dear Plaque Fairy,
Please let flossing and rinsing with fluoride fix this problem.
I’m pretty sure I’ve exhausted my dental benefits for the 2009 calendar year.
Plus, my kids will be on Christmas break soon and that will really make visiting the dentist extra difficult.
Amen.
That incantation did not work. On Tuesday the 8th my regular dentist informed me that he was pretty certain the tooth was fractured and that I needed to see his friend the endodontist.
Later that day, the endodontist told me I was going to meet his friend the oral surgeon. But not before he sent me away with a prescription of Vicodin and Clindamycin.
On Thursday the 10th I said goodbye and good riddance to the back molar on the upper right. It was a crown anyway and it was the last one up there. But it was extremely freaky sitting in the chair feeling that guy just pull and twist with a pair of cartoon pliers.
It was basically status quo in terms of pain (lots, which I expected) and I documented what I was feeling on Facebook.
Dec 9 3:26 pm
It actually hurts like a bitch when you fracture the root of a tooth. As in 500 mg of Vicodin every four hours is just makin’ it bearable. I really thought I had a pretty high pain threshold but this is making me want to start a riot in my house complete with hostages.
That molar in question is scheduled to be extracted tomorrow at 3. Just 23.5 more hours, she said willing the second hand to move faster.
Dec 11 4:06 am
The queen is dead folks. It’s out and I can’t decide which is worse — pain from a tooth that has fractures or pain from a missing tooth. Jury’s out but I still have the Mighty V helping me.
However, I do have to take more Vicodin to control things, so I guess that’s the answer right there.
Pain from a pulled tooth is greater than pain from a throbbing tooth. This concludes our science experiment for today.
Dec 14 5:22 am
I’m actually missing that back molar. I didn’t appreciate him when he was there and now he’s left a gaping hole, literally.
Dec 15 about an hour ago
If I could create a voodoo doll that transmitted dental pain to the recipient I would be a millionaire many times over.
Since this tooth was pulled on Thursday I have felt constant pain which varies from a level two (a dull roar) to a six (screaming, loud and will not be ignored.) I am seriously ready to put one of my kids in a head lock in the kitchen as I back away from Mr. C and hold a water bottle next to my hostage’s neck.
“Throw a full bottle of 1,000 mg of Vicodin on the floor toward my feet and no one will get hurt.”
Yesterday the oral surgeon admitted, somewhat grudgingly, that this may be a small case of dry socket. Dry socket, kids, is when the blood clot in the root is washed away and the root/jaw bone is exposed to the elements. It causes a hell of a lot of pain. The remedy is to visit the oral surgeon daily so he can put a medicated dressing up inside the hole to protect it and to help eliminate the pain.
The key word here is daily. He said maybe for a week. Dude, my kid goes to pre-school Mon/Wed/Friday. I have to send her for half a day today as it is to get yesterday’s dressing out so I can have a new one put in today.
AND I STILL FEEL A SHIT LOAD OF PAIN THAT VICODIN WILL NOT TOUCH~!~
According to this guy the medicated packing was supposed to provide immediate relief. When he went poking around the stitch yesterday it hurt enough that he numbed me up to put the packing in. Yeah, of course the pain went away because I was numb. As soon as the Novocaine wore off, the original pain came back in a big bad way.
My huge, huge fear is that the tooth next to the missing tooth is going bad. I don’t think that’s the case because I don’t feel pain there when I clench my teeth but it seems the stuff this guy is doing is not helping.
Tooth pain is a real bitch in heat, if you haven’t guessed. It will really jack up your outlook on life. Especially when drugs won’t take the pain away.
When I was a kid if I had a toothache my mom suggested I hold a mouthful of whiskey on that side to numb it.
Let’s stop for a minute and examine that piece of parental advice. At 9 or 10 years old I was nippin’ some Jack to stop a toothache. WTF folks? Was there no aspirin back in the late 70s? And would you ever tell your kid to take a shot of whiskey while you made an appointment with the dentist?
However, this is the same woman who poured rubbing alcohol on my skinned knees.
Regardless, I think I might be picking up a bottle of JD on the way home from the dentist today. GAH! I just have no words to explain what this constant pain feels like. It’s all-encompassing and it’s making concentrating on ANYTHING else impossible.
Crawls on the floor, clutching her collar as she screams in the air, “Why God? WHY?!”
p.s. Don’t even think about touching that Christmas tree at the curb until I tell you to think about touching it.
Tags: Things that are jacked up
