I wonder if Dr. G Medical Examiner could figure out the Elbow Incident

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I haven’t had a chance to watch many episodes of Dr. G Medical Examiner lately. That sucks because I find it extremely interesting, but my kids consider it one of my “freaky shows” that inspires nightmares. I don’t need my kids having nightmares so I forgo the show. I am also not organized enough to figure out when the show airs so I could possibly watch it while they are asleep.

Lastly, I’m lazy. Discovery Health comes in on the television in the living room. It’s too fuzzy and has double images and garbled audio upstairs in our bedroom. That would
be
optimal: lying
in bed watching
Dr. G
slice open some
dude while the kids
are asleep.
But that’s not an option.

So if I want to watch it, I have to watch while I lie on the couch. I told you, I’m lazy. I choose to lie in bed if I’m watching TV.

Ergo, no Dr. G.

What I enjoy most about Dr. G is that she always has to put the clues together to solve the mystery of how a person died. Sometimes it’s sort of straightforward and the family is there to question about what they think happened. The episodes I find most intriguing are when she has to figure out how a drifter or a murder victim died.

Few, if any, witnesses to question in those scenarios.

After she gathers her medical evidence, near the end of the segment, she gives her opinion of what happened and how the injuries were sustained. While she is explaining what happened in a voice over, a visual re-enactment is provided.

So I thought about her a couple of days ago while I was enjoying a spurt of cleaning energy. I was using my Mr. Clean Magic Eraser scrubbing the front of the lower cabinets, below the kitchen sink. As you probably know by examining your own kitchen sink, the counter top around the sink has an edge that hangs over the cabinets. So the cabinets are not flush with the countertop.

And I was scrubbing away on the front of the cabinets beneath that lip until my vigorous scrubbing ended up with my elbow jamming the lip of the counter top.

I thought I saw stars. It hurt like a betch. And my 5-year-old was watching me and my reaction. It was awesome trying to stifle expletives. So I jumped up and down as I rubbed my elbow. The funny bone actually. So my emotions ranged from searing pain to inappropriate chuckling.

I have created a re-enactment for your viewing pleasure. Don’t get on my back about drawing perspective and angles. It should be abundantly clear I am not an artist.

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Now the Elbow Incident occurred a few days before Les left a comment at Elle’s blog regarding made up words. She offered the word “snatz” and Elle thought that would make an awesome expletive. But in written form it should be capitalized. So if I had known the word “SNATZ” before the Elbow Incident occurred, I would have gladly screamed “SNATZ” over and over in the kitchen in front of my 5-year old.

But I didn’t.

Back to the point. After about ten minutes I had a huge goose egg forming on my elbow with a purplish hue. It ached and hurt for at least a day after.

So later that night as I was checking out the bruise in the mirror I thought, if I dropped dead right now of a massive heart attack would Dr. G be able to figure my elbow injury out at the autopsy? They would be seemingly separate incidents. Yet she would surely notice the purple goose egg on my elbow. Would she puzzle over the contusion as she learned of the cardiac event?

Would she be able to offer Mr. C solace as to how my death occurred? Or would she say, “Your wife had a massive heart attack. Do you have any idea why her elbow is bruised?”

Would Allison pipe up and explain that I hit my elbow on the counter earlier in the day while I was cleaning? Would they think to question Allison?

By now you are probably having the thought that crosses Mr. C’s mind daily: Why do you think of these things Cardiogirl?

To which I reply, “Because I am a creative, unique thinker who finds linear logic boring. Anymore questions?”

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