I think there’s sibling rivalry between my left and right eyebrow
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TO: My left eyebrow
FROM: Cardiogirl
RE: Your fickle nature
Let me start by saying I do appreciate your presence on my face. Besides being aesthetically pleasing I think your main function is to divert sweat away from my left eye. Most of the time your performance is stellar but occasionally you jack me up while I’m on the elliptical machine.
That’s not why we’re having this discussion but it might be something you could work on improving in 2010.
You also help me register surprise, anger and frustration; that’s awesome and I thank you for your continued support.
This is my vow to you — I will never allow anyone to inject Botox into my forehead thereby rendering you mute. We’re a team and we need to let the general public know, in tandem, what we’re thinking.
The reason why we’re chatting is because you seem to constantly make your presence known in a negative way — sometimes by dry skin and sometimes by irritated follicles.
I think we’re both happy that the small patch of eczema is actually going away now that I’ve been using the oil cleansing method on my face. That’s been nice; the itching is gone but a few flakes under the brow remain. I’m sure time will clear that up.
But why do you have days where the follicles themselves seem to protest being alive? It’s like the follicles are pissed off and bristling.
And to make matters worse, for some reason I feel the need to poke at the eyebrow when it feels that way. It sort of hurts when I push the eyebrow back and forth in a massaging motion, so why do I feel compelled to poke the beast?
Now I realize the irritated follicles are not a constant and I am thankful for that. We have weeks where you just hang out quietly like the right eyebrow.
As we both know, the right eyebrow really does not speak to me ever. It’s not my favorite — I love both of you equally — but it seems like you’re jockeying for attention whether it be negative or positive.
True, I don’t lavish praise on you when you’re good but you seem to be acting out. Can’t we meet somewhere in the middle?
I already threw out the ban on Botox. I’ll raise that offer to include no eyebrow pencil. I realize I’ve never approached you with an eyebrow pencil in my life, but there’s always the possibility of it when I hit 60 or 70, right?
All I ask is that you think about it and get back to me with your counteroffer.
Tags: Things that get on my very last nerve, Things that require my sarcasm
Being Greek, I’m a eyebrow expert. I have EPIC eyebrows. Two caterpillars up there (Don’t tell anybody, but I have been taming them a little recently). I have to say I’m disappointed in their sweat blocking performance when I play hockey. They don’t do the job. Maybe the helmet is interfering with them?
Anyhow, I hope old left eyebrow starts behaving.
I wonder if there’s some errant Greek gene running through my DNA. You know, now that I know you’re Greek I want to call you strugglingwriter-opolis because it sounds cool.
I guess I could give you the nickname Zeus, which might be easier to write.
I could live with being called Zeus. lol
So it is spoken, so it shall be.
you are funny as he**, you know that, don’t you?
“I will never allow anyone to inject Botox into my forehead thereby rendering you mute.” – loved it. loved the post. thanks for the much needed smile. your work here is done, at least until tomorrow.
at 60 or 70 i was told eyebrow hair thins out. and here i am thinking i need to have mine trimmed. well if i decide to go, when the woman rips the hair from my brow, i’ll ask for it back. it should survive on that piece of tape in a ziplock bag for the next 30 years. vrai?
Sometimes I wonder, but today I shall wonder no more. Instead I shall bask in the knowledge that is. I am funny as hell today. (insert Howard Dean scream here)
I can’t *wait* to see how my brows are going to thin out in 20 years. Mine are not quite as furry as strugglingwriter’s (he’s Greek you know) but they can totally compete with Brooke Shields’ brows.
p.s. What does vrai mean?
true.
Oh. Thanks Soonerchick.
Thanks, I needed a little comedic relief. I was about ready to kick my dog. Anywho…
It is my right eyebrow that has all the ‘tude. I can’t do anything with my left eyebrow. And I can’t promise on the Botox thing, way too vain. I already use alpha hydroxy.
And I was thinking in my head, “I wonder if she has changed her eyebrow pencil?” Alas, no worries in that regard. I wondered because I had what sounds similar to your irritated follicle(s) and started using an angled brush instead of the pencil and it’s been smooth sailing.
You’re welcome. I’m glad I could help the dog out today.
Hmm. I wonder if I attempted to brush the eyebrow at all if it would eliminate the follicle issue…
I somehow doubt it. Brushes come near my brows for cosmetic purposes only…and because I use an eye mask to sleep and it makes the brow hairs point straight up. Attractive.
What’s your cleansing routine post workout with that area? Might could keep some astringent or even witch hazel in your gym bag and wipe them down right after.
Soap and water. That’s what happens after the workout. Hmm, witch hazel, eh? I really don’t know what witch hazel is, or where to get it, but I’ve always loved the words.
It’s a natural astringent since using chemicals on your face is soooo passe. I imagine you can get it most anywhere these days, hold on. I’ll call my mom she’s into natural skin care. Well, I’ll need coffee for that first.
You’ll still have to pry my alpha hydroxy out of cold smooth hands.
I got distracted (hard to believe, I know) I just called Moma and she said she gets her big thing of witch hazel at Sally’s Beauty Supply. And I just checked, they have them in your neck of the woods.
http://stores.sallybeauty.com/default.aspx
I actually know of Sally’s Beauty Supply. Why do I know this? About 15 years ago I had the Kelly McGillis bob from Top Gun and I needed a super fine comb with a thin metal rod as the handle so I could back comb with a vengeance.
Where did I find it? At Sally’s. Do I still have it? Yes I do. My husband is afraid the kids are going to poke their eyes out with it.
I totally remember those. I need one now that you mention it. Teasing is necessary for good Bump-It use.
Yeah, the Bump-It is nothing without the fine-tooth comb.
Rubbing your eyebrows is instinctive. In fact, rubbing any painful part of the body is instinctive, because it causes endorphins to be released. These numb the pain, so you don’t feel it so much. People also often rub their eyebrows when they’re stressed as this (whether or not the eyebrow is hurting) causes the endorphins to be released.
I’ve been at work since 7AM today, and it’s now 17:11. That’s why I’m not making much sense. Gah.
I can buy that we’re attracted to pushing against the pain. I did feel relief when I began the pushing phase of labor and I thought that was really weird. But my doctor said it was a strange but true phenomenon.
He didn’t mention anything about endorphins, but at the time I wasn’t interested in the full explanation.
I have been wanting to have my eyebrows “shaped” for years now, but somehow other things got in the way – you know, like rent, the electric bill, t-ball uniforms. Vanity is not so much ignored on the basis of ethics or morals as it is on the basis of finances, at our house. That said, I’ve already had one plastic surgery (thank you, multiple pregnancies) but I do prefer to go the less invasive route when it comes to beauty whenever possible.
Yeah, I’ve wondered what a stylist could do with these furry brows. What stops me (along with a lack of money) is an irrational fear that I’ll absolutely HATE what she did — do men work as eyebrow waxers? — and then my eyebrows will never grow back.
That’s irrational, right?
um.
well….
It IS possible for eyebrows which are over-plucked or -waxed to not ever fully grow back. There are actually several documented cases that I can think of right off the top of my head, the most famous being Lucille Ball. But I don’t think it’s terribly common, especially if you go to someone fairly reputable.
On a brighter note, I’ve never heard of men employed as eyebrow waxers, but I suppose anything’s possible. I would think, however, that they would not necessarily be any more or less competent than women, especially since men who are in beauty professions tend to lean a bit towards the girly side themselves.
Lucy had NO EYEBROWS?! I know she painted eyebrows on, but I assumed there was some hair under there. Although her brows were pretty high on her head as I think about it.
Again, as I think about this, most of the make up artists on America’s Next Top Model and Project Runway are men. Huh.
As V said…you are funny as he** :) My eyebrows are pretty cooperative in general however my skin has decided to take on a bit of a ‘tude the last couple of weeks….extremely annoying!!
You know what you need to do, right? The oil cleanse method. It’s sort of messy, though.
This makes me ask …. what good are eyebrows to the human body anyway? Don’t give me schlock about it being a throw-back to caveman. If that were the case then we should probably have hairy elbows and heels. But eyebrows?? What do they protect us from? Eyelashes I understand. Scalp hair I understand. Hairy knuckles, not so much. And what is it with aging and eyebrows? What genetic disposition sets in to grown them three feet long??? Oh, but you’ve set me off on a rant now haven’t you.
what good are eyebrows to the human body anyway? i thought they were needed to keep the nail and hair salons in business, but couldn’t help doing a yahoole search. this screams jeopardy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eyebrow. interesting stuff.
our brows speak when our mouth (bet’not) better not. and we would look totally silly w/o them. don’t believe…shave them off and you’ll see. or maybe not. everything on our body is there for a reason, we were created with such thought. i love that.
or either our eyebrows function as windshield wipers. i think i like that better. that’s how the windshield wiper was invented!
um what good is a mustache though? a hairy upper lip. seriously?
Yes – we would TOTALLY look silly without eyebrows, but is that because we all have them and are used to seeing them?
I will take extra long eyebrow hair over that nasty upper lip hair any day. Don’t even get me started on women with mustaches.
@LJ Wait, I thought the mustaches were there to indicate relative strength among women. The women of the Eastern Bloc seem to have a leg up in that department.
Um, Poland and Germany are located in the Eastern Bloc right? Because I am not strong. I used to be strong but not anymore.
@V Mine don’t seem to work at full capacity if they divert water and express feelings. The expression part works well, but the water thing needs a tune up.
I just did a post about how I had my eyebrows waxed for the first time ever. I’m afraid I might get my butch card revoked, but I even admit to a small amount of eye brow pencil in that photo. Borrowed of course, because I don’t own any make-up, unless you count chapstick.
I’m loving the unbush look. It definitely beats tweezing.
I can’t tweeze to save my life for more than 10 hairs. My eyes water and I start sneezing uncontrollably. Waxing, no problem. My face just turns bright red for several hours.
@Lola You made me laugh my head off regarding your butch card!
I think tweezing over a 10-year period or so will eventually kill the follicles. I used to have a crazy monobrow in junior high — thank you puberty — but I diligently tweezed and by the time I was 23 or 24 the hair finally stopped growing. I wonder if they waxed eyebrows back in the early 80s.
@Liz Yeah, tweezing sucks donkey, no question. Thankfully I don’t start sneezing but my eyes do water.
Man, I HATE my eyebrows. I mean, I like that they’re THERE, because I would look like a freak with that no-brow-Kristen-McMenamy-circa-1991 look, but on the other hand, the full-natural-Brooke-Shields-caterpillar thing doesn’t really work for me either. Plus, I’m a blonde, but my eyebrows are relatively dark, except for like a dozen weird, spiky, blondish-grayish hairs in each brow that are like … cat whiskers, kinda. I get my brows “done” maybe 4-5 times a year, and then I stress out about it in between, because I feel like I look like a mutant with out-of-control eyebrows. I tried to groom them once by trimming them myself and it looked like I used a weedwhacker. And I can’t do tweezing, it makes me cry like a little girl.
Eyebrow wax makes trimming them much easier, but I think all eyebrow upkeep takes practice.
Have you been to an eyebrow artist? That man changed the whole shape of my face.
Or you could try coloring/bleaching your eyebrows. I imagine that would make the in between time less noticeable.
@rockle I have never heard of Kristen McMenamy but I swear I will have nightmares for the rest of my life now.
Mine are, um, healthy as well but I’ve never once gone to a professional. Maybe I should save my pennies and consider it.
@Liz There are eyebrow artists?
Oh, yes my dear blogging friend.
I’ve had my brows done in all sorts of places. Nail salons are typically the most dependable and economical. Normally around $12. Upkeep is considerably easier afterward, too.
Buuut, there’s this guy who worked at my salon back in Knoxville. For $22 he would spend 15-20 minutes on your brows making them perfect. He could really see the perfect lines. It really can change your face.
I’ve heard of those eyebrow magicians who can make perfection out of the follicles. As mentioned earlier, I would love to experience that just once.
Wouldn’t that be funny if he made your eyebrows look mad and then you had to live with it until they grew in? Well, it wouldn’t be funny if he did it to me, but it would be funny if he did it to someone else.
But it would suck for that person.
Your mind works in very strange ways, CG.