I know. If every person did his part the world would be a better place, now excuse me while I get out of Dodge
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Last night was the first day of swimming lessons at the Y. In a stroke of luck, all three of them have class at the same time at different ends of the pool. Because of that I was able to sit in the lobby and read my book watch them through the wall of glass windows. Unfortunately I had to sit next to Yoga Betch while trying to tune her out.
She earned the name Yoga Betch when she blocked my way through the hallway outside of the workout area. That hallway is where you hang your coat, keys and various sundries. It is also an area where you can stretch but it’s sort of narrow, so you need to be mindful of the other patrons.
A few months ago I headed down that hallway to get my keys which were hanging on a hook on the right side of the wall. She was stretching on the left side of the hall with her back leg blocking my way. So I said, “Excuse me.”
No response.
I tried again a bit louder, “Excuse me.”
No response, she continued to look straight at the wall even though I was positive she could see me in her peripheral vision since I was standing roughly three feet away from her head and neck region.
Louder still I said, “Excuse me.”
No response.
Um, is this thing on? I couldn’t hear her music blasting from her headphones so I was pretty sure she must have heard me. And I’m certain she’s not blind so I deduced that she was ignoring me.
Just shy of shouting, I tried one last time, “Excuse me!”
Not a damn thing. I was furious. I wanted so badly to backhand her on the shoulder but out of principal I refused to touch her. So I walked out of the hallway, passed her on the outside of the wall, entered from the other side, snatched my keys and then stepped over her back leg which was still extended blocking the way.
Gah.
So last night we both used the family locker room and I was treated to her take on the environment via a friendly, albeit sarcastic, argument she had with a 60-something overweight man in swim trunks. Someone left a Styrofoam cup of water on the bench in front of the lockers and he was asking if it belonged to anyone.
No takers. He issued one last query and then headed to the trash to throw it away. But before he could toss it she grabbed it out of his hand and said, “I’ll take that. I’d rather recycle it than have it sit in a landfill for the next 50 years.”
Then they went back and forth about how both of them were environmentally aware but that landfills are the devil’s spawn even though they are a necessity. He threw some digs, she threw some digs — all in a friendly, sing-song voice — and I ushered my kids out the door. But not before I heard the word “landfill” bounce off the locker room walls at least three more times.
That was the moment I decided we were using the women’s locker room next time.
Tags: Things that are jacked up, Things that get on my very last nerve
I am fuming mad for you! Next time push her leg down and walk through. I can see myself doing that!
Man, I would have loved to. I should have said, as I walked away, “Uh, by the way betch, eff you.”
okay i know i’m a low talker and i do throw a little bass in my voice so i don’t have to repeat myself. however, there are some people who just refuse to acknowledge and move to excuse me. fine. i walk by, but not before clipping them with my shoulder, my shopping cart or making some bodily contact and then i say excuse me – of course they are expecting it then – like i mean it.
i think to myself: next time move your arse. especially at shop-rite. move your ****** cart! i hate that.
send me her address or license plate number if you get around to it. you should not have to go out of your way just to get by. effer.
my blood pressure just went up.
and really, you hung your keys there. i never felt comfortable leaving my keys at the front desk when i went to the gym. umm, that’s okay. i’ll hold on to everything. i mean it surprises me that you would.
I love the image of a DJ in a sound booth, inside your brain, holding a pair of headphones to one ear while he uses the other hand to slide the lever up to increase the bass in your voice.
Surprisingly, yes. I do hang my keys over there and so does everyone else. I guess it’s the mob mentality. If everyone is doing it, it must be okay. Right?
And yes. I would jump if everyone else was hurtling off the precipice.
i forgot to ask, do you swim? my guess says you know how and no.
She deserved to be smacked! I’d like to think I would have just stepped over her both ways. If you are going to be stupid then you are going to be treated stupid. lol
I’ll tell you what, I see her about 80% of the time when I work out and just seeing her bugs the living shit out of me.
She uses the fourth elliptical from the left in the front row and pedals like a psycho — she’s seriously doing at least 180 reps per minute. But that’s not all. Oh no.
While she’s pedaling on the elliptical she extends her arms backwards and twists her shoulders so her arms are going in reverse, I guess so she can get her yoga on while she’s getting her cardio in.
She’s quite skeletal, actually.
Isn’t it crazy how once someone aggravates you, you see the every-freakin’-where and the mere sight of them brings all the aggravation back!
I can’t believe she ignored you like that. But you know, it’s all about THEM, those kind of people. You probably messed up her meditating or something as she stretched. HOW DARE YOU?!
Lawd. People are so self-centered, it’s insane. It makes me want to climb a mountain and live like a hermit on my own.
We have swim lessons on Mondays and Wednesdays, but it’s at the pool on base. There’s no lobby in which to sit. There’s a small foyer-type thing with a receptionist, and a couple of really old couches on which one could lounge, if one wishes, but most parents sit on the pool deck and watch their kids. I’m one of the “bad parents” because I sit at the deep end of the pool, where there is more room for ME to wander around, instead of heading all the way down to the shallow end where my kid has lessons. Also I’m not a helicopter parent, so I’m perfectly okay with her being an Olympic-sized pool away from me. Haha.
(PS — I responded to your comment on my blog.)
It truly was all about her. God I really wanted to smack the shit out of her head. Like right above her ear — just a good ear boxing. That would have been so satisfying.
YES! Return comments at bluesleepy’s pad!
Styrofoam? Ummmm, I don’t think you can recycle that so what was her plan? Is she gonna wash it out and drink from it for the next few days? I say you buy a whole pack of Styrofoam cups, tell her you accidentally bought too many and offer them to her and watch her head turn completely around.
I wondered about that too. Once a foam cup, forever a foam cup. I thought.
I don’t know nothin’ ’bout recycling Styrofoam. But it certainly begs the following question: If it’s so heinous, why do they keep producing it?
Cost benefit analysis, baby.
I hate that yoga betch. I refuse to capitalize her name, and I would REALLY prefer to use the real “B” word, but out of respect for your blog, I will refrain.
Speaking of refrain, how DO you manage to keep from kicking people in situations like the Hallway Incident of the Unobtainable Keys? Man, I would’ve given her a good hard one (kick) or somehow managed to step on her leg, making it look like an accident, of course.
You’re a better man than I, Gunga Din.
It’s hard to be this repressed but someone has to carry the torch.
How rude and annoying. Next time you should send your kids to get your keys and make sure that they are sticky or wet before you send them on their mission. That would serve her right.
Oh man — that would have been awesome! Too bad I didn’t think of that.
After doing yoga for a year, I have come to find just about everyone in those classes are “yoga betches” and I detest it.
You should have given her a good kick.
I’ve wondered what a yoga class would be like, but I just know I couldn’t sit through one. It’s not my thang, by a long shot.
I’m not sure if this surprises you or not.
I would take a cue from my very strict grandmother, God rest her soul. That lady would have received a swift, stern poke on the shoulder until she stood up, removed those headphones and then would have had the etiquette of basic space explained to her.
I would then grab my keys, apologize for needing to interrupt her stretching, and say goodbye.
What is wrong with people?
Wow, that does surprise me because I would expect Grandma to do that to her blood relatives, but not to people in public.
The difference between familial instructions and public ones is the latter is expressed with a great deal of charm. And stretching betch would stand there agape feeling apologetic afterward, but probably unable to speak.
While the former usually involved trying to dodge a smack.
Did you ever watch Designing Women? Think Julia. I’ll find a youtube clip if I can.
Naturally over the top, but yeah. Thanks for reminding to watch youtube clips. I loved that show. Gerald Mcraney sounds like my daddy. Anywho,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qz_ZpoYBzaw&feature=related
That my dear blogging friend, is how you put someone in their place and then calmly walk away.
Yeah, joke’s on Yoga Bitch since styrofoam ain’t remotely recyclable. The fact that she actually grabbed the cup out of his hand and started going off about how much Greener Than Thou she imagined she was frankly makes her also both Smug Bitch AND Ignorant Bitch.
Congrats honey, you win the Insufferable Trifecta!
LOVED the Trifecta and the Greener Than Thou statement.
You did it. You traipsed in and snatched the Gold Star of the Day, missy.
I would have gotten myself in trouble. I would have purposely tripped over her, said something… I don’t know. I’m not a direct person and I hate conflict, but I can see myself purposely tripping over her and acting like I was hurt LOL! EVERY TIME you go there you should be SURE you have a Styrofoam cup in your hand!
Snaps on the passive-aggressive streak Katherine! I’m hugely into avoidance so I’m amazed that you could pull that off. (Produces a polite golf clap.)
Am i allowed to say to kick her next time?
She sounds like a sweet heart from hell. Rude people are so irritating, and I’m not really a fan of yoga either. I’ve tried it, but honestly all I want to do while I’m doing yoga is go for a run. I get no satisfaction from yoga, at all…but I can be odd.
There is a heifer who attends a lot of meetings in my division at work. She tends to bunch up in the hallway outside the ladies’ room with a bunch of her old-money, fancy-pants lawyer cronies. And she will. not. move. No matter how many times, or how loudly, I say, “excuse me.” My husband (reminding me once again why I fell in love with him) suggested that next time I should just drop my shoulder, ram her, and then apologize as if I had accidentally bumped her. I don’t know if I have the nerve to do it, but it would be so sweet.
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