I had tons of cake and now I’m afraid my colon is going to pay for it. Oh yeah, Osama Bin Laden is dead
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We haven’t gone stream of consciousness in a while so pack your bags because that’s where we’re headed.
Two down, one to go
My middle kid made her First Communion yesterday! Yay! There was a lot of prep time that went into this venture beginning in October so I’m really glad that it’s behind us. On the plus side, she’s jacked that she can now go to Communion while we’re at Mass. On the minus side, she’s bummed out that she can no longer color with crayons during the rest of the Mass like her younger sister does.
We figure once they’re old enough to read along in the hymnal and go to Communion they can sit still and watch the priest for one hour. They also know that sitting still equals a donut.
I have to say I was choked up as I watched her receive the Body and Blood of Christ. I was sort of surprised by that because I could give a rip about all of the other people who shuffle up the aisle like cattle each week.
Planning the Tribal Blogs Conference
Girlfriend desperately needs to experience a few luxury holidays once this blogging conference wraps up. Oy vey, there’s a lot of work involved in creating a chocolate-filled, Converse-wearin’, fame-laden, trick-learnin’, blog-blingin’, Prior-Fat-Girl/Junk-Drawer-Blog/Nanny-Goat-in-Panties-speakin’ rock star get together.
Jen from Redhead Ranting is running this show and delegating a lot of stuff but both she and I have mounds of dirty laundry, tons of dishes that need to be washed, children who have to be fed and neglected personal blogs to show for this effort. As you’ve no doubt noticed, my posts are sporadic and answering comments has been a challenge.
And forget about me heading out there to visit your blogs. I’m like that friend who suddenly got a boyfriend and now I only call you when he’s not available. Ugh, I hated that girl.
I’ve also gained 100,000 Alexa points which ain’t cool. But I’m going to meet a ton of funky fresh bloggers in June and by then no one will be visiting this blog anyway so you won’t even notice that it has withered and died. I really need to do a better job of planning and organizing.
None for me, I’ll just have the Gatorade and Miralax cocktail
I’m getting ready to join the ranks of Katie Couric. That’s right, I’m having my first colonoscopy tomorrow. And that means nothing but clear liquid today and a gallon of Miralax this evening. That’s what worries me the most — the minutes and hours immediately after I drink the mix.
I’ll probably down shift into worrying about the probe tomorrow morning, but for today I’m concerned about being able to sprint up 15 stairs without leaking. And you know I’m weighing myself this morning and tomorrow morning to see the results of my efforts.
Side note: Mr. C had the anal probe last month and while I was sitting with him waiting for him to wake up, I overheard the guy in the next bed talking to his wife (there was only a curtain to separate each bed.) He was in his 60s and he was extremely pissed off.
You know why he was pissed off? Because they put him under and discovered that his colon was filled with shit. The doctor couldn’t see anything so they had to abort the mission.
And that means he went under for nothing and he has to do it all over again. After he yelled for a while he did mention that he couldn’t stand the taste of the Miralax, he couldn’t drink most of it and he threw some of it up.
I would have been furious to wake up only to find out it didn’t work. Yuck. And now I really am worried that I ate too much cake yesterday at my kid’s Communion celebration.
That’s all I got for this Monday morning. Hang on.
Jen just IMed me to ask if I watched the news. Um, hell no. I don’t watch the news. I’ve told you this a hundred times so don’t be shocked. So, it turns out President Obama announced the killing of Al Qaeda leader and 9/11 mastermind Osama bin Laden just after 11:30 p.m. last night.
So there you go, you probably read it last over here. What? I never said this was CNN.
Tags: Things that make me anxious, Things that require my sarcasm
I’m normally so psyched I’m first, but I feel like that guys butthole this morning. Total shit.
We stayed up to watch President Obama’s address. I got a little choked up. I learned about it from the announcers of the baseball game I was watching.
I read your title and thought it was a joke, so you aren’t the last to have heard the news. I don’t have the TV on in the mornings, so until Mo came home and told me I knew nothing – and that was midday!
Congrats to your daughter.
Babs (beetle) recently posted..Let’s throw spaghetti on the floor!
I bawled during my daughter’s First Communion. The girls all look so pretty. Now my daughter wants me to do wine…is it bad I worry about germs? ;)
Did you go back and see YOUR hat picture I posted? Heehee!
Good luck…hope you are cleaned out so they don’t abort the mission. AND you are ENCOURAGED to fart…how cool is that?!
i’ve missed your daily blog posts, but in the past, you’ve shown up for us day after day, year after year, just like the sun, and i appreciate that. though i do feel like something is not right when the sun doesn’t come out and i stare at my monitor like wth. *blink*
sometimes i even refresh, but i know you’re busy with the conference, so i’m cutting you some slack. :)
thanks for this, i laughed out loud!:
you know why he was pissed off? Because they put him under and discovered that his colon was filled with shit. The doctor couldn’t see anything so they had to abort the mission.
i don’t want to do that colon thing. i already know i’m full of shet! next.
This is all my fault because Cardiogirl has been the glue over at Tribal Blogs. She has worked day in and day out on all kinds of projects that are awesome. She has done so much work for the conference that I don’t even know how to begin to thank her for everything she has done. But it will be over next month and then we can all get back to regular blogging and normal life and all that.
Jen recently posted..Osama bin Laden Dead and Buried at Sea
alright jen, just make sure you take care of her and return her in the condition in which she was given to you. ;) when translated that means she better not come back pregnant, i’m not raising no baby. payment: i think she wanted a vacation in hawaii with me as her guest. at least that’s what I heard.
i’m sure the conference will be great, will it be video taped? hey what if i pulled a kanye west and crashed the conference by parachute landing on the stage. that would be cool, considering the roof is open and you don’t have a gun permit.
My husband had that last year, the doc had him mix the mirilax with blue gatoraide, he couldn’t even taste it. make sure you have baby wipes you’re going to need them.
TMI Madge!
Jen recently posted..Osama bin Laden Dead and Buried at Sea
Just trying to help a sister out. :)~
I know, you are all kinds of help! I suggested Depends but got nixed.
Jen recently posted..Osama bin Laden Dead and Buried at Sea
I would rather spend the whole day in the bathroom with a computer on my lap than to enjoy the convenience and comfort of an adult diaper.
madge recently posted..Quote of the Day
Yeah, it seems to work for Meleah pretty well.
Jen recently posted..Osama bin Laden Dead and Buried at Sea
That’s sweet about the first holy communion. Very cool.
I’m happy they got Bin Laden, but I’m not gonno go out in the streets chanting USA USA because some dude is dead.
strugglingwriter recently posted..Two Years
I haven’t had one though I have a friend who is having one today. Go figure. I had an aunt who had one and after the Miralax had a blow out. I happened to be on the phone with her at the time. Stay by the john.
Yes, sister, this conference has taken it’s toll but it’s going to be so much fun and I can’t wait to meet everyone in real life. We will be giving away a couple of publishing packages worth $999.00. (If Meleah wins I am sure I (and everyone else) will be deaf.) which means someone with a book out there (all of us) will be able to publish it and get it out for free!!!
commercial over
I really wanted to call you last night when I saw the news about Osama. Of course it was really late. I thought of sending you an email because I just knew you wouldn’t have seen it. Really I just wanted to be able to tell someone who hadn’t already seen it on the news and I just knew that would be you last night. I totally expected you to know by this morning so was a little surprised that you didn’t. Totally cool that I got to give you the news.
Jen recently posted..Osama bin Laden Dead and Buried at Sea
I’ve had one already. Personally I didn’t really have much movement after the drink. I guess I’m not as full of shit as people say. I was worried I hadn’t gone enough before I went in but turns out everything went well.
I was trying to watch the Apprentice when it got interrupted so I watched the news. Otherwise I wouldn’t have know until today.
Junebug recently posted..Sunday Social
It’s a little coincidental don’t ya think, that Trump’s show got interrupted. I also just learned that it came exactly 8 years to the day from the day President Bush said we won the war or “mission accomplished”.
Jen recently posted..Osama bin Laden Dead and Buried at Sea
Awwww…… yay for her First Communion!
* I know how busy you and Jennifer have been putting together the Tribal Blogs Conference. I’m trying my best to do my part to help; and now that I am no longer dying from the plague, I will be seriously more involved this week.
* Oh girl, the PREP for the colonoscopy is much worse than the actual test. I should know. I’ve had 4 of them. You’ll be fine when it’s all over!
4 of them? Ouch, that cannot be any fun at all.
Jen recently posted..Osama bin Laden Dead and Buried at Sea
OMG! Seriously? You had cake yesterday?!?!? :-)
Congratulations to your daughter. I can imagine how proud you are.
Am I going to the conference? Was I invited? Will there be cake or has that already been eaten?
Acadia recently posted..Superficial Movies – Fast Five
Of course you have been invited, stop blocking my emails for cryin’ out loud. There will be cake, I promise, if I have to bake it myself there will be cake.
Jen recently posted..Osama bin Laden Dead and Buried at Sea
Everytime I hear about the TBC I get sad because I am not going. But there is always next year!
I had my first colonoscopy done by the doctor I was actually working for. What a damn nightmare that was. Nothing like heading back to the work the next day knowing that your boss has seen you not only naked but was the one shoving some probe up your ___. And like Meleah said, the prep is definitely the worst part. Once you wake up it’s like nothing has happened.
Monique recently posted..I Have A Blog Post
Don’t be sad, just come to the conference. And if you can’t you can always watch it on Skype (if we ever figure that out) or watch the videos after the fact. But being there would be the best. Next year for sure if you can’t make it this year. Next year is in CA so it for sure won’t be snowing.
Jen recently posted..Osama bin Laden Dead and Buried at Sea
Why are you having a colonoscopy? Usually you don’t have to do that until you are 50. My husband had to have one when he was 40 because he had a polyp when he was younger. I remember going in the room afterwards and asking the doctor if he found Pete’s head up there. I thought I was pretty funny, but I am sure the poor GI doc has heard it 100 times before.
Congrats on the communion! We are at the communion Mass yesterday because Vinnie sings in the choir. Quite boring when it isn’t your own kid up there!
Michelle recently posted..Easter Fun!
“you probably read it last over here.” Ba-HAHAHA!!!!
Ugh, hopefully by the time you read this, you’ll have already been done probed. I am SO not looking forward to mine which shouldn’t be for another 4 years or so, but will feel like 2 months from now because stuff you hate seems to sneak up on you and then drag out for a reallllly realllllly long time.
Did you ever see that show about obese people at that hospital. I can’t remember then name but I think it is on one of the health channels. Anyway they did an x-ray or something of this guy’s gut and he had food in there that was rotting because there was so much he couldn’t process it or something. It was just there for soooo long. That’s a show that will keep anyone on a diet.
Jen recently posted..Osama bin Laden Dead and Buried at Sea
Ack!
Margaret (Nanny Goats) recently posted..Sacramento Mobile Food Festival Slaps Virtual Food Truck Ban in the Face
You sure they didn’t find it in one of his folds?
madge recently posted..Quote of the Day
Find what?
Jen recently posted..Osama bin Laden Dead and Buried at Sea
The un-digested rotting food.
I know, I know, gross sorry, that’s just the first thing I thought of.
madge recently posted..Quote of the Day
It was an x-ray, they showed in his intestines. It was really gross but not like the yeast infection he probably had under his flaps.
Jen recently posted..Osama bin Laden Dead and Buried at Sea
Just a quick note to say I’m hoping your prep & colonoscopy go better than you expect. I’m praying to St. Albert the Great for you. He’s the patron saint of medical technicians. That’s the closest I could get to anyone up there who knows shit about shit.
Kathy recently posted..Who is This Person
I feel for ya, Cardiogirl!!! I am really bad about getting that particular procedure even though colon cancer runs rampant in my family. I think you are both smart and brave. I am a coward.
I know you might not be hanging around the blogosphere today but if you do, I have something waiting over at The Art of Being Conflicted for you. Just pick it up when time permits.
Cheryl P. recently posted..An Award You Say!
You know, it’s funny how you jumped from Alexa right into getting a colonoscopy. It’s almost as if you equated the drop in ranking with that not so welcome procedure.
Hola CG,
Congrats to you ladies at Tribal Blogs, the conference sounds like it will be a.maz.ing! Such a good cause for you not to post on here daily. I was wondering what was going on but I dare not ask because I didn’t want to be rude. I’d like to see pictures from the conference because I’m nosy like that and want to feel like I was there even though I wasn’t.
The colonoscopy just sounds icky but I know it’s for the best. Good luck with that!
Oh and I was up for all 10 minutes of the POTUS’ address to the nation…I am slightly concerned about retaliation and I feel weird about being happy about another person’s death.
Faith recently posted..Monday Ranting – Guilty Pleasures
I’ve had 2 colonoscopys. I am supposed to go for a 3rd, but waiting for a form from the state that says I’ve had insurance so I don’t get stung with pre-existing conditions.
It’s no picnic. The stuff does taste nasty. There is a pill you can take instead, but of course they NEVER offer that. They just give you a gallon of nasty tasting stuff. And yes, you must be near a bathroom at ALL times. And one more tmi…while you are prepping for your procedure…there is no such thing as passing gas. If you feel like you have to, make a run for the bathroom, cuz it’s definitely not just gas.
They usually give you Valium and Vercid to relax you. It knocks some people out, others it just makes them extremely relaxed. I watched both of my procedures. And the 2nd one the gastroenterologist chastised me, accusing me of not having consumed the entire gallon. They can tell, if they see that you haven’t been…er…ah…completely cleaned out, they will comment, and if they can’t see enough, you will need to do the prep procedure and colonscopy all over again. Thankfully I didn’t need to do a repeat.
Oh, and bonus! Afterwards, you get to pass gas freely, because they pump air into your colon so the camera can see everything. And passing gas is pretty much required in the recovery room. Lol!
Lola recently posted..I still feel like a loser in high school
CG,
Hope all went well with the colonoscopy!
First communion is always good to see, especially if it is your child! Glad to hear it went well!! She will, hopefully, get to enjoy the homilies and watching the Mass unfold now!
Wishing I could be at the conference this year!! Hopefully next year!
In Christ,
Don
http://exposeyourblog.com
Hang in there girl, all your hard work for the conference will pay off. It will be awesome! I’m so bummed I’m going to miss it. All these posts I’m reading about it is only adding to my misery, but so be it, when you have kids, you must put their exam schedule above your desire to rub elbows with the super hot bloggers.
Good luck with the colonoscopy. I’m certain there is one in my near future as well.
Sandra recently posted..My husbands dirty whore mistress
[...] I’m alive, the colonoscopy was awesome — no complaints. The prep was not bad at all — I lost 3.5 lbs. and I don’t remember anything about the anal probing. [...]