I almost suffered a heat stroke on sheer principle
Remember I told you about finding a used cup of tea, complete with used tea bag in a styrofoam cup, inside the sauna? A couple of weeks ago I had a dream I met that woman who left the skanky cup inside the sauna. She was walking out and I was like, “Woah, woah, woah, Ginga. Is that your tea?”
Faceless woman in the dream: “Yes.”
Me, indignant: “You’re not gonna just leave it there, are you?”
Faceless woman in the dream:”Yes.”
Me, indignant and now self righteous: “Uh, no. You need to take that nasty cup and throw it away. If you bring something in the sauna you need to take it right back out.”
And she did. In my dream. She threw it away. In the dream.
Anyway, in real life I’ve found a cup like that twice. The first time the other lady in the sauna, who I thought the cup belonged to, threw it away. The second time that effer was sitting there by its lonesome on the top seat. I threw it away before I entered.
What is it with people? Gah! I am almost rendered mute when it comes to explaining this. Come on people. It’s common courtesy. Would you
blow
your nose
in public and
simply throw
the used, wadded
up tissue on the
floor when you are done with it? The answer better be no.
My kid does that and I am continually hounding her to pick it up and put it in the trash. Where. It. BELONGS!
Moving on to how I almost suffered a heat stroke in an effort to win bragging rights.
I was sitting in the sauna yesterday and had been there alone for a good 20 minutes. Everything was copacetic. Then two women entered at the same time. Both were naked, both had towels. One woman kept her towel wrapped around her body and sat down. Thank you.
The other woman did not. She sat on the lower bench and I really felt like her therapist had challenged her to sit upright, proud and naked on the bench in the sauna. She had bangs and long brown hair, like I do. Her hair was not in a ponytail.
So as is my custom, I settled in with my endurance. It’s my competitive nature. I would do very well on Survivor or Big Brother, when an endurance challenge is set forth. I will win at any cost.
The woman who was wrapped up in a towel eventually left. Then Naked Lady jumped up on the top bench with me and we went at it mano y mano. I had my eyes closed but I could hear the shift of the bench and when I did sneak a peek she was to my left. No matter, I felt good and my mind set was positive.
Then another woman came in, this one dressed as I was, and she sat down on the bottom bench between the two of us up there on the top bench. I was getting hot. I had emptied the last of my water. And I was starting to have to breathe through my mouth.
I felt Naked Lady’s smug attitude emanating from the top bench. And I thought yaeh, I’m hunkerin’ down Lady, but I wish I had some more water. And I wish you would cover yourself with a towel. I feel it is necessary to mention that I simply caught one glimpse of her nakedness, okay? I wasn’t staring, it was more the idea that she was sitting less than an arm’s length away while my eyes were closed trying to block out the. Nakedness. I didn’t have to look.
So by this time I had been sitting in the sauna for a good 45 minutes. Naked Lady had gotten there when I was already in for 20 minutes. And she must have her own issues with competition and scarcity of love because she was not budging. Damn her! (shakes fist in the air)
I lasted another five minutes, completing my time in the sauna at 50 minutes. I tried to hop off the bench with my head held high, but I felt like I lost. Damn that woman! So I went to the sink, to the left of the sauna door and rinsed my face and arms, like I normally do and blew my nose. Then I cleaned my glasses and headed back toward the lockers.
That took maybe four minutes.
As I walked past the door to the sauna, it opened and out walked Naked Lady. And I thought, ‘I KNEW you were waiting me out. I still win!’
And then I went on my way. With my heart beating extra fast and my face beet red. From the heat.
But I won. I did. Because I was there 20 minutes before she ever got there.
So in short I almost died of heat stroke. But I did win, and that’s all that counts.
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