How to: the Cardiogirl edition
17 VIPs have spoken »
Today Ron from Vent… a series of takes gave his opinion on why people feel the need to invade another person’s space. I’ll let you be the judge of that, but he had a fun graphic that went with his post and I loved the style of it.
That got me to thinking about my lack of doodles. I’ve been slacking on the doodling. And since I saw that doodle I wanted to see if I could draw like that. Really that’s what today’s post is about, but that’s boring. So I’m going to give you a series of how tos regarding Cardiogirl.
How to piss off Cardiogirl
A long time ago when I was a reporter for a newspaper someone called in with a story idea. I can’t even remember what the story was about. After I interviewed the guy who called in I asked for his phone number so I could call him back with any questions that came up.
The guy gave me his phone number but he said it in such a cadence that I had to ask him to repeat it at least five times.
In the US a standard phone number is seven digits long minus the area code. When you give someone your phone number you say the first three numbers and pause. Then you give the next four numbers. That’s how you do it. That’s how everyone does it. That’s the accepted way to recite your phone number in America. Got that? Good.
This guy had a phone number that only used the numbers six and seven. So he thought it was hilarious to give his phone number in a two-digit sequence with no pauses in between.
Me: “What’s your number?”
Him: “Do you have a pen ready?”
Me: “Yes.”
Him: “Six seven six seven six seven six.”
Me: “Pardon?
Him: “Six seven six seven six seven six.” Repeat sequence until he finally says, “Isn’t that funny? That’s how I give my number because it messes people up. It’s really six seven six (pauses) six seven six seven.”
Me: “Thanks.” (Thinks ASSHOLE.)
How to make Cardiogirl obsess and then become homicidal
We have some puzzles in the house; I like a good jigsaw puzzle. A long time ago I bought a puzzle of the 50 states. I figured it would help both me and my kids learn where the states are and what the state capitals are. As you may know, the upper east coast basically from Virginia up to Maine has some teeny tiny states.
So those wooden puzzle pieces are very small. And very easy to lose. But for some reason I always feel I can find those pieces, if I look long enough. I get my kids involved. We tear the house apart and rejoice every time another piece is found. It’s an awesome feeling.
The sense of accomplishment is so great that I will spend weeks in search of a puzzle piece. When I finally get everything together I really feel great.
On rare occasions, however, I have to bring Mr. C into the equation. Usually he asks me, “Why don’t you buy a new (fill in the blank)?” I always tell him I’m positive it’s in the house and I know I can find it. Then I illustrate clearly what I am looking for.
When we are finally on the same page he invariably says, “Oh. That? I threw that away a long time ago.”
After he says that, this is what appears inside my mind.
How to make Cardiogirl happy
Mocha frappe, how I love thee. I’m not a fan of Mickey D’s but roughly six months ago I met the frappe on a trip up north to visit my in-laws. I loved it so much I tried to get one when we got back to Detroit.
But they’d never heard of it. WTF, man?
That was wrong on many levels. And it really made me mad. Eventually I gave up the fight and figured I’d have one every six months, whenever we make the trek to the Great White North.
And then, yea verily, I saw a sign ’round these parts advertising a cool, frosty frappe. Just $2.69 for a medium.
I’ll admit it; the tires squealed as I motored into the drive thru but my true love and I were reunited.
Basically it’s a chocolate shake but made with milk and blended ice instead of ice cream. I could make one here at home with Nestle Quik. It’s cheaper and I always have Nestle Quik on hand, but the one from McDonald’s has Reddi-Wip* on top.
And it’s delicious.
I think every time Mr. C irritates me by throwing something out he should buy me a Mocha Frappe. However, in all fairness, I should interview Mr. C to find out what I do to irritate him and then doodle it. I know one of the things will include rotting bananas on the counter.
*JD and her brother call a can of Reddi-Wip noise. I love that! It does make a distinctive noise when you spray it out. But I knew if I said the one from McDonald’s has noise on top you’d think I’d finally lost it for good. Well, JD wouldn’t have thought that. But the rest of you probably would have. And then I’d have to explain it over and over in the comments. But now I don’t have to.
Enjoyed the post!
PS — great doodles!
Thanks frances and welcome to the Cardiogirl Empire! The style I was going for didn’t really happen. But I have been remiss in creating doodles, so it all works out in the end.
Or something like that.
You would have hated me at one time as well as the 67 guy. Although I’m a firm believer in the three digits then four digits method of reciting a phone number I once had a number that begged to be told differently. (I no longer have this number) But I often expressed it 3-8…3-8…1-9-8, or 38-38-1-98. And you’d be surprised at how often it threw people, and I had to repeat. It was such a sing-song number that I couldn’t help myself.
LJ, no. Please. No.
I had a phone number that was 336-3333. “Is that a fake number?” bit got sooo old. When I got to college it was customary to automatically give the area code, but if it was a familiar one then there was no pause before the first three numbers.
I get really pissed when I’m pissed at myself. Like yesterday, I was trying to get a pot of chili ready for Jeff so he could get some lunch before an impromptu 1:00 meeting and in my hurry I sliced the onion in the wrong halves. Annoyed. What makes me homicidal? When my dog does this very quiet whine. I guess that’s caninidal.
Instant love? Rare steak at Fogo de Chao.
I always wished my number was the one from the song. Remember?
8675 30 niyeeine! Then people would think I was jacking them around *and* giving them a fake number. I still want to throttle that guy and this was seriously over 20 years ago.
I still think he’s jackass and he’s probably dead by now.
Jackass fo sho.
I heard on something like Vh1: Behind the Music about a couple who had the number beforehand and had to change it because the prank calls never stopped.
I saw that same thing, Liz! It would have sucked back when the song came out.
Isn’t it funny how hard it is to say that number in a three-four rhythm?
I hadn’t tried til just now, but it is rather difficult even though I don’t particularly care for that song.
Love this post.
That guy that doesn’t know how to say his phone number properly deserves a knuckle sandwich.
Love the skull drawing. :)
Thanks sw! I wanted so badly to make my hand go through the telephone wire, like it does on a cartoon, and then slap his face silly. But I was on a deadline and I had to have the story that day.
OMG…this post is freakin’ HYSTERCIAL!!!
First, I need to say that your doodles are beyond brilliant. How the heck did you do that? Did you drawn them and then take photos, or did you photo shop them? They’re faaaaaabulous!
And THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for your vent about people saying their phone numbers SO FAST. OMG…that annoys the living hell out of me! What an asshole, is right!
Thank you for the mention in your post, my friend. If ever we should meet in person, I’ll treat you to a LARGE Moch Frappe!
Cheers!
Thanks Ron! The style I wanted didn’t really materialize, but I draw them with pencil and then scan them in to the computer.
Then I use Microsoft Digital Image Suite (sorta like Photoshop, I think) to colorize them. I use the paint brush freehand and then draw over my pencil drawing. It’s fun.
Score on the large Mocha! I think I love you Ron.
That guy on the phone sounds like a Div Of The First Order. Deliberately confusing people? What kind of messed up power trip do you have to be on before you get off on confusing people with your phone number…
I’m also finding your doodle of you and Mr C very interesting. You have fingers, yet he has none. He is also smaller in stature than you (though this might be based on real life), and the narrative of the picture flows from right to left, which is unusual. I do love me some armchair psychology.
Oooh, I like that — a Div of The First Order. I might have to adopt that.
Solomon your observational powers have earned you the Gold Star of the Day! I had some of the same thoughts when I drew it.
I immediately noticed that I was taller than him in the doodle, which is not accurate. He’s 6 foot, I’m 5’8-1/2″ (you must remember my obsession with that half-inch.)
I knew I wanted six as the number of pieces missing and I briefly considered adding a sixth finger to that hand, but thought it was weird and then skipped that piece, leaving the fingers as a further punctuation that I needed x amount of pieces even though there are only four fingers displayed.
I noticed that Mr. C had just circles for his hands but was under the gun in terms of time.
What I did *not* realize is that the picture flows from right to left. My quick answer to that is: I’m right-handed and, for some reason, find it difficult to draw myself on the left of something. That makes no sense, I know, but that’s what comes to mind.
Way to go on the analysis! I do love your comments, Solomon.
Yeah Doodles!!! Oops… make that objects d’art!!!
Love that you used “yea verily”. It’s not something you here too often but for some odd reason I love it. :)
I forgot all about calling those objects d’art; that’s a total Buf-ism. Love that!
I also enjoyed yea verily and have no idea why it came to mind but it felt like it worked.
Don’t ever move to Atlanta. You’ll have to give 10 numbers every time, not the 7, because you could have 404, 770, and 678 all on the same street. Every time I go back to my hometown and go to some store that asks for my number, they get mad at me because I forget to tell them Atlanta and they start typing in the area code as the next 3 numbers.
I’m not a coffee girl, but I love the Mocha Moo Lattes at Dairy Queen. I haven’t tried the Mocha Frappe from McDonalds, but you made it sound tempting. I complained on Twitter one day about my hamburger being cold so McDonalds sent me all these freebie cards. One is for the coffee products so I may just have to try the frappe.
Ugh. I hate having to give the full number.
I’ve heard of the Mocha Moo Latte but assumed it was like a full-on ice cream shake. Is it more liquid than ice cream?
And a free coffee is waiting for me over at Twitter if I rough up Mickey D’s? I’m on it!
Last weekend I was listening to an Indian (from India) comedian and he was talking about the phone number thing, LOL. Americans give it like 555 *pause* 000 *pause* 0000. He said Indians from India give it like 5 *pause* 553838.
It cracked me the fark up, LOL.
I got my baby back! Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. How you doin?
I could never survive in India. Yay! You’re back online with a vengeance!
I’m okay, got some rough waters I’m navigating but otherwise status quo.
Oh, tell me Mr. C doesn’t throw out New Jersey! (capitol: Trenton)
(He can throw out Connecticut, though – capitol: Hartford… or Rhode Island, which is so tiny, it doesn’t deserve a capitol.)
My mom has a funky telephone number, but it lends itself to the 000 0000 cadence. I do remember my mail box number in college was 4444, and when I had to recite it in my German language class, everyone accused me of making it up. I sat there and insisted people send me mail, because it was, in fact, 4444, and I did, TOO know the other numbers!
Rebecca, I’m sad to say your state no longer exists at Cardiogirl Manor.
Hey, I took some German. Was it, vier vier vier vier? Now naturally I have to crack open my brain’s archives to see if I can recite one to ten from memory. Let’s try it here and please excuse the misspellings:
eins
zwei
drei
vier
funf
sechs
sieben
acht
neun
zehn
Did I get it?
this was a hoot! i would want to do something like that, the thing with the numbers. 676767676767, but i doubt my brain could keep up. it’s trained to pause.
i hate when people call me for information that they know has to be written down and then when i give it to them, they say hold on let me get a pen. i go ballistic…in my mind.
V, please don’t ever do anything like that. If you must, do it with your social security number which *must* be recited 000 pause 00 pause 0000.
That would be annoying especially since they called you and then were unprepared. Grr.
Great doodles! I especially love the skull. I made banana bread last week and though of you. It was pretty tasty.
I hate it when people pay with a check. Drives me batty. It is usually an old person and they also stand there holding up the line while they fill it in the register as well. Check cards people, get one!
Thanks Michelle! It has been far too long. Booyah on the banana bread! I’m actually current with my bananas at this time.
I used the ones in the freezer and I just used the last three on the counter yesterday.
Thankfully I haven’t seen someone pay with a check. For. Evah. But you’re right, the only people who do that are the elderly.
Phone numbers on the continent are the funniest.
Around here it’s 01234*pause*123(optional pause)456
In london it’s 0208*pause*123*pause*4576
In france and italy it’s paired – I think it’s ten digits and read 01 23 45 67 89 but not two-three – it’s twenty-three (or vingt-trois) (so if you’re a geek like me – zero-un vingt-trois quarante-cinq soixante-sept quatre-vingt-neuf)
I could live in London, but would whither and die in France and Italy. Unless you and I went on a road trip and you spoke for me :)
Well London is like an hour from where I live so thats good lol.
Italian is my passion – I can speak more Italian than French.
I might have to learn German as part of my job though :( – then again it’s not a :( it’s kinda exciting but it’s the stress of actually using it lol.
Being able to say “my Wombat has constipation” in german doesn’t get you very far lol.
[...] first one appeared on January 27 and it explained how to piss me off. It was a banner post since it featured multiple doodles in one [...]