Food Network Humor where have you been all my life?
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Oh me, oh my! Today I stumbled upon a new obsession: Food Network Humor. There’s no affiliation whatsoever with the real Food Network, which makes it extra awesome.
Ina Garten
I did not know Ina Garten sells her own brand of food at Amazon. For example, you can purchase three packs of Barefoot Contessa Outrageous Brownie Mix for $25.38.
While that totally qualifies outrageous, it also qualifies for free shipping since the order price is over $25.
Sandra Lee
This chick is all about making things semi-homemade.
She uses roughly 75% store-bought items and then adds 25% homemade goodies to create a semi-homemade item. Yay! If you’ve ever seen her show, you know Sandra is all about the cocktail. In the last segment of her show she utters her most famous phrase, “It’s cocktail time!”
She also uses the following three words in almost every show: delicious, great and vodka. You can see a montage of her favorite phrases over at Food Network Humor. It’s quite hilarious.
Rachael Ray
I don’t like Rachael Ray. She’s just not my cup o’ tea; although I don’t like tea either. I do think her garbage bowl is a handy tip but I find her voice annoying and I don’t like her special words.
So when I watch, I put her on mute and then read what she has to say. Since I’m usually reading what she’s saying I miss a lot of her facial expressions which are huge and abundant.
But thanks to Food Network Humor, you can read what she’s saying and see her crazy facial expressions. Surprisingly, they’re not making up what she’s saying; they’re actual screen shots from the show. Yummo!
Paula Deen
I like Paula Deen and Paula Deen likes butter. I find her cackle amusing, I like when she says y’all and I think I could have lunch with her. And then I found this awesome video wherein Paula Deen has invited Kathy Griffin to her house.
Heaven.
Aaaaaand scene, y’all.
Tags: Things that are fun!
It’s funny, I watch a lot of the Food Network stuff when I’m eating lunch or whatever, but I just found out that I can’t stand ANY of those hosts! They are each annoying in their own special way. Maybe that is a prerequisite to be a host on that channel or something. And my all time most-hated—That condescending Giada de Laurentiis. Arrrgghhh.
Just give me the damn food.
They all have definite personalities. I really cannot stand Bobby Flay. I will not watch any show that he’s in. He just comes off as a self-righteous prick to me.
Giada is somethin’ else. I also feel like I’m watching soft porn when she washes her hands. Why do they do the close up and her stuff is filmed with a slightly fuzzy filter. Compare her show (the filming) to Paula Deen or even Ina. Paula and Ina’s film quality is sharper/clearer.
Ugh, Bobby Flay. That cook off show is absolutely ridiculous.
Bobby Flay is a tool and his restaurant’s a rip-off. We pulled major strings to get into the one in New York a few years back and it was horrendously expensive. The side of brussel sprouts was $9!!!! Uh, I went home hungry and broke. And a friend had a photo of her and Bobby, asked the waiter if she could leave it for Bobby to sign and he said “sure, but it will cost you money for him to sign and return to you.” It was some ridiculous charge like $30 or something. He’s an idiot.
That’s for the primary source evidence.
Paula Deen had a book signing and she’s from the same place as some of my family and she talked for awhile with my cousin about how she remembered my uncle and so sorry for his passing. Classy lady.
@Lin I get the feeling that people either hate Mr. Flay or love Mr. Flay. Looks like the three of us fall in the first camp.
This makes me sad because he’s married to Stephanie March, who used to play the prosecutor on Law & Order: SUV.
@Liz See there. The more I hear about Paula the more I love her.
We Southerners are cool cats.
Wow. You have celebrity chefs I’ve not heard of. But then I guess we’ve got ones you’ve not heard of either. And of course Gordon Ramsay (of whom even previously uncontacted Amazon tribes have heard.) You know Gordon Ramsay?
Hey isn’t Nigella Lawson big over there? She’s not on Food Network but I’ve heard of her. And I also read something once that said she refuses to leave her money to her children because she had to work hard to earn it and she wants her kids to work hard to earn their own money.
It would suck to be her kid.
I stumbled onto this site a few weeks ago and have been a fan ever since. Make sure to read the “Food Network Hosts” bios (tab at the top of the screen). I can never get enough skewering of Giada De Laurentis. Never. Get. Enough.
I have no clue how I missed this gem. Don’t you hate it when Giada samples the food she just made and then closes her eyes, tips her head to the ceiling and issues a statement like, “Mmmmmm. So good.”
I missed the bio page. I love the one about Sandra Lee:
SANDRA LEE
Two words: HIDEOUS TABLESCAPES. Her heart pumps 70% ice cold Russian vodka and 30% blood – thus rendering her SEMI-HUMAN. Unable to restrain herself from adding extract to store-bought frosting.
Yes! We get it. You like the food, but you don’t have to have an orgasm over it. We still don’t get to taste it, cuz you know, we’re in our living rooms and you’re eating.
Word.
Wow. That Rachael Ray link was sketch-o.
See, I actually like Rachael Ray. I mean, I hate her special words, and she’s so perky it makes my teeth hurt, but she’s got a lot of good recipes (her Italian Sub Stoup is one of the best things I have ever eaten, ever) and that garbage bowl trick is a good one (although I just use a mixing bowl, I didn’t care to spend the $15 on Rachael’s special ugly bowl). My friend Grace and I heartily disagree on Rachael Ray, she thinks she’s a minion of the devil or something. Apparently she takes issue with Rachael’s persona of being a “gourmet” cook when actually all she does is open up a bunch of canned goods. I have never heard Rachael claim to be gourmet, and I think it’s great that she’s got quick and yummy (if not always healthy) meals for those of us who like to cook but just don’t have time to do it right. I’ll get down off my high horse now though ;)
Also, my uncle is obsessed with Giada (I think he just thinks she’s hot). I havne’t watched her enough to really know anything besides what she looks like, but a lot of people seem to really hate her. Why is that?
Is the stoup a mix between a stew and a soup? I can’t say I’ve ever tried one of her recipes. Well, really I’ve only tried one recipe. It was from Giada and it was baked chicken strips. They were good.
I’ve heard Rachael actually say she is not a gourmet cook and she does not pretend to be a gourmet cook. Didn’t Martha Stewart get on her back for that?
I think Giada sort of plays to the camera and she definitely over-enunciates Italian words. She’s just a like her or hate her kinda gal. I don’t really mind her but I wish she’d wear a crew neck shirt and I don’t like watching her wash her hands.
I do like her nail polish, though.
I’ll have to check this out, sounds great. RR drives me crazy as well, she’s waaaaayyyyy too freakin chipper/perky and I just want to smack her upside the head and tell her to chill out. ;) My parents love Paula Dean and actually went to some sort of live demonstration/book signing type of thing that she had. They said she was great.
Yeah, she’s got chipper into the stratosphere and I do not like that either. I do like the fact that she turns it out in 30 minutes. That conflict is why I have to watch her on mute.
I can see how Paula could work a live crowd. I do enjoy her thoroughly.
That just made my morning! Paula and Kathy? Love it. Love them both. This is also a good clip
because it’s Paula and Oprah and you know how I feel about Oprah.
I think you would just love Savannah. Honestly, it’s where the gays used to go live back before they moved to Atlanta so there’s all these older gay gentlemen. It’s very Old South with an under layer of flamboyancy. I know, because I have a cousin who has lived there for at least 40 years with his “business partner” as my grandmother used to say. I had dinner with Maria Cole at their house once when I was 12. It’s where I mastered appropriate dinner etiquette not that that’s a skill that matters much anymore.
You don’t like sweet tea? I don’t care for unsweet myself.
And I’d be more than happy to Southern up my comments if so desired.
Sandra Lee can kiss my butt. Here recipes are not less expensive and downright unhealthy. I watched one of her shows and was downright indignant. Rachel is grating. Calm the eff down.
Jeff drives me crazy when we’re dieting because he loves to watch the Food Network. He calls it food porn.
That’s awesome Liz! “I’m your cook, not your doctor!”
I wish I had an uncle who lived with his “business partner.” I know a few people who have a family member such as that, but none (that I know of) in my family. That seems statistically impossible, but that person must be in the closet.
Guh on sweet tea, iced tea, hot tea, green tea, etc. No.
Yes, YES! Please Southern it up for a bit. Sandra Lee does make me laugh because most of her stuff is like, buy an angel food cake, put some cut up bananas on the top and then add some sprinkles. Voila! A cake that anyone would be proud to serve.
My family is proof homosexuality is genetically linked. They’re sprinkled all over my mother’s side. And it is statistically improbable there are no gay people in your family, but y’all seem seriously Catholic so I’d be reticent to come out myself.
Guh?? That’s a word? I don’t know if I’ve ever known anyone who doesn’t like sweet tea. Granted, they don’t make it right north of the MD line. Damn yankees. McD’s is pretty good. I’ll just have to post the correct recipe on my blog. Right there with ya on the green tea.
Okay, I’ll try and Southern it up a bit but you’ll have to excuse the improper grammar.
No, guh is not a word. It’s just the noise that came out of my mouth when I read your comment. No matter how much sugar, I can still taste the tea and that’s the problem.
I’m going to start talking like that Sandra Lee video. :D I had to watch it twice. Technically though, semi means 50%, not 25%. She is misrepresenting herself.
Paula Deen would got on my nerves inside of three seconds though.
Duh-Lishus! I do love when she says that. She also says ES-presso instead of EX-presso. FNH takes serious issue with that. I still enjoy it though.
Really? No on Paula? Ya’ll.
Just a tiny correction. It’s normally spelled y’all. Normally for addressing few people. When there’s lots of people around all y’all can be used. Let’s see if I can give a phonetic example.
Now listen here, aaaawlla y’all need to straighten up or you’ll (or y’all’ll all) be sorry when your daddy gets home.
“Ya’ll” looks like a word from a Middle Eastern language. Or maybe something the Na’vi would say.
No, Paula would wind me up and I would have to put something in her drink. I am naughty like that.
@Liz My Northern-ness is showing. I did correct ya’ll to y’all in the post, but if I change it in the comments your comment won’t make sense. But now I know.
Oh! I’ve heard the all y’all before; that one’s fun.
@Solomon Now that you mention it (and I realize I’ve spelled it incorrectly) it does look like something on a Middle Eastern menu.
I think you’d have more than you bargained for if you slipped Paula a mickey.
There’ll be hell to pay when Ms. Paula wakes, just like when daddy gets home. You’ll be in for a rude awakening if you think she won’t take a switch to your behind.
I know, Southern women have done it to me and it hurts.
I want to be a house guest at Paula Deen’s house!!!!!
No kidding. So fun. It’s too bad you have to wait in line for hours to get in her restaurant.
She has a restaurant?!
Yes, two. The one in Savannah is called Lady & Sons. That reminds me, aren’t her sons just adorable? I could just eat them up with a spoon. I hear it’s shut your mouth good.
Not sure about the one in Tunica.
I’m starting on throwing out the Southern phrases that come to mind.
I have never heard of Tunica. It makes me think of Tunisia.
Hmm, her sons. They’re okay, they don’t bother me, but they don’t really add to the equation either.
Tunica is the place to gamble in the South. 1. It’s the biggest place after Vegas and AC and it’s not on an Indian reservation. Those aren’t real casinos.
I guess I just love me a good ol’ Southern boy. I dated two guys because they were from south south Georgia and they sounded just like all my male relatives which I miss dearly.
Nothing like a deep, deep voice with a drawl like molasses calling me darlin’.
Isn’t this an awesome site???
Junk Drawer Kathy turned me on to it.
I never used to watch a lot of Food Network shows. But thanks to this site, now I do. That’s not necessarily a good thing.
It is 110% awesome with a side of groovy. I don’t know how I missed Kathy’s link. I’ve been living under a rock.