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Only 195 hours left until school starts.
We hit a milestone at Casa de Cardiogirl this weekend. Seventy-five percent of the childproof locks have been removed from the cupboards and drawers in our kitchen.
Can I get an amen my brother? I have been looking forward to this day for more than nine years. If you have no clue what childproof locks on cabinets are, why they are necessary or how they work consider yourself lucky.
Babies and toddlers are like termites; they destroy everything in their path. Once you have a baby nothing below waist-height is safe inside your house. Their hands are everywhere and every item they touch goes directly into their mouths.
Got an under-the-counter cabinet that houses AAA batteries? Babies and
toddlers
are like
termites; they destroy
everything in
their path. Then you’ve got yourself a big problem just waiting to happen. Add some matches and a set of barbecue tongs and you’re guaranteeing imminent death.
That’s where the childproof lock comes in. It’s a plastic device that allows the cabinet to open two inches or so and then catches. You must depress the plastic lock to unhinge it.
As with any sort of change, it takes the human mind a few weeks to accept and adapt to the new status quo.
When we first installed those locks it was extremely annoying to pull the drawer only to hit resistance after two inches. The silverware rattled, I mumbled, “Grrrr,” and then pushed the drawer in an inch so I could press the latch down to release it.
But eventually pressing down the latch became a subconscious action.
So now that the locks are gone, the reverse is happening. All of us — except for Emily, since she never learned how to release the latch — are slowly opening the cabinets and drawers with our index finger ready to release the latch. But, psyche!
And this leads me to my next point. I’m not one of those mothers who laments the changes from babyhood to early adolescence. Michelle isn’t either (sends a congratulatory cyber fist bump.) I have read about the mothers who actually miss hearing the crinkle of a diaper as their baby toddles about the house.
WTF, man? I cannot relate.
Diapers are expensive, they leak and they stink. Good riddance diaper, I shall not miss your presence in my household. Ditto on bottles, onesies, the crib, stacking toys, sippy cups and everything else that represents life before four years old. Onward and upward, gingah.
Oh yeah. Have I mentioned there are only 195 hours until all three of them start school?
Tags: Things that actually make me happy, Things that are cool
Congrats on the, er, re-adulting of your house, so to speak! And on the start of the new school year. Several of my mom friends breathed a sigh of relief when school started here a few weeks ago.
While I certainly understand parents being nostalgic about their little ones moving on from babyhood, I do not get how someone could miss changing diapers. I do it when called upon (I volunteer in the nursery at church), but my general rule is if it’s something I have to don rubber gloves for, it’s probably not enjoyable.
Thank you, absepa. It is SO nice to be able to open the silverware drawer again. And just in case anyone wondered, the sharp knives are in a different drawer that still has a childproof lock.
Criminy! They aren’t gone yet??!
I danced and sang the first time I left the house without a diaper bag. And then proceeded to lock my keys in the car on that first outing because I wasn’t used to carrying a purse.
And while I am with you on the locks, I think the more life-changing moment is when we finally put the stove knobs back on so I could actually use the stove without trying to find the knobs to turn it on. Glorious, I tell you. GLORIOUS!
No joke, man. I just ran into another woman from school and we were both exasperated that school got out on June 2 and it starts on September 7. Summer vacation is not supposed to be more than three calendar months long.
Oh I TOTALLY remember the first time we left without a diaper bag! It was awesome!
Woo hoo, a shout out!
A double woo hoo! your kids are almost in school!
I have had parent of patients actually refuse to take their youngest child’s bottle away because “It is their last baby and they want to keep him/her a baby longer”
Are f-ing kidding me? I am the opposite. I am so sick of the baby paraphernalia (I can’t spell that word) that I got rid of it faster after each kid! Poor Christopher!
(Mouth hangs open catching flies) All I can do is echo your sentiment, “Are you f-ing kidding me?” That. Is. Nuts.
All I know is my mother readily admits she was more than happy to go back to work after I was born. Me being the second child. Six weeks was plenty of time.
And she did not cry on my first day of kindergarten either.
Every time I hit a milestone, it was that much closer to the house being kid free. The only time I can remember, was when I received my acceptance to the University of Georgia, her alma mater. Then she boo-hooed.
See, I respect your mother for her honesty. It’s not *all* a hell ride, but there are moments. And when I run into a mother (in person) who tries to act like she’s never frustrated, evah it chaps my hide.
And it chaps my hide because they are perpetuating a myth implying (or outright saying) that motherhood is always patient, always kind and always together. Not true. It’s challenging with fun moments and hellish moments alike.
Congrats!
Be sure to schedule to something fun for you to do (you can bring Mr. C if you want) for the first day all 3 are in school! Of course you should try to contain your excitement until the kids are out of sight. ;)
I will be walking on air after they hop out of the Mystery Mobile. Funny, I never considered doing something with Mr. C while they were gone. Lord knows we can never talk to each other when even one of them is in the room.
What a crazy concept. And one I like — thanks for the suggestion.
I remember when we finally got to take the safety latches off our cabinets at my parents’ house. We’d all gotten so used to them we kept them around probably till my brother was about 7 or 8, long after he’d learned to work them and knew not to drink the bleach or anything. But I remember the adjustment period where you still want to put your finger there to open the latch even though it’s not there anymore. Phantom baby latches!
That’s so wild to me, that you remember, because I’m the youngest and I have no idea IF they latches back then (early 70s.) I’m positive Katie and Allison will remember since they are now 10 and 7.
I absolutely love not having those latches.
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My dad is the same way – he figured his whole job as a parent was successfully getting me from one stage to the other, without losing me, killing me, maiming me, or somehow causing my untimely demise. If I am on to the next stage, he did it!
Granted, does he feel nostalgia for when I was itty bitty and used to fall asleep on him watching a baseball game? Well, yeah, but that’s why he’s got pictures and memories. Besides, I couldn’t exactly analyze our team at that time, and now I can, so there are compensations.
Good luck on the first day of school. :D
Amen. I’m not joking when I say at night I congratulate myself on having kept them safe for another day.
I do wonder what my relationship will be like with them when they’re adults. I hope it’s good.
Kids are like the raptors from Jurassic Park, though. They eventually, through trial and error, figure out a way into something they really want. At least that’s my experience.
We still have the latches too. Probably for a few more years I guess. I won’t cry about losing them either.
Zeus
Excellent imagery, Zeus.
Guess what, brother. You ran right in and grabbed that Gold Star of the Day.
Yes you did.
Next time my kid(s) get on my nerves after pushing chairs into the kitchen to climb up to the untouchables I am going to imagine them as raptors running on hind legs with claws outstretched.
Well done!
Score! This is the third proudest moment of my life, I think.
This is why I shouldn’t have kids…I would never think to baby proof my home. My kid would be chugging Drano like a beer funnnel at a frat party, then DCFS would come and take them away. Yeah, it’d be a whole mess:)
Love the idea of your kid chuggin’ it down then wiping his face with the back of his forearm.
Then of course he issues a stellar burp before he passes out and starts to convulse. But it would all work out in the end, you’d get custody back and everyone would see it as a fond memory.
Remember that time when Charlie chugged the Drano? Good times, good times.
Hilarious! My thoughts exactly.
Thanks Strawberry. It takes another parent, I think, to completely and fully feel the joy of reaching a new milestone.
I just had this discussion with my niece, who has three little ones.
If there were some magic process that would allow me to go back and spend a little time with each of my now-grown children as they were when they were little, I would jump at the chance. But the work that goes with it?!?! NO THANK YOU! I was thrilled as they hit each milestone. That is what you are supposed to do, see them through and then say buh-bye.
There is nothing more rewarding than enjoying your grown-up children and admiring their self sufficiency. As you put your feet up and let them make you a cup of tea. :)
You are one of the few women of adult children I’ve talked to who remembers the work involved. My mother used to say the same thing. Kids are cute and they can be fun but they are. A. Lot. Of. Work.
Just the other day my daughter asked, “What are those plastic things in the outlet ?” She wanted to plug in her DS to charge it while she was sitting at the kitchen table. The outlet is one we never use, hidden behind a cabinet next to the table. I told her they were for saftey, so that when she and her brother were little they wouldn’t stick anything into the outlet and get a shock. I forgot about them back there in the corner and didn’t remove them when I had that moment of ‘THANK GOD I CAN TAKE THESE DUMB THINGS OUT’.
I am with you – I DO NOT miss all that safety stuff!!!!!!
My poor sister in law is at that ‘safety’ stage now and I have to chuckle when I hear how my niece (a.k.a. the Tornado of Terror) gets into EVERYTHING….. giant blue highlighter bullseye on bedroom wall…. mommy’s contact lenses dumped into trash…. mommy’s deodorant picked into flecks and sprinkled liberally around floor… baby powder dumped on floor and little ghost-like footprints all over the hardwood floor….
You would think The Tornado goes unsupervised. Nope. She just has the gift of knowing that her mommy is not looking for those few scant seconds and BAMMO she is into her next adventure.
The thing is, my brother is the one who is supposed to be getting this ‘payback’. HE was the original Tornado. My mom kept a book when he was little called Dougie’s Doings. My sister in law is a SAHM, so she gets the brunt of my niece’s ‘doings’. LOL
It’s a good thing they grow out of that stage. It’s a good thing we have a sense of humor and look back now and laugh. :-) And man, do we LAUGH at some of the stuff!
Had to laugh when I read “she wanted to plug her DS in” because I thought you meant she wanted to plug her dear son in. You know those acronyms all of the pregnant woman and the ttc women use on the forum boards? When I was pregnant I was all over those things and those acronyms were the norm.
But not anymore so it was extra funny when I figured it out because two of my kids have DS games/players.
Ugh, I’m so sorry to hear about your SIL’s travails. I immediately remembered the time my 3-year-old dumped an entire bottle of baby powder all over the hardwood floor in her room.
I. Was. Beside. Myself. Everyone lived but it was tense.
On the bathroom cabinet at my Mum’s house the childproof lock thingy is still on the door – I’m not entirely sure why seeing how me and my brother are now in our twenties and he uses the cabinet most days but I am sure there is method to the madness!
(laughs) That’s actually awesome that it’s been there for over 20 years, Han.
I did just recently pull off our cabinet locks, as well, but the act was long overdue. Sadly, my boys figured out … like the second. I. slapped. those. babies. on, how to get around them. At two, Sean was a proficient cabinet thief. I had to pull out the big guns for the under sink cabinet (where the really toxic stuff is). Talk about a pain in the neck when you had to get under there. Do you know the ones I’m talking about? Where they have two plastic zip cord devices and in order to open the darn door you have to press the button down while extracting the plastic cord out all the way?
I could really relate to Patty S.’s comment, as well. My husband was the complete and total imp while growing up (he even poisoned his younger brother, encouraging him to drink paint thinner – which was probably secured in a CHILD-PROOF cabinet, knowing my mother-in-law – and prayed through the whole frantic ride to the emergency room while his brother foamed at the mouth in the seat next to him – hmmm, I wonder if that was the source of his brother’s impending doom, right there????). Yet, I am the one who always bore the brunt of our mischeivous imps at home.
Then, again, I think my husband’s brain was erased because he can’t seem to remember ever destroying things. He “takes such good care of his things” and “was never like that as a child,” so “why in the h… do I have boys who break and destroy everything they put their hand to??” Methinks the fellow doth protest too much!
Emily was fond of squeezing her puny arm into the cabinet that held the dish cloths. She pulled them out constantly to use as blankets for her dolls. Drives me up the wall.
Oh. My. Word. On your husband and his brother, as kids, on the way to the ER. Whoa.