Here’s a not-so-rhetorical question for you.
Is it better to have a family of five taken down with the intestinal flu all at once or in succession eight to 36 hours apart?
Discuss.
Oy vey. I’m never getting a cat; it’s just not in the cards for me. Why, you ask? Because my oldest kid has asthma and is allergic to cats but you probably already knew that.
These days my middle kid is flirting with asthma. It’s definitely not as severe as my oldest kid’s but it’s questionable and that is why we visited my old buddy the allergist. It seems my middle kid occasionally feels like an elephant is sitting on her chest and when that happens puffing on the oldest kid’s inhaler seems to help.
Sounds like an open and shut case, right? Wrong. Her symptoms are not consistent, I cannot find a trigger of any sort and I’m wondering if the inhaler is having a placebo effect on her. The doctor agreed but did not discount her tight chest so we left with a peak flow monitor, a spacer and an inhaler.
That was almost it until he looked up her prescription history on the computer and discovered the pediatrician had prescribed Flonase nasal spray in the spring. “Does she have allergies?” he asked.
“I’m not sure; she sneezes a lot in the spring.”
“Let’s do a scratch test before you leave,” he said.
Have you ever had a scratch test? It’s not really a scratch. It’s more of digging-a-needle-in-the-skin-and-then-scraping-it-back-out test. Four rows of six on her back.
The results came back like this: allergies to all trees, leaves and pollen which is why she sneezes a lot in the spring. The next row on her back showed up as dust mites. And row three was the domestic cat. Damnation.
So in addition to never having a cat again, I now have to worry about dust mites making a shanty town in the bed skirts. I also need to buy a few mattress covers for two mattresses and two box springs since she shares a room with her younger sister who, as of yet, is not allergic to cats or dust mites.
Now that I’m going on a shopping spree maybe I should break the bank and buy some satin pillowcases while I’m at it. Although those things are pretty slippery, aren’t they? I don’t need her sliding out of bed in the middle of the night, banging her head on the floor and spiraling into an asthma attack.
I’ll just keep using cotton pillowcases and wait for those dust mites to trigger an attack.
At least then I won’t have to deal with a concussion.
The last time I told you about my oldest kid, she was angling to get a TV in her bedroom. At that time, I pegged her future career as a criminal defense attorney. She began with reasons why she should not have a TV in her room then she gave a pretty solid counter-argument for each one.
I have to admit I was kind of impressed.
Anyway, her recent written communication centered around a membership at a game website that allows you to create a character that earns fame, coins and movie star status. I have mixed feelings about that.
I don’t want my kid to grow up to be a Disney tween star who turns into a coked-out newfangled version of Lindsey Lohan/Miley Cyrus/Demi Lovato.
However, maybe indulging this desire virtually will eliminate her actual desire to become a pop star.
Anyway, the main obstacle to this membership is the payment. I’m not willing to pay for her to spend hours on the computer and the payment method always requires a credit card. Then they kick into automatic payments on the credit card and you have to walk three miles through fire to cancel the membership.
Undeterred by my concerns, she provided the following proposal last weekend.
Where to begin?
She’s got $18 burning a hole in her pocket. This kid needs to learn how to save money, however she gets major points for knowing she’ll be paying for the membership herself.
She has also outlined the pricing options and has chosen the most bang for her buck. What she failed to notice is that she’s short by $1.99.
Regarding the perks, she is absolutely correct that she did not spend much time on the computer in the last month. However, she did receive an iPod Touch for Christmas so that’s sort of a wash.
I have to admit that I thoroughly enjoyed the call to action at the end of proposal complete with a deadline. Call now while supplies last!
While we did not give her an answer within the 67-minute window that she provided, I did have a decision a few days later. I asked her to research the payment options to see if they accept Paypal. Turns out they do, so she signed up for a one-week test run and promptly handed over three bills after I hit submit.
I think she might actually have a shot at producing infomercials once she grows up.
