Cardiogirl called and she wants her stuff back in working order
26 VIPs have spoken »
TO: Mother Nature
FROM: Cardiogirl
RE: Our recent exchange
Hey there. How you doin’ chica? Remember the last time we tangled? I rolled right over and cried uncle immediately. You are the Master of All Elements and I bow down to your greatness.
So now that we’ve established the fact that you rock and I suck we need to get down to brass tacks. I’m getting pretty tired of dealing with the aftermath of that torrential wind and rain storm.
We lost all of the food in the fridge, we had to go camping in our own house over the span of three days, that huge branch busted the windshield of our car, we had to use a hacksaw to cut up all of the branches so the city would chip them — shout out to this fine city; you’re spending our tax dollars wisely — and I had to shower at the Y.
I am still ever grateful, however, that the branch did not fall on the house jacking up my world in a big bad way. Thanks for that.
So I tried to suck it up and I stifled most of the bitchy thoughts I was experiencing. But I’m really getting pissed off, betch.
The oven doesn’t work now. The stove top does and I should be grateful for that. I am grateful for that. I made some bitchin’ fried chicken the other day and we all enjoyed it. No leftovers that night. But the inside of the stove doesn’t work.
I’m really
getting
pissed. Why
won’t you just
step off, betch.
The digital control panel on top psyches me out. The clock runs, I can press Broil or Bake and then Start and the control panel tells me it’s preheating. But it’s not. It is not preheating
It lies.
And the dude who came over yesterday was friendly and all, but naturally he didn’t have the part necessary to fix it. And of course there were no stores within a 50-mile radius of my house that had the part in stock. So it’s on order and it’ll be here in seven days.
So that dude will be back next Tuesday with the part and next Tuesday I will make banana bread. But until then I will bitch about you behind your back while being subservient to your face.
Please stop jacking up my stuff. The running total so far is roughly 875 clams. I know. It was a calculated risk to jack up our insurance deductible to $1,000. Our monthly fee is lower, but when shit like this happens we have to suck it until we pass $1,000.
So I’m happy I don’t live in a third-world country, I’m glad none of us were maimed by a falling branch and I was really thankful that we had water. But come on.
End it, gingah.
Thank you for considering my request. And good day to you, m’lady.
Tags: Things that are definitely not cool, Things that require my sarcasm
You know, I love that Mother Nature, but sometimes that woman can get on my last nerve. I’ve been there, pally. Been there with no electric for 3 days. And I’m all up with that for like 24 hours (because I’m a tent camper), but it’s not so fun when you are in your place of electricity and there is none.
I don’t like not being able to do things after 8:30 p.m.–reading by flashlights sucks, doesn’t it? I don’t want to play cards with the kids with the candles flickering. I want to do my 8000 loads of laundry. I want to vacuum–sweeping sucks too. And I don’t know why, but I’m a tad fond of that hair dryer most days.
Ugh. Sorry to hear of the probs, pally. Bummer about the tree and the stove AND the $1000 deductible. Sigh. Consider me with you on flipping Ma Nature the bird.
She must be PMS-ing, don’t you think? Fortunately, or not, the sun didn’t go down until after 9:30 pm so we didn’t need candles — just an open curtain.
(Joins you in giving double bird to the Mutha.)
You’re way more polite about this than I would’ve been, with your “please” and “m’lady.” I would be shaking my fist, all biblical-style, out in my driveway, with a piece of fried chicken in one hand, probably.
I hope things get settled for you very soon.
I would be shaking my fist, all biblical-style, out in my driveway, with a piece of fried chicken in one hand, probably.
i’d pay money to see this. make it happen and the check’s in the mail.
@JD I love the image of shaking your fist, but not in a general sense but in an all biblical-style. Bravo!
@V I’ll join that money pool.
The whole rain-storm-in-the-summer concept is such a weird one to me. We usually go from May to October without a drop of rain here in California. How do people in those parts ever plan any outdoor events if you can’t be reassured that it won’t rain? I just don’t get it.
We have rain delays, i.e. baseball. And lots of very large tents, i.e. weddings.
Because typically these summer storms, crazy as they may be, tend to pass quickly. In South Georgia/ Florida Panhandle it can rain every day for weeks. But it’s like an hour, so you go in and get a good sandwich and then go back outside. Except then it’s even muggier because the roads steam up.
@Michelle Hey, is this true? I’ve heard that thunder is very rare in California. I can’t imagine how or why that is. Naturally I’ve experienced rain without thunder, but the heavy storms have both lightning and thunder. Lightning is somewhat rare, but thunder shows up semi-regularly.
It’s definitely a crap shoot on planning outdoor events. You see a lot “weather permitting” on invitations and outdoor weddings *must* take place under a tent.
@ Liz Ugh, I would really hate it if it rained every day, even for half an hour. I also hate it when the roads steam. That’s pretty rare over here, though.
Usually, in summer, a strong storm will make the temperature drop at least 10-15 degrees.
I’ve recently experienced that storm actually dropping the temperature phenomenon. Score one for Indiana weather. Just one. Okay maybe two.
Did you ever play, see the lightning and count til you hear the thunder to know how far away the storm is game? It amused us as children.
Yes! YES I played that game. I can’t remember what each second equals. Is one second equal to one mile?
We had a window in our porch broken by some lads who were hanging outside our house. This was like 6 weeks or more ago (I think it was the Saturday night of the final Doctor Who of this season lol). We still haven’t received a quote back from the insurance -approved company – thank goodness we have my Grandad and his handy man skills (and contacts for replacement glass).
The window at present is still broken but fingers crossed it’ll be done in the next two weeks – unlike the insurance who need a kick in the behind.
Hope your oven gets fixed :(
It sucks that some kids broke your window but I applaud your British-ness by stating it elegantly:
We had a window in our porch broken by some lads…
I need to use the word lad(s) more often. Yay gramps!
hehe they were lads lol. They weren’t really kids – they must have easily been last teens early twenties – then again maybe I’m still a kid lol.
I’d say late teens to early 20s counts as a lad. Is a chap a younger kid or someone in their late 20s and above?
hehe I would say a chap is an older gent like my Grandad lol. Then again I guess it works for any age lol.
Alright then, I like a chap as a guy in his 30s or older.
hmmm, my fridge stopped working last weekend, the coils were cleaned and now it’s working again, but it’s gonna die. right now, i don’t give a rat’s arse cause i’m trying to lose uh, er, um, a few pounds.
i kind of want to roll over and die with all that’s been going on with me, so i understand and i tell myself it could be worse. and then it gets worse.
sorry about your oven. i think you should bake some cookies, with nuts (for me)when you get it working. just to test it out, of course.
That’s definitely cool that cleaning the coils worked, but you’re absolutely right that it’s just a preview of things to come. Don’t you wish there was some sort of meter that allowed you to see how much more life (roughly speaking) was left?
Sort of like the gas gauge in the car. When I’m on that red line I’m not sure if I have 10 miles or 17 miles left to go, but I know I have to the nearest gas station immediately.
We had the same problem happen with our oven. It was the ignitor or something that had gone, the one in the oven. We have gas, though, so I don’t know if that makes a difference. I feel your pain, though, because I am so used to being able to use the oven to bake, and when you can’t, it’s like everything you want to make has to be done in the oven!
You know, I hate this whole thing of having to wait for a part. You would think that they would be able to get a part for you quickly, what with how much we pay for the parts and how much the labor is to install it. Seven days? Is it coming on camel back from California? You’d think Chicago would have the part, and it could be there overnight or at least the day after. Ugh. So frustrating.
So, um. Can I come over for some fried chicken?? That’s pretty much my favorite thing to eat, and I am scared to make it my own self. Lots of hot oil mixed with a klutzy girl in the kitchen is probably a very bad combination. I don’t wish to press my luck.
The guy said it was relay switch that was stuck open. He further went on to say that he could stand in my kitchen for the rest of eternity pushing the button to turn it on and it would never, ever, turn on.
Thanks for the intense detail, dude.
The fried chicken tenderloins were pretty darn delish if I do say so myself.
AH! Now that you mention it, I think the relay switch was our problem too. Haha. Talk about frustrating — the stove worked JUST FINE but the oven wouldn’t light. Blargh.
But eventually it was fixed. Thankfully.
I just received the part in the mail yesterday. Now it seems like the guy should be at my beck and call but he’s not coming back until next Tuesday.
Bummer.
Four months after moving to North Carolina in 1996, I had my first experience with a hurricane when Fran paid a visit. We had no power for three days, temperatures were in the 90s and ice was selling for $8 a bag…when you could find it. And we were the lucky ones. There were some people that were without power for weeks.
Luckily, the only thing we lost were the contents of our freezer and fridge. I had a couple of friends who had up to thirty trees down on their property. The city of Raleigh looked like, I don’t know what, with thousands of trees down. There were homes damaged or destroyed, vehicles squashed, and it took months to clean up.
Mother Nature can be wonderful, and I think events like yours and Hurricane Fran are reminders of how much she is in charge.
I remember that! We Tennesseans felt very bad for y’all.
@Tarheel Rambler I really did try to remind myself of that. I think when you live on that Eastern Seaboard you have to resign yourself to living with hurricanes.
No chance I could live over there. I’m impressed that you can deal with it on a regular basis.
@Liz Same goes for you, woman. I couldn’t get used to those sorts of rain storms.
We don’t know how y’all deal with all that snow.
I guess it is what you get used to. Although I’ll tell ya, it’s very rare for the power to go out in winter.
The furnace, natch, will die but at least we still have lights and the computer because Lord knows the world implodes when the computer/internet is not available.
Ugh, going without an oven totally sucks. On the bright side, you’re going to have some mad frying and sauteing skills going on.
I have a pretty good meal that’s in one pan. I’ll dig it up on my blog and repost it for you. Chili, spaghetti, stir fry, breakfast for dinner, meatballs. That’s all the stove top recipes I have coming to mind right now. My fave meal my mother makes is fried cube steak and gravy. God, it’s good.
That one thing after the other is beyond annoying. The same thing has been happening with our truck. And we’re considerably past the $1,000 mark and it needs to go to the shop again today. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
I actually remembered to do it. Three no oven recipes up on my blog.
Do you people really use your oven in the summer?? Mine collects dust until around October. It’s grillin’ season, people!
I love grilling. Especially when my dear husband brings me my vodka lemonades as I stand out there turning wings. (liquor and flame go oh so well together.) But now I live in an apartment and only have access to their grody gas grills. And I used them once and it ran out of gas before I could get the hot dogs on. Charcoal is the way to go. Unless you have a smoker. That’s a whole other story. My daddy made smoked riblets that were just to die for good.
Still lots of oven use all year long. I cook two meals every day, sometimes three.
@Liz Thanks for the recipes! Made a Skillet Fiesta Chicken and Rice last night and my kids (2 out of 3) loooved it!
Excellent suggestion.
@Lin Yes, ma’am I use my oven in the summer. I don’t have a grill and we have central air. (cringes) What a typically spoiled American I am.
I use my oven in the summer time, though not very often. Oven-type recipes are usually heavier comfort foods that to me belong in the winter. I do like to roast my asparagus and my zucchini; that’s pretty much all I use the oven for in the summer. I could use the grill, true — but I’m scared of burning myself, so I let my husband operate the grill. Besides, he says that zucchini tastes better roasted in the oven. Whatever, dude. We only have a/c window units, but I only use my oven on the cooler days, and it only takes 20 minutes to roast zucchini.
Grilling is so much more fun than cooking. You should get a grill. You can get a nice charcoal one for like $70.
I swear I taught myself. For some reason I had it in my head you need all this knowledge to grill. You really don’t. It’s fire. You put meat on there, you flip it five minutes later. Dinner’s ready.
@blue I’ve never roasted veggies under the broiler but I know you’ve mentioned that before and it sounds tasty. But here’s a dilemma for me.
Let’s say you’re baking chicken in the oven. How do you broil the vegetables while chicken is in the oven. You’ll broil the chick with the veggies or it’ll take super long for the veggies if it’s at the temp for the chicken right? How do you coordinate it (when you’re using the oven and not the grill.)
@Liz Isn’t it a pain to work with charcoal? Also, how do you “turn off” charcoal? Do you splash water on it or do you just let it die out naturally?
I do the veggies after the chicken is cooked. It won’t hurt the meat to sit out for 10 minutes while you do the vegetables. Put a linen towel over it.
I thought it was an uber pain too at first, but it’s really not. And I started with the charcoal you just light. No lighter fluid needed, but it’s way more expensive. So I figured it out the old fashion way. It’s not hard and you get to make fire.
You just let them burn out. You close the vents, and without air flowing the coals go out by themselves.
I always learn so much from you Liz. And I had to laugh when I read, “throw a linen towel over the meat.”
You like your linen towels.
Hey CG,
Mother Nature and I fell off speaking a long time ago. She and her minions in particular Humidity are on my hit list. Of course nothing nearly as bad as that whole missing electric for 3 days happened to me (knocks on virtual wood) but I was derailed in my plans on sunday and it took some time to get back home after a tree decided to fall down on the Lincoln Drive – pretty much the only way to my neighborhood from the city, ok there’s others but they are typically longer.
Good luck with the oven thingie and it’s real disappointing when fix it men show up and when they leave things still aren’t working. What’s their job description again?
Yeah, I’m on the outs with humidity as well. Lots of different reasons for that but my hair hates it too.
Whoa, that’s crazy that you couldn’t get through the street becasue a TREE fell down. Damn. I haven’t experienced that. Yet.
That’s why we get of school during hurricane season. Because they have to clean up all the trees that fell. Classes were canceled for two days because one of the 200 year old oaks uprooted in the middle of campus.
Once a very large pine fell over our drive way. Luckily, some very nice neighbors with their chainsaws came over. I’ll brave a lot of power tools. Chainsaws aren’t one of them. All three families had enough firewood that winter.
That’s so crazy. The thought of a hu-yuge 200-year-old tree being uprooted. I know it happens but it just seems like a freak of nature.
I’d be stuck in the driveway if a tree fell there and the only way out was for me personally to use a chainsaw. I’m super afraid of those.
It was crazy. And sucked. because we couldn’t sit on the quad for at least six weeks.
Damn, that’s a long time.
If it helps, I had to replace my hot water heater today. $1300 dollars.
Looks like Zeus won’t be getting the shiny new iMac this year.
Ouch.
Sorry to hear that Zeus. Maybe you need to chat with Poseidon.