Are there any cougars in the house?
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What’s your age difference threshold when dating? I’m talking up and down. I never dated anyone younger than me, however, I didn’t date a lot so maybe that has something to do with it.
I have noticed that my friends tend to be older than me with the exception of one person who is 18 years younger. That’s so crazy to see in black and white, but she’s extremely mature and we have a similar sense of humor so I barely notice the difference.
And we’re not dating so that doesn’t really count but it’s evidence to back up my claim that I rarely hang with people younger than me.
I think I gravitate toward older people because I am a last born and the age range between me and my siblings goes from five years older to 13 years older. Quick side note: One day at a seminar at work we had to go around the room to introduce ourselves and then give one interesting fact about ourselves.
My fact was that I am the youngest of six and there’s a 13-year age difference between me and my oldest sister. One of the guys I worked with could not wrap his head around that. I think he had one sister who was two years younger than him.
Anyway, for about a week after, every time I saw him he grilled me about my older siblings. What did we talk about? How could we relate to each other? Didn’t it feel weird?
It was normal to me, I had no issues with it but I thought it was really funny that he could not relate.
So, if I had to analyze it, I would say my comfort zone is to hang out with people my age or older. I did go on one date with a guy who was 15 years older than me. That was a blind date set up by my dentist and it was pretty much a disaster. I was 23 at the time and we had nothin’ in common.
I did date someone who was eight years older than me on and off for about a year and at the time the age difference didn’t seem like a big deal — I was 24 and he was 32. But in retrospect I’m surprised a 32-year-old would have anything in common with a 24-year-old and that makes me wonder about his motives.
Get your mind out of the gutter, it wasn’t about that. Well maybe it was about that for him and it ended up being a challenge that he eventually got frustrated with — he is the one who dumped me. Generally speaking though, there’s a pretty big gap in maturity from 24 to 32.
I was immature and so was he. I cannot fathom, at age 32, dating a guy who was 24. Most 24-year-olds are flighty and unfocused. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule, but it just seems like a psychological power play.
I think there’s some kind of weird psychological mojo going on between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes as well as Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Yes, that is a sweeping statement but it’s something I just don’t get. Is always about sex?
Do we have any cougars out there? If so, please weigh in; I’m really curious about this.
Lastly, Mr. C is five years older than me. It hasn’t been a problem and we did not start dating when I was 10 so it isn’t effed up and weird.
Tags: Things that intrigue me
Between me and CJ it’s a year and he’s older. Between my parents it’s 8 or 9 years and Dad is older. Between my grandparents on my Mum’s side it’s a year and my Grandma is older. (technically it’s 8 months but near enough a year!)
A friend of mine is in her early thirties and was going out with someone who was 10 years her junior. They split for a number of reasons but funnily enough the age gap was like last on the list.
That’s interesting that your friend split with the younger guy over things other than age. I know I’m making sweeping statements, it just seems like anyone — male or female — in their early 20s isn’t usually very solid on goals.
Yes, there are exceptions to the rule, and maybe age does transcend this stuff.
I never really thought about it except at work. Whenever I work in an office, I’m always pals with the old guy. Joe says that I “like old guys with missing parts”, but I think they are “safe” in a lot of ways and we can just let down our guard and laugh.
The Old guys I know like to flirt a bit, but typically are careful about that. They have wives and families they love and we are always just office friends. They are at the end of their career, so there is no posturing for position or corporate politics in the forefront. We talk about things rather than people, and the conversation tends towards the news or current topics. It’s a much nicer atmosphere removing the regular B.S. that typically is going on.
I don’t think I could be a cougar–what would we talk about?
You know, now that you mention it back when I was working in an office ( 25 to 32 years old) I hung with the old guys as well and they were safe. That was a nice selling feature.
You might be able to find some 20-something dude who’s into Hobbes. Maybe.
My husband is 8 years older than I am. We started dating when I was 24 and married three years later. We’d known each other for almost four years when we started dating. I was a single mom and he was a single dad, so we moved into a 3 bedroom condo and co-parented. Friendship turned to lust, and then love. We just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary, so something must be working. When he gets frustrated with me or something I’ve done, I say to him “It’s your fault. YOU raised me!”
Wow, you must have met at 20, if you knew him for four years before you dated. I’m impressed Carolyn — way to go!
Occasionally I like to tell Mr. C that he robbed the cradle, since it’s not even close to the truth. He rolls his eyes.
Both of my serious boyfriends (one of whom is now my husband) were 2 years older than me. All of my other boyfriends — incidentally, the ones who caused me the most heartache and were the most on-again, off-again — were at least 2 years younger. Oh, wait, there was one guy who was a 2-month rebound coming off of serious boyfriend #1, and he was my age. Well, a few months younger, but same class (this was college).
So I guess in general, I tended to date younger, but it never worked out in my favor.
Most of my friends are my age or a few years older. I typically get along very well with people who are much older than me (15+ years) and also with teenagers (for the record, I’m 27).
Also, totally unrelated to this post but related to yesterday’s — my face smells like olive oil right now. I think it’ll take a couple of days before I can tell if the olive/castor oil concoction is really doing anything, but in the meantime, I’m really hungry for Italian food.
That’s interesting that you stayed within a two year age range without realizing it. I don’t relate well to teens; I’m not hip enough at all. I’m going to be the uncool dorky mom once my girls are 18, 15 and 13.
I used Crisco today — plain old veggie oil and I just wiped it off with a wet paper towel and used no soap on my face today. It doesn’t really smell like anything and I’m anxiously awaiting new results now that I’ve added oil to the mix.
Keep us posted, I’m fascinated by this oil-as-cleanser thing. I think I’m actually liking it. Who’d have thought?
I know, I’m still having a bit of a hang up with the vegetable oil since my face is really oily, but I’m giving this thing a solid two weeks.
To clarify, so far I don’t think the Crisco is making my face any more oily (nice sentence construction) but it seems like it would, you know?
My partner is 5 years younger than I am. It works out fine. My ex partner was 6 years older. Did not work at all. She was overbearing, bossy and a real beyotch. Ex hb was 2 years younger and something who needed to be taken care of. Didn’t work because a person can only deal with that for so long.
That’s interesting that the ex was six years older and overbearing. I always assume when there’s a sort of large gap (5 to 10 years) there’s the possibility of that. That the older person is going to be bossy and take over simply because he or she feels older and more accomplished.
Again, these are all generalities.
Yeah, I think my next one will be a younger woman.
(laughs) Your gravatar — with one eye winking — matches that statement perfectly.
I dated a guy a year younger than me for a couple of months. Otherwise, always older.
This is interesting timing because my 24 yo best friend from college has been dating a 38 yo divorcee for awhile. As I told her yesterday, just have fun. Go do stuff, go on trips, other than that, keep your expectations low for the time being. They’re having a blast.
I dated a guy 11 years my senior the summer after high school and 7 years my senior throughout high school. We had a good time out and about, taking trips and shagathons as my oh so eloquent best friend put it yesterday. I saw those two guys up until I got married and had to call them and be all like, sorry we can’t take trips anymore. I still talk to the 11 year one every once in awhile. We probably could have had an adult relationship, we’d stay up all night talking and all that hooplah but he refused to leave our hometown and that is the epitome of a deal breaker for me.
I also dated a guy just a year older who had 9 siblings 16 years apart. Both facets blew all I’d ever heard of. His poor dad was stressed.
Jeff is 3 years older than me.
Wow, that 24/38 mix seems really big to me. Although I told you my one experience with that and it was bad because I was very shy and immature. Clearly mileage may vary with these things.
I can’t imagine being the parent of nine kids over a span of 16 years. Ugh.
It is big. But like all other relationship factors, timing is key. Neither party is in a real permanent situation, so when everyone’s on the same plane… it’s all good in the hood. Because loneliness sucks donkey balls. Which is why my odometer started clicking at 15 and I was soooo ready to trade in for a new model at 23.
I’ve never questioned a male’s motives. They’re always the same, some men are just more… motivated.
It was a totally screwed up family. I could do a post every Friday about how weird it was to date him and his clan o’ Irish Catholics.
It’s funny but I now realize I was projecting my own experience onto this general concept. I figured the younger woman, in this scenario, was somewhat naive (like I was) and was being used.
But I just realized that’s not the case here. Wow, major revelation to go with my morning coffee.
Ah, yes. Women get to use men too. Great fun.
Oh you want to go on vacation but would enjoy my female company? Sounds awesome, I’ll ask off work. Here’s my frequent flyer number for when you buy the tickets. I’m so excited.
In the words of my wise Aunt Ellen, “And that’s why God gave us vaginas.”
I think I do not have enough chutzpah to do that. But it’s fun to read about it.
I didn’t know chutzpah was involved. I just wanted to go to the beach.
Well Mr D is about 4 years younger than me, does that qualify me as a cougar? It really isn’t noticeable, once you’re over 50, four years is nothing!
Hmm. No, beanie, unfortunately you do not qualify as a cougar. I don’t know what the parameters are but I like making them up when I can. So here in the Lounge the woman has to be at least 15 years older than the guy.
Why not 14? Because I’m makin’ the rules and I say 15.
Hmmm. Well without wanting to sound like an ancient pervert, there’s 11 years between my child-bride and I!!!
Well, well, look at you SJAT. How long did you two date before you were married, if you don’t mind me asking.
My husband is five years older than me. I met him when I was 15 and he was 20, and he knew I was off limits. We didn’t start dating till I was 20 and he was 25. I’m still amazed that he’s about to turn 36; where has the time GONE?! Wasn’t I 15 just yesterday??
I’m mostly friends with people older than me. Beanie above there is one of my dearest friends, and she’s 25 years older than me. Elle, another of my dearest friends, is almost twenty years older. My friends in real life here are all at least five years older than me. However, I do have some things in common with folks who are younger; I have a friend now that is eight years younger, but she’s got an old soul like me. There are some things that remind me how much younger she is than me, but in general, it’s unnoticeable.
I dated quite a bit before Kurt and I got together, only it was that stupid college stuff — nothing too serious. All my boyfriends throughout high school and college were roughly the same age, till I dated the boyfriend before Kurt. That one was four years older, and there was something so nice about dating someone who wasn’t a typical immature college student.
I say age is just a number. It’s all about how you feel, and what feels comfortable for you.
I think, because Mr. C is five years older than me, I disqualify five years as being a big deal. How biased is that?
Old soul — I like that. Rachel (my friend mentioned up there) truly has an old soul as well.
I was generally attracted to men older than me. Not a gargantuan leap in age difference – maybe 10 years. But I ended up marrying someone 2 years younger. That said – when I was a teenager and even up to my mid twenties – all my movie star crushes were on men in their late 30′s & early 40′s ….
Admittedly though – the younger ones would be easier to train.
Funny, now that you mention it, in high school I was crushing on Robert Wagner (Hart to Hart) and Pierce Brosnan (Remington Steele.)
Just Googled those fine men. When I was 15 Wagner was 51; Brosnan was 29. I’m so surprised Robert Wagner was 51. He looked really good for 51.
Another interesting fact — Stefanie Powers was 39 when Hart to Hart was filming. I would have never guessed there was a 12-year age difference between those two.
Ok, well it seems like I’m going to be the odd one out on this one. My boyfriend/SO is 20 years older than me. :) (Twiddling my thumbs waiting for you to wrap your head around that one, although I’ve probably mentioned this before). I’m 40 with no kids & he’s 60 with 2 kids (my age) and 7 grandkids. We’ve been involved for around 9 years now. Obviously we work because we have been together for so long but there are some age related issues/differences. For example, I think he knows every black & white movie ever made and who starred in it, while I barely even recognize the title or star’s name…lol. The age difference is problematic at times in regards to our activity levels and desire for kids. Partly due to his age, he isn’t as interested in going out and doing things and would rather sit home and watch tv/movies. He also feels out of place with some of my younger friends (20s/30′s). Also, he definitely doesn’t want anymore kids and I’m still not sure if I do or don’t and I’m running out of time in that area. Related to that I wonder what my life will be like in 20 years or so, if he’s ill or gone and I’ve never had kids of my own. I’ve told him, he owes me 30 years but only time will tell. ;)
I have friends of all ages. It seems like most of my friends are either 10+ years younger or older than me. I think that is due in part to the fact that at age 40 most people are in the middle of raising their family and as a result, they don’t have that much time to hang out with non-family. My friends tend to either not yet have kids or their kids are college aged/independent.
I have two friends who are married to/involved with men that are seriously older than they are. My one friend is 30 and her husband is in his 60s. That situation creeps me out to no end, mainly because he’s got kids and grandkids and is already retired and has significant age-related health issues (he seems so much older than my parents who are the same age), while she’s just getting started in life. The other friend, she’s 30 and her “lovah” (as she calls him) is probably in his 50s? But somehow that doesn’t seem nearly as creepy. He keeps up with her just fine, has a great career he’s not ready to retire from, and seems to be a very young 50. Plus he spoils her rotten, whereas the first situation seems so much more unhealthy. So I guess it’s all dependent on how well the couple functions together.
Wow…30+ years is alot, even too me. Although I don’t call F “lovah” I understand your friends inclination…it’s weird/wrong to call someone in the 50′s/60′s your boyfriend.
blue- I think part of the reason the first one seems so creepy is that since they are married when she is 30, I’m assuming they started dating sometime in her 20s. It sounds like the other couple may have gotten together when she was in her 30′s. Personally I think that there is a pretty big difference between your 20s and 30s. Generally, I think people still are changing alot and discovering themselves in their 20s. By your 30s, most people seem to have figured out at least some of the key points about themselves. As a result, I don’t get the feel that the second guy is taking advantage of the younger woman but with the first couple I do have that presumption, however wrong/off base that may be. Mind you, I first hooked up with F when I was 31ish.
Actually the creepy couple started dating when the girl wasn’t even graduated high school (so what 50-some year old man is interested in a 17-year-old???) and got married when she was barely 20, whereas the non-creepy couple started dating in her mid-20s, maybe a little earlier. I hear you — age can make a difference just in how someone sees herself, completely unrelated to how she relates to her significant other.
Dang I am late to this party.
@Buf I laughed my head off when I read:
(Twiddling my thumbs waiting for you to wrap your head around that one, although I’ve probably mentioned this before).
I don’t think you spelled out 20 years to me, because I would have remembered that. I knew he was older and had adult children, but I didn’t put it together from that.
You’re so logical; I like that. I think you’ve nailed it on why your friends are the ages they are. You’ve brought up a different, interesting point, regarding children.
I’ve often wondered if I would really want children if I hadn’t had any and then turned 42. I’ll never know, but I never wanted children. Yes, karma bitch slaps Cardiogirl.
It was a big discussion between me and Mr. C before we were engaged. However, I wonder if my biological clock would have kept silent if I hadn’t married the right person, or hadn’t married at all.
@blue It’s so interesting to hear more of the ins and outs of a couple with a big age difference. It does seem wild with the 30-year difference especially because she is 30. Don’t mean to step on toes, Buf, but your guy was 20 when you were 30 and that doesn’t seem as wild as the 30-year gap for some reason.
And blue the chick who was 17 with the guy in his 50s has just blown my mind, so I need to clean up the gray matter scattered about the floor. I’ll get back to you.
There are some sexy older guys. Sean Connery in First Knight? I would have struggled between him and Richard Gere too.
And George Clooney is 49, mmmm.
And Mr. Big in Sex and the City? Oh, yes. He’s only a year younger than my mom. Whoa.
It’s weird and kinda gross but I can see a few exceptions.
CG – Your never too late for the party. I thought you would enjoy that phrasing…lol
F, has 2 kids…one a year older than me and one a month older than me. It’s very weird when I think about it, especially when I think about the fact that my mom and his ex practically could have shared a hospital room! I’m not really sure if his kids realize that I am their age, but we get along well although we don’t see each other that often.
In regards to the biological clock, I never really believed in it that much. But there is something to it. I’ve never really wanted kids but now I’m worried that maybe I do and I’m about out of time..but who knows.
Blue- That’s extremely creepy about the couple that started dating when she was in high school!! You’re right what is a 50 something doing dating a 17 yo!! Dang she couldn’t even had a drink at their wedding.
@Liz (laughs)
@Buf Oooh doggy, I’m glad I made it here in time!
My husband is 5 and a half years younger than me. But he’s also (usually) the more mature one of us. At some point age is little more than a number.
Again, I think I’m biased since my husband is five years older than me. It just doesn’t seem like that big of a difference. However, if you two dated when you were 18 and he was 13 I would say that’s a big difference :)
My husband is about 8 months older. Way back in the stone ages when I was dating, there was never more than two years age difference either way.
I’d have to tease my husband relentlessly if he were just eight months older. I don’t know why that is, but it is.
My boyfriend is 5 years older than me. The only awkwardness has been waiting for me to be 21 so we can go out, but our birthday (yes, we have the same birthday) was Monday so now even that is a moot point. I seem to only really get along with older people, but I have also always been a year or two ahead in school.
For my parents, however, my dad has always been energetic and active, and still has black hair to this day (which I find amazing as he is in his 60s). My mom and dad meet when she was 17, but they didn’t actually date/get married until she was 24.
Get out of here — both of your birthdays are on February 22?! My middle kid just turned seven on February 22! That’s a very good day. Happy belated birthday, Heidi and Mr. Heidi!
Hey that must mean your dad was 40-something when you were born, right? Same here — mine were 42 and 41. Now that *I* am 42 I absolutely cannot imagine having a newborn in the house.
Auugghhhh! Just realized I am actually TWICE your age, Heidi. (Drops dead to the floor.)
Ugh, I hated not being 21 when a boyfriend was. Such a pain.
Yeah it’s a a bother, but we had a lot of house parties.
February 22nd is pretty much the bomb in terms of birthdays! Except when you turn 21 and it falls on a Monday. Then it is very lame.
But yeah, my dad was 42 when I was born, because my mom had her career before us and was younger, which I think was advantageous.
It sounds like you were able to improvise even though it was a Monday.
It’s interesting that your mom did her career gig first and then had children because that seems like something that was big in the 90s versus the 80s.
I was mostly raised by my grandparents, so I tend to gravitate to women (for friends!) who are 40s or older. Plus by this age they kind of quit being so danged mean and bitchy. No joke.
Not long ago hubby took me to a wine bar (my first time in one!) and I saw a Real Life Cougar for the first time. It was like going to the zoo and trying not to stare at the exhibits. I kept thinking, “doesn’t she know what she is? Why would she subject herself to this?” but I guess the guy she was talking to was plenty enough interested.
Had to laugh because the first time I read your comment I didn’t get the implication of (for friends) until right now and then that made me laugh.
There are wine bars? Never even heard of that. Did the cougar *look* much older than the guy? My sister did a stint as a 49-year-old with a 33-year-old. She doesn’t look that much older but she said it basically was all about sex.
Cougars crack me up. All I can think when I see them is “sugar-mama”. Because really, why else would a guy hook up with a MUCH older woman, (even if she IS attractive) when he could have any number of woman his own age or younger who are, presumably, hotter and have less hang-ups? I just don’t get it. I mean, Ashton should have married one of Demi’s DAUGHTERS, not the matriarch herself.
Or maybe I’m just shallow and have a hard time breaking out of cultural stereotyping. I don’t find it weird if the age difference is about 7 years or less, but more than that and I find myself asking “why?”
Yeah, I don’t have a theory on why that is — the motivation of a guy to date an older woman. I always assume it’s really just about lust and for some reason I have been programmed to accept that when the guy is older and the woman is younger, but not in reverse.
I also think, for me, there’s something about single digit age differences versus double digits; there’s also something about how old the younger party is. When the younger one is 30+ when they meet it doesn’t seem as weird as when the younger one is in his or her 20s.
Don’t know why that is, but those are my parameters.