An open letter to my cargo pants

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TO: My Cargo Pants
FROM: Cardiogirl
RE: Your faulty zipper

Hey Cargo,

How are you on this blustery Friday morning? I hope all is well. Let me start by saying I really enjoy the olive green/khaki color which allows me to pair you with a variety of shirts and sweaters. I admire versatility in a pair of pants.

I also like the amount of pockets peppered along the back and the side of each leg, really top notch. However, there is one area that has given me pause for the last couple of years.

Yes, we both know I am referring to your zipper.

Why do you consistently fall off track? There’s a stopper at the bottom. That’s your cue to stop, pal. If you stopped there every time, both sides of the zipper would remain on track. You’d easily zip up and down, the fly would remain a functional way to ensure modesty and things would be groovy.

It is true that you’ve been cooped up in the dresser drawer for months on end but I have to have consistent coverage; that’s a deal breaker. Please be advised that I have been forced to go Pinterest on your ass.

This probably won’t hurt too much, but you should be aware that the fix includes a pair of pliers.

I know we can be good friends again. Let’s both keep our eyes on the prize, shall we?

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