An open letter to my cargo pants
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TO: My Cargo Pants
FROM: Cardiogirl
RE: Your faulty zipper
Hey Cargo,
How are you on this blustery Friday morning? I hope all is well. Let me start by saying I really enjoy the olive green/khaki color which allows me to pair you with a variety of shirts and sweaters. I admire versatility in a pair of pants.
I also like the amount of pockets peppered along the back and the side of each leg, really top notch. However, there is one area that has given me pause for the last couple of years.
Yes, we both know I am referring to your zipper.
Why do you consistently fall off track? There’s a stopper at the bottom. That’s your cue to stop, pal. If you stopped there every time, both sides of the zipper would remain on track. You’d easily zip up and down, the fly would remain a functional way to ensure modesty and things would be groovy.
It is true that you’ve been cooped up in the dresser drawer for months on end but I have to have consistent coverage; that’s a deal breaker. Please be advised that I have been forced to go Pinterest on your ass.
This probably won’t hurt too much, but you should be aware that the fix includes a pair of pliers.
I know we can be good friends again. Let’s both keep our eyes on the prize, shall we?
Tags: Things that are definitely not cool, Things that are jacked up, Things that get on my very last nerve, Things that require my sarcasm
I hate it when that happens! I’ve been remiss and not noticing that you were back! But then I’ve been a bit MIA myself these past couple of months.
I’m not completely back (still trying to visit other blogs, too) but I’m trying to get back into the groove. My virtual Converse need to see the light of day once again.
There seems to be a cosmic force that causes zippers to fail only on the clothing that fits us well and are the perfect color.
Cheryl P. recently posted..Calculating The Risks
I. KNOW! It’s got to be a cosmic conspiracy because they really are cute pants.
On the upside, zipper fails mean everyone can keep an eye on your prize.
If I were God… recently posted..Fake Girlfriends FOR SALE
True, but prize — as you know — is a relative term.
I never would have thought to search pinterest for that! You go!
Pinterest is a dangerous place, Michelle. Be very careful over there or your family will have to send out a search party to find you.
This is a huge problem with my boys’ winter coats. It seems half of the coats we buy end up having zipper problems. Who knew it was such an easy fix? Thanks for sending me that direction (even though I have avoided pinterest up to now, for that very fear of needing my family to send a search party).
Ugh, Pinterest is a blessing and a curse. It’s a black hole of joy that will suck hours away from your life.
I also love me some Cargo Pants – but you’re right. WTF is the deal with the zippers always falling off the track? UGH!
meleah rebeccah recently posted..The Reason Why – I Am The Queen of TMI
Cargos are the best! What mystifies me is that the zipper worked fine at the store and it worked fine for at least two years.
And then.
Not.
Grrr.
Hey at least you got two years out of yours. My zipper crapped out on me after 6 months.
meleah rebeccah recently posted..The Reason Why – I Am The Queen of TMI
That would infuriate me.
Consistent Coverage is the name of my next band :)
Zeus
Zeus in da house! I swear I have to start a list of awesome names for
1. bands
2. songs
3. poems
4. novels
and every other place where they would work.
So…thoughts on the button fly?
I’ve missed you, Cardiogirl. It’s been far too long since we last connected.
KZ recently posted..A Fine Romance
You are young and impatient. You are mistreating your zippers. I’m sure by now they feel misused and misunderstood. As you get older you will learn you can no longer perform the zippering function by rote. Zipper with love and show you care for their feelings.
Also as you get older your old normal smooth muscle action may desert you and you may become jerky. Try not to jerk them. be gentle with your zippers and they will outlast you.
Ben Swilley recently posted..Fat Tuesday in Athens