All thumbs and none of them green
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I’m going to make a confession here: I do not have a green thumb. Growing up we never had houseplants. I don’t know if that seems like a big deal or not. It seemed like a wild revelation to me, but maybe there other non-plant households out there.
I do recall occasional bouquets of flowers in a vase. I also recall those same bouquets dying a slow death until the water was murky and everything in the vase was shriveled and hanging on a wilted stem.
No one paid attention. I can’t even tell you who finally threw those flowers away. If I had to analyze it — and I do, because this blog is about analyzing the minutiae — I would guess it seems like a parent’s job to dispose of dying flowers. I certainly don’t expect my kids to take care of them. And if the flowers are meant for someone else, it seems too bold to decide when to throw them away.
The point is that there were a lot of kids in that house and attention was scarce. So it stands to reason that a plant or a bunch of flowers would be on the bottom of the list of things to take care of.
Side note: Mr. C has sent me flowers on a semi-regular basis over the years. There are the standard times like our anniversary, my birthday and the just because times, but on the whole, I’m not really a flower kind of chick. While they’re
nice
to look
at and they
smell great
they’re so fickle,
those flowers. They look amazing for about three or four days and then they start to die off, one by one, their happy petals a victim of gravity.
In our current house we have two plants and Mr. C tends to them. They seem to be somewhat low maintenance in terms of care. He gives them both one glass of water every weekend or so and in return they stay green. But I don’t really understand the appeal of a plant.
My mother-in-law has quite a menagerie of plants. She has a green thumb and a large rack dedicated to plants in the kitchen, directly in front of a window that receives hours of sunlight. She must have a solid watering routine because they’re always thriving. In fact she is usually in the midst of starting a new plant from the off-shoot of a current plant. There’s some kind of method that involves cutting off a stem and setting it in a cup of water forever until the roots grow in a circle at the bottom of the cup.
At some appointed time the cup is discarded and the new plant is put in a pot with dirt and then that one lives happily ever after as well. That seems like a lot of work to me, but it’s part of the status quo at her house.
I’ve also heard, in my travels, that tending to a plant can help stave off depression. I believe the article I read focused on the sense of satisfaction a plant can bring, since the owner is responsible for the health of the plant. A thriving plant equals a sense of accomplishment. It also provides something else to focus on.
In my experience, tending to a houseplant creates frustration and anger.
The worst offenders are the plants that are labeled hard to kill. The expectation is that a dog could take care of this plant and it would still survive. Not so. Sending a plant to my house is the equivalent of being exiled to Siberia: the conditions are stark, there’s not much human interaction and the mortality rate is pretty high.
I guess there are three choices here: go without, live with my mother-in-law or buy a fake plant. I’ll stick with Door Number One.
Get an aspidistra. I watered mine yesterday for the first time in 3 months, and it was only just starting to droop. They’re called Cast Iron plants for a reason. :)
A quick Google search provided the following statement: “Aspidistra thrives on neglect.” That actually sounds like something I could handle, Solomon. Thanks for the suggestion!
Hola CG!
I too am agriculturally challenged. Just two weeks ago, I bought four very healthy looking herbs and a new planter for inside of the house. I planted them carefully. I put Mircale Grow on them. I watered them daily. This morning, I declared them dead. TWO WEEKS!
I am still contemplating what to do with my new planter. Any ideas?
Mucho Smooches!
Val
That sucks. But I could see the exact same thing happening here in the Dungeon. I wonder if your planter is wide enough to accommodate CDs or DVDs? I was thinking that it would be a good place to store crayons, but I imagine you have graduated to pens and pencils over at your place.
What about storing makeup in it on the dresser, or medicine inside of it on a shelf in the closet/cabinet? Would it hold hair supplies like a comb, round brush, hair spray and mousse or hair gel? Or maybe you could get fake plants to put inside of it and use it as decoration :)
ah i love house plants, makes me feel like a grown up that i can keep something alive other than myself.
they do liven up the place too and because i get a lot of sunlight, they grow really well.
i won’t send you a house plant….like you i enjoy getting flowers but after day 3, it’s like okay get them out of here.
Thanks (for not sending the plant) I appreciate that :)
I’ve been wondering how florists are doing in this economy. It seems like flowers and plants are a nice-to not a have-to and that they would be one of the first budget items cut (in a household budget), you know?
Plants in the house. Just too much effort. I have a dream of having a house with a garden and most importantly a gardener with a green thumb. How effortlessly cool would that be.
I have to agree sanjay. It would be awesome to have a master gardener who knew what he was doing and who really took care of my yard and garden — front and back. I really would love to have a nice looking yard, but even that is a struggle. Though I have to say hostas are pretty damn hearty ’round these parts and have been a nice addition to our front yard.
“tending to a houseplant creates frustration and anger” he he he :)
You know, in my humble opinion. Actual results may vary.
Hey CG!
My grandmother sounds alot like your mother-in-law. She has all sorts of plants throughout her house. She does the offshoot in a glass of water too. Somehow she has even managed to grow a rose bush or two out of roses from a bouquet. It’s amazing. I’m like you and have no skills in the plant department. My grandma gave me a plant one time and of course it was dead a month or two later. Now she likes to tease me and tell me that she has too many plants and she’ll give me some so I can kill them….lol
WOW! A rosebush out of a rose from a bouquet?! That is an amazing feat! Hey, I can help your grandma weed out her plant supply, too!
One of the reasons I had so many cacti is because they are so easy to grow. They only need to be watered now and then, and in the summer I would set them outside and not do much until I brought them in in the fall. If it was a really hot summer, I would spray them with the hose once or twice… even in the winter when they were inside, I only watered them once or twice.. usually when they would grab me as I walked past, begging for water…..
I think that’s what I’d have to have, if I were going for a plant — a cactus. Hey do cacti ever sprout flowers?
My parents had a thriving garden, and I can barely keep African violets and an Aloe plant alive. We moved last month, and I don’t think I’ve watered them since. I should do that… My college roommates and I killed a cactus once…
They say plants are a good test to see if you can take care of pets and children, but I’ve had a dog, and I’ve babysat, and I never starved them – they made noise!
I commiserate.
Oh man. If I had to keep a plant alive for three months to test if I could have a kid I’d be childless right now, no question about it. I really think I could handle a dog better than a plant, which seems odd, but I’m pretty sure I could keep a dog alive for three months.
Again, we agree. I am not good with plants. I am not good with fish either.
Here is why- if a plant or a fish dies I feel no guilt or sadness. I think this leads to me not caring about taking care of it. Luckily Mr. S loves our beta and the fish gets food and a cleaned out bowl. With a dog or other more important type pet there is a connection of sorts that makes you want to take care of it, with a fish or with a plant-not so much.
However, my mother is an AMAZING gardener. Her back and front yards have these lovely well designed and maintained flower beds all year. She actually changes the plants for the seasons. Seriously? Who has the time, money or energy to do that? It’s insane to me, but whatever floats her boat (and your mother in laws boat as well!)
I really do wish someone I knew would take care of my garden and make it look good all year long. Although I guess it’s a matter of priorities and the yard is not a priority for me. I absolutely HATE fish — as pets or meals. YUCK!
I have “Trevor” – a gift sent by the same Florist who smuggled your bouquet in for me… He sent his namesake to us when my father died – a beautiful woven bamboo plant, growing in a pot of rocks and water (no dirt).
That’s interesting — the name and the plant. I didn’t know a plant could work it out with just rocks and water. I guess dirt is not always a necessity.
We didn’t have plants growing up either, nor do I see the attraction in having them. I have tried out a few over the years and I think I kill plants just by looking at them. I, too, will just go without…
Isn’t it great how you can find like-minded people on the internet. I love that! We shall unite in our dissing of plants (jumps in the air to deliver a cyber high five.)
I have a horrid plant story. It still makes me upset. It’s famed in our family, for those in the know, that I have no green thumb (imagine that- all mouth!) and so my uncle, dear soul, after sending him letters for a while, talking to him because I was hurt that he had cancer and had considered not fighting it, I sent him a handwritten plea.
I begged him to stay in the fight and that this family needed him and a few months later during our continuous correspondence, I received a plant from my uncle. It was nicknamed “Closet Plant” and the true name still escapes me. I kept it at work with me and watered it regularly until I left that job, it did pretty well.
Then I went home with it and kept watering it, about once a week and it did fine for a very long time, long enough for me to feel successful about the plant, and my blooming green thumb.
Then two years ago my Uncle died. It broke the entire family’s heart and apparently my plant’s too because it wasn’t a week later that it died.
I remember mourning that plant as well as my uncle, and beyond that as I sort of just left the plant there, where it was, dead. Each time I looked it I thought of my Uncle, which was my way of remembering him, I know that’s sadistic, but we all have our oddities.
Since then, I’ve no interest in plants. None whatsoever. Sure they’re pretty and all, but jeez, all that maintenance! I’m not into that. This is also why I don’t cook, I do the cleaning. The Cook Never Cleans in My House, sounds grand, but it’s just cuz I can’t stand it.
I have decided if I ever had a need for plants, I’ll plant wax ones or plastic ones. I know that sounds crazy, but I’ll never forget one time I visited my Grandmother and she was showing me her garden, and all of a sudden out of nowhere she told me they were plastic and got the biggest shit eating grin I’ve ever seen her have. She went into the closet in the entryway of the house, and got last season’s flowers!
I’d have never known.
Gee MouthyGirl, what a sad story. I’m sorry to hear about your uncle and the plant. When I read about your grandma’s garden (pretty clever I must say) I wondered if that had anything to do with the name “Closet Plant.” I suppose if that were true the implication would be that the plant was fake. I don’t know. I saw the word closet twice and thought I could go CSI on it.
I swear hospitals, some large corporations and the shopping mall plant fake foliage and it looks great, especially when it’s in a huge planter box. They have to be fake because some of those boxes are around 15-20 feet across. How would they water the whole thing if it were live?
We may not have the same feet, CG, but we have the same thumbs!! My YS came home from school with a plant in a styrofoam cup. When ES saw me bringing it into the house he chimed in, “Well, now we know it will die – Mom touched the container.” Alas, he has heard the stories and witnessed the attempts.
When I was 16, I was given the General’s Guard Award in The Salvation Army. The woman who came to present it to me, gave a little speech and presented me with an African Violet. Her speech was beautiful – a whole illustration about spiritual growth being compared to plant growth. She said, “As this plant grows, so will your spiritual life grow.” Oh my. I killed it within a week.
So, I agree with you. Tending plants is liable to render me more depressed than ever. However, I’m sure that “Results May Vary” is true, too.
I may even try Solomon’s suggestion of the aspidistra plant. I will even be able to remember the name of the plant to look for, since I used to love going downtown Chicago and browsing through a second hand bookshop called “Aspidistra.”
However, even if my future aspidistra doesn’t flourish, I am very fortunate here. Because we live on estate property, we have people who come out and care for the shrubs and things. The last time they came I asked if it would be possible to get something with a bit more color (everything seems so bland and green). Since they care for it (or at least could give me detailed instructions and supervise my efforts when they come by), I should be able to have at least more vibrant colors to look at outside.
Sorry to have rambled on – perhaps I should have just made this a blog post in reply! (PS – Did get your letter! Just haven’t had time to respond.)
We do have similar thumbs Wendy! I thought you were going to say you would remember the name of the plant Solomon mentioned because the *nickname* is the Cast Iron Plant. So I was thinking ahead like, ‘I bet she went to a kitchen supply store called Cast Iron Pots & Pans.’ And then. I was wrong.
That’s fun that someone else takes care of the yard and is an expert to answer questions. It’s also nice to come home and find out someone else mowed the lawn. I’m so glad you got that but it wasn’t upbeat at all, was it? Yikes.
Hmm, interesting post. When I was a kid, my mother used to grow a number of houseplants as well. There was always a collection of green inhabitants scattered throughout the house, and my mother would ask us kids to water them occasionally. As she grew older and we moved out, the live plants were slowly replaced with fake ones.
I don’t have the green thumb my mother does. I’ve managed to kill cacti and “water-less” plants. The only one that survived for multiple years was the underwater one that lived in my Beta’s fishbowl. I think the fish cared for it, cuz I know I wasn’t the one keeping it alive.
I do love flowers, because the splash of color in my kitchen makes me happy. I’ve always been a sucker for flowers, but I’ll also buy my own because homegirl doesn’t rely on some boy to bring her happiness =P. At this point, however, flowers are the only things I can manage because anything meant to last longer than a few days becomes a snack for Chelsea. That cat loves vegetables like there’s no tomorrow. **HUGS!!**
I love that the fish must have taken care of the plant! I always say if you’re gonna live with me (kids) you’re gonna have to earn your keep. Sounds like that fish had my work ethic.
And I loved this line:
“… but I’ll also buy my own because homegirl doesn’t rely on some boy to bring her happiness =P.” Booyah!
You may wonder why I know this and I’ll explain in a minute… hospitals use formaldehyde in the plants. They stay green and look real because they were….once.
:)
I know this because I worked at a hospital and asked someone in passing once (someone in the know) and they told me that’s how the plants are preserved and the hospital avoids the cost of paying people to maintain them. Creepy I thought. Works on plants just like people.
MouthyGirl, that story is like finding out … the phone calls are coming … from INSIDE THE HOUSE! Auugghhhh!!!
That’s crazy, I mean it’s a pretty good financial solution, I have to admit, but wow.