The book of questions, Volume 57
Friday is The Book of Questions Day around these parts.
Today’s question comes from the aptly titled book “The Book of Questions” by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.
And here it is, Question 202.
Would you be willing to commit perjury for a close friend? For example, might you testify that he was driving carefully when he hit a pedestrian even though he had been joking around and not paying attention?
Ain’t no friend out there I’d commit perjury for.
Ardent rule follower here. My conscience would never let me do this. I suck at lying; I have no poker face. And if I’m sitting in a court house after having sworn to tell the truth on a Bible there’s no way I could lie. I believe I’ll have to answer for that lie after I die and I already have enough stuff to discuss with the Big Guy.
I have a feeling someone is going to ask, what if we were talking about Mr. C or your children? Would you do it then?
Ai chihuahua I still couldn’t do it. For the same reasons listed above.
But I also firmly believe that it’s common decency to take responsibility for your own actions. If I want to know the why behind it, I’ll ask you. I really cannot stand it when someone apologizes to me but then gives three reasons why it really was not his fault.
That’s not an apology, gingah. That’s an excuse and I’m not interested in hearing excuses.
An apology is sincerely expressing regret and sorrow for your own actions without citing extenuating circumstances as the cause. Don’t tell me you’re sorry you were late for my appointment but traffic was a bitch.
You misjudged the amount of time it would take to get to the office and you should have left earlier. Own it.
So getting back to Mr. C and my kids, I couldn’t commit perjury for them. If they did the crime they need to own up to it. I just couldn’t try to cover it up. I’m positive about that.
So now that you know my answer, tell me yours.
If he wasn’t paying attention and knocked someone down, that’s his own fault. He should be made to take responsibility for that. I certainly wouldn’t want to be the pedestrian who had to deal with being knocked down and then knowing that the person who knocked me down was just going to get away with it.
Solomon for some reason it struck me funny when you said, “If he knocked someone down…” It sounds like he was walking in the hallway and bumped into another guy.
But I’m totally with you. Coming from the other side (being the victim) it would totally smack of injustice. Especially if I knew (since I was at the scene) that the friend was lying but I couldn’t prove it.
Nope. My friend shouldn’t expect me to lie for him/her.
It’s interesting that you say it that way, Steve. I never considered it from the other side. I just considered my supposed responsibility to my friend, rather than the fact that my friend is out of line to ask.
I’d WANT to, but could never pull it off. I too have the truth written all over my face and there is nothing I can do about it. I also believe that my best friends are pretty honest themselves, and would never ask me to do this for them in the first place!
Again, I never considered the friend’s part in it. I would also like to think I hang with honest people.
I would do it. Commit perjury, that is. I admire your willingness to stick to your guns and obey the rules, but . . . I think I’d do it. But that’s because I’m basically a guilty person, and I think I’d feel guilty if I didn’t stick up for a friend or loved one. How could I live with myself, if they went to jail for years when with just a few (lying) words, I could’ve saved them? I know it’s wrong, but I’d do it.
And I’d do it good. Yes, I am a good liar.
Wow JD. Way to own it. I wonder if you’re the only one to say yes.
And of course now I’d love to see you lie on the fly in person, of course.
I’m all about owning it, but I know that if it was Joe or the kids, I’d be all “well, it was dark and that person shouldn’t have been in the street” and all. Would I do that in court?? I don’t know. I’d like to be tough, but I don’t think I’d be willing to get up there to convict or defend in this situation. I think I’m all willy-nilly on this one, CG. It is up to the court to decide who’s guilty in the situation, but don’t put me on the stand to help make the decision. And no, I’m not lying for anyone–just pointing out both sides.
It looks like you have half a foot in JD’s court, Lin. I would feel conflicted in saying no, but I also wouldn’t want to have any part in it either.
Nope. Couldn’t do it. And it’s not so much out of a sense of honour or honesty, either (although I DO try in both those departments), it’s because I st-st-stutter when I lie. And then *I* go to jail.
And I won’t go to jail for no one no how. Especially not a pedestrian-runner-overer. I was once a pedestrian, you know.
Really?! You stutter only when you lie? How wild, Les. Yeah, it would totally suck to go to jail for lying. No thanks.
Weeeel…. I also st-st-stutter when I’m drunk. Which is why I don’t generally drink with other people around… your family being the exception, but only because your husband kept handing me beer – also, apparently, I don’t stutter in a hot whirlpool.
Damn! I should have tried to lie in the whirlpool!
Well it looks like we’ll just have to meet up again — with beer and access to a whirlpool — to test the theory.
I wouldn’t commit perjury. I’m all about the rules. In fact, I’m so about the rules that I actually had to turn my own sister in for embezzling at the company we both worked at when we were in our twenties.
There was some funky business going on with the accounts and when I thoroughly investigated it, it all pointed to her. I turned over all the evidence to the President of the company, he called the police who came and questioned all of the office staff.
In the end, the President of the company asked for a confession and when he didn’t get one he dropped the issue. I think he did it to spare me having to testify against her. It was about $3,000, it wasn’t like it was 20 grand.
Eventually my sister left the company because there was so much animosity from the other staff towards her because everyone knew she did it. After she left she began working at a client and was again accused of embezzling and actually arrested.
My Dad ended up bailing her out of jail after a couple of days. After that job she got a job at a grocery store and was arrested again for coupon fraud and selling alcohol to a minor.
My sister never spent any jail time, other than the initial arrests. I imagine it cost my Dad a quite a bit to make it all go away. As far as I know she has stayed out of trouble since.
Uh, Lola? My mouth was hanging open as I started to read this. With each paragraph my mouth dropped open even wider.
Oh. My. Gah. That’s totally crazy. Wow. Kudos to you for sticking to your honest guns, but damnation.
Nope. I couldn’t do it either. This very thing happened once. A friend of mine got drunk and killed a pedestrian. I had to testify that he was a chronic drinker and that he actually left the scene of the crime and pretended as if nothing had happened. Tough day in court. Because the victim was a transient, the DA didn’t pursue much. My friend got off with three months “probation.” He went to work every day but he had to sleep in a locked facility at night. It was a joke.
Oh. Wow.
Dang Poolie, that’s really wild. I was floored with Lola’s story but am even more surprised by yours.
That’s quite bizarre that he was out and about during the day but slept in jail at night. I guess he didn’t drive or drink during the day, eh?
Sad that the person killed wasn’t important enough for the DA to pursue it.
YOU SAID “EH”!!! Congratulations, Shetbag – you are now and Honourary Canuckian. Don’t forget to put the ‘u’ in every second word…
YES! I rule in an international way!
Most of my life people have assumed I’m from the U.P. (upper peninsula of Michigan) which barely touches the Canadian border. I suppose that would account for the “eh” usage in the U.P.
Interestingly enough, my paternal grandparents were from Canada so my dad has always punctuated sentences with “eh?” Which, apparently, I have picked up.
So far my kids don’t say it. I wonder if this quasi-international trend will die with me.
Commit perjury for a close friend?
Nope. Like you said, if they did the crime they do the time. If I take that oath, I’m not breaking it. That’s how I roll.
I frequently say that to my kids — “If you’re gonna do the crime, you’re gonna do the time.”
They don’t really get it yet and I always think they feel it was worth it to get the last smack in the head.
Friend or husband? That’s a huge difference to me.
At first, I thought no way. I’m not putting my feet to the fire. Granted, I might hold myself in contempt of court and not testify. I also believe in being held accountable for your actions, so yes, I would testify and give a full account of my knowledge if I believed the person was guilty. But hubs?
Oh, praise God, I just remembered about spousal privilege when I went to make the coffee because I’m keeping my family together, God as my witness.
That was a tough one.
I hadn’t thought of that — the spousal loophole. Alright, I’m gonna get tough Liz. On this one example you cannot invoke the Fifth or spousal privilege.
Now what would you do if it was your husband?
Actually, the fifth is the right to not testify against yourself. And I’m sure as hell not gonna raise my hand and say, “I did it. Arrest me!”
You get held in contempt, i.e. jail, if you refuse to testify once called to the stand. They can’t make you talk, but they’ll put your ass in jail, years in some matters.
I can’t answer that straight up about my husband, because if he went and murdered my sister or something, that’d throw a wrench in my resolve, but I’m saying there’s an 99% chance I’d lie, lie, lie. I’m a pretty good liar, too.
He’s my husband and I’ll do a lot of things to keep him and myself out of prison.
Have you seen the movie Traffic? Picture me as Catherine Zeta Jones.
I did not know that regarding the Fifth. I would assume no one would choose to testify against him or herself but apparently it’s necessary to spell that one out.
I assumed, incorrectly, that is was similar to replying “No comment” regarding all questions on the stand. You learn something new every day, don’t you?
Never saw the movie Traffic, but I feel you have thoroughly answered the question. Thank you; your obligation has been fulfilled.
You’re welcome.
My random legal and medical knowledge is at your disposal.
Part of the reason that the 5th A specifically includes the right against self-incrimination goes back to the historical use of torture and coercion to get people to “confess”. Without this right, a person could be required to admit to their wrong doings. If they would not do so willing, they would be tortured until they either died or admitted to it.
In addition to the right to not testify against yourself, the 5th Ammendment has been interpreted to guarantee (at least to some level) that your refusal to answer those specific questions cannot be used against you. Like you said, most people would not willing choose to incriminate themselves by testifying. However, if the prosecutor could say that your refusal to testify is proof that you did xyz because only a guilty person would refuse to testify, then I think many people would feel like they must testify despite a variety of other good reasons to not testify.
Well said, Buf. Textbook worthy.
Buf, as usual, you have cleared everything up for me. I love having a lawyer on (free) retainer! Thanks!
Thanks Liz…Most of it was just paraphrasing some stuff into normal (non-legal) language.
CG- No prob! However, I am not a lawyer yet (when will Nov get here???). :)
A close or good friend or family member would not want me to lie or commit perjury for them. It’s hard to answer if it were my other half or child. For me to say I would not consider lying is a lie in itself.
Wow Nameless. I do applaud your honesty in admitting you’d actually consider lying for family. I think probably it would cross everyone’s mind –myself included — in a fleeting way as well, truth be told.
But I know I couldn’t do it.
I think you’re aware, based on my last post wherein I am dressed in my Catholic school finery, that the presence of God hovering over my pretty little head for all those years has made it impossible for me to lie. Even if I wanted to.
After reading the comments, I want JD in my court. Literally.
(laughs) Yeah, He gets right in there, doesn’t He? I’d still have a hard time working in tandem to support the lie, even if JD did a stellar job.
Ahhhhh No. Couldn’t do it on so many levels. Even for close family members or a spouse. I am a lousy liar and have no poker face…lol. In addition, I believe that people should be accountable for their actions. Last but not least, assuming I passed the bar exam, I will be an officer of the court and as such have a duty to the court and justice. If I committed perjury and it was ever discovered, I would most likely be disbarred.
Have a good weekend everyone!!
That brings up an interesting question, Buf. When you mentioned being disbarred, it made me wonder if all of us have a price. I really cannot think of anything that would be worth the risk.
However, as we all know, money and greed is usually a standard motivator.
A big no here. Not only am I an appallingly bad liar, but I also have this compulsion to do the right thing. Everyone would know from the look on my face that I had lied. I would be like Lady Macbeth for the rest of my life. Cheers!
It would be fun for all of us in here to try to play poker, wouldn’t it Sarah? The bluffing would be non-existent.
Despite not being able to lie, I can bluff in poker at least I think I can. When I play with my uncles (who do not show mercy to anyone, if you have money they will try to take it), I do occasionally win via bluffing. To me the difference seems to be that I can bluff via actions alone, while if I try to trick someone I usually have to talk and that’s where I get into trouble. Basically, as long as I don’t overreact to a good hand, I can usually pull off a calm/disinterested face the rest of the time. But now you have me wondering if I can bluff or not and I’m going to ask my dad or brother..lol
I never learned how to play poker and do not understand how and/or why bluffing is used so I do wonder, if I learned, if I could also learn to have a good poker face.
Even though I do not have one in real life. I’ll have to work on that.
p.s. Somehow I respect the fact that your uncles will fleece you regardless of your relationship.
Well you can learn some basic poker skills by watching Star Trek TNG. (See everything does go back to ST!!) The bridge officers had a regular poker game and Data (the android with no emotions) obviously had the ultimate poker face….lol FYI, in poker bluffing involves placing bets to make the other players think you have better cards than you actually have. If you can do it right, you can get them to fold (throw in their cards) and you win the pot even though you have lousy cards. Btw, if everyone else folds, you win and you do not have to show what cards you have left. However, people like my uncles will often force you to show your cards by deciding to stay in even if it seems like you have better cards than them. Their choice often comes down to whether or not they think you might be bluffing and how much they have to spend to stay in the hand.
YES! Star Trek proves useful once again. I’m this close to renting some DVDs — based on your suggestions, of course — just to learn some of this stuff first-hand.
I think you are starting to turn the tide, Buf. That is a huge accomplishment.
:D
I would commit perjury for my BFF. I wouldn’t think about it twice.
I don’t think she would want me to, but I’d do it anyway.
I once told her, when her abusive ex husband was harassing her, that I would gladly kill him for her, she just had to agree to raise my son when I went to prison.
I wasn’t joking.
Luckily the bastard died on his own pretty soon afterward. But I’d do life for that girl.
She’s the only one, LOL. Because I know she’d do the same for me.
Ride or die, beeyotches!
I want to be your BFF, Angelika. But I know I cannot hold up my end of the bargain as I won’t go to jail for you (ducks down as you throw whatever’s handy at me.)
Man that situation with your friend sounds like that Dixie Chicks song Goodbye Earl.
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