The book of questions, Volume 13
Friday is The Book of Questions Day around these parts.
Today’s question comes from the aptly titled book “The Book of Questions” by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.
And here it is, Question 65.
When you tell a story, do you often exaggerate or embellish it? If so, why?
Well this question certainly puts a blogger’s reputation on the line, doesn’t it?
I have to say I don’t exaggerate or embellish in the traditional sense of the word. How do you like that for spinning the answer? It’s a Clintonesque response: I did not have sex with that woman. Um, what’s the definition we’re using again?
I am very rule driven and always feel I will be caught in a lie, should I make an attempt. So in person I have a lot of “tells” and would be busted immediately. That’s why I’ll never commit a crime — I’d crumble during the interrogation. I’m not good at looking into a person’s eyes and lying outright.
In that instance, face to face, I will attempt to cushion the blow. A good example is a friend asking me, “Does this outfit make me look fat?” Why are women always asking that? If you’re asking the question your sub-conscience is telling you the answer: yes, it makes you look fat. Choose another outfit.
But I will say something like, “Well, it’s not as flattering as it could be. Maybe a different style would make you feel more comfortable.” Basically I’m saying, “Yes, it makes you look fat” but I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Another one of my pat answers is, “It’s not something I would do/wear/say.”
So on to my storytelling. It’s the same thing for me. I feel if I were to embellish or exaggerate I will be called out on it and then I will have to admit I’m lying. What I do instead is give the truthful story and then I work on an analogy with the details. Wow, I’ve never had to analyze my writing so much.
I suppose when I work on a detail most of the time I’m trying to give the story a funny slant — an unexpected punch of humor, if you will. And in that instance, I don’t feel it’s a lie. I truly had that thought, regarding the detail, in the story. The punch is really how I felt. The example that readily comes to mind is when we had to get rid of our cat. We learned our daughter is allergic to cats and has asthma, which is aggravated by the feline.
I’ve told the story a few times and compared it to Sophie’s choice. The cat felt like my furry child, he was part of our family for ten years, but I had to choose my actual daughter, didn’t I? But it’s how I felt at the time. An exaggeration or the guilty truth? You decide.
I suppose I manipulate details, but the details are based on the actual thoughts that go through my mind. The plot of the story is true and unaltered. So my final answer is no, I do not exaggerate or embellish the stories I tell.
But I do try to leave the reader with a different perspective on the same old story. How about you?
I think it’s not a good story unless you embellish it–and you must always preface it with “This is a true story.” I learned this from a boy I was in love with in high school. He’d tell these amazingly entertaining stories, and some people would be like, that’s bullsh*t. He asked me once if I believed his stories to be true, and I said, I don’t care either way, just don’t ever stop telling them!
I think you must say things in the story like, “this is god’s honest truth” or “not a word of this is a lie” or “I swear every word I say is true” so they know you really are lying…
I don’t really exaggerate my own stories, but if I’m retelling someone else’s, I will. Also if I’m telling a joke, I’ll add to it. I’ll also add on to fairy tales I tell my son, so it’s slightly different from the Disney stories…I’ll give characters more of a back story.
If it’s a personal story, no, too personal. But everything else is up for embellishment!
Now I’m not gonna believe the next person who says “I swear this is the truth.” I guess I do embellish some of the Disney stuff, as well. It’s a good start to, “Mom! Mom! Tell us a story!!
I’m not sure if what I do when I tell a story could be called “embellishment” or not – but I do sometimes screw around with the timelines a little bit. My blog has turned into a “mostly memoir” of stories of Ruby the Landlady and my parents, and I’m surprised sometimes that the story is pretty much already written right outta the box. “Just add Internet!”
With Ruby, I sift through all the dialogue and sometimes person A says something before person B on the blog, when it went the other way ’round in Ruby’s version. I call that poetic license, though – if my way is funnier, it’s gonna go my way. :-)
With my parents’ stories, I sometimes get called on the carpet over getting a name wrong – e.g. in my mother’s “Jimmy Prentice & the Radio” story, it turned out to be Jimmy’s brother, but I’d mixed them up. The “filler” I throw in as back story is always family history, and no one ever calls me on that stuff.
“Embellish”? Yeah, I guess I do, a little bit. “Exaggerate”? Ummmm…. yeah. But only when I wanna embarrass my kid.
For sure that’s poetic license. Totally, betch.
Like you, I think we all tell those little white lies to keep from hurting people’s feelings…. or we change the subject or avoid the truth.
Embellish? Occasionally, to a small degree. I think for the most part I’m pretty truthful in my diary though… it just kind of depends on who I’m talking to, what we are talking about, and what I want as a reaction to the story. Most of the “embellishment” I do is about things that have happened in the past that wouldn’t matter if I got called out on the truth.. or there’s no one around to call me out. I try to avoid out and out lies because they have a way of coming back to you!
It seems like most people don’t or wouldn’t exaggerate so much, but then I’ve told you about my neighbor who tells these crazy, outrageous tales and then just lies her way out of it if challenged. Crazy.
I’m an actress. Of course I embellish and exaggerate.
Not that I distort the facts – I ,too, am a bad liar. (Actors usually are bad liars – we have to believe what we are doing on stage, or we look like we are acting. Badly.)
To me, telling a story is another way of acting. You have to get into the characters, the setting, you need sound effects (written or verbal), and movement… the story is true, I’m just making it a wee bit more exciting. :D
Hey you need a blog, Rebecca. I need to read some of the true stories that a wee bit more exciting. When you put it that way, it doesn’t really seem like embellishment. It’s for art.
I embellish slightly, just to make a situation funnier in my blog. But I too figure that people will catch me out in a lie, so I just don’t tell them. I will, however, try to cushion the blow if someone asks me my honest opinion on something. But yeah, if you’re asking if the dress make you look fat, go find something else to wear!!
I guess all of us embellish a little bit, even if we don’t think we do. I’m sure I’ve done it before.
Overall I would say that I am pretty truthful. In my younger days I embellished to get my parent’s attention and they would always call me out and say “Did it really happen like that?” So I try not to do it anymore.
But on occasion I will embellish slightly for humor’s sake. I definitely do the same thing as you with trying to cushion the blow. On occasion I have outright lied about liking a hair cut on a friend when I really don’t like it. I just don’t feel that my not liking it is good enough reason to hurt that person’s feelings.
Ugh, you just reminded me of all of those times (younger days)d that I did the same thing — “No, really, it’s cute” — when I didn’t like her hair cut at all. And I’m sure I did not sound convincing at all. But what can you do about a hair cut? You can get different clothes but you have to deal with the hair cut for a while until it grows out. Yikes.
all my stories on my blog are 100% true. i’m everything i pretend to be. lol
well when i’m trying to be funny, i might throw something else in there that should not be taken literally, but the story is 100% true.
Oh, that’s just good story telling, Natural.
btw, i like this book. i have to get it from the library.
It is fun, isn’t it? Some of the stuff is eye opening in terms of questioning yourself, but I find it much more interesting when finding out what other people think/would do.
I embellish. I try to put a slant on the story, usually a good one. I do sometimes exaggerate out of nervousness, though. I don’t try to mislead people, though.
Funny how nervousness presents itself, I tend to ramble and chuckle nervously.
I tend to view the world in an absurd way and probably relate things the way I see them.
Joe, that sounds like a spin. Although, it also sort of sounds like what I said.
Hey CG-Just an fyi- I tagged you! I thought it would be interesting to see what you would say is quirky about you.
Hi Mrs. S, Thanks for the tag. Believe it or not I’ve done that one a couple of times now, I’m not sure if there’s anything left. I’ll see if I can scrape my brain for more quirks.
Hi Cardio….oh I am loving the politician-ish answer to this question. Instead of calling it a lie I would rather call it writing liberties or my personal writer’s latitude.
This one is a slippery slope, isn’t it Faith? Those are the best questions, though. They yield interesting answers.
Sadly (or maybe it’s not a bad thing), I don’t embellish… if anything, I leave chunks out so as to not offend the innocent bystanders who visit my blog or deal with me on a day to day basis. My life is already a train wreck so the last thing I need to do is add more to the already tragic tale that is me.
You intrigue me, Monique. I’m going to have to spend more time at your blog :)
For a funny story — Yes. I do.
For a story in which somebody did something to me or hurtful to me – no. There’s a lot more at stake there and I don’t need that to come back and bite me in my ample ass.
Alright pantrypuff. You’re one of the few who have said yes, or yes with a few conditions. Wait a minute, I think you’re the only one who actually used the word “yes.” Way to own it, chick!
WHY lie? Truth is stranger than fiction anyways.
I’ve been living that for the last year, most days the truth is stranger than fiction.
I usually add my thoughts and reactions to the plain facts, which, I guess we all do as humans. Embellishments, I suppose, exaggeration is such an ugly word, your honor. I plead adding color and pattern to the drab goings-on.
Oh I like that Elle, well done!
On my blog, I exaggerate. Evan doesn’t literally drive me insane, but it’s pretty damned close. MD isn’t nearly as funny IRL as she is on my blog.
I don’t tell outright lies. There is some “truthiness”, because I can’t remember what I said 5 seconds ago, let alone long enough to remember what lies I’ve told, LOL.
So it’s 90% true & 10% embellishment on my blog…maybe. ;-)
IRL I tell the truth or just don’t respond, LOL. MD asked me yesterday if she looked huge (fat). I just talked about how nice the day was & told her how small her feet looked in the shoes she was wearing (which was true).
I love Elle’s response, LMFAO!
She is a card, isn’t she? I guess we all embellish, that is a nicer word than exaggerate. Funny, I never took that literally — that Evan really drives you insane — but I’m right there with you. I feel like I’ve been on the brink of insanity with my kids and that does *not* feel like an exaggeration.
I love how you totally sidestepped the question with your mother and focused on a positive instead.
I am the master of “on-the-spot” embellishing; that is, if an embellishment pops into my head, you will believe it. But if I think about it ahead of time? Forget it.
JD, that sentence alone makes me want to fly to wherever you live and have a conversation in person. I am quite gullible (I hate that word, but truth is truth) and if you’re convincing I will believe you. And I’ll think, damn that’s outrageous but it must be true.
As Dave Barry used to say, “I am not making this up!” It was always followed by a completely unbelievable statement.
Embellish? Not really. Describe vividly? Yes. Look for just the right word to make the post come alive? Absolutely.
There we go, Daisy. I like to describe vividly to make my post come alive, too!
**wanders away, whistling**
(laughs) I think that’s my favorite answer yet, Chris!
In my view, when a writer presents something as “nonfiction,” he or she has an implied agreement with the readers. The readers accept that, for drama and flow, the writer might organize and present the information in a way he or she sees fit. But the writer also promises not to change the essential details to the degree that the readers get the wrong impression of the event.
But ultimately, a narrative is composed in words, a medium that relies on the memory and interpretation of the writer. It’s not a precise, scientific language, like math. It’s not a medium that’s designed to express the absolute truth. it’s meant to convey abstract ideas, share emotions, and inspire others.
The simple truth is, most people don’t find a catalog of details listed by the chronological order engaging. They find human conflict, drama–they want stories. There’s a limit to how true a story can be.
Your answer made me think immediately of the guy who went on Oprah (Google tells me his name is James Frey). When viewed that way it seems the answer is clear, at least in terms of nonfiction.
Ah, yes, Jame Frey (A Million Little Pieces) has become the textbook case for stretching “nonfiction” to include wholly made-up incidents. In his case, he wasn’t altering nonessential details; he changed crucial details (like the amount of time he spent in prison) to make points he could not otherwise make. That, to me, is beyond embellishment.
True, Kenneth. I suppose that’s just outright lying and HUGE amounts of embellishment.
I’m with you and boxx- truth is surely stranger than fiction! ;)
As I grow older I find that saying to be so true. I guess the human mind/personality is a complex thing and motivates people to do weird things. Interesting to watch if you’re a bystander, not so interesting to participate in.