My legs have seen the glory of the Optimax AP-98R
I cannot believe I let the entire summer slip past without giving an update on my beloved Tweeze. The Tweeze (pronounced twhee-zee) is a $20 hand-held contraption that rips a piece of hair out from the root. It requires two AAA batteries. Under no circumstances is the Tweeze to be used on the head.
According to the manufacturer, “This automatic tweezer system won’t scratch, pull or irritate skin. …Easy to clean, the tweezer system is safe for use anywhere on the body (except eyebrows). Uses two AAA batteries (not included).”
First I have to address the manufacturer. Technically, it is true that the Tweeze does not “scratch, pull or irritate skin.” But it hurts like a bitch. It’s not my skin that hurts. It’s the root of the follicle, under the skin, that hurts as the Tweeze rips the hair out. But that’s just a technicality.
I have avoided my eyebrows and the head on my hair. So I cannot confirm or deny that the eyebrows should be avoided. And the manufacturer has not mentioned the hair on the head, but that seems self evident.
Initially, I bought it with the thought of using it occasionally — as often as I use a pair of tweezers. However, I soon decided I was tired of shaving my legs. So I gave the Tweeze a whirl. And it worked like a charm. It gave really good results, but it was time consuming. And it hurt. Like a bitch.
But Motrin took the pain away.
After a while, I got used to the pain and then a funny thing happened. It didn’t hurt anymore. Yes, I felt the small pop as the hair was yanked from the root, but it wasn’t a problem. So that’s when I decided to up the ante.
Yes, I went for my underarms. I don’t like having to shave there, either.
Let me just say this: you have to want this with every fiber of your being. I thought it hurt on my legs. My underarms were nearly unbearable.
I had to stop frequently. I tried Lanacane. I finally used ice. Liberally. In between quick shots of the Tweeze. I have a high pain threshold. I had three children without pain medication. I rarely use Motrin. I’m used to sucking it up.
Using the Tweeze on my underarms might have been the most intense pain I’ve felt in my 40 years on this earth. But I wanted smooth skin. I wanted to throw away my razor. And that is right where Phase Three of the Tweeze took me.
As I mentioned earlier, the Tweeze is hand-held and portable. But it rips out one hair at a time. I’m a tall chick with long legs. It takes a while to mow the lawn. And that is where the Emjoi Optimax AP-98R comes in. This device has allowed me to enter Mach Seven.
From the same manufacturer as the Tweeze, the Emjoi Optimax is the Bionic Man of hair removal. It has been re-tooled, re-engineered and it has 30 (thirty!) tweezers mounted on dual opposed heads. Instead of the one tweezer that rotates on the Tweeze.
The Emjoi Optimax has changed my life. Where there once was pellet-like, stubble there is now smooth skin. Where there were nicks and cuts requiring small shards of toilet paper to stop the bleeding, there is now freedom and joy.
I have seen the face of the future, my friend, and it is Optimax.
Fade to black as triumphant music swells and the spokesperson quickly and quietly announces “This was not a paid endorsement. Results may vary. Other restrictions may apply.”
OUCH. Girl, I’m in awe. I too, had no drugs for the girls, and darned little with the boy. But I dunno about the underarms. Just…owie.
Happy Monday!
Thanks Anne! I’m actually proud of this accomplishment. And if I didn’t adequately mention it, the underarms hurt crazily, terribly, horribly. But I think it’s worth it.
Wait! You used Motrin?
I know! I think that’s the most shocking thing about this whole experience.
Yikes!
I could add more, but I won’t. You are one tough cookie, almost Blitzer-like :) .
strugglingwriter, I take that as the highest compliment. I am getting my Blitz on, as we speak (growls, all Wolf-like).
You make me laugh!!! I though one of those gizmos would be nice so I googled it and got the Amazon.com price of $14.99. Then I checked Amazon.co.uk because Amazon.com doesn’t ship to the UK. WOAH!!! £29.99 = $60 … just checked the exchange … that should be $52. Can you believe that difference in price?
That’s crazy Nona! I knew things were a bit more expensive over the pond (because of my buddy Guilty Secret) but I didn’t realize there was *that* much of a mark up. I don’t know if I would spend $60 on the one-head Tweeze.
So to answer the original question: No, I cannot believe the difference in price. Damn. It would be less expensive for me to buy it on Amazon here, receive it at my house and then ship it to you from my local post office.
Ok so obviously the question that you have to answer is this… Does the Optimax AP-98R still hurt like hell and just not take as long??
Surprisingly no. The Optimax does not hurt really at all. On my legs. I don’t know why that is, but it’s *almost* pain free on my legs. Nothing like when I started a year or so ago with the lone Tweeze. And you cannot beat the speed with a stick, sister. Well worth the price.
Now on my pits, it’s a different story. It truly hurts like a bitch on my pits. Truth be told, I can’t handle the Optimax on my pits. I still use the one-headed Tweeze there, because I can handle the pain much better with just one rotating head, not 30.
Ouch, this sounds like the modern day version of a hair- shirt! I think I’d rather be hairy, LOL! But dang, girl you have high pain threshold! I didn’t use any pain medication either when I had my children, but I still don’t think I could handle the pain of 30 tweezers at once!
You know, it’s really not that bad. After you get used to it.
I consider myself to have a fairly high pain threshold too… but man, I don’t know if I could handle this! I mean, waxing was one thing… cuz that’s like ripping off a bandaid. It’s over in 0.8562 seconds and your nerves are left feeling stunned (like, “What the hell was that!??”).
I could probably handle the tweeze on my legs. But, I think I’d only tweeze my pits if there were copious amounts of alcohol and drunkenness involved… and maybe a monetary wager… **HUGS!!**
It’s funny you mention waxing because I really think I could not handle that. It seems so incredibly painful, even though it’s quick.
I wonder whether other regular readers will agree that this issue is way too central to all things Cardiogirl to be labelled ‘general nonsense’?
It’s good to get an update. I had no idea the Tweeze worked one hair at a time. You are truly a fascinating woman, Cardiogirl. Smoothness at any cost… wow. You really are high maintenance glam after all!
I didn’t know what to label this one. Thanks GS, I don’t know that I’ve ever been called fascinating or glam in the same paragraph before :)
I waxed. Once. I thought I was going to die. Now, I wear Capri pants and knee highs all summer. Just kidding. It’s a struggle sometimes. Gizmo gadgets are either a blessing or a true taste of hell.
Auuggghhhhhh! OW. You know, I really thought for a minute you were like a Scottish chick who also wore a plaid beret with the capri pants and knee highs and I was like, “Wow, Poolie, way to own it.” And then I realized you were kidding. (coughs)
It takes a while to mow the lawn.
Part of me finds this very funny, and part of me is thoroughly shocked. :D
Be shocked, Solomon. It’s a wild, woolly world here at the Cardiogirl Empire.
Once again I am very thankful that I am a very lightly haired person in those regions. I haven’t had to shave my legs for …….months and then only because I detected a couple of dark hairs…..
Of course, I also have sparse eyelashes that hardly show and my eyebrows are nearly undetectible but I will trade mascara and eyebrow pencil any day for that torture you mentioned.
Grrrr. You know you’re lucky, right Terri? I must be part timber wolf because there’s no way I could go for months.
Ouch! I am sorry for the extreme pain, but I appreciate the review! hehe ;) Thanks!
BTW, I hope you are enjoying your wristlet!! :)
I just thought about my wristlet in a loving and admiring way. As I was dropping the kids off at school this morning — all three of them — I had Emily in my arms, and my keys on my wrist. No chance of locking them in the car. I LOVE that thing!
Oh, right. Glad you enjoyed my review.
Ok due to the intense pain I can not get behind this. BUT I am going to try that Veet In Shower Hair Removal and I will review it because I hate the razor just as much as you (well maybe not as much since I would not endure that sort of pain but you get what I am saying).
Also-I agree with Guilty-this is not so much general nonsense as much as “central to CG”.
Hmm, I wonder if I have enough issues to create a new category. That’s not what I mean. We all know I have *a lot* of issues. But I mean, I wonder if I have enough stuff like this to label it. I’ll have to consider that. And I am curious about Veet. I’ll be reading…
YOW!
I just use Nair.
But this Optimax gadget sounds pretty intriguing.
I remember as a kid being repelled by my mom’s underarm “nibs.” I swore I would never have those, and she laughed.
I think I’ll keep my nibs if the alternative is mind-numbing pain.
Nibs, eh? I’ve never heard that word used before. That’s the bit o’ hair, the stubble if you will, that grows back? It is most assuredly mind-numbing pain in the under arm region.
Re: Nair. I have super sensitive skin and I tried Nair about 27 years ago and it burned through my skin. Like I had scabs from the chemical burns. My psyche was scarred and I never once tried Nair again. Does it still have the same chemical make up here in the year 2008?
CARDIOGIRL! STOP IT, BETCH! NOW I GOTTA GET *THIS* FREAKIN’ THING CUZ I CAN’T HAVE YOU TWEEZING FASTER THAN I CAN! GAWD!!!
sorry for yelling – i just moved. sigh…*
Oh, I am a tweezing ninja, Les. Watch and learn, grasshopper. You’re entitled to some yelling, since you can work off the stress IN YOUR OWN PRIVATE SAUNA. Yeah, I yelled that part, betch. And I will continue to yell about the fact that you have your OWN SAUNA.
I hope the move is going well and you at least can find your toothbrush, your bed and the coffee in the morning. Anything else during a move is extraneous, in my opinion. Oh yeah, gotta hook up your computer, too!
You amaze me, CG. I have always wondered about the Emjoi epilators, but I have been afraid of the pain. I’m not a wuss, though I did have pain meds when I delivered Grace. I also was being augmented with pitocin, which I heard hurts more than natural labor. I don’t know; I just enjoyed my birth experience more when I couldn’t feel the pain. Plus I don’t really NEED anything stronger than a razor. I have used Nair with good experience (I think it’s less strong than it was 27 years ago), but I’m just too lazy to do it very often. I shave my legs probably once a week, if not more. Once I hit about 20 years of age, my hair thinned and lightened. In high school I was shaving every other day. It was insane.
Thanks for the award the other day! I will get to passing it along in a few days. I’m still catching up on blogs. Also I am glad you are enjoying your pens! I just went to BJ’s, and they had 10 Sharpie Pens on sale for $7. I may have to pick some more up, though they’re all black. Bahh. They need to make a multi-pack with different colors for that cheap!
I gotta keep you guessing, blue. I think if you really wanted to throw away your razor, you could easily do and would get used to the pain. It’s a personal choice.
If my hair was like yours, I wouldn’t need this device. But alas, I am of the Great North and evolution has tried to make sure I remain warm in the winter months.
My pens have made life so much brigher, blue. I really cannot thank you enough! What a great surprise! Thank you again!
The FIRST thing I did was hook up my computer. :-D
I’m glad to see you have your priorities in order.
darn, you answered my question. i need to use this puppy on my eyebrows. i hate paying $7 just to have someone rip hair from my brow. i try to stay on top of tweezing, but once the new growth gets mingled in with the old stuff, it’s like pulling up the wheat with the weeds. it’s hard to draw the line until the harvest. by that time, however, i’ve saved up enough to pay a professional. maybe tomorrow.