I’m gonna be upfront with you — I am not a flosser
I’ve heard all of the medical benefits of flossing. My dentist routinely tells me I need to floss more often. We have tons of packages of floss in the house. I might even have a packet in the diaper bag. I know I am supposed to floss.
The last time I saw the dentist she actually said to me, “Do you know how often we want you to floss?”
Yes. Once a day. She’s tried to gently encourage me to start out flossing once a week to jump start the habit then suggested I go for twice a week. It’s not happening.
And, like most of the general population, I try to floss like a madman the three days before my appointment. But your gums won’t lie. If you see blood after you floss it’s gonna take a good week or two of flossing to get that under control.
So when you get to your appointment and it looks like Charles Manson has been in your mouth first, the dentist is going to know something is up. At this point, it behooves no one to lie about the flossing regime.
It’s like cleaning the house and then having your mother-in-law walk in wearing a pair of white gloves as she runs her fingertips over the tops of the window frames. Gotcha. You didn’t think I was going to look there, now did you?
But I do know the dentist is going to look there. And yet I refuse to floss. All too
often
I’ve felt
the burn of
shame bubble
to the surface
as I sit reclined
under the bright light, mouth wide open.All too often I’ve felt the burn of shame bubble to the surface as I sit reclined under the bright light, mouth wide open. Apparently I am immune to that, because I am still not a flosser.
Yes, I have invested a lot of money in my teeth. I have enough crowns to create a faux version of Buckingham Palace inside my mouth. I also have some gold in there. It’s okay, though. It makes me feel like a pirate. As I continually tell Mr. C while I am watching “Forensic Files,” “They’ll be able to identify my body by my dental records, babe, no problem.”
That’s when he rolls his eyes.
Total side note: I was over at TruTV’s website (Not Reality. Actuality™) (rolls own eyes at the catch phrase she cannot stand) looking at what they had to offer when I saw a small ditty about the narrator, Peter Thomas. I love his voice. I do. I love his voice as much as — but not more than — Edward Herrmann’s voice.
So I looked at the picture and he’s a lot older than I expected. He’s quite wrinkled with white hair. And then I saw a tab on the website that said “Peter Thomas Tribute” and I gasped aloud. Is he dead? This can’t be. A tribute usually means the dude is dead. So I clicked on it, with fear mounting as the page loaded.
Then I let out a huge sigh.
He’s still alive. As far as I know, but he looks pretty old. He was named the 2004 International College Humanitarian of the Year. That’s all (wipes sweat off forehead). We already lost Paul Winfield’s voice to death, I don’t need Peter Thomas to kick it, too.
End of side note. Back to the regularly programmed post.
So I was really surprised and impressed when I was at Upside Down Cats reading her One Hundred Things About Moi and ran across Number 25 “I floss my teeth every day.”
How can this be? How did this get started? What is she thinking? I must know. So I contacted her, asked her my questions, and this is what she told me.
Roughly 10 years ago she decided to make dental care a good habit.
“I wanted to take care of my teeth as best I could. It felt good that it was something proactive I could do for my health. Besides, my mom had dentures by the time she was 30 (after depleting her body’s calcium reserves giving birth to the first 6 children!). With that in mind, I set upon my journey of 3000+ flossings. My parents were not into the whole oral hygiene thing … obviously my mom had a whole different regimen with her dentures and my dad brushed but didn’t floss. One of my older sisters taught me to floss when I was a kid, but I didn’t really begin doing it regularly until, as I said, about 10 years ago.”
Note to self, sheer dedication will pay off.
She said she doesn’t use any kind of special device, like those plastic pick things with the small bit of floss between the head. “I am a floss minimalist … just 14” of minty string (usually waxed) and my own two hands. Store brand is fine, too … floss is floss.”
I did wonder if she and her husband are a band of flossing fairies trying to spread dental hygiene across the nation. Negative. She’s in the flossing boat alone. “No, he’s not into the flossing thing like me. Come to think of it, with such different priorities, how have we stayed together all these years?!”
Maybe he secretly envies her flossing abilities and feels she will fall off the pedestal he has created if he starts to floss, too. Or maybe he’s a lazy ass like me. (I know you’re reading Scott, this is all tongue in cheek. Please don’t hate me for my craft.)
So now I know how and why she got started and that she doesn’t require any new fangled devices to make the flossing happen. So it’s time for the hard hitting questions. Does flossing really pay off?
“I haven’t had a new cavity in at least a decade. At my last visit (the dentist) told me that she saw the beginnings of some periodontal disease, but since I floss regularly it is probably a genetic thing. We are monitoring the situation … hopefully there will not be any gum scraping in my future! It is a bit disheartening to learn that you can have gum disease even though you do floss regularly …”
Well hot damn. Apparently flossing will help prevent cavities, more than just brushing. Because in my 40-year experiment of simply brushing (sometimes only when the mood strikes me) the results have been just shy of disastrous.
My dentist would probably be really annoyed if she knew that my change of heart regarding flossing has come about not from her diligently telling me, painstakingly showing me how to properly floss and sending me home with extra packets of free floss, but from a previously unknown woman on the internet.
Nah, my dentist is gracious. I’m sure she would say, “Whatever gets you flossing is fine by me. Betch.”
And Upside Down Cats also verified that her gums do not bleed profusely when perused by the dentist or the hygienist. “They don’t bleed when flossed, and only a little when the dentist pokes and scrapes around with that curly ice pick instrument of torture.”
So now that I have the 411, it’s just pure curiosity from here out.
I wanted to know, do you carry floss with you and if so, where? In your purse, diaper bag, pocket, car?
“I must admit to carrying a little sample packet of floss in my purse. I don’t have compulsions to floss … once a day suits me just fine in the privacy of my home. The floss in my purse is for emergency food-extraction from between my teeth. Can’t stand that! … And should I need to escape from the 37th floor of a burning building while disarming an explosive device and rerouting a hijacked cargo plane –- like MacGyver –- then packing floss ensures I’m all prepared for that as well!”
Do you floss obsessively or just once a day? Morning or night?
“I floss right after breakfast, just before brushing my teeth.”
If you had to choose one evening between flossing and brushing, which would you choose and why?
“I would choose to brush if given the choice … can’t beat that tingly freshly-brushed feeling!”
What advice, if any, do you have for a non-flosser who has a lot of Benjamins invested in her mouth? You know, if I had a friend who has terrible flossing habits and rarely picks up the floss.
“Find a gentle, understanding and realistic dentist. He or she will not make you dread visiting regularly for checkups or make you feel bad for not being a perfect tooth-owner. As with the rest of our bodies … all we can do is the best we can, given what we’ve got to work with. Flossing would be a good idea, but staying off the crystal meth is an even better idea…so you’ve got that going for you!”
Well I think we’ve covered all the bases. I know where, when, why and how she started. And I have to say I’m a little bit excited. There might be a chance for me in 2008.
Realistically speaking, though, I don’t expect to be a regular flosser. I’m struggling to take a shower each day, I don’t see loads of floss in my future. But, like Paula frequently tells me, “It’s an opportunity for personal growth.”
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