I stood up to a 7-year-old — baby steps I know, but it still felt good
Before I go any further, Groovn-Girl said she thought green was not, perhaps, the correct color to indicate pride, she thought it referred to being horny something else. So when I thought of it that way, I had to agree and I have changed the color of the low top to indicate pride. I know you don’t care and only Groovn-Girl will notice, but she’s one of my favorite betches and I wanted to give her a shout out.
Moving on.
Yesterday morning I was sitting in the waiting room waiting for Paula. I was ten minutes early and when I got there only one other woman was sitting there quietly reading a magazine. I walked directly across the room to the two chairs in front of the window. I set my gloves on the empty seat next to me and sat down in the other chair. Around me were approximately 11 open seats.
A couple of minutes later a family walked in. Two little boys, a mother and father and a baby in a carrier. As soon as the door opened I instinctively picked up my gloves off the chair next to me. The older boy, who looked like he was seven or eight, ran toward me and jumped on the chair my gloves had been sitting on. He was looking out the window behind me, since we were on the fifth floor.
He was loud and abrasive and he was marveling at the cars below us in the parking lot, while he was invading my personal space and boundaries. I physically pulled my arm closer to my body so he would stop touching me in his excitement of seeing the world anew.
His parents tried to quiet him down, “Shh, Mikey, shhh.” But they made no mention of respecting the lady sitting next to Mikey — which would have been me. I had been writing in the small notebook I now keep in my pocket.
You may recall in a previous post I had wished I had pen and paper, searched frantically, came up with nothing and then made a note to self to carry pen and paper. Voila. Here I am to say, I followed my own directions and it served me well.
So I was writing out what I wanted to talk to Paula about and then Mikey invaded my personal space. In the past, I would have sat there through the entire thing and said nothing. But this
is
a new
era and I
am the
refurbished Bionic Cardiogirl™ now, so I thought about it before I did anything.
I thought, I am uncomfortable having Mikey in my personal space and his parents are doing nothing. Mikey is too young to talk to directly and if I ask his parents to control him, they won’t, because already they are doing nothing but saying in hushed tones, “Sit still Mikey” and that’s not working.
The common denominator in those proposed solutions is that I am dependent on Mikey’s — or Mikey’s parents’ — mutual respect. In that scenario, I am at the mercy of Mikey to control himself or for his parents to control Mikey.
That felt like a no-win situation for me.
So I further thought, this what I can do. I can control myself. I can remove myself from the situation. Then I don’t have to wonder if Mikey is going to sit still. Then I don’t have to wonder if Mikey’s parents are going to take him for a walk or occupy him elsewhere. I don’t have to be inside of Mikey’s space and hope that Mikey will respect me.
This may seem small. But for me this was a huge step. I actually sat there for a minute because I briefly wondered if I would offend Mikey’s parents by silently standing up and walking across the room.
Yeah! I wondered, ever so briefly, if THEY would be offended.
That’s what I’m saying, my default mode is to let people walk all over me while I smile politely and ask for more, please. So after a minute of thinking it over, I silently stood up, with my gloves, pen and notepad in hand and walked across the room, the furthest point from Mikey, and sat on a padded bench.
I wrote in my notebook the entire time I waited for Paula. Of course, I was writing about this very topic, what you are reading right now, because I wanted to capture the essence of the moment. The moment I silently and politely squashed 7-year-old Mikey and claimed personal independence.
At the clinic where Paula works, some therapists work with children, some work with adults. Before Paula came out to get me, Mikey’s therapist came out. I was positive Mikey was there for … anyone? anyone? That’s right. Hyperactivity, ADD, ADHD — some version of out of control.
So his therapist came out and introduced herself to the parents; clearly this was a first meeting. The therapist gave her name and said hello to the parents. Then Mikey replied, “My name is Mikey Jones. This is my brother Nick and this is my baby sister Neetsah.” (I don’t know what kind of name Neetsah is, but that’s what Mikey called her. They all looked pretty white-bread, WASP-y to me, so maybe it was a family name.)
Anyway, here’s the zinger. The therapist replied, “It’s nice to meet you Mikey, but I am going to be talking with your brother Nick today, not you.”
My jaw almost dropped open as I was eavesdropping and writing furiously. You mean Mikey is not the problem in this family?!
Okay, Mikey was very interesting, but it’s time to get back on track.
The point is that I was able to stand up for myself in a polite way. Also, I realized that most times, in my recent experience, I have been asking the other party to please do something for me. And that other party has refused.
I had been asking my FOO (family of origin) to please respect my boundaries and please refrain from calling me on the telephone. However, I continued to get phone calls. So I politely changed my phone number and it is now unlisted. I have not received a phone call from my FOO since. That has been very refreshing.
I had asked the deacon and the monsignor to be help me with the @sshole priest but they said their hands were tied. So I figured out what I can do, without asking for someone else to do it for me.
Mr. C and I collaborated on a letter to the Monsignor, the Cardinal, the Bishops and the Pope. We took matters into our own hands, we did what we can do and we got results.
And I believe I am being true to myself in this new “can do” attitude. I do not believe I am actively setting out to hurt others; I am actively setting out to protect myself.
I think it’s working.
[...] I stood up to a 7-year-old — baby steps I know, but it still felt good – Cardiogirl – Very cool post that a lot of people can probably relate to. If you’ve ever been in a situation where you felt that although people were offending you, you might offend them for correcting the situation, then you need to read this. If you haven’t been in that situation, bravo, but read it anyway. [...]