If you have to get a mug shot make sure you comb your hair first
I love reading year-end stuff. It’s the best of the best condensed into one article. And today, while wearing my new Christmas low tops (lavender), I hit pay dirt. I found a retrospective of the 20 scariest celebrity mug shots of the decade.
Can I get an amen? (Crowd stands, lifts arms in the air and issues an enthusiastic “Amen!”)
I don’t fully agree with the sweeping statement of scary regarding these photos, although scary is a relative term. I did find some of these photos scary in a traditional sense and we’ll start with those.
Phil Spector
Phil Spector is scary to me. He looks scary in a suit and tie and he looks scary in a prisoner’s uniform.
I’m pretty sure it’s the bald dome with the long, scraggly hair framing his face. His hooded eye (singular, just that left one) isn’t doing anything to evoke warm and fuzzy, either. I think, if he trimmed that hair down and wore a polo shirt, he wouldn’t be as visually assaulting. But his hair does freak me out. I don’t like long hair on a dude, not any dude. I absolutely hate Fabio’s hair.
As you probably know, Phil Spector was sentenced to 19 years in prison for murdering actress Lana Clarkson. Is it still necessary to use the term allegedly when the person was convicted of the crime? I don’t think it is, but there are tons o’ folks sitting in jail who are appealing the conviction and I think they use the word allegedly.
Yasmine Bleeth
Next up is Yasmine Bleeth’s photo courtesy of cocaine possession. This charge is from 2001; Yasmine was an actress on the show “Baywatch” from 1994-1997. So people knew who she was and expected her to be as beautiful in person as she was on the show. They probably also expected to see her in a red one-piece bathing suit.
Yasmine’s eyes are sort of scary in this photo, but mostly she seems tired. Seeing this mug shot makes me believe a professional makeup artist could make me look really good. I think Yasmine is pretty but you wouldn’t know it from that photo.
Let’s say her hair was combed and pulled back into a ponytail, but her face looked the same. I wouldn’t be frightened of her; I’d think she was average and that she could use a good night of sleep and some under eye concealer.
But I also wouldn’t look at her and think she could be beautiful with the right makeup.
So based on the fact that I find her average, it stands to reason that all of the average people I see milling about Motown have the potential to be beautiful with the right makeup artist. And since I find myself average, Yasmine Bleeth makes me feel I have the potential to be beautiful.
Thanks Yas.
Joyce DeWitt
Joyce starred in “Three’s Company” from 1977-1984. I never found her beautiful in a classic sense, but I thought she was pretty in a non-traditional sort of way.
I find her semi-scary in this mug shot because of her eyes. This photo was taken in July 2009 courtesy of a drunk driving charge. So I guess this is what Joyce DeWitt looks like drunk.
It seems like her eyes would be half-lidded since alcohol tends to mellow you out and lower your inhibitions.
However, there are plenty of violent drunks out there and I’m sure those folks have wild eyes when they’re in the throws of rage. Joyce doesn’t look like she has rage in her eyes, just disbelief and a bit of pleading.
“Officer, this is all a big mistake.”
Kiefer Sutherland
Kiefer Sutherland scares the shit out me in this photo. I find him to be frightening in a Lifetime Movie sort of way.
First of all, 90% of the time the guy is the killer in a Lifetime Movie. Occasionally there’s a psycho chick behind the killings, but most of the time it’s a dude. And the guy always, always starts out to be a genial, fun-lovin’ kind of guy.
Until the first strains of the thin, tinkling, scary music.
That’s when he explains to the woman that everything would have been fine if only she had kept her nose out of his business. But because she had to keep digging around (eyes narrow like Kiefer’s in that photo) he has no choice but to kill her and make it look like an accident.
Music hits a crescendo as he lunges at her.
So Kiefer Sutherland, who plays anti-terrorist cop Jack Bauer on “24,” really freaks me out in this December 2007 mug shot for drunk driving. He spent 48 days in jail for that charge, by the way.
I wonder if the other prisoners were afraid of that look.
Lindsay Lohan
I’m going to end with Lindsay Lohan. I don’t find this photo scary at all. She’s tan, her hair looks good and her facial expression is normal.
She looks like she’s standing in the aisle at Target asking, “Should I get reduced fat Cheez-Its or regular Cheez-Its?”
In fact, if most of my pictures turned out this way I wouldn’t mind sitting in front of the camera.
Linds was snapped because of drunk driving and cocaine possession. I have to say she looks pretty damn calm for being arrested after a high-speed chase in which she was the driver.
Doesn’t cocaine amp you up and make you jittery? Probably, since she was driving at high speeds. But maybe the alcohol counteracted that making her appear calm in the picture.
Who knows, maybe she was just acting.
Tags: Things I over analyze
this is too funny – and i’m fired for CWW (commenting while a work).
i remember when i first saw janet’s mug shot. i laughed for a good 15 minutes and whenever i saw it. she looks like a deer in headlights. i think we should call her rudy.
oh joyce not janet. too lazy to scroll back up for her correct name.
You know, you did stump me for a minute. I thought you were talking about Janet Jackson and I was like, Janet Jackson has a mug shot?
And then I realized you were talking about Ms. Janet Wood, the character Joyce DeWitt brought alive on “Three’s Company” — where the kisses are hers and hers and his, three’s company, too!
Her photo really is worth a hearty chuckle.
Kiefer and Lindsay almost look normal like they’ve had chance to have a wash and a clean up before the mug shot has been taken.
They do look surprisingly dapper, for a mug shot.
OMG! What a great way to start a Monday! I just squirted root beer out of my nose and I’m not drinking root beer! Ladeeeee! You are a total kick in the pants!
Sweet Poolie! I love knowing I can pull root beer through your schnoz and out of thin air, no less!
That made my Monday.
I love Cheez-its.
Have you seen Freeway with Keifer Sutherland? Pretty much what you described. It’s messed up on so many levels.
Lohan is oblivious/high as a kite. That’s why she looks like that. Look at her pupils. Big as saucers. I remember there were traces of cocaine, and there’s only one way for that to happen… not having time to finish it all. Ya know, like during a high speed car chase.
Me too! I really do love Cheez-Its. I especially like the Big ones. They’re good.
No, I’ve never heard of a moving called Freeway but I am positive I will avoid it like the plague.
I didn’t know there were just traces. You’re a hell of a detective, Liz. I’m amazed she didn’t crash the car speeding high on coke.
Fresh Cheez-its straight out the box? Mmmmm. All crispy, food colored goodness.
The fact that half of aren’t dead from driving cars amazes me when I think about it sometimes. I fell asleep once driving after partying all night. My parents were thrilled.
They are best when first opened, aren’t they? Although they satisfy me pretty much all the way to the bottom unless my kids don’t put the clip on the bag and then they get stale and that’s gross.
Uh, dayum, girl.
A little stale never bothered me much and then we moved in with my future step dad and he was just a freak about it and in the end now I hate all stale things.
Yeah…I should blog about that. Three cars were totaled…in a parking lot.
I’m a really picky eater and stale does not cut it over here. I will shun a box of crackers or a bag of chips if they’re stale. I just can’t tolerate it.
Dang chick, three cars? Totaled?
Kiefer Sutherland is still kinda cute in that pic. Lindsay Lohan looks like hell on wheels no matter what time of day it is…
I thought Linds looked decent, compared to some other photos I’ve seen of her. I wonder, if she really tried, if she could revamp her image like Angelina Jolie did.
I will admit that Kiefer looks decent except for his evil eyes.
Great post.
Happy belated holidays as well.
Thanks woman! Happy Holidays to you, as well!
I love celebrity mugshots!! I actually have a deck of celebrity mugshot cards. They are a riot. I think Joyce’s eyes make her look like she has a thyroid problem.
No celebrity mug shot discussion would be complete without Nick Nolte. If I knew how I would attach it here. Funniest damn picture ever.
Remember Nicole Ritchie’s mugshot? She actually looked pretty good in hers if I recall.
Man that’s an awesome idea — a deck of cards with celebrity mug shots. I could get behind that.
Joyce’s eyes are pretty kuh-razy. Am I right to think that would be a symptom of Graves’ Disease?
I thought about adding Mr. Nolte — he was on the list — but I felt like that was shooting fish in a barrel.
However, your wish is my command so here’s Nick, crazy hair and all.
I haven’t seen Nicole Ritchie’s but good for her — way to own it.
In Yasimine Bleeth’s defense, her face wasn’t exactly the part of her body that was her money maker. Moving along…
I wear a tux any time I break the law, just in case I get caught. Have to look good for the camera, right?
(chuckles) Ohhh.
Yes! Now that’s some nifty pre-planning, sw. Were you a Boy Scout by any chance?
The biggest percentage of these are for drunk driving. These people are celebrities. Can’t they afford a cab or a limo? Shoot if I win the lotto and decide to go out and get all blotto I’m hiring a limo!
That does seem like the answer, doesn’t it Lola? For sure I’d do the same thing.
I’ve already asked how much Jeff’s bonus needs to be for us to have a driver? I’m kidding, but I wish I wasn’t. How cool would the be?? just call me Miss Daisy.
It would be cool, but it would also be weird to go grocery shopping, wheel the cart to the car and then have Jeeves unload the groceries into the trunk, wouldn’t it?
If by weird you mean awesome.
Do you feel weird when housekeeping cleans your hotel room while you’re still there? I don’t.
I did not mean awesome, but I enjoyed the construction of that sentence so much I now do mean awesome.
And the hotel gig does make me feel uncomfortable. Not when I’m in the room part and they’re in the bathroom. It’s when I’m sitting there in the extra chair and watching her make the bed. That feels awkward for some reason.