Forgive me Father for I have sinned; I will not share my toothbrush or the Blood of Christ
It’s possible you may have noticed I have a thing about germs. I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself a genuine germophobe, my focus is on sharing items that go inside one’s mouth.
I’m not sharing my drink, you cannot use my fork to try a piece of my cheesecake and if you
even
think about
using my toothbrush
I will
cut you —
that’s a promise not
a threat.if you even think about using my toothbrush I will cut you — that’s a promise not a threat.
My mouth is a no-fly zone. I’m not quite sure where this comes from but I have a solid idea of how it originated.
I was the youngest of six kids and there was lots o’ competition growing up. A new bag of Oreos lasted roughly 37.8 seconds in that house.
And when supply is low and demand is high certain folks will go to great lengths to secure the product.
Which means my brother and all of my sisters would grab a cookie and lick it to declare ownership. I have many, many memories of someone snatching a cookie or candy bar, licking it and then setting it down on the table in front of me with a look of smug satisfaction.
Sweep the Leg, just thinking about that disgusts me. If it’s not what I deem pristine it’s not seeing the inside of my pie hole.
I feel so strongly about this that I told the priest who married us I was not interested in receiving the Blood of Christ during Communion at our wedding.
Bold, yes, but necessary. I cannot handle backwash; I just cannot stomach that.
Before you ask, I do not know why it’s okay for the priest’s meaty paws to handle the host and then place it in my mouth. It is what it is.
But back to our wedding, the priest was fine with that and made a mental note. What he did not tell me was that, as the bride, I would drink FIRST from the cup.
And he also forgot that I wasn’t partaking. Until he approached me, extended the cup, remembered and then pulled the cup away and gave it to Mr. C. In front of the congregation. While we were sitting in profile in front of the altar.
So it’s not like our backs were to our friends and family. Nope. Everyone was able to see me reject the Blood of Christ even though it went directly from the pitcher into the chalice.
Many thanks Father, I appreciate that.
Cut to present times. My kids and I go to the same dentist and our six-month check ups are scheduled a couple of weeks apart. And when you go to the dentist, they usually give you a handy dandy bag that contains a new toothbrush, a small tube of toothpaste and a container of floss.
Katie had her check up in August and received a purple toothbrush with the dentist’s name printed on the handle.
I had my check up in September and received a purple toothbrush with the dentist’s name printed on the handle.
The very same purple toothbrush that Katie received. We all share the same toothbrush holder in the bathroom. So you can see my problem.
Why not buy a different toothbrush from Meijer, Cardiogirl? Because I am also a cheapskate. I felt the need to use the free toothbrush for the next six months. But Katie is using her toothbrush for the next six months as well.
So I wrapped a rubber band around the handle and had a come to Jesus talk with Katie.
I told her to please, please pay attention to which toothbrush she was using each night and each morning. Hers has no rubber band and yet our toothbrushes look the same. I showed her both toothbrushes so she could see exactly what I was talking about.
I begged her to stay away from my toothbrush and told her I was as serious as a heart attack. The expression on her face told me that she clearly understood what I was asking and she is a classic first-born so she is an ardent rule-follower. Thank God for small favors.
And she has been using her own toothbrush every time.
How do I know she’s been using her own toothbrush. Every single time? Because, unfortunately, she needs serious prompting to brush her teeth so I am always standing next to her when she picks up her toothbrush.
And I feel the bristles of my own toothbrush before I use it to make sure they’re dry.
Naturally I don’t want to pass on my neuroses to my kid. So when she asks me why I slide my thumb over the bristles, every time I pick it up without fail, I gave her my pat answer. “I’m just making sure there are no small pieces of food stuck in the bristles from the last time I brushed my teeth. I think that’s gross.”
So she does the same thing to her toothbrush now. And I consider that a win-win.
Tags: Things that make me cringe
The toothbrush. Funny!
I had a roommate in college, who I busted using my toothbrush. I actually was suspicious, so I set a trap. Too hard to explain. I had another toothbrush that I was actually using. And sure enough. Luckily he moved out after a month and got his own place. Same guy that put up a sheet between our beds so he could “be” with his girlfriend. “Uh, dude, um….I’m right here??!!” (Sorry, I digress)
My wife and I just got separate toothbrush AND toothpaste holders for all of us. We were told, and it makes total sense, that the toothbrush holder is one of the worst places to pass on germs.(With recent sickness, we’ve gotten more diligent) Five of us were using the same toothbrush holder and I can only imagine. So we have separate little cups. It solves the toothbrush color issue too! And the kids love having their own tube of toothpaste. Think about that. Using the same tube of toothpaste everyday. Talk about a germ bath.
Good luck!
Ugh, I’m sorry you had to endure that roommate, but I have to admit it’s a hell of a story. A flimsy sheet?
While you were in the next bed? I guess both he and the chick were, uh, extroverts, eh? Or blindly drunk.
Now that’s a good idea about the separate toothbrush containers. We do have separate tubes of toothpaste, however, my husband and I use the same tube, which I have now deemed disgusting.
Thanks, BBP.
p.s. Have you written about the Toothbrush Trap over at your pad yet? If so, can you direct me to the link and if not, what are you waiting for man?
you’re killing me.
yuck, not a backwash fan here either. you remember, of course you do, when poppy didn’t wash his hands after leaving the men’s room and the way jerry shook his head when he was offered the pizza. that’s how i react when someone has violated something they want me to eat, with their lips, mouth or hand. um we don’t eat behind anyone* here and don’t touch any food with your bare hands. not happening. my kid was born a germophobe, got it from me, mr. doesn’t care if it’s one of us. i have mistakenly used the wrong toothbrush because i’m old and couldn’t remember which one was mine. i get busted and called on to the carpet every time. 3 x’s (not) a lady. (name that not tune)
*i’m sorry, but if you kiss someone in the mouth, heck, then you can really share a toothbrush and anything else. i’m just saying and i won’t say no more.
I know. I knew that was going to come up and Mr. C frequently falls back on that argument. “We have three kids together.”
It’s like the priest and his meaty paws when I take Communion — it is what it is. And I know it doesn’t make any sense and I can’t even try to come up with some twisted logic.
There was so much Seinfeld trying to hop in here.
The toothbrush in the toilet.
Poppy not washing his hands.
Puddy saying, “That’s bogus,” when he found out he was heading to Hell, also.
How can you not love the Sein?
I’m sorry, but Seinfield and Curb Your Enthusiasm sincerely tries my nerves.
That’s a very valid point. If you can kiss someone,( and french kissing is a great way to get germs ) I guess a toothbrush is really not much of an issue.
Not that I like to share my toothbrush, but I would not die over this.
@Liz I am weeping for you. It is an acquired taste, however.
@sanjay I know. I really don’t get that either.
Funny how we all have a kind of hierarchy of neuroses… so in yours cheapskate trumps germophobe, right? (Although it sounds from the post like you’re having it both ways, nice!)
Sorry the priest made it look like you rejected the blood of Christ there. Things like that always seem to happen at weddings.
Yes ma’am. I do believe cheapskate trumps almost all of my neuroses. I did merge those two, didn’t I?
I’m sure no one else remembers that from the wedding, but I do wish he would have told me I would drink first. I did get into the details of why I didn’t want to go first. Oh well.
Strange, you see. Wifey accuses me of being OCD. In fact or being slightly autistic too! And I’m all over the place on the subject of hygiene. I like to think I’m hygenic. People going to the toilets and not washing their hands sends me into a dizzing rage. Wifey has a tendency when she’s dropped something during cooking to pick it up and eat it. I repeatedly tell her off for that. I don’t like to share my food. But then, I’m probably slightly retarded. I eat my food in particular orders and never combine foodstuffs on a fork. I don’t actually eat foods in alphabetical order, but I’m not far off. I’ve contemplated it.
And yet… and yet, I believe that kids should be allowed to encounter germs. Kids eat mud. Kids handle worms and then lick their hands. Kids eat off the floor. Kids even eat things that have fallen out of their face. And scientific research tells us this is good. Kids only grow an immunity to anything through encountering it. If we protect them from everything, they will catch black-green-bone-death-disease from a mouse farting.
I’m just a strange case, and I know it.
I’m totally, completely with you on the food in order and not on the fork together. Those plates that have the little divisions so the food stays totally separate? I love those. I use separate custard bowls on my plate to keep my sides from mixing. Do you hate casseroles? I hate casseroles.
And I totally agree with you on the kids thing. They’ll be fine.
@Si There’s always someone out there to validate my thoughts. Although I’m not worried about my food co-mingling unless it’s like a dessert and the main course on the same plate. Like at Thanksgiving.
I want a taste of that ambrosia, but it’s sort of ruined if it’s going to kiss the mashed potatoes, you know?
Totally agree on the kids and germs.
@Liz Wow, separate sections on the plate, eh? Somehow I would have never guessed that you segregate your food so rigidly.
What’s ambrosia like up there? (I’m still going to pretend I live in the South.) It takes friggen hours to make the way my grandmother did it. The popularity of canned mandarin oranges helps a great deal.
I end up with 15 plates at buffets, because I can’t handle my food touching.
My OCD tendencies are few and far between, but they’re very strong when they exist. I cannot tolerate any goopy buildup on toothpaste, shampoo, dish detergent, etc. I refuse to towel dry, I cannot tolerate nubby sheets, I’ll sleep on the mattress first. Weird, I know. It’s a tactile thing.
My MIL makes it, so I’m not positive of all of the ingredients, but I think she uses Jello pudding mixed with Cool Whip and pineapple juice to make the white fluffy stuff, then she adds pineapple, coconut, maraschino cherries (not a fan, I eat around those) and mandarin oranges. I’m pretty sure it takes about 15 minutes or less to make.
If you don’t towel dry, how do remove the excess water sploshing around after stepping out of the swimming pool?
Oh, our ambrosia is totally different. It’s mostly citrus fruits and a little coconut. You can put some champagne in it, tasty.
I will towel dry my hair, but otherwise I just throw on a robe or a wrap a towel. I guess I wait awhile before going inside after getting out of the pool. It’s my legs that are main issue. I hate towel drying my legs.
Can I just go back to the fact that I refuse to do the handshake of peace/death at church? I’ll seat myself on the end and in the front of a row so I don’t have anyone to turn around to shake my hand. I’ll shake hands with the one family member on the side of me, but I absolutely refuse to turn around and shake hands with the folks behind me. Especially if I hear a sneeze or cough. My son just wears his gloves.
It always amazes me the folks that drink the wine at church—I mean, if you placed that same golden cup in the middle of K-mart, would you walk over and take a sip and replace it for the next guy??? I think not.
I’m typing my note to the pope as I speak.
Yeah, we can revisit that. I find that so strange since I feel like you can easily keep your hands away from your face long enough to wash them and then follow up with hand sanitizer.
As we both know, there’s no sanitizing the wine.
No chance I’d drink the cup at K-mart or at Saks Fifth Avenue.
Aw, and I was hoping someone had decided that using your toothbrush for the weekly hamster cage clean-up “didn’t count”. This is not a win-win, for me.
(wretches) I’m starting to re-think the futon, Les. Just make sure you bring a large, Ziplock bag that will allow your toothbrush to be hermetically sealed away from mine.
Okay?
Hey, I don’t wanna share mine, either. It’s just funny when bad things happen to OTHER PEOPLE’S toothbrushes. ;-)
Well now that you put it that way, I got no problem watching a different toothbrush go down in flames.
Oh, CG, you would think I am absolutely the grossest person in the world. I use my husband’s toiletries all the time. Razor, toothbrush, deodorant, we don’t care. We “could” have a child together. It’s not even the making of the children, it’s the raising of the children that surprises me didn’t bother. Even I hate spit up. That shit is disgusting. I’ve smelled dead bodies that smell better than what comes out of a baby.
Oh, and I let my dogs lick my nose. And I don’t throw my beer away after one of them always manages to lick the top of the can.
I’m entirely more conscientious of washing my hands while cooking than I am any other time.
I use tissues multiple times because I sneeze that much this time of year and I would kill all of the trees. And I keep a hankerchief in my purse, and they get washed…maybe once a week. I guess my childhood of serious nasal issues overcame my issues with germs. There were many a time I had nothing to blow my nose on. My poor mother gave me her long skirt in church a couple of times. I’d use a paper napkin until it was completely wet. That much mucous comes out of my nose. And the nosebleeds…you just get over it.
So I watching tv last night, are you a Lafeyette Coney or an American Coney kind of girl?
Liz (shakes her head).
Babies and children are a different animal when it comes to that sort of stuff — germs, bodily fluids, etc.
Are you telling me that you keep a used, crusted hanky in your purse. For a week? Do you continue to use it or do you use it for the first round and then get to washing it a week later?
That’s dedication, your mother letting you blow your nose on her skirt.
Re: Coney dogs — there’s a difference? Okay, I will tell you that the dog cannot — absolutely CANNOT — have an outer casing that requires an audible puncturing.
That disgusts me just thinking about it. If I’m eating a hot dog with any sort of dressing, the dog must not pop when I bite it.
Otherwise I like the chili, onions and mustard. Think Coney dog at A&Ws. But usually I go with just mustard.
I guess there’s some evolutionary force behind separating baby grossness.
Yes, there’s a used hanky in my purse. But they’re also all over my house. I have wiped my nose on just about everything during my life. If you have serious allergies, those little Kleenex packets last about 10 minutes and they’re like sandpaper. If the hanky gets noticeably unclean/crusty, then yeah I grab another one. But normally, my nose just runs like a faucet so that’s the hanky’s main use. Better than rubbing it on your shirt sleeve.
Both of my parents grew up with severe allergies and nose bleeds. You gotta do whatcha gotta do when whatever liquid is pouring out of your nose. It’s an exposure thing.
You know how you donate a box of Kleenex to your child’s class? Well, I took one for the class and was allowed to keep a full size box on top of my desk. Puff Plus with lotion, they really are the best tissues but hanky’s are still easier on the nose. I hate having the Rudolph nose.
Oh Liz. I’m so sorry to hear about your nose and the travails it’s put you through. I am really thankful I’ve never had allergies. I could not cope. I complain incessantly when I have a cold.
Thanks for the sympathy, CG. You adjust.
Strangely enough, I’ve had like one cold in my entire life. I guess the constant flow of fluid through my respiratory system helps ward off the actual pathogens unlike the ones my body imagines are pathogens, like mold. Mold is an evil organism.
Just so you know, your toothbrush is going to harbor some serious nasties all on its own. Stick it in the dishwasher once a week to kill everything.
And your progress bar there on the left? It is giving me a migraine, girl! Do you have carpal tunnel yet? I’m so jealous I can’t speak.
…………………… ( <– see? there's the silence, right there.)
I know. Somehow I have no trouble blocking that out. My logic goes like this. Eight to 12 hours is enough time for the germs to die and so I’m fine.
Don’t challenge my logic or I’ll never be able to brush my teeth again without boiling the brush on the stove in hot water first.
Loved your silence, Dom! Thanks, I don’t have carpal tunnel. Yet. And I’m so happy the widgets are finally available. I had to manually update that graph each time. Grr.
I’m hoping to break 20K sometime this weekend. Although I have to say my kids and this blog are getting in my way.
And we all know my blog is not nearly as self-sufficient as my kids are.
Sweep the leg, I keep my toothbrush in a toothbrush holder inside the medicine cabinet.
For, you see, I have heard tales of microscopic . . . toilet matter . . . being spread.
Just lettin’ ya know.
(grabs head in her hands and begins moaning) JD. Oh the humanity!
Yeah I heard the same thing that JD mentioned. Fortunately my new Sonicare toothbrush came with this nifty sanitizing thing. I don’t really use it to sanitize, but I do keep the toothbrush head in there to keep all the microscopic YUCKIES off it. That, and I make sure I do not flush the toilet till the lid is down. Srsly. GROSS.
My sister and her husband use the same toothbrush, which makes me want to toss my cookies. I know, I know — my husband and I have shared many fluids over the years, but using someone’s toothbrush is just so… intimate. It doesn’t gross me out at all if I were to use his deodorant because that’s just touching skin, not the inside of my mouth. I have a problem finishing the last sip in a bottle of beer because my real mom once told me that it’s usually a lot of backwash, and the mere thought of my drinking backwash is enough to make me gag. It’s a waste of beer, I know, but it’s a sacrifice I just have to make.
We don’t use the same toothpaste, my husband and I, mainly because I can’t use fluoride toothpaste anymore. It gives me horrific dry mouth. So now I use this fennel stuff from Trader Joe’s, and since it’s fennel flavored (it tastes a bit like black licorice), Kurt won’t go anywhere near it. But I wouldn’t be grossed out using the same tube since I reason that most of our germs have been rinsed away and dried out by the time I spread the toothpaste on my brush.
We need to get you in an alcohol abuse program pronto. Or at least make your husband drink your last sips. Starving children in Africa would be perfectly happy with that beer backwash, young lady! ;)
HAHAHA ewww. Come to think of it, the whole backwash thing makes NO SENSE. My husband just said, “What, is backwash heavier than beer?” Well, duh. Sooo I guess I need to suck it up and start drinking that last sip since the likelihood of it having more backwash than the rest of the beer is minimal.
Unfortunately my husband refuses to drink the last sip of my beer. For one, he won’t drink warm beer. And for two, I like much stronger beer than he does. Every time I make him try my beer, he nearly falls off the couch in horror. Speaking of which, I think it’s Beer O’Clock!
It sounds like you two have figured this issue out. I’ll leave the co-pay at the front desk.
Are you a high gravity kinda girl or do you like your beer chewy? I’ve had very few stouts I did not enjoy, but I love all beer.
Okay with a few exceptions. Keystone Light being on the top of the list of beers that taste fermunda cheese.
Why don’t you just go to the Dollar Store and get one of those plastic snap over the head of the toothbrush travel covers for yours? That way she knows it’s not hers because it has a cover on it. Problem solved.
I’m with Lin. I have never understood the entire congregation drinking wine from the same cup and the priest only wipes it with a cloth and rotates the cup between congregants. I mean, unless we’re all supposed to have ‘faith’ that we’re not going to catch something.
Now that is a hell of an idea, Lola. You’ve married my thrifty ways with my germophobic fears.
Gold Star for you! Yes, you have earned it outright.
Many thanks!
You know if she ever gets mad at you and figures out you have germ issues, she could use your toothbrush when you’re not around and then blowdry it, theoretically of course. It’s kind of the reverse of what my sister used to do when she wanted my mom to think she had brushed her teeth (wetting it, but not brushing).
Does it ever bother you that you may be putting germs on your toothbrush when you run your fingers across it or that the toilet sprays germs every time you flush? Not to add to your paranoia or anything…
That is a definite possibility Staci and one that I hope she never discovers.
And no, it never bothered me that I may be putting germs on my toothbrush when I run my finger across it OR that the toilet sprays germs.
Until you just mentioned it.
(bangs her head on the floor as she faints dead away)
I recently became an EMHC at our church. This past Sunday was my first time distributing Holy Communion. I don’t take the wine ever for the same reasons you don’t. Gross. The church insists that the alcohol in the wine destroys any germs, etc. that might be left on/in the cup by parishioners, but I’m not buying it, lol.
Anyway, Sunday I happened to be assigned as one of the first four people that go to the altar and get the hosts/wine from our Priest to pass out to the rest of the church. So I’m standing on the altar in front of the entire church with the Priest handing me the host/wine. Soooo, I HAD to take the wine. If I end up with swine flu, you will know who to blame, lol!!
As soon as you mentioned EMHC I was amazed that you would be near the wine. Mr. C just signed up for the same gig. He’s a lector and decided he was going whole hog.
And that means he’s doing the same thing you are.
And he drank the remains of the wine last Sunday.
And he has a cold right now.
He hasn’t had a fever so we’re not convinced it’s the swine flu but I’ve been washing my hands crazily and popping Zicam like it’s candy.
I so get you on this. I think I am border line germaphobe, and passing it on to my youngest daughter. I can be ANAL when it comes to my toothbrush! Your mouth is the gateway to most germs and illness.
We purchase packages of toothbrushes at our house. We try to all change at the same time. We’ve pretty much designated certain colors for each person, and that’s that. That way, no one will forget, because they used that color last time! Accidently using someone eleses toothbrush, is a serious offense, punishable by… Biblical Stoning!
I like the idea of assigning each person a particular color forever so it’s forever ingrained in her head. I know I have picked up Katie’s brush a couple of times by accident, even though I have the rubber band on there.
Another focused germophone! (gives you a virtual high five)