The mystery has been revealed thereby satiating and extinguishing my obsession
My obsession, which has burned brightly and was fueled by insane curiosity, has reached its apex and is now like an orange coal that glows quietly with the spent heat.
I have confirmed the identity of the guy with the tic. I have metaphorically put my hand into the wound on his side and have inspected the nail holes in his palms.
And the discover truly fell into my lap.
I won’t keep you in suspense any longer — it’s Salt and Pepper — although I will explain in great detail how I discovered his identity. Because the journey really was the best part.
But first I have to say now that I know who it is, I don’t even hear the tic anymore.
It was like the scratching noise outside of my house during very windy days. Once I realized that it was a lightweight tree branch that was sashaying against the aluminum siding just outside the window in the dining room, the annoyance ceased to exist.
I figured out what it was and it fell off my radar.
The same holds true for Salt and Pepper. I really feel a huge sense of satisfaction now that I have solved this mystery. It was
like
a personalized
scavenger hunt that
God made
just for me.
Thanks, God, I had
a really good time.It was like a personalized scavenger hunt that God made just for me. Thanks, God, I had a really good time.
Okay, you may recall that I used many different methods of investigation. I began sitting in a different pew in an attempt to narrow down where the sound of the tic was coming from. By doing that I isolated it to four pews. After a few weeks of observing those particular pews I discovered that two men routinely sat in there.
I dubbed them Yellow Cardigan and Salt and Pepper. But I never did get a good enough vantage point to figure it out.
And then one morning while I was shopping at Kmart and mentally drafting a scathing letter to the CEO regarding the lack of Fuji apples Salt and Pepper strode purposefully past me toward the bakery. At the time I marveled at my good fortune and mused, “What are the chances?”
Mr. C pointed out that the chances were extremely high since Kmart is located one mile away from our church.
I told him not to muddy my tale of intrigue with logic.
While I pulled off a hell of a reconnaissance mission, I walked away with no answer. I heard but one ambiguous noise and that was not enough for a positive ID.
Cut to last Sunday. I was sitting in contemplation at church waiting for Mass to begin when Salt and Pepper slid into the pew next to me. Yes! Right next to me!
It was serendipity, I’m convinced. It took until the homily for me to concretely ID him. I really heard nothing until the priest was breaking down the gospel.
And the priest, bless his heart, walks about in the front of the church while delivering the homily so I was able to turn toward Salt and Pepper to listen. Turning slightly toward Salt and Pepper allowed me to keep my head in one position while letting me slide just my eyes over, so I could avoid making S&P self conscious.
Initially I was glancing at his mouth and I saw nothing even though I heard the sound. It took a few minutes of serious obsession deduction until I realized the sound comes from his neck and throat area. When I subtlely looked at that region, while keeping my head turned away from him, I saw his neck muscles flex in unison with the tic.
I couldn’t believe it. It was him. It really was Salt and Pepper the whole time.
I have to admit Miley Cyrus hit the nail on the head with the following lyrics from “The Climb.”
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb, yeah!
I had fun adjusting my Sherlock Holmes hat and chomping on my pipe while reviewing the evidence. His tic, which I initially found distracting, has become oddly endearing.
So the last piece of the puzzle has fallen into place and my obsession has ended.
Until the next leaf blows in the wind and I catch the scent of another good mystery.
Tags: Things that make me obsess
well good gaud, i mean good cargiogirl holmes. glad you found the culprit. i can’t stand little annoying sounds like that, boom? okay. subtle? i need to quiet it.
there is this guy in my office who clears his throat every 8-10 seconds and it drives me freaking bananas. and he’s loud. i don’t like it. i want to…never mind, public blog. i just want to put a stop to it.
I do feel victorious, I gotta say. It would be really annoying at work when you have to be there for eight hours a day, five days a week and the guy is loud about it. Would you like me to make a voodoo doll out of Popsicle sticks and yarn? I have those supplies handy now that I’m a Girl Scout leader. Yeah, jack, it’s official!
I finally completed all of my training, my background check cleared (thank Neptune) and I can conduct a meeting as a leader, complete with the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval. So I have a lot of craft supplies, is what I’m saying. Let me know if he wears a bow tie or a traditional long tie.
I love the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.
Thanks! It feels so shiny and new.
Hey! Are ya gonna make sit-upons??? I used to love those things!
OMG….Major flashback there with the sit-upons…lol
I think mine was blue vinyl with blue yarn stiching.
It was ALL about the yarn stitching!!
You know some woman mentioned that at one of my training classes. She was a Brownie as a kid, I was not.
I was like, “What the hell is a sit upon?”
“It’s a square that you sew so the kid can sit (exaggerated pause) upon (exaggerated pause) it.”
“But why?”
“I don’t know, it’s just something they do in Brownies.”
“Oh.”
Yep, ours were vinyl and we used about 1/2 inch of folded up garbage bags inside the vinyl covering as padding…lol (no they weren’t the softest things in the world). I think the theory was that each scout would then have their own dry place to sit upon when camping or around a campfire, although we never went camping.
Yeah! Ours were filled with newspaper. No, they weren’t comfortable, but I think we made them as something to keep us busy.
Criminy, Sherlock–are you done with this now???! I think you need to quit obsessing over old dudes and quoting Miley and get back to some praying. That is why I can’t sit in a church anymore—they were losing me. I wonder how many other folks are sitting there, pretending to be praying when they are actually “preying”??? Maybe you can pray for the price of Honeycrisp apples to come down a bit. Please?
I own it outright.
I think God enjoys my sense of curiosity and adventure as well as my penchant for quoting Miley Cyrus tunes. Probably more people than I would imagine are checking their neighbor out at Mass instead of praying.
I will try to put in a good word with the Big Guy regarding the price of the Honeycrisps, though.
I had a feeling that the noise wouldn’t bother you as much once you knew who the culprit was. I can be like that as well, the “out-of-place” noise or thing will drive me nuts until I can figure out who/what it is and then I’m fine. I’m wondering what your next obsession will be? Will we again to hear tales of your amazing detective abilities and of the myster machine?
@Nat – There’s a guy at work that does the same thing, thank goodness we all have our own offices otherwise there would be trouble. One of my uncles also has this post nasal drip thing that leads him to cough/clear his throat all the time and it is super annoying!
It really is amazing how I can let it go now that I’ve categorized it.
Maybe that’s what dogs are doing when they’re sniffing other dogs’ asses — just throwing it in a category for future reference.
Glad to hear the mystery was solved.
Yes, that is no longer a cold case file.
Now you’ll have to find a whole new mystery. Dang!
I know. I’m sure something will pique my interest sooner or later.
I’m so relieved. This didn’t fall into your lap; this was just plain good detective work. But as Si says, now you need a new mystery. Because I can’t imagine you not snooping around about SOMEthing.
(If you don’t get Fuji apple satisfaction, let me know. We could work out some sort of exchange.)
It was good detective work, wasn’t it?
Oh yeah, there are a million mysteries in the Motor City. Rest assured, I’ll find another one.
This is awesome — I have my own Fuji dealer.
“I told him not to muddy my tale of intrigue with logic. ” I busted out in laughter at this because this is so something my husband would tell me. Hmph!
I’m glad you figured it out, mainly so it doesn’t bother you anymore. I had a friend in college who couldn’t help rocking back and forth. It didn’t bother me, since I knew he couldn’t help it, but it really got under the skin of the rest of our friends. Every once in a while, if he really got going, I’d put my hand on him to slow him down, and he’d subside enough that he stopped making me seasick.
My husband is the exact same way. Ruining my tales with logic. My awesome reply, “Well, whatever. Besides the point. So he was at K-Mart…”
Oh I’m stealing that. YES.
@blue Yeah, he doesn’t fully indulge my scenarios the way you folks do. He’s always pointing out reality. Grr.
That would be annoying seeing that guy rock back and forth. I commend you for being able to let it go. I don’t know if I could handle that one.
@Liz I also like that response and will tuck it away for future use.
Glad y’all enjoy my story telling technique. I didn’t literally think it was awesome, but cool. Thanks.
It was awesome and you are a rock star. End of story.
Mystery solved Ms. Sherlock. What’s the next caper?
I can’t wait to find out!
I’m very happy that you got to the bottom of this. Did you do the whole Peace Be With You shaking hands with your S&P neighbor?
Did you ever think that the reason he slid into your pew next to you wasn’t divine intervention to help solve your mystery but maybe because there is some odd feature about you that has been driving him crazy at church the past few months and he just had to get to the bottom of it?
And that his appearance at K-Mart wasn’t coincidence but rather because he needed to find out if you revealed that same odd feature all the time and not just in church? There. Now that I’ve made you paranoid I shall go about my day.
Bumbles you have more than earned the Gold Star of the Day! Bravo~!~
I had never once considered that a possibility and I can see that becoming a really cool short story. Got NaNo on the brain, everything seems like a potential novel, colors are brighter and the coffee tastes even better.
I did do the Peace Be With You shake, and AND! We held hands during the Lord’s Prayer.
Oh I can see it right now. He caught site of my low tops and wanted to know if they were the same pair or if they were different each time. He probably wrote about my shoes yesterday since he’s not participating in NaNoWriMo.
Well done Bumbles!
You know, they could eliminate the flu if those darned Catholics would quit with the “handshake of peace/death” and having everyone drink out of the same wine chalice. I’m gonna write the pope a note.
What’s up with holding hands during the Lord’s prayer?
I didn’t always enjoy the passing of the peace. This really weird guy always sat in front of me and shook my hand. If he was/is a child molester, I wouldn’t be surprised. Creepo. If he wasn’t there, it was one of my fave parts of the service as a child.
@Lin, I’m pretty sure CG is a dipper and not a sipper of the chalice.
@Lin I never touch my face with my hands anymore for that reason. I use my shoulder or my shirt sleeve because I do not want to catch a cold from germs on someone else’s hands.
Now surprisingly I have no problem with the handshake or holding hands. It’s the wine.
Oy the wine. That’s a post that I need to write later on. I do not take wine.
@Liz If it was an option to dip the host I would be all over that, but priests do not enjoy the chip dip action, so they’re two different stations.
I’m pretty sure the reasoning is that the host and wine have been transformed into the body and blood of Christ.
And the priest is not down with accidentally dripping a dollop of blood on the floor. Here’s an interesting little tid bit for you.
Didja ever wonder what they do with the left over wine in each goblet?
Why the Eucharistic minister, the dude or gal who offered the wine to all of those germ-infested lips, has to. Drink. The rest. Of the wine.
Because it’s Christ’s blood. And you do not dump Christ’s blood down the drain.
And that is the reason why I will never, ever be a Eucharistic minister. (shudders violently)
I’ll one up you on my particular eucharistic knowledge. He drinks the rest of the wine in the chalice, what’s left of the blessed wine in the pitcher is poured down the drain that goes directly to the ground. The sink in the Sacristy has a drain that only goes to the ground outside. My mom did altar guild.
I guess our priests don’t mind so much as Episcopalians aren’t so serious about transubstantiation. I do remember if you just didn’t eat the wafer and kept in your little crossed hands, the priest would dip it for you and put it in your mouth. Kinda creepy.
Ewwww. Imagine the spit and backwash that’ s in the bottom of that baby!
Woohoo! My first CG Gold Star :0) Happy to inspire a NaNo writer.
Well, I for 1 am happy that you have solved the mystery. i am also happy to hear that you are now going to Mass on a regular basis after your hiatus ( I know that was a while ago). Anyway, because of the swine flu epidemic we are no longer shaking hands at the sign of the peace. We just nod our heads and say “peace be with you”. We also no longer have the wine at communion (which always gave me the hee bee jee bees anyway) (hmmm, wasn’t sure how to spell that word). Isn’t that crazy?!
Personally I think you should suggest that instead of nodding you give each other the Vulcan “Live Long and Prosper” greeting/salute. ;) “Peace and Long Life” can be used instead of LL&P when someone is leaving. That ties is well with the concept of the “peace be with you” message.
@Michelle Yes, I am happy to be back in action again as well. And fully enjoying the experience which was a big issue for me, as you know.
That’s wild that you’re not shaking hands or taking wine. I think I’m going to ask our priest about that today at the school Mass.
@Buf I absolutely LOVE that idea! I might further suggest that as an option to the priest.
I will admit, on the very rare occasion I actually go to mass, I’ve been known to do the live long and prosper thing to family members during the sign of peace time. :)
It’s like turning the last page of a really good mystery novel and being a little disappointed. I wanted it to be a totally surprisingly completely whole ‘nother person coming out of left field. Or, left pew, if you will.
Hope there’s a sequel.
I know. All good things must eventually come to an end, whether the resolution is satisfying or not.
Loved that — left pew. I’m sure I can find another person at church to obsess about.