Two ladies + two different situations = a well-rounded Faith
Today Faith, from Chronicles: A Quarter Life Crisis, is with us. She has graciously agreed to grab the steering wheel while I keep the pedal to the metal and adjust my ponytail.
I’m breathing down 90%’s ass in my NaNoWriMo challenge and that is possible due, in part, to my awesome peeps who have jumped in to post for me on Mondays this month.
Think of it as Carry Cardiogirl Mondays — CareCarMo, if you will.
Unlike most writers I stumbled into this whole expressing-myself-via-word thing kinda haphazardly. In all actuality when I was younger I had a clear and precise goal…to become Matlock at all costs. Now I do understand that being an African American girl I could never grow to be Matlock but you know what I’m saying.
Besides at the time Matlock and I had more in common than just an appreciation for the law… I too was a bit of a smart ass and loved myself a hot dog. While I’m still every bit a smart ass I’ve long given up my affair with the dogs.
Sometimes that smart ass-ness lent itself to being a bit of an arrogant snob as well. Now for all intents and purposes I was a very good student, — the get-all-A’s, future-leader-of-America type that most other students hate. This didn’t bother me too much because, as noted, I was an arrogant snob coupled with the thought that I knew everything.
One day during some random class in middle school I was chit chatting away with another Equally-Arrogant-Future-Leader-of-America type student when the teacher, let’s call her Random Teacher because I can’t remember her name but I probably should, came over interrupting our conversation.
To my chagrin (side note I don’t think I’ve ever used that phrase before but damn if it doesn’t sum up the moment perfectly, end side note) she actually wanted us to stop talking because we were bothering the other students in class. Bothering them? They were bothering me. Due in large part to their inability to grasp simple concepts, my education was suffering and as a result I decided that talking during class made up for that.
Anywho, never one to miss an opportunity to make twits in the class feel even more twit-like I blurted out, “What…you want us to stop, for what? I mean we were just conversating while everyone else is fumbling around playing students.”
I smirked because of course I was a super genius and the other Equally Arrogant Future Student of America chuckled as well.
Random Teacher said loud enough for the rest of the class to hear, “Well Faith, if you were as smart as you think you are you’d know that conversating is not a word. The actual term is converse. Now stop CONVERSING!”
This would be the very moment I saw Pete. Seeing Pete™
is
a term
used when someone
is so
embarrassed she feels
like she farted in
a quiet room; the expression on one’s face is priceless.
And since it’s a little hard to explain that expression, Wander (the mombot), invented seeing Pete. Moving right along.
I pocketed Random Teacher’s comments and made it my new purpose in life to never, ever get caught on the wrong side of a non-word.
I also started a journal that night because I had to tell someone (maybe I should have told a friend but somehow the journal seemed a better listener) about Random Teacher reducing my ego to the size of a baby gnat. I dare her!
Actually I don’t dare her. Every arrogant, too-smart-for-her-own-good snot like my former self deserves de-shelving. If not, we run the risk of becoming middle managers with huge chips on our shoulders wrecking havoc on the general unassuming public.
Believe me, I’m not bitter; besides I know a few pompous asses who, unfortunately, didn’t run into good folks like Random Teacher to help adjust their lenses.
Don’t get me wrong I held on to that Matlock fantasy far into my collegiate career, you know the cutabulous black girl version with killer heels. Luckily by then I realized that being a smartass was funny but being an arrogant smart ass was just rude. In part I can thank Random Teacher for deflating my ego and helping me find my way to writing for the fun of it. I just wish I could remember her name!
Was that too heavy? (Editor’s Note: Nope, not too heavy, but I would enjoy hearing another one.)
OK. Well, there was this one time when I was on my way to an interview and had to make a stop in a public bathroom. Now under normal circumstances public rest rooms are a no-go for me but my bladder was near exploding.
Anywho, I’m scrambling so as not to be late. You know being tardy for the party isn’t really what future employers like to see. As I’m jetting out of the bathroom a homeless woman says something like, “Hey Ms. Too Important to Notice Me. You might want to pull your skirt out of your pantyhose before leaving the john.”
She chuckled and walked away.
In that instant she became an angel dropped from the heavens above. Can you imagine how much Pete I would have seen to walk out into Penn Station in the middle of the busy morning rush, with my thong a blazing for the entire world to see? Surely I would have been quite the sour tomato.
Good thing Homeless Lady in Penn Station noticed me.
So my word to the wise is always check yourself twice before leaving the bathroom. This also includes shoes — you never want to drag half a roll of toilet tissue with you outside of the throne.
Hi ya, Faith!
This post gave me a chuckle and I laughed out loud over this line:
“Well Faith, if you were as smart as you think you are you’d know that conversating is not a word. The actual term is converse. Now stop CONVERSING!”
Converse the shoe, with an attitude, makes it converse. I would have been totally embarrassed. I don’t mind the correction, but you better pull me aside and do it privately.
I guess since you started it, I have to give a fist bump to your teacher for coming back at’cha (that’s not a word) the way she did. I can handle anything, but if people want to publicly be smart arse, the least I can do is meet them halfway.
Crazy is as crazy does.
Hola Natural,
Even though I felt like I peed myself during dodge ball I can’t even blame the teacher because I totally deserved it. My level of obnoxiousness was taken down a peg or two that day and with good cause!
The funny thing is now everytime I hear someone say conversating (people use it like it’s going out of style) it makes me cringe. So often I’m tempted to tell the person that he/she’s got it all mixed up but then I think back to my egg in the face moment and whisper under my breath, that’s so not a word!
LOL! Why I don’t wear skirts. Or panythose. You poor girl.
Hola Les,
I wish I could get away without wearing pantyhose. They really are the red headed step children of my wardrobe. Unfortunately company policy mandates hosiery with every outfit except during the summer months when we are allowed to wear closed toe sandals. Of course I push the evelope sometimes and wear open toe sandals and no one ever says anything!
Oh, Matlock stories just crack me up! I worked with someone who said she had a long and successful career as a televison actress. Turns out she played a jury foreman on an episode of Matlock. One show. Only. She DESERVED to have her skirt caught in her pantyhose!
Hola Poolie,
I tend to agree with you…I mean one episode of Matlock does not a successful acting careeer make. But in the same vain if Columbus discovered America I guess this chick was also an emmy toting actress. I mean the same logic applies, right?
At the same time I’m hella envious of this non actress for being in the presence of “The Man” aka Andy Griffith! Why I was slightly ok a little more than slightly obsessed with Andy I don’t truly understand.
I must admit to feeling quite the same way throughout high school; it irritated me no end to have to wait around for the rest of the losers to catch up to me academically. This didn’t abate until my senior year, when I was introduced to AP classes and took so many that I didn’t have time to be irritated, I was so busy working towards those college-credit tests at the end of the year. I don’t think I was ever smacked down by a teacher but there were a few kids my own age who turned out (shockingly, I know) to be a smidge smarter than ME, even, and their intellectual conversations put me to shame more than once, as I recall.
But nothing compares to the shame of being completely embarrassed by your children, in front of God, your mother-in-law, and the whole world. I won’t even go into the many circumstances this has happened in; I simply cannot relive the horror more than once. Children are God’s way of humbling their parents.
Hola Soonerchick (sidenote your avatar is hootlarious!)
High school was my saving grace, in this respect. I was finanlly with the “smart kids.” Instead of being bused to my neighborhood school I was able to apply to one of the best high schools in Philadelphia (at the time). There I was with students who shared my same sort of know it all attitude. Here I wasn’t a super genius and learned very quickly that being the smartest kid in class is very relative.
Actually high school is where I really started to enjoy writing for writing’s sake. I no longer had the attention of everyone for being the best and brightest so I had to do something else to shine.
Great stories Faith! I too was a bit of an “arrogant snob” during school, so I can relate to your “comeuppance”. While I could be a smart ass with friends and family, I could never imagine actually replying to a teacher like that!! I was way too afraid of getting in trouble…lol Kudos to you for having that “spunk”/”attitude” (despite your grammer error). While teachers and parents, typically try to drive/beat such “spunk”/”attitude” out of kids, I’ve started to realize that it is exactly those traits that will serve them well as adults. We need to teach kids how to harness and control those traits, not try to break them. Sorry for rambling, hopefully you get the gist of what I’m trying to say.
Btw, even though it is listed as slang, conversate does show up in dictionary.com.
(Whispering to CG – Shouldn’t that be pedal to the metal (as in car pedal, not flower petal?) )
Damnation!
Yes, that should have been pedal not petal. The only thing I can say is that I do have a Daisy Girl Scout meeting after school today and we are working on earning a new petal — caring and sharing, if you’re interested.
Dammit. Thanks for catching that, Buf.
Hola Buf,
I do get your gist….of course I picked the wrong time and place to show my arse but sometimes standing up to authority is oh so necessary. To often we allow people in positions of power to tell us anything because he/she is in a position of power. We have to remember to use our noodles, think critically and speak up for goodness’ sake! Of course that speaking up should be done respectfully not in the immature way I did.
In hindsight I should have probably just asked the teacher to allow me to do something else while the rest of the class was catching up to what I’d already learned. Of course hindsight is 20/20.
I didn’t realize it shows up in dictionary.com….I guess it’s close to being mainstream then kind of like ain’t. Even though ain’t ain’t a word it gets thrown around all willy nilly.
I hate the non-word irregardless. I had a boss that used it all the time. It does not help the employee-employer relationship.
Fun post. I was the same student and we all did need to get knocked down a peg or two.
Hola Elizabeth (can I call you Beth or Liz),
I am in total agreement with you, irregardless is just plain ole frustrating along with hurted. No one can be hurted…..arg!!!
And you’re right…once you realize your boss is stoopid (spelled it wrong intentionally) there really is no going back. When I realized my former regional manager was a complete waste of space I had to change careers. To add insult to injury she thought the earth twirled on her command which added to my level of disgust for her.
I’m fine with all literal variations of my name. I’m not so cool with Lizzie or Lizard. I had a friend in college call me Lizbet.
Stoopid managers are in abundance in the restaurant industry.
That earth twirling around you really should end by high school.
We moved because of a stupid boss.