What happened with that? Volume 4
I don’t mean to fully obsess on Salt and Pepper — the suspect at church with the tic — since I started out with him last time, but we’re starting out with him again.
It was Divine Intervention with a twist and that is why we are talkin’ about him today.
I took a walk on the wild side a few days ago and decided to get my groceries from Kmart instead of Meijer. That was a mistake but it turned out to be interesting nonetheless. They don’t carry Fuji apples. WTF man? Who doesn’t have Fujis? Answer: Kmart. They had every other kind, but nary a Fuji in sight. Bastards.
Anyway, I was in the frozen food aisle when Salt and Pepper strode purposefully past me and headed to the donut section. Score! I’ve never seen that dude outside of church and I actually did a Scooby Doo double take as I watched him disappear down the aisle.
I did let the angel and the devil sitting on my shoulders open their mouths to present their arguments and then I turned my cart right around and hightailed it over to the donuts.
I loitered, pretty damn convincingly if I do say so myself, about six feet away from him at the birthday accessory display. I think — and think truly is the operative word here — that I heard one small tic from him. If my ears are correct it was him since he and I were the only ones in the vicinity. But it was so quiet I wonder if I made it up.
I’m still not sure. Maybe I wanted to hear that tic and I projected onto him. Mr. C swears it’s him but I have to hear that noise for myself and see his lips move to believe it’s him.
So while I am ever closer to figuring this mystery out, it still eludes me.
The next order of business is Secret Clinical Strength Sport — Designed for Athletes. I’ve been using it for almost two months now and it gets the Cardiogirl Stamp of Approval, jack. Four Cardio Stomps out of Five. Bold, yes, but well earned.
It does not merit five stomps because I still need a touch up every couple of weeks with my prescription medication, Drysol. I told you I have industrial strength sweat glands.
Remember Nigel? He’s the goofy dog who walks, sans a leash, along a busy street each morning with his dumb ass owner. (Spell check offers dumb ass as two words or hyphenated. I assumed it was one, but I guess I’m the dumbass. Or rather, dumb ass.)
There was a period of time when Nigel and his owner disappeared from that well-worn path. I really thought I’d never see Nigel again loping about the side of that busy road. But I just saw him yesterday on the way to school. I kid you not.
He was busy sniffing a mailbox WITHOUT A LEASH while his owner waited patiently with her hands in her coat pockets. Will people never learn? But more importantly, will Nigel live to see Spring 2010?
Lastly, I shall leave you with another item on my list of things that I think would suck.
I think it would suck to be Alanis Morisette when she received so much crap about her use of the word ironic in that song. And now that I’ve been to her website I have one more thing that I think would suck.
She’s running in the New York Marathon on November 1 in support of the Massai Wilderness Conservation Trust. On her site you can click a link to sponsor her or anyone else running in support of that cause. What sucks is the fact that David Blaine has raised $5,515 while Alanis has raised a mere $1,338.
David Blaine? Seriously? I almost, almost want to contribute and then start a campaign to raise more money for Alanis Morisette but I am a cheapskate. That’s something that will never change and will never need updating.
I shall die squeezing a penny in my hand. In fact I think I want to tell Mr. C to make sure I am buried in a pair of Converse low tops, natch, while my fingers are clasped around a penny from 1968 — the year I was born.
Tags: Things that make me obsess
Fuji apples are the ONLY apples I eat!
I’m tempted to join you in the Anti-David Blaine campaign. I’m not even a huge Alanis Morisette fans (I was one of the ones complaining about her misuse of “irony”), but that really burns my gristle.
I’m on my way to that site now . . .
You are the General in my Fuji Apple Army, JD. We must continue to fight for apple domination.
I’m surprised to admit I do not harbor active ill will against Dave but I just cannot stand for this.
This post is the essence of Cardiogirlesque! In fact, they could use this post as an example on the Wiki page to explain the phenomenon that is Cardiogirl.
I’ll have to ask my hubby the same. I’d gladly clutch a penny (only from 1965) in my coffin – although, I won’t really need it where I’m going, will I? As for the low-tops, I might wear those in honor of you (whose gonna really see those bad boys in the bottom of the coffin anyway – and I certainly wouldn’t be in heels).
What did the initials stand for in your comment on my Nano badge on Facebook. DST? You know I’m not a morning person, but I’m wracking my brain. Daily standard time? Denver standard time? I bet it is Dumbass Standard time!
Wow, thanks Wendy!
I hope I don’t need a penny after I’m dead. Yes! I love the fact that I have at least planted the seed regarding wearing low tops in the coffin. And just a quick note — high tops don’t count. They just don’t.
Daylight Savings Time, but you got that in your next comment. I don’t operate well after 8:30 pm so we’re in the same boat just at opposite times of the day.
Duh! Daylight Savings Time. I just headed to wiki and the morning brain was vanquished.
Sweet!
“I shall die squeezing a penny in my hand” HA! That’s me. I really wish it wasn’t, but it is. Ever since we became a one income family I have become a cheapskate.
That incident in K-Mart? That’s some Sherlock Holmes sh*t. Nice!
It is hard to live as a one-income family, isn’t it? It’s hard over here.
Thanks! I do love a good mystery. Real or imagined.
Honeycrisp apples are better than fuji’s, anyway! A friend of mine recently got me hooked on them, and I swear they’re the best. I used to be a devoted fuji-er, but now my loyalties have changed. I live in OK, so I’m not sure if they have them up where you are, but if they do, give ‘em a try.
I think Nigel is living on borrowed time.
Boy there’s a real Honeycrisp movement here in the Lounge (keep reading to meet your brothers-in-arms.) I have seen the animal known as the Honeycrisp but have never indulged.
I think it might be time.
Oh, shit on a stick, I missed Becky yesterday! Damn The Bad Place I work at. Damn.
Alanis Morrisette is God. Kevin Smith said so, so it must be true, but Canuckians are very easily embarrassed, and she REALLY embarrassed us with that whole “ironic” thing. She’s lucky she wasn’t banished (although, I think she’s only allowed in Ottawa, now), the way Ol’ Rubberface Jim Carrey was… and all he did was smile too wide. And too loud.
I’ll send voodoo vibes to your boss. He’s a bastard for making you work on Inane Question Day.
So Ottawa is the arm pit of Canada, eh? That’s good to know.
Well, Ottawa is The Home of the Federal Government in Canada, so… yeah. Armpit.
Is that comparable to the White House in DC? I guess it really doesn’t matter. Ottowa = Armpit.
Got it.
I like how you stopped to listen to the devil and the angel, as though you didn’t already know that you were going to follow the guy. :D
Yeah, it was just for show, you know?
You are a Fuji person, too??? Sam’s Wholesale Club ALWAYS has Fuji apples, in a giant bag.
To me, an apple is an apple unless it is oldish and mushyish, or waaaayyy too tart. It’s like arguing over what kind of donut. Unless it has something vile like lemon gel in the middle, it’s still a donut!
Poor ticing guy. I feel very sorry for him. Some people with Turret’s have trouble in quiet places or places where being still is the norm – like trying not to giggle in church – I guess this is why it has that old reputation as being the disorder that makes you yell curse words.
All this from a fellow miser. Except for when it comes to kids & dogs, in which case I turn my purse inside out & try to donate the lining, too.
Huh, I hadn’t considered the large warehouses. I’m a Costco gal, but I’ll bet that have ‘em. Thanks for the suggestion, Dom.
I have to respectfully disagree regarding an apple is an apple is an apple. Nada. My apple flesh must be firm. That rules out McIntosh and Golden Delicious. Yuck.
That’s the main reason I go for Fujis and Granny Smith. I also like ‘em tart.
Believe it or not, I really do feel bad about obsessing on Tic Guy. I guess it is what it is.
I think you gotta let the tic thing go, CG. Just label the dude the tic maker and move on and move your seat at church. Old people do weird stuff—-a LOT.
Joe says to tell you that Honeycrisp are the way to go for fall apples.
And I can’t figure out who I don’t care less about–Alanis or David. I think Alanis is doing it for a cause, so I give her kudos. David, uh, I think it’s a stunt that is going to be taped for some reason and then we have to act like we care. Or not. I’m still not donating to either.
Just had a honeycrisp apple for the first time recently. They were sampling them at Safeway. It was pretty awesome. My 10 yr old kept running back for more samples, so I bought those instead of our usual golden delicious. They rocked!
@Lin I know. I really know that, but I also know I’m powerless to let go of it.
In his biography over there, Dave said he’s looking at this as another
stuntchallenge only a physical one. Whatev.I am warming to the idea of a Honeycrisp. I’m gonna try one and give you an update in Volume 5.
@Michelle I really am buying some this weekend. It would probably be gauche to take a bite out of one at the store and then buy it regardless of what I thought, right?
I’m going to have to remind Anastasia of that penny thing. That’s totally me. If it isn’t on sale, I’m not buying it. Anastasia has fits over this. She has a couple of cereals that she likes and INSISTS on the brand name, not the store brand. If it isn’t on sale, I’m not paying $4.99 for a box when I can choose from 15 other cereals that are $2.50 a box. I have to laugh when she comes home clutching 2 boxes of her fav. She makes a special trip to the store just to buy it, and only it. Lol!
I have to say I’m with Anastasia on this. For certain things, like pop and favorite cereals, brand name is the only way!
@Lola I’m with you, but like Buf I have just a few items that must remain name brand. Until someone comes up with a generic version of Kellogg’s All Bran Yogurt Bites I will go to Kmart to buy it.
Yes, the mofos at Meijer will not stock it anymore so I have to go to Kmart — the place that does not stock Fujis — to get my cereal. It’s probably a conspiracy.
@Buf I can only think of two things that require those efforts. The aforementioned cereal and Kraft Mayo. What are your brands?
Diet Pepsi is first and foremost. If a restraunt only has Diet Coke, I will drink it provided it is a fountain drink. If it comes from a bottle or can, forget it, I’ll just have water thank you very much. I would only ever buy Heinz Ketchup but would use other brands/generics in a pinch. Growing up we used Miracle Whip, so I will always buy that but I have developed a taste for Hellman’s (sorry CG) in certain applications. On the rare occaission that I buy bologna, I will always get Oscar Mayer.
I’m really surprised to hear the pop has a sub-section of conditions. I’ll accept fountain pop because most places have it, but I always feel like the carbonation to syrup combination is a time bomb waiting to explode.
I’ve experienced too much carbonation enough times that I can seriously pull up the taste right now from memory.
Cans or bottles are consistent in the formula, jack.
Interesting regarding the ketchup. I use ketchup sparingly. (Catsup? — spell check wants cats-up and that makes me think of ECO sending out brain waves to felines across the nation. Cats-UP immediately!)
I’m not a connoisseur so I can’t detect a difference in taste. But you know I’m like a sommelier when it comes to mayo.
Pop is essential!! Yes cans and bottles are consistent that’s why I won’t do the DC from them. Fountain is such a crap shoot and it doesn’t taste like can DC so I can deal with it. :D
That’s a good bingo with the ECO connection. ;) See you have truly invaded my brain.
What does DC stand for? Diet Coke? Ohhh. It must. Because you said you’re Team Diet Pepsi all the way.
I absolutely love that you are now saying “That’s a good bingo” in your head.
Now if you could get some other engineers at work to start saying it, that would be tight.
Hey, I’m 1968 too! Also, I’m a cheap bitch, so I’m saving my pennies for the girls’ college funds instead of the Maasai warriors, because I figure Dave and Alanis can throw a lot more cheddar their way than I can.
Also? Technically I’m on Team EDWARD NORTON, who’s also running for that charity. Because every few months, I’ll TiVo “American History X” and fast-forward to the scene of him in just his boxers walking in slo-mo toward the camera and replay it OVER AND OVER. Cause I’m a totally superficial whore that way who’ll take a cheap thrill any way I can get it.
Hola Tracy,
I love this cheap thrill of yours. Even with the swastika blazing he’s sexy as all get out right?!?!?!
Ok back to the bat cave before someone notices I’m taking a me momemt.
It’s WORSE than that — he’s all Neo-Nazi tat-covered AND he’s just curbed a guy AND I couldn’t possibly plagued by more white liberal guilt about it, but I’d just like to submit this for the record:
http://www.freedomsite.org/colum/promajority_pics/american_history_x_tape_after_shooting.jpg
I mean, GOOD HOT HOLY DAMN.
Wow. Never really thought of Edward Norton as hot before, but DAMN. I could get on board on that. Now I will have to rent that movie.
have to agree with you girls. It is just pure, totally-un-pc-hotness, all over. ;)
@Tracy Another 40-something — suh-weet!
I did see Ed over there and shunned him since he was ahead of both of them. Plus I don’t really have a problem with him. He reminds me of Haley Joel Osmet — all grown up with a thinner, sharper nose.
I’ve never seen American History X. Did see the picture you linked to. For some reason his face looks like Bruce Springsteen’s with a buzz cut. Maybe he needs to walk in slo-mo to complete the visual. But as is, it’s not workin’ for me.
@Faith I absolutely love the fact that you sneak out (in plain view) to leave a comment and then get back to business as usual.
@Michelle and Soonerchick I think we have another movement going in the Lounge — the Edward Norton is smokin’ even though he’s a racist in this movie Movement.
I will join that movement. Dear Lord. Go ahead, Ed. Do a few more prison work outs, that’s right… YUM! The movie is good too.
(laughs)
Hola Cardio,
For the record everyone should join me in eating bitter sweet always crisp granny smith apples. They are in fact the business, which means awesome, and better than any other.
Now onto Salty Tic Man here…I agree that you might have been projecting. I so want to know if it is really him or not…you have pulled me into your Cardiogirl world ha ha! Further investigation is needed, hopefully you can corner him in an empty aisle in the library to see if passes the no tics test.
And I believe that dumbass is proper…of course my spellcheck could be on the fritz or just a dumb ass…ha ha I made a funny!
Ok back to work for me before I get laid off or something tragic like that.
I am a fan of Granny’s. I used to be monogamous but my SIL gave me a Fuji a few years ago and I’ve been cheating on Granny ever since.
I will get to the bottom of the tic. I have to.
It does feel like dumbass should be one word. But I don’t dare add it to the dictionary just in case I’m wrong.
Ok… Being golden like I am [taking a bow…see I caught myself there Guest Guru Becky ;) ] I got the impression that you were talking about Salt-N-Pepa, the rappers and not an old man with a suspected tic…lol. I was rather confused for a bit.
Btw, look at you being all on the down low and super sleuthy. After your mission, did you start referring to your trusty minivan as the Mystery Mobile?? Maybe you should try stalking Salt-N-Pepa sometime. ;) That would definitely make an interesting post.
I think Ginger’s owner is taking a pretty big risk. I can see how it would be tempting and easier to go off leash but then again you just can’t predict what might happen. I imagine it might be like deciding when to let your child cross the street without holding your hand. Maybe after enough times walking with Ginger on and off leash in similar settings, the owner has realized that Ginger has truly been trained to not go into the street until the human steps into it. For example, a friend of mine has trained her dog to sit when she encounters a road. The question then becomes, will the dog’s training top her natural instinct??
Btw, how does a Fuji apple compare to Red Delicious?
I love your bow, Buf!
Oh man, the minivan has to — just HAS TO — be referred to as the Mystery Mobile forever more.
Yes the woman walking the dog is nuts. That would be crazy if every few months she started showing up with a different dog.
There is no comparison between the Fuji and the Red Delicious. Once you go Fuji you will never go back to the Delicious — Golden or Red.
Good job with the “golden”, Buf! Wooo!
PS Pink Lady is the only apple for me!
Thanks! See I even accepted the compliment graciously! lol
Kmart has groceries? Didn’t know that. I don’t think we have Kmarts around here. Our Target has a huge food section that I love. Cereal is half the price! I won’t even buy it at the grocery store anymore.
I tried the Secret Clinical Strength. I used it in the morning instead of at night though, since I shower in the morning and the thought of putting it on my dirty armpits grossed me out. BUT, the stuff started bleaching out the armpits of my clothes! I have a cute Lucky brand shirt with bleached out armpits! AUGH! Take that as a warning.
Yes, if the Kmart is a Super K they have a full grocery section. But it still sucks. I think Target has the same concept — there are particular stores that have a full grocery section, but ours has a limited section. I could never do all of my shopping there because they don’t carry enough stuff.
Man that sucks it that the deodorant bleached your shirt. So far that hasn’t happened to me. However, I do not have any problem slappin’ it on my dirty pits the night before so maybe that’s part of the difference.
My husband made this comment and I thought of you and this post. “I can die happy if I know that last check bounced.”
He and I could be friends. Well, according to Harry from Harry Met Sally we really couldn’t be friends, but he could be a husband of a friend of mine who has the same ideas I do.
your kmart sells apples? wow. must be like a super walmart.
Yeah, it’s very comparable to a Super Walmart. I’d rather have a Super Walmart but the closest one is 50 miles away and I’m not driving that far to save ten cents on a bag of nacho chips.
Wait…what? Kmart has produce? Oh yeah, you live on the fancy pants northern side o’ things :) But seriously, (no irony here) it is once again good to laugh before I head off to bed.
(smiles) Um, yes. The fancy pants part of Metropolis has a nasty Kmart that does not sell Fujis. (They’re still bastards.)
One day I want to hear that you had one hella crazy dream based on a post I wrote and that you read before you went to sleep.